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Although yours truly modest,
the only personal issue
I will lightly boast about
constitutes lingering

self worthlessness bred
if not prior to first grade,
than most definitely incipient,
academic deadlines

loomed large with dread
and exacerbated by procrastination
quickly adopted as linchpin
****** obsessive compulsive
currents (i.e. thoughts) fed
modus operandi, which intricate
schema writ over lifetime invisible
within this talking head

who ironically enough
never uttered a beep
engendered from lack
of confidence, esteem,

somehow worthlessness,
insignificance,
emasculation, et cetera
took root, and didst leap

(axon to neuron)
and said mindset did seep
percolating into every nook,
and cranny comprising

aging shades, transformed
gray matter, sans this
beatle browed ******, a deep
purple, though easily mistaken

for minuscule Uriah Heep,
or perhaps, ewe might notice,
(albeit while in a sheep
push disposition) similarities

between mine fist
sized thinker, and another creep
*** totally tubular Charles Dickens
character, or maybe

even a commercial
for nanobot sized jeep
grand Cherokee keep
up a moderate clip despite,
and/or because I
oft times feel a light
buzz sensation within me quite
average gummed up noggin
jammed numb skull,
(essentially barren aged

teenage wasteland recently
undergoing gentrification),
(yeah how really) excite
ting, a no brainer fright
fully glommed with peevish
gobbledygook plus worthless,
obsolete, and crammed academic right
hand busily twiddling, scribbling,
and sloppily drafting
error riddled assignments

deliberately failing heavily
marked with bright
colors adding oomph
to mental blight
punctuated by
attaining puny height
(...oh, about seventy inches,
nonetheless, my slight
physique and mute quiet
as a mouse, I might

as well hove been a stand in
for Charlie Brown right
down to tree eating kite
good grief - never an ending fight
with Lucy, hence now this knight
in rusty armor forever
disparaged his might
and attests to
20/20 hindsight
analogous to Snoop doggy dog.
(alternately titled: a pudendum posse petty filed trophy -
by hy phen - made declarative).

Appearance of the New Courier
(with namesake "Georgia Ives")
flew into the courtroom
faster than Bold face WingDings.

After the judge opened
waxed sealed envelope stamped
with official legal imprimatur
sound of silence filled courtroom.

Once particulars perused
high lighting prickly principle details,
a noticeable con jug gay shun
didst Impact countenance of attired judge.

Recess announced at authority decree
(spelled out with quotation marks high
lighting dotted i's and crossed t's)
figuratively a nouns sing moratorium
for those accused of run on sentences,
split infinitives, then versus than...
incorrect usage of ellipses, et cetera.

The justice of supreme court
critically espied quotation marks
(underscoring reductio ad absurdum
Times New Roman regulation)
against stiff ****** penalty as per those
who commit rhetorical perturbations.
This lenient fiat occurred immediate
by innocent omission of a colon,
which subsequently, naturally,
and immediately affected
every future jury presiding over
a defendant applying incorrect punctuation.

A favorite comma cull anecdote
often repeated by my late english
grammar (a palliative to me psyche
despite the multi-generational
difference in age) happened,
when she celebrated twenty
and counting punctual marks, whence time
in utero came to an end period.

Many question marks still abound
as per the specific circumstances
of this generally uneventful birth,
only she seemed to dash
from womb (of her mother

mine great grandmother christened
Latina Greco) with a pointed
exclamation declaration
of independence while ****** constitution
adorned with supposedly shimmering
invisible golden braces
and full set of teeth.

Somewhat averse to authoritarianism
and mores of assuming sir name
of the groom, she maintained nom
de plume affixed on her birth certificate.

If born that way today, and ready
to pledge marital vow, would
probably follow common custom
and hyphenate name of beau similar
to newlyweds of this day and very moment.

Back in those days though,
town’s folk exclaimed with
pointed superstition that a baby born
after being bracketed nine months

within womb (which seemed
like an eternal sentence), and equipped
with means to esse chew would
most likely experience little colon difficulty.

As a dignified divine dowager,
she willingly shared her cradle
to graveside tidbits (populated
with many wisecracks and
marked quotations from a life
that spanned more than a century21.
An email written to eldest daughter
December 28th, 2019,
which unwittingly, magically, accidentally...
resurfaced while scrolling
thru outdated emails
and OpenOffice documents of mine
thee evening of February 20th, 2022.

The remaining lines
comprising reasonable poetic rhyme
sent to said offspring
more than two plus years ago
and dada feels grief no more, cuz time
heals all wounds.

Papa unexpectedly overtaken with woe
flashback shook me complex edifice
head, shoulder, knees in to toe
quietly processing silent film status quo
shant upended jollity
between when a little girl no
matter mine nonconformist
mien unconditionally accepted,

ye dear daughter(s) don't know
sudden onset of anguish **... **... **
holiday cavorting accentuated as
charade, facade, masquerade fueling ego
particularly Santa with the Misses,
and her sharp faux claws
keeping warm while
temperature five below.

No matter most every detail
I accurately gauge to attest
your life bustling
chock full o' zest
withheld, no doubt emotions
smolder within your chest

and kudos to thee lovely offspring
(both) packed bags
and headed out west
twas honorable duty, though now...
papa feels like
an unwanted guest
thee survived, albeit psyche bruised,

undergoing the electric
kool aid acid test
laughter when playing
Mancala, Uno, Sorry, et cetera,
how dada predictably did jest
when table turned,
I (spoiler Craigslist curb alert)

willingly, lovingly, and blithely
lost desire to win quest
to dispose cards, game
pieces, and/or glass beads
invariably other occasions
ye long since left (as thee must)
me and mother with an empty nest.

Nothing more doth
Matthew Scott ask or desire
then to delight and bask
as well educated hire
swimmingly how thee
learned to acquire

confidence and multitasking,
while I trod thru much
psychological muck mire
oft times (like now)
experiencing financial straits dire,

linkedin to when only youngster fire
within me belly to joie de vivre
peter out and prematurely expire
and yours truly reckons nothing
can change the past aghast being

deprived a marshmallow
at long ago time sharing campfire
with shortcomings scalding,
killing, crimping relationship,
courtesy lack of income
rendered paternal bond disastrously dire
doth now conclude another poetic wire.
(today February nineteenth
two thousand and twenty two)
helps me to become more adept
crafting literary endeavors.

Remembrance of past circumstances
and/or happenstances,
which trials and tribulations
(particularly warm fuzzy memories)
brings to cobweb riddled mind
a quaint uncomplicated existence,
where childhood excitement arose
simply acquiring library card,
thenceforth selecting choice books

idling away leisure hours
mainly during twelve week long
summer school break
blissfully reading away,
the closest approximation
one strawberry blond Unitarian lad
experienced seventh heaven.

Ever since ability to read taught me
courtesy mother dearest,
I (when a happy go lucky little boy)
found pleasant escape
thru webbed wide world
of mine imagination
insync with printed words on page
which aforementioned attestation
declaration, habituation, mention,
situation, and zonation
bred fervent quest to quench
insatiable thirst for knowledge.

Fast forward when yours truly
experienced emerging adulthood,
upon which stage of mein kampf,
he began to cobble, dabble, scribble...
crafting poems about hardscrabble
emotional life challenges in Lake Wobegon
(I tip figurative hat to Garrison Keillor).

These averred literary endeavors wrought
usually comprising about dozen lines
cautiously, deliberately, extemporaneously,
noisily, obviously painstakingly keyed
courtesy Underwood typewriter brand
qwerty alphanumeric character arrangement
visualize index finger accessing
sought after hunt and peck method.

I exerted mental effort,
(and still put creative juices
thru their paces) to apply
words and punctuation
application of colon
and semi;colon quite nettlesome
resident with the English Language.

Upon espying a signature poem of mine
forces unleash mental processes
(triggering gears and cogs
to turn slowly within noggin)
scrutinize early feeble
linkedin with pervasive pre
ponder ring lurking predilection
tib hush anonymous re: dears
(dares) adventuresome mettle
taking him/her to the brainy
(briny) deep brink Icon fess this

(NON FAKE) pretense,
why aye metaphorically express
courtesy medium of ordinary
Anglophile alphabetic wonton poetrysoup,
or figurative egg drop bubbling broth
(el) doth brew) pronouns Sibyl affectation
affliction sans plethora,
where each ladle full adrip with
richly flavor Times New Roman
Font size twelve
sincerely textured vocabulary.
viz hitted courtesy debilitating
one after another panic attack
analogous being bombarded with flak
worse fate then death
or being tortured on the rack,
no mortal experience compares
regarding psychological paralysis
just ask me who would even choose
electroconvulsive therapy  
making my body go wickety wack.

Upon waiting for Godot (ha)
yours truly, i.e. mister re: man
registered lamentable paroxysm.

All thru mein kampf inferiority complex
analogous invisible muscular heft did flex,
quaking, hijacking, agonizing...
jinxed irrevocable hex
re: heredity did initially index
courtesy Boyce and Harriet,
who begat me
guaranteed, fixed, decreed...
courtesy accursed lex
lucifer mortal christened
Matthew Scott Harris - insinuated

jackknifed, kickstarted, limned,
machined, nixed, ordered... orifex
encompassing hardiest inscrutable
seminal entry point
penetrated zona pellucida, qua Rex
wrought flawed crowning zygote
(a diploid cell resulting from fusion
of two haploid gametes; a fertilized ****)
plus played knick knack
paddy whack during ***
faulty erroneous biological code,

within body electric mutation
fleshed out, I lament
analogous courtesy neophyte Unix
programmer, yes I hedge
to intimate biological event
upon impregnation sent
reproductive juices into action
miracle whipped processes
wielded unbeknownst advent,
whereby subsequent
cell division manifested,
albeit nine months later enfant
terrible asper:in,

this then newborn age zero gent
lo' blending of gametes,
mature haploid male
or female germ cell
every generic ingredient
already harbored yours truly
characteristic weaknesses full extent
unbeknownst until DNA blooper rent
birthed, thence as I developed absent
pronounceable kinks vis a vis
trademark characteristics became present
evinced thru behavioral, emotional,

interpersonal, neurological aberrations
costing me (lake dude...)
falling into deep waters
re: Lake Woebegone suffocating descent
wretchedness faux forfeiting every moment
only recent (think today)
entire existence misspent
oddly enough even compromising
ability to serve meant
two daughters, (especially eldest)

decry horrible life pent
up with rage against human machine
referring to paternal birth parent,
whose pathetic example rent
asunder psyches linked with offspring
hence, I best ought to have
joined (NOT nunce sense), a convent
but methought perch ants donning habit
and trumpeting celibacy fore conclusion
how life of yours truly (me) best be spent.

Twas really only of late,
I realized fuller blown extent
house zing deplorable... state
absolute zero scholastic, tete a tete
opportunistic, generic, athletic...
**** sapien astride oblate
spheroid devoid of any
marketable doth resonate.
ready for night time in bedlam
after swallowing me favorite dram,
cuz reasonable rhyme resembles flimflam.

Whiling away his time playing solitaire...
initially prepped, honed, and crafted
November second two thousand and twenty
slightly tweaked February nineteenth
two thousand twenty two.

Then with less than twenty four hours
(today 23,760 hours
until November fifth 2022)
harkening, heralding or (worse case scenario)
hindering the 2024 presidential election,
I trumpet mounting tension and suspense,
whereby anticipation hangs
analogous to sword of Damocles
precariously looms - casting dark shadow
across the webbed wide world.

While safely ensconced in his man cave
yours truly snug as a bug in a rug
quite aware the geopolitical stakes grave
speculating whether I will be forced to sell lave
over a hot stove to earn me keep
attending tsoris of missus rant and rave,
especially if social security stripped away.

Should the Republican incumbent
clinch the nomination again
courtesy voter disenfranchisement,
hooligans threatening violence,
spewing conspiracy theories,
or other ****** maneuvers,

the country most definitely
headed toward perdition
condemning everyone minus super rich
to live as basket of deplorables
scrounging for measly scraps.

Figurative screws tightened
upon scuttled constitutional birthrights,
while commander in chief forty five
arrogantly dons totalitarian mantle
still crying foul,
and insisting (née trumpeting)
Democrats rigged polling machines
exuding Grinchian grin
issuing one after another bromide
battleax and henchmen forthwith decide
peace on Earth and

good will toward men/women
making travesty founding fathers/mothers
pledge guaranteeing inalienable rights
subsequently sacred documents falsified
instituting instead corporal punishment,
whereby armed militia ordered
to smoke out where traitor sought to hide.

Indeed nothing like good n plenti
healthy dose of mayhem to roil
time tested democracy methinks
Thomas Jefferson would approve
of said message, yet no doubt stupefied
at how fledgling United States
matured into plutocracy
incorporating bajillion dollar campaign cost.

Blitzkrieg advertisements inundate airwaves
mudslinging contestants unethically behaves
how aging long haired pencil necked geek craves
idealistic civil plebeians versus patricians
lovely bones of interred forefathers
within weathered tombstones graves
plucked burial sites souvenirs stolen by knaves.

Best advice to ye dear reader rabbit
hunker down into bunker till end of time
keep yourself busy writing one or another rhyme,
cuz some future archeologist will discover
visa a vis profound wordsmith whose sublime
abilities necessitate special skill decoding
mysterious symbols courtesy algorithm prime
transmitted across bandwidth,
now where flourishes cyber crime.
Equal copyrights we can both claim
renown impossible mission to envision
just the experience to become linkedin
with literary talents of another motive
couched within these lines I exclaim
no idea regarding the specifics
how to kickstart joint effort game
undoubtedly enterprising individuals
endeavor to pool respective flair
mine motive here not to inflame
persons across world wide web
who peruse poems I craft some
may adore mein style or...

perchance think me unhinged
nevertheless positing keyframe
spur of the moment whim
no likelihood outcome will maim
this wordsmith simply posting
if nothing else, I overcame
trepidation to express bonafide
whim renouncing quitclaim
should both of us acquire wealth
to purchase virtual property
within metasphere (courtesy
cryptocurrency), cuz otherwise
I would feel shame.

Spanning across internet
analogous to accept marital vow
after blind date contestants
meet courtesy bachelor/bachelorette,
though each of us never met
mutual (of Omaha) accord
consonant with me... you bet
your sweet bippy - Laugh-In debt
ode to comedians Dan Rowan
and **** Martin, no secret
at feeling flattered, though please
dismiss ambition to covet

(at least just yet),
yours truly adopted as house pet
argh... that beastly consummation beset
with challenge unsure weaken duet,
not absolutely necessary to whet
our respective appetites and asset
with words, quite obvious
twas love at first sound and sight,
viz Latin steeped twenty six let
hors d'oeuvres suffice
me not here to exploit nor profit
concerning joint capitalistic venture,
whereby each of us signatory

contributing authors to beget
consensual reasonable rhyme or not,
yours truly doth deduce tenet
heavily to embark impossible mission
analogous good luck bouquet
to whomever doth cachet

more to the point, a whim woke
to assuage concupiscence,
cuz I gotta get get
preposterous simply to craft kismet
likened to kid in candy store lit
with excitement at sweet nuggets

mouth watering treats to offset
eating healthy vegetarian omelet
bloated overstuffed oaf think piglet
blessedly to young for slaughterhouse
five according to Kurt Vonnegut,
a fate far worse than death and taxes

now living in lap of luxury...
ah..., that's the ticket,
or perchance donning crown as kinglet
within safe porcine haven hamlet
whereat smart creatures use Telnet and toilet,
rather than pollute fields and/or streams.
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