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An Autumn like day (August 28th, 2021)
found me and the missus venturing
along unfamiliar roads.

Said spouse manned wheel of automobile
courting entering land of the lost,
nevertheless experiencing zest
she drove as I determined,
whether we went north, south, east or west

her purposefulness deliberately linkedin
delving off course to test
comfort level, interestingly enough
not experiencing feeling over stressed
possibly because place names
(an abridged version follows)
Green Lane, Perkiomenville,
Sumneytown, Upper Salford,
and Zieglerville somewhat familiar,
thus any uneasiness
(straying off the beaten path)

got put to rest
regarding moseying along
our spontaneous quest,
cuz I trend toward anxiety
(and most likely
would suddenly turn gray)
at prospect of trekking into
hinterlands not many miles
away from the place
the two of us call home.

Joyriding not something we
(meaning said married couple in question)
indulge since cost of fuel thee
cannot deny nearly cost an arm and leg
as one who drives regularly can see
the folly spewing gasoline exhaust
tooling around within 2009 Hyundai Sonata
for no rhyme nor reason unnecessarily re:
leasing gasoline exhaust pollutants

into the atmosphere whereby eco police
unlikely accept me to cop a plea
one garden variety ******
a bloke who strives to exalt glee
crafting poems, and reading as well
ranking his significance no higher than flea
common name for the order Siphonaptera,
dear unknown aforementioned comparison
ye might not agree.
Said geographical area composed of counties
located in Southeastern Pennsylvania,
South Jersey, Delaware, and
Eastern Shore of Maryland.

Sweltering temperatures
figuratively grip human zoo
bipedal hominids (yours truly,
an olive - garden variety simian)
seek much sought after shade
under whirled wide webbed yew
encompass vantage point to view
how flora and fauna cook née stew.

Weather records
(one for the books) chart mercury
rising hot enough to melt tar,
which indicates global warming
quite evident I fear,
what with mean temperatures
from January – August 2021 (thus far)
noticeably above norm for this time of year
prognosticators foretell forecasts
per this third planet from the star,
which inhabitants upon Mother Earth
burden of responsibility must bear
billions of people wanton pollutants
ratchet up barometric millibar
dialing up greenhouse effect,
which serious scenario scientists fear
correlation from profligate offal ways
traced from freed genie in the jar,
no longer stretch of imagination
affects mankind did sear
since day of reckoning,
whence Prometheus set stage for war
pitting mankind against Gaia
urgent messages we fail to hear.

Dystopian forecast impossible mission to avoid
since doomsday thoughts pervade consciousness
after perusing newsworthy information
globe trotting correspondents riskily employed
imperiling their life and limb to acquire
truthful natural and/or human interest stories
occurring across
all four corners of oblate spheroid,
i.e. world wide web,
whereby Earth situated within nebulous void.

I try mine darnedest to maintain optimistic aire
all the while gleaning apocalyptic intimations
courtesy human engineered phenomenon
all the more rhyme and reason to beware
**** sapiens on brink of armageddon,
especially when trustworthy cognoscere
painstakingly document their research
and without lacking hesitation declare

drastic paradigm shift away
from dependence on nuclear
energy and fossil fuels everywhere
else climate change could bitta bing
bitta bang hasten global warming,
where wicked watery wasteland
wreaks bleak soggy frontier
backed by popular demand
majority trumpets grandpoobear
for president, he who donned hair
actually he got bewigged courtesy fake
orange toupee, which got blown away
while he hoisted himself
with his own petard.

Imagine if ye will - one immense
ferociously diametrically,
and cosmologically phenomena
opposite that of Polar Vortex
(perhaps an apropos
nom de plume
would be Hades Furnace)
asphyxiating, clapping,
and encapsulating thee
entire oblate spheroid planet.

Judgement day could be similarly
blazing hot on the saddle, or cold
as a witch’s ***, which constant reminders
during Spartan, slated singe shearing,
stoic upbringing inured us Lutherans
to bite the figurative bullet
(which melted like caramel)
during those scorching, sea-sickening,
and sunstroke unbearable vaporizing winds.

No matter the temperature considerably cooler
holed deep within man cave
(especially with a box and desk fan
blowing pleasant air), nonetheless
I still lose out viz zit head by exertion
as a zero sum game.
Yours truly bug buster Harris - August
twenty fifth two thousand twenty one
(at approximately 4:20 Post Meridian)
felt nearly paralyzed, neutralized,
limned, thus jump started travails,
and went emotionally bust
watching helpless and hapless critter,
who I could faintly hear gently cussed,
anyway said insect found savior
in me, (an aging pencil necked geek),
who sincerely felt his passionate adoration
able, eager, ready and willing to sacrifice

mine measly existence eventually
decades afterwards, these lovely bones
would turn to dust,
(a quicker outcome
if altacocker chose cremation),
yet prior to afterlife matter
first order of business
finagling, jiggling and lifting
liberating confined
within superfamily Cicadoidea
insects in the order Hemiptera
then quickly shutting window and screen

lest plague of cicadas conspired, fussed
and invaded, cuz vicious
rumor quickly circulated
twittering, snapchatting, crowdsourcing,
and buzzfeeding airwaves,
if their harmless buddy
NOT loosed into the wild,
otherwise intrepid nature lover
acquires dubious honor
threatening innocent life form,
her/his helpmates would gather an army -
to rescue stranded

kinsman/woman predicated
duty bound upon semper fidelis
therefore steadfastness
reigning quest they must
be united on wings and prayer,
whereby swarming horde
would cover reasonably rhyming poet
such that he resembles
knight in dull armor coated with rust
whose abridged poem
dogmatically indubitably
opportunistically vapidly trussed.
The American Library Association
      implores cognoscenti tubby alert
for impersonators, who
     call themselves Ernie and Bert

     took a page from Sesame Street Playbook
oft times accompanied
     by a Soundcloud of dirt,
boot none other then Pigpen,

     (who worked for Peanuts),
     and pay-dirt, though
     dismissed, cuz he did not exert
true grit, plus more seriously scandalous

     sordid details suppressed kept from press,
     (which scurrilous breach of conduct)
     involved said scallywag
     violating more than flirt

discovered in prurient compromised activity,
     where his skin flute encircled,
     with an ambrosia girt
transgressions possibly affected

     public television station benefactors,
     and sterling reputation of bottom line, nor hurt
locker talk (albeit via exaggerated mainly
     to make a profit) sounding proper

     sanctimonious Cliff (hanging) notes,
     asper faux expected by
     a "FAKE" trumpeting prophet,
     sans motley crue comic
     stripped of more'n
     motion picture PG ratings,

hence future lurid, graphic,
     banal, ampersand
(&) dressing room banter
     muted, disallowed, and banned

so storied characters birthed by Charles Shulz,
     (who passed away prior to near canned
aforementioned indiscretion debacle)
     returning amidst fanfare hoopla

     much as possible grand
jour "Making Peanuts Great Again" hand
diddly restoring full metal paperback jacketed
     glory and apple pie order land

ding rebirth of cherished popular iconic
     easy to digest bookworm feed
which unexpectedly, inadvertently,
     and horrifyingly

     brewed ferocious breed
on par with the Alaskan Bull Worm,
     whereat armed guards
     strategically stationed

     at libraries entrances indeed
aware voracious young readers,
     would pay no heed
to any obstacle, and such unstoppable

     ravishing knowledge
     hungry kids did exceed
capacity security details dashed away,
     faster then Clifford
     the big red dog re: oh speed

wagon in toto (oz suppose)
to escape paginated bound woes,
but especially to flee bozos
not tubby confused with Bezos -
     (the richest cat on Earth),
whose cashiered spigot flows
née  gushes without any need to faucet.
I desperately clutched
(the Peanuts stuffed animal) Woodstock
to help me absorb shock.

What invisible agent
provocateur née ghost in the machine
sinister force hell bent
to rob me of every red cent,
whereby checking account
incurred major dent
(albeit figurative) required
yearly vehicular ownership event.

Unavoidable collision course
with money woes does frankly zap
proud owner of car will soon
find her/himself on penniless track
after salesperson (usually a man)
intones memorized commercial spiel,
and won't shut her/his yap
until quota of cars sold
guaranteeing bear hug wrap
courtesy company president
gifted bonus and vacation to escape,
(albeit temporarily) rat race trap.

Yours truly crafts (courtesy poetic license)
mine trademark prevaricated write
crowing, invoking, and lamenting malfunction
advertises, enunciates,
and intones game over
(by Tracy Lauren Marrow,
otherwise known as Iced-Tea),
whose claim to fame 1. rapper round rhymes;
2. fleet (truckload) of motorized
hot wheels (burning rubber)
quite a fiery sight;
3. check engine light advertisement
especially fluorescent hubcaps
that glows (like the
pulsating nose of Rudolph) at night.

Most recent experience (mine)
dealing with problematic
"check engine light" tsuris,
taught me helpful object lesson
after bringing our 2009 Hyundai Sonata
to Norm's Save Station
(earlier today 8/24th, 2021)
551 Gravel Pike, Collegeville, PA 19426,
which mechanic on duty
informed me that within Pennsylvania
said mechanical setback NEED NOT
be troubleshot if car driven less than
5000 miles per year.
This changes everything Capitalism versus climate
(copy written 2014) by Naomi Klein

Though published
more'n a half dozen years ago,
whereby the author
painstakingly details **** sapiens
impact upon planet Earth,
she intelligently describes legacy
lock, stock, and barrel
young people forced
to confront, an alphabet soup
of challenges courtesy motley crew
otherwise ordinary people,
whose penchant to concoct
various and sundry
extraordinary doodads,
seminal thingamajigs, or
visionary whatchamacallits
ushered Industrial Revolution.

Industrialization by hook and/or crook
incredibly, indubitably, ineluctably forsook
agricultural modus operandi - just look
at onset of manufacturing processes
(where population concentrated)
which radically revolutionary
(number 9) mechanization subsequently shook
agrarian paradigm to the very roots
basically, essentially,
and interestingly enough took
away that bucolic,
holistic, and individualistic
coveted and sacred bond
yielding organic crop of tasty morsels
which raw bits (albeit fruitful)
allowed, enabled, and provided
farmer in the dell to cook
powder milk biscuits
courtesy sweat brow
labor yields good eats yum zook.

She (the writer) alludes to activism
years before the voice of Greta Thunberg
affected the young and restless
with the urgent plea for climate change,
yet yours truly (me)
conscientious keeping lively exchange,
when I thoroughly enjoyed
livingsocial amidst grange
where a bartered bride got acquired
during frenzied interchange,

who currently woke
up out of her hours long siesta
while her husband tea zing ideas
to craft reasonable rhyme
did immerse his concentration
housed within
sixty plus shades of gray matter
did figuratively steep and soak
now quietude respite disrupted
snatching precious scarce interludes
of quiescence okey-doke

to distill purposefulness
coaxing and cabling
while cackling wife
causes riddled interruption
reducing mineserious minded intent
as some laughable joke,
nevertheless endeavor enduring
to resume objective and evoke

insight gleaned reading about
how humankind spectacularly
(actually horrifically) rid
oblate spheroid third rock from sun
multitudinous flora and fauna gone
iconoclastic as Butch Cassidy
and Sundance kid
burning fossil fuel
to appease robber barons their ego and id,
no matter toxic pollutants belched at expense
to extract sought after substances hid
deep within bowels of continental crust,
yet recent renaissance
regarding renewable resources amid
youth offer glimmer of optimism
to thwart total mass distinction
comprising every plant and animal.
At least forty eight hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry
explaining how yours truly
felt he would die
an undertaking malaise
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement,
wherein waste unable to expel
from the **** of this guy,
which bout with ****** obstruction
found me doubled over
with lower abdominal distress
whereby comfort found me unable to lie
down nor sit upright
(with back padded with pillows
against the cellar brick wall),
thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh
and managed on a previous occasion
to muster the means to bare
frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase
the Acme brand Metamucil,
which akin to Drano doth ply
thru the excretory tract
supposedly loosening the stools,

which optimism (product
didst earn claim to fame) generated a sigh
if that expressed intent
to cease LivingSocial would try
humph enjoining this lxii year old married male
to cede victory to the grim reaper, who would vie
as winner de jure
to this common fellow invoking libretto
ohm resistant understudy waste not want not
allowing, enabling and providing relief,
without successful defecation
despite the oppressive urge to bolster this Uriah
heap of balled up and tuckered out
five foot and ten inches of lovely bones,
thence mouthing retraction
of former thought to cease existing
though a non-bull lever
in any power broker qua mankind
relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer
yet, this scrivener
scrutinizes his recurring
pain in the *** jagged torture
and asks a rhetorical one word question "WHY"?

As of early August 20th, 2021-
I  finally moved bowels but...
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
stasis of lower bowel found yours truly
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony
as if elephant or red (livid with rage)
bull ****** his tusk into mine ****
ah...voila... hence subsequently I tout
blessed magic of laxatives
Amitiza, Dulcolax, and Miralax
relieving lower abdominal and ******
discomfort agonizing me dawn to dusk.

Upon swallowing first or second named laxative
or sprinkling Mix-in powder pack,
within 8+ ounces of water,
not aesthetically pleasing major drawback
foisting human waste heavy as a full coalsack
sometimes burned and scorched black
movement came swift, on par how fast
snaky Mister liquid Plumber doth attack
obstructed ***** bowl.

Well now... monumental poetic challenge,
I now craftily abbreviate
(think clogged toilet synonymous with blockage)
waste matter after days did accumulate
ready to apply corkerasp
regarding ****** blockage to alleviate.
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