Ordinarily approximately sixteen days
of barley, hops and malt brew
to ale any even those who cannot chew
the cud subsequently most foods I eschew
courtesy maxiofacial malady
or lack of teeth perhaps even a few
that goot yanked out

after misshapen choppers grew
from uncommon body sites,
and I declare constituted hue
man dental dilemma –
somewhat dire oral issue,
yet now tis time to party
and imbibe whether gentile or Jew

in this 210th anniversary,
sans revelry nobody knew
boot beer brouhaha
actually named from German locale loo
cull hamlet that now sports
more’n 6 million stein ways that moo
after getting punch drunk

to rejoice at German reunification
October 3, 1990, hence new
reasonable rhyme referred
to occasion as unity day
held in an area Theresienwiese – phew
what a mouthful field, or meadow,
of Therese), where carousers queue.

Often called Wiesn for short,
located near Munich's center to gorge
on a wide variety of traditional food such
as Hendl (chicken), Schweinebraten (roast pork),
Schweinshaxe (grilled ham hock),
Steckerlfisch (grilled fish on a stick),
Würstl (sausages) along with Brezeln (Pretzel),

Knödel (potato or bread dumplings),
Käsespätzle (cheese noodles),
Reiberdatschi (potato pancakes),
Sauerkraut or Rotkohl/Blaukraut (red cabbage)
along with such Bavarian delicacies as Obatzda
(a spiced cheese-butter spread)
and Weisswurst (a white sausage).

eastern standard time Autumn Equinox arrives

That seasonal occasion twill arise
when darkness and light doth bring
equilibrium between night and day
raking leaves will constitute exercise
espied and witnessed by observant earthling
namely me who subsequently bellows hooray
jumping for joy childlike behavior I improvise
reliving boyhood mirth itching and inching
playfully scattering laborious effort lay
ying down burying self amidst tree humus - prize
zing spontaneity willingly orchestrating
shedding inapropos edict qua grown man at play.

A meadow for Autumn begins,
when eve doth fall upon summers’
and long ago mine childhood's end,
a hint of splendor bequeathed arose
upon firmament as changed scenery
(third equinox act since new year) bellows
basses loaded and blasted in sync
with pyrotechnic pizzazz,
while electric light orchestras suites scored for cellos
thus quiet riot of multitudinous notes swirl
from each bronzed leaf like fellows
dancing elliptically forsooth greeting mother earth
with char: rills brawn son utter hellos.

How peachy keen and grand to be seated
at plum lined tree center stage
to behold the colorful
capering downward spiraling threnody
quintessential silent rage
chapter three if nature alluded to
as a tome poem – and now the first page
known to humans since…way before indigenous tribes
occupied North America such as the Osage
and/or other natives, whose keen scents foretold
the onset from flora and fauna sings they did gauge.

Now regimentation of existence commandeered
by strict adherence affianced to the clock,
where misery loves company
lest an employee arrive one second late –
her/his pay will go hickory dock,
which sequestration to twenty first century life
analogous to men undergoing emasculation,
whereby he may as well be ******
without thick horn, where business
deals concluded as overhead a flock

of seagulls migrate to southern climes,
which with global warming seems ad hoc
yet the multitudinous animals and plants
genetically under rubric of life lock
which mucking around viz industrialization
humankind doth make a mock
‘ere re: and drive many miniscule species
to take safety and shelter under a rock
totally oblivious, those bipedal hominids haphazardly
scurry to work in order to purchase schlock.

Thus pre dormant season of the witch,
where one must be vigilant and tread
like angels heeding curtain call
draw wing summer to a close
with **** the torpedoes salvo,
the cacophony kaleidoscope of color
viz hitted courtesy sixty plus shades of red -
rose iz madder than horde of Bulls at Pamplona
forecast thee onset of cooler temperatures
with Falun Gong foliage natural compost

shelter burrowing creatures, who stash goodies
at a later time to be fed
thus each of us need be vigilant
with no misstep to tread
upon feet lightly negotiating
whereat dwells busy itty-bitty bodies
well nigh invisible to the naked eye,
yet if ground swell of organisms espied
one would behold microscopic
whirled wide webbed world.

Abound and lurk
within every nook and cranny
analogous to some annoying pest
here at Highland Manor Apartments.

They ****** and snitch packages -
meant for other than themselves -
think Grinch who stole Christmas
plus snoop, i.e. eavesdrop
big Dumbo ears as listening devices
(batteries not required)
or serve as rumor mongers
to don self importance
and trumpet "FAKE NEWS."

We (yours truly and his misses)
dwelled at aforementioned residence
about five plus years,
and no sooner did both of us set foot
on premises than hearsay
immediately promulgated
(metaphorically swirled about our heads),
and passed like greased lightning
thru the robust grapevine
purportedly wife of mine
brought in live snakes.

Oddly and interestingly enough though,
I never actually never heard nor saw
a fellow resident
talk (or whisper in hushed tones)
about me outright.

Rather than badmouth other feisty folks,
which leaves unpleasant virtual
aftertaste described as phooey zook,
thus comeuppance to reprobate recipients
I activate viz cluck
king silly reasonable rhyme,
(so keeps head up
for urbane adverse city slicker
you better watch out

(...better not shout...) just duck
and run for cover cuz poet took
effluvia enroute spouted by word huck
stir, he avoids naming
(chatterboxes whose lives
so devoid of meaning,
they figuratively kickstart tittle-tattle),
who vocally ramp up some juicy tidbit

taking page from former president playbook
letting their lips uncontrollably run amuck
totally oblivious to credibility factor
buzzfeed initial kernel of truth and truck
outrageous zingers suitable for National Enquirer,
tragicomical, cuz mistruths
courtesy tenants exhibit chutzpah to pluck
farfetched outright lies and innuendos

rolling of tongues of occupants such as:
"Bible Thumper/Holy Roller,"
"Bingo/ Phat Cathy,""Crooked Old Man,"
"Curvy Girl/Thunder Thighs," "Frumpty Dumpty
"Mush/Smash Mouth, "Snaggletooth,"
"The Bodyguard," "The Fossil," "The Schvartze,"
"Winkle," and last but not leased "Zha Zha”.

Give me fruit flies, mice
and/or roaches any day,
or give me death!

Which trend will continue some days before
winter solstice 2021 in Northern Hemisphere,
Tuesday, December 21 10:58 AM.
Yes, interestingly enough earliest sunset date(s)
along eastern United States
will occur December 7 and 8, 2021 at 4:28 pm EST.

Similar respective phenomena
takes place across globe.

Winter solstice constitutes
shortest day of the year in terms of daylight,
but does not have latest sunrise
nor earliest sunset of the year.

This prevails because discrepancy exists
between modern-day timekeeping methods
and how time is measured
using the Sun known as the equation of time.

The equation of time comprises
east or west component of the analemma,
a curve representing angular offset of the Sun
from its mean position on celestial sphere
as viewed from Earth.

I thoroughly enjoy onset of early darkness
unperturbed courtesy
seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

Alas and alack
matter of fact yours truly
optimally thrives when pitch black
skies immerse bookworm as impetus to crack
open a novel and/or read
one of my favorite (MAD) magazines
versus basking in sunshine which doth distract,
thus I while away hours appeasing
sixty plus shades of gray (cerebral) matter

processing criteria at greased lightning speed
considerably faster than once
venerably touted supreme ENIAC,
whereby mine figurative pistons
incalculably subvert additional
superfluous irrelevant flack
spurring me to burrow
deep inside invisible gunnysack
cause ordinary stress I could not hack

conveniently latched onto
ninety sixties counterculture mantra
"turn on, tune in, drop out"
popularized by Timothy Leary in 1966
essentially only in body not spirit
throughout academic foray,
I occupied space and time
paid dear price, cuz
submissive behavior heavily did impact

writer of these words a jejune Jack,
who during formative years
never dated, nor got jilted
cuz he possessed
unquestioned unhealthy uncanny
fealty and deadly eating disorder
body dysmorphia knack
positive image of self I lack,
an existence punctuated
by one after another panic attack.

The following doth constitute
combination of fact and fiction
unfortunately not sentences
referencing overactive spousal glute
though sphincter roaring
could muscle us into ample loot
(after wife explodes open bank vault)
versus *** spire ring writer root
ting to live nsync ecologically
viz hypothetical analogous member
of indigenous people named Yakut
living in scattered settlements in northern Siberia.

Impossible mission to clear space on the bed,
when yours truly feels dead
tired, nothing does magic trick
than position fathead
of mine (me noggin actually small and roundish)
with brow emblematic of being highbred,
cuz sleeping quarters
overrun By Teddy Bears And Beanie Babies.

Twas the bright idea of zee missus aye air
and I dedicate this poem
yes tis correct, if you bare
lee remember this mister
did formerly she-push-lee duck clear
addressed said spouse
"my little buttock blaster” endear

ring pet name applied for obvious reasons,
(her posterior end pulsates with putrid plume),
and before she begat two 'ere
rip press ably lovely daughters),
anyway thee wife I fear
to publicize contracted a benign
strain sans incurable glare

ring house cleaning malady,
(thus far no unpronounceable hair
raising name affixed
to non contagious ill, nonetheless
accursed conditioned fanatically
jumpstarting organizing unkempt apartment,
whereby to keep tear filling
misery drowning ocean
of sorrows distant at bay,
scrubbing stubborn stains
from clothes, dishes,
and gamut of hibernating
Ursine horde (née motley crue)

that come breathing alive
Nsync with Beastie Boys bay
sic City Rollers Culture Clubbing babes
upon first spring day
engrossed in this, that,
or some other sweeping floor foray
(analogously to Velveteen Rabbit)
shedding matted "faux" fur gray
winter coat when warmer temperatures arrive,
where humongous fur clumps would lay
comprising sudden empty raft

of shelf space minus a may
zing globules, oh...lemme get on track,
regarding poetic melee,
whence frenzied fever "cleaning bug" née
major virus afflicting wife,
would necessitate impossible task
whereby strapping former
feisty Norwegian farm gal
in straight jacket indeed livingsocial

would be no game to play
boot tiring and cruel task of her life Yukon say
24/7 daily challenge devious skullduggery
Smokey and the Bandits
an imp posse sub bill
outlaw gang, who lived like
Aristo curr Rats along the quay,
which unpredictable time frame

thine remaining lifetime sans wife oy vey
would frank lee zap
every last oomph of mine
if able twin door remaining with spouse,
meanwhile 'till she obliviously
plucks persistent sprouting
stranded silver follicle
tiller broad forehead resembles
a minuscule tarmac way.

A plethora of attention
focused on twentieth anniversary
regarding terrorist attacks
upon American soil nine eleven
two thousand and one,
thus Schwenksville poet
opted for his best métier write.

While riding atop a yak
both feet went wickety wack
trudging beast of burden a throwback
to the brainchild
of John Mauchly and J. Presper Eckert
devised Electronic Numerical
Integrator and Computer
otherwise dubbed ENIAC
cumbersome invention
programing machine no easy knack
also impossible mission or fit in pocket
book versus handy to tote
laptop perfect fit inside day pack.

As an aging long haired
pencil neck geek baby boomer
who reckons himself
as schleppy (snoop doggy dog) self groomer
cannot escape scornful passersby
sneering, snickering and snorting
at me, an utter embarrassment to humanity,
who also sports sophomoric humor.

Unfair for yours truly
to saddle anonymous readers
which travails of mine
analogous overburdening
an old decrepit ***,
hence lumpenproletariat
marxist (brother) fellow,
whose insensitivity
could be interpreted as crass

subsequently aiming figurative sights
upon fresh fields,
where leaves of grass
harvested by me one
Norwegian bachelor farmer wannabe
ofttimes dashes off to Lake Woebegone
to escape madding crowds who harass

him, cuz he accentuates whole foods
with plenty of fiber to avoid
experiencing lower gastrointestinal impasse
acquiring moniker windbag
courtesy humongous formed ****** mass
necessitating the expertise of Nass
(another name for Nishga -

a member of a branch
of Tsimshian people
of British Columbia inhabiting Nass
River basin and/or dialect of Tsimshian
spoken by Nishga)
homeopathic remedies outclass
those of 21st century medicine,

said indigenous people
interpret objection toward their
age old medicinal practice as sass
even consider disagreement violation,
a figurative criminal mind to trespass
and the subject in question
a veritable, (albeit harmless) *******.

Ever since mine boyhood
I experienced abhorrence
toward yours truly,
an extremely introverted kid,
whose parents nor siblings
(one younger and older sister) could
not arouse him out of his emotional torpor
akin being on par with
Peter Peter pumpkin eater...
whereby he (meaning
author who wrote this poem)
kept himself isolated, quarantined, and xed out
within self made shell.

Me mum mollycoddled her only son
bathed him in maternal love
omnipotent motherliness
figuratively guillotined
(unwittingly) healthy maturation,
thus development sabotaged
courtesy figurative apron strings.

No matter his filial relationship woeful
(to thee woman who birthed him),
he registered sentimental value
regarding keepsakes bequeathed,
he still keeps cherished mementoes
redolent when she lived.

Call him a mama's happy go lucky boy
whose later ambivalent feelings
tarnished, undermined and vitiated
short lived tender loving care,
which brief vouchsafed cocooned wellbeing
regarding idyllic rapport between parents,
got staind, suppurated, sundered, sullied...
in later years by incrimination
against being gainfully unemployed.

February twenty eighth ninety sixty eight
marked a tectonic seismic shift as moving vans
transported our household freight
to (at that time) R(ural) D(elivery) 2,
Level Road Collegeville, Pennsylvania 19426,
a ramshackle (summer) mansion named Glen Elm
plus whittled down fraction
of original Hundred Acre plus wood.

Relocation with Lower Providence School District,
approximately half dozen mile distance
between former and latter home(s),
nevertheless psyche of mine
property of extremely introverted kid
severely hi-jacked.

Invisible to the naked eye
traumatization (courtesy
chastising and reproaching -
by fellow classmates
and later in life
birth parents and inlaws
dealt hefty figurative jab)
tremendously impacted yours truly
analogous to him moving bajillion miles away
compounded by his withdrawn demeanor

diagnosed when he reached middle adulthood
as schizoid personality disorder,
thus exhibiting obvious developmental delay
bullied courtesy nasty brutes,
who scapegoated and rejoiced
with hip hip hurray,
meanwhile I experienced
terrible psychological melee
escaping to safe confines of bedroom,
where I wanted to stay
for mine remaining years of life.

Retrospective review
now approaching my doddering old age
constituted more'n one cruel (cheap) trick
played on super tramping urchin,
who traipes across virtual global stage
ensnared within whorled webbed wide
spending his hard earned itty bitty wage
spinning one strand after another.