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FURLOUGHED & BARRED FROM WHITEHOUSE

Ducks of former self proclaimed poobah
getting lined up as these words typed.

Poor sign,... I ham aghast, where
pigheaded previous president concerned
at increasing mind numbing popularity
and looming ominous shadow
witnessed by Donald Trump
(a poor loser who viciously
inexplicable resurgence against odds
despite his opprobrious person,
hence aye aerate thoughts,
how *** a nine his banal, demoniacal,
egomaniacal, fanatical,
guttural, hurtful, inimical

culling frightening insight,
where malicious, portentous,
salacious, venomous Portuguese
Man 'o War debacle
doth crowdsource, flickr,
and indeed long foster
my plenti full overactive imagination
to induce writhing expressions of fearfulness
proportionate burst of haughtiness)
while he doth stump
would animate mine rear
i.e. rather noxious flatulence

expelled from outward doppelganger of ****
pull stilts skin cuz this chap
haint noah fan, but wood vouchsafe
tub be a jimmy neutron
n spongebobsquarepants
ark n saw wing enemy
against da dull don dat does pump
swaggering bravado with fist swelling ego
analogous to his body
infected with severe case of mumps
that brazen denizen hurling
and spewing volcanic fiery spittle

with incense against others –
to him mere lumps
of protoplasm heckled as inferior to himself
boasts as proof of favoritism,
that enervating, endearing fawning,
gabbling feverish arrogant mania for him jumps
higher than expected,
while he commits faux paws which bumps
his ratings higher, he gleefully endorses
pandemonium toward gloating gump
shun from the uproarious. querulous
and populous madding crowd.

Throughout relaunch of his campaign,
banally, devilishly, and fiendishly
character assassinating
those opposed to his views -
inducing me to harrumph and dump faith
in humanity, wondering what ruse
smart democratic pol mongers can conjure up
while pacing in soft shoes  
woeful sentiments sans his attempt did render
(during 2020 race to White House)
competitors to drop out in ones n twos
whom he purportedly considers apostates,

and heathens cons heed
Make America Great use
all manner of
bullying, execrating, instigating
chaos, ferocious, insidious lies
determination, whose re: his occipital pupils
coalescing, hardening into searing
grape nut size wrath poisonous daggers
forcibly silencing any jeers
when necessary
plagiarizing neo **** playbook -
with a "who cares"

attitude closing in on pinteresting
for United States chess board foursquare,
which deliberate intent
to foment n wrought prostrate -
music to those hoteliers billion dollar ears
defeating apprenticing contestants
hearing sobbing tears
with vitriolic violent bilious
inducing jabs of his a will full spears
reputations of personalities
(men and women politicians

his especial flavor of
scathing, scandalous, scabrous sordidness
spewed squeamishly
to grab by the figurative crotch
the hello kitty 2024 presidential election),
whether liberal, conservative,
heterosexual or queers
thus tis find this muddling middle aged mwm
garden variety and generic guy
brandish, flourish, and nourish
psychic fractal brittle shears.
Otherwise titled: Regaling eldest sibling
delineating her sixty third successful orbit
around the sun December first 2021.

About consciousness who can tell
After haploid gametes
able, eager, and ready
to yield eukaryotic (diploid) cell?

What triggers instantaneous
biological, ideological, ontological process,
when microscopic entity
housing protoplasmic substance
future offspring features yet to foretell
said constituent contents
of future embryonic entity
most often equally dispersed
(Siamese births characterizing exception)
after life sustaining material
subsequently doubles, quadruples,
increases eightfold, sixteen fold...
courtesy mitosis
(also known as equational division)
only nine months later will quell?

However lay person or scientist
may explain what appears
as some mysterious phenomena,
each organism also
offers tell tale miracle
when conception occurs.

Particular case in point
regards unsuspecting union
of ova and spermatozoa
~late February/Mid-March 1959
constituting first time parents
Harriet and Boyce Harris
approximately nine months later
after full term pregnancy
about 280 days or 40 weeks
welcoming their beautiful baby daughter,
(the first of three offspring)
named Amelie Beth Harris.

Once upon a time
(said charming lovely little girl
frequently on the lookout
for welfare of her sole brother
me, a frequent scapegoat for bullies
would not countenance
yours truly suffering verbal brickbats,
out the mouths of nasty brutes,
hence as long as she lives)
forever anointed, dubbed, and heralded
from the mindscape of Matthew Scott
mine amazing saving grace,
a divine angel
donning a figurative golden halo.

When this har grown man
a little boy, prepubescent kid
and emerging young adult,
he never recognized the worth
(albeit priceless true value)
regarding his eldest kinfolk

Unbeknownst to him
(i.e id est - me) until quite recently
afflictions he experienced
within these lovely bones of mine
vicariously felt by aforementioned
family member, whose unbounded
emotional sensitivity
coupled with pleasantly
unexpected monetary largesse
represents unsung hero.

Impossible mission to reciprocate
countless occasions said sibling
helped (née rescued) beetle browed
little feet skittering away
property foo fighting beastie boy
who concludes his poem courtesy Google:
Skidamarink a **** a ****,
Skidamarink a doo,
I love you.

Skidamarink a **** a ****,
Skidamarink a doo,
I love you.

I love you in the morning
And in the afternoon,
I love you in the evening
And underneath the moon;
Oh, Skidamarink a **** a ****,
Skidamarink a doo,
I love you!
insync, especially with Amitiza delivered solid ecstasy

Without shadow of doubt
I feel much relief
though literally pooped out
attested courtesy following
(oft posted poem
written some years ago
in short self plagiarism),
where funhouse mirror

humorously distorts physique
disproportionately skinny or stout
as though plagued
with excess adipose tissue
in reality paunch throughout
abdominal area mine
self evident yours truly
generic guy does not work out.

As of early/mid afternoon
today - November 30th, 2021
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found me
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony
as if elephant or red (livid with rage)

I've re: created how bull
heaver in fiber ****** his tusk
into lower abdominal area dawn to dusk
ah...voila... hence subsequently
blessed natural laxative,
the magic of Daily Fiber
100% natural psyllium husk
also known as metamucil.

Upon sprinkling two doses powder pack,
which orange flavor sweetened
the missus mishmash pop slop
not aesthetically pleasing major drawback
heavy as a full coalsack
sometimes burned and scorched black
movement came swift, on par how fast
snaky Mister Plumber doth attack
obstructed ***** bowl.

Well now... monumental poetic challenge,
I now craftily abbreviate
(think clogged toilet synonymous with blockage) 
waste matter after days did accumulate
ready to apply corkerasp
regarding ****** blockage to alleviate.

Imagine impossible mission to defecate
which debilitating scenario mine accursed fate
frequently recurring more often as yours truly
i.e. latter day saint Matthew Scott got older
****** affliction compromised me
ordinary easy going demeanor
disallowing, disenabling, and not permitting
me - effecting, emulating, and exhaling
Tony the tiger's catchword grrrrrreat

if queried about my constitution
absolute ecstasy found me
expelling bowel movement
weighing approximately hundredweight
though relieved, nevertheless
the toilet bowl clogged,
correcting historical records
on two accounts despite
causing potential ruckus
disaster buffs may incriminate

nsync notion huge bowel movement
(mine) took down (analogous
voyage to bottom of sea) toto Lusitania
and actually additionally
caused separate incident
complex edifice (think Titanic)
both sturdy ships of state
former rendered
latter purportedly crashing
into iceberg me mate.

------------------------------------------------

Lemme explain the essence of a corkerasp

Whenever constipation a pain in the ***
just maneuver this lightweight
metal contrivance made of brass
no matter if anybody
considers this action crass

apply corkscrew motion up the
alimentary canal to remove waste
which most likely will be
thick like petrified paste
stuck deep inside bowels of the
sphincter muscles and solidly encased

causing severe cramps within
lower gastrointestinal tract
inducing one to wince nonstop
from being with ***** matter packed
and no amount of primal groaning
doth loose this hard fact

nor does imagery of freed ****
ease the **** plight
no laughing matter despite how absurd
squeezing does nothing even
applying all inner might

thus necessary to incorporate
unnatural intervention to unclog
****** blockage + uncomfortable bloating
swelling **** the size of a hog
disabling barely any ease to stand let alone jog
yet tis essential per extricating what
feels like one swallow a log
lest epitaph induce impossible eulogy
unless spoken the language of Prague.

Every ounce of effort
required to bend
over gingerly affixing
plunger end of device
to business rear end
best accompanied with close
companion or friend
since ***** deed done dirt
cheap trick will ideally rend
rock solid excrement to roll
and crashing sound send

upon the bathroom floor
possibly inducing seismic
waves less or more
whereby toilet bowl water will pour
over the sides akin to
white caps near sea shore
without doubt making
gluteus maximus extremely sore.
Ah... nothing more enjoyable than acidic gastric fluid (bile) flowing backward into esophagus, resulting in heartburn, disrupting pleasant dreams. Unsure how successful literary endeavor crafting reasonably rhyming poem (actually the following written a couple years ago with only slight modification) regarding aforementioned topic yielding moderately satisfactory (née middling) result.

While deeply asleep
scant minutes before high noon siesta
burning sensation within deep
tracts of throat did creep,
yours truly immediately awoke
with a start, at strong violent

urge to upheap
visualizing setting Guiness Book
of world records leap
ping at lightspeed into bathroom,
nevertheless, I made little
or no bowed peep,
but sat bolt upright stock still
tear ducts activated eyes
as if ready to weep.

Sadness less pervasive than fright
since reverse peristalsis uncommon
within body electric regarding plight,
which analogous volcanic eruption
albeit bubbling magmatic flow slight

near regurgitation found yours truly
on par with fire breathing dragon ar
goo ably momentarily nonplussed -
while dry cough minus gushing lava
gratefully only smoldered before sim

ring after singeing
upper gastrointestinal lining did
allow, enable, and provide mouth
fulls of distilled water satiate sudden
unquenchable thirst relieved result
ant unpleasant aftertaste (no pun

intended), yet distilling humor helps
me weather, manage, cope... with
unexpected physiological fee nom
mina - shot straight up within digest
heave tract, and  I did lament this rick

kitty packet of muscle and bone aft
times susceptible to disheartening
woebegone news afflicting this non
Norwegian bachelor farmer, whom
if the missus cooking triggered bout

unleashing bit torrent of unsavory
plate tectonics, perhaps indicative
of continental drift shrunk down to
miniature, (think nanobot size)
where fault in thee stars
must be held in contempt of court.

No reason for inclusion of above verse,
(constituting six lines), I just wanted
to incorporate gibberish phrases, tip peer
me got some legal lear'n, when truth
Philly admits he seems to know less,
the more he learns, which prompts me to

posit emphatically that ignorance iz
equivalent to bliss, thus presenting
quandary how kin this pronouncedly
reasonably intelligent garden variety
**** sapiens unfetter himself with

cumulative knowledge without reek
horse (neigh) to invasive surgery such as...
prefrontal lobotomy, or te deum down -
smarts some unknown cyber surfer(s)
could easily misconstrue as vainness,
smugness, quintessential pomposity?
Hmm... on second thought
lemme join anorexic club
until rib cage protrudes taut and visible
doubling as drum to drub
synchronized within heart of darkness,
especially when electrocardiogram exhibits
absolute zero vital sign,
cardiac arrest translates
as cessation to lub dub,
hence yours truly

declared dead as doornail,
coroner report deems arrhythmia
directly linkedin to deliberate Machiavellian flub
courtesy the missus attempt to poison me
actually aborted cuz nanobots
loosed upon body gripped with rigor mortis,
a minor inconvenient truth
cuz odorless and tasteless deadly toxins
rendered me convalescing
from bout with death, an oxymoronic
former slenderman gourmand.

temporarily deceased
until said microscopic robots
avidly analogous to frenzied
figuratively hogtied pigs
buzzfeeding at a trough
creating porcine hubbub
invisible nanoids (0.1-10 micrometres)
accomplished programmed task
whereby fatal microbes they did scrub
away leaving me fit as a fiddle.

No matter she thoroughly, painstakingly
and lovingly didst strew
haphazardly she threw
leftovers together,
this blustery march like
November twenty six figuratively view
wing the remaining thirty plus days
of two thousand twenty one
thoroughly cooked in microwave until...
poor excuse for my meal appeared
with consistency of shoe leather.

Think the missus not afraid
of Virginia Woolf keen to experiment
treating me like the Gingerbread Hag would
questionable resultant glop pantomimed
for my guessing pleasure
never in bajillion years
as amateurish Marcel Marceau charade
performance courtesy the spouse,

an entrée she gave - yours truly
immediately sought to evade
me subsequently evincing
horrific puckered mealy mouth
as though I swallowed hand grenade
figurative exploding oral cavity
feeble futile gesticulation inveighed.

Thus, methinks himself wise
to don cooking apron
please do not ask why
trumpeting self as master chef boyardee
so move over wife and allow husband to try
his hand (using skill - let) me prepare Thai
and/or other Asian cuisine dish,
cuz when free to potschke

(To fuss or "mess around"
inefficiently and inexpertly), I haint shy
to blend (indiscriminately) ingredients
ofttimes yours truly barley able to ply
boiling water since significant other
does not give this garden variety
and generic, gimlet eyed
gourmandizing guilt free
Earth friendly gumption goaded guy.

Every so often yours truly
gets so hungry, he could eat a horse
(yours truly jest kidding hoof course)
truth be told, I only eat one meal per day
all day from son up to son down, me a force
tubby reckoned with,
who if he gives way to vice
event chew wooly experiences remorse.

Hum glad to share mine reasonably rhyming hook
twenty six letters linkedin amidst
various combinations, formations, permutations,...
allows, enables, and provides a look
into the mindscape of Matthew Scott Harris
doth show himself with steely dangling
nonsense with sense and sensibility he forsook.
Hard knocks Methacton school alum
ofttimes finds ruing his fate
while squarely planted on me ***
disheveled and unshaven,
whereby gray stubble encrusted
with wayward synonymous days old crumb -

after wolfing delectable entitled treat
buttered fingers drubbing upon tabletop
analogous to playing a drum
oy vey, yours truly cannot believe
he ate the whole thing -
argh... my poor tum.

ALDI GIANT supermarkets
(within small radius of miles
from me Schwenksville, Penna abode)
sell delicious delectable treat
goading, inspiring, and spurring me
to craft poem essentially
patronizing manufacturer,
whose skilled food technicians
engineered absolute winning dessert

courtesy their natural born talent
schooled (most likely at culinary institute)
possibly supplemented insync
with advanced degrees
at other institutions of higher learning
after various and sundry
trials and error
concocting mouthwatering secret recipe.

Lemme use hypothetical situation
to accent chew ate,
how alluded dessert tastes great,
especially when rumble in tumbly
clamors for glorious goody
regarding appetite to satiate
unfortunately circumstances
force your truly to wait.

If (the following
constitutes far fetched scenario)
stranded on a desert island,
I after falling to Earth
when parachute fails to open,
weighed down by an excess of
Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecakes,
would finagle an empty pie tin
to signal an SOS.

If left to my own devices,
(where you dear reader
would discover one humbug),
I would be forced to scrounge around
rubbing two sticks together
to create warmth
plus distilling oils -
derived from edible herbaceous plants,
whence I would *******
(not prematurely) - olé
to sauté said greens with wild mushrooms.
Otherwise titled as: Thanksgiving
nothing more'n gobbledygook
we stuff ourselves with.

Mine suburban outpost
approximately thirty seven plus miles
southeast of where liberty bell marks
history upon cobblestone streets
where sounds of silence
from walking sticks barks
created from once hand carved
festooned relics tracing arabesque arcs.

Thru prevarication myths propagated
whereby story did suitably bend
the re-enactment whence
Colonial rule from Britain did end
thou much about  
the series of unfortunate events
leaving tattered fragments
of proud nations that n’er did mend
many an indigenous native did offend

with one after another broken promises
and lands stole under their feet -
a little mentioned holocaust did rend
initial establishment of these United States
where to date citizen bankers cater
to thee ole might dollar to spend
fueling capitalistic credo
prerequisite emptying wallet
as Capital One duty to tend.

Europeans from bygone
did deliberately foment war
fast forward from those
supposed discoverers of yore
who essentially blackmailed
innocent rightful occupants
which tapestry of their culture
aggressive invaders tore
deliberately feigning kindness
when within creature comforts
(such as blankets)

deadly diseases harbored spore
ravages sans invasions
left survivors destitute and poor
of fatal impact decimated
nearly every tribe
and their concomitant folklore
obliterating accidentally called Indians
with deliberate intent to vanquish nation
of red (non bullish) men as if thru a trap door
of cunning deceit loathing
the peaceful philosophy they did adore.

Sympathy doth arise
and heart-ache in sync
with all those plaintive cries
producing unstoppable tears of misery
streaming down creased blackened eyes
this from ploy to cement bond
(when convenient) with malicious guise
to force rightful heirs of this land

to cross their t's and dot i's
without choice dealt
hellacious bit torrent torment
******* up from countless lies
so tis with heavy cookies
and all American apple pies
this cyber poet tries
to come across as witty and wise.

Ever since landing
of that first christened boat
this sober fellow wishes
to add a rhyming footnote
re: to pay homage to those
deemed honorable,
and frequently we quote
an invitation nay strong command

go play act and cast
(come November months
divisible by four)
your presidential vote
to sustain hollow maxim
guaranteeing life, liberty and happiness
decreed from all those sacred documents
founding fathers wrote.
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