Mother would patschke
early that day in the kitchen,
and recruit any guest, who
blindly ambled thru front door
suddenly trapped unwittingly
squarely (triangulated) into kitchen
forcibly impressed to help

set up buffet tables
and/or given carte blanche to prepare
some mysterious dish,
(a hodgepodge of ingredients),
that suffered no shortages of compliments
unfortunately could never be duplicated.

Guests harkened far and wide
word of mouth boastful rantings and ravings
superseded culinary Michelin Guides
to dole out seven stars,
which wordsworth meant "exceptional cuisine
promised hungry visitor
a special satisfactory journey."

"Time to eat" (usually bellowed courtesy father)
generated an orderly stampede to jostle in line
and commence maximizing capacity
testing sturdiness disposable plates could hold
scouting, shoe horning, staking...
place to become comfortably numb with satiation.

Amidst various and sundry masticating jaws
(with each respective mouthful
of food glorious food -
cue said Oliver Twist song title)
followed by draught of spirits
ejaculations of delight issued,
and punctuated the sound of silence

when not additionally interrupted
courtesy sibilant crackling
popping, and snapping
wood burning stove,
which aforementioned heat source
lulled well fed tummies
whereby heavy eyelids drooped
while heads sank into chest.

No matter hunger pangs quieted
evidenced by casserole, glass, pyrex...
scraped clean rumors heralding dessert
quickly awoke wine weary souls
analogous to sluggish animals

awakening out their hibernation,
when self anointed maître d'
showcased good n plenti desserts
(pies, ice cream, cookies and cakes galore)
she made house special
comprising secret ingredients.

Upon being stuffed to the hilt
(dear kith and kin mother
all counted as family
think taxidermist specimen
readied for mounting)
all pledged a unanimous
New year's resolution
vouchsafed to start on diet
come January first.

Heretofore stuffing said scandalous fête
worst day of year turkeys do hate
though vegan lifestyle
sweeping culinary tables of late
though me and the missus
still omnivorous foods sate

palates sprinkled (of course
while mouths full with borscht,
and eyes wide shut)
with garbled tête-à-tête
yum pumpkin pie for dessert,
I can hardly wait!

I credit our "star student,"
a twenty something
recent University of Penn alumna
currently residing in Oakland, California,
whose smarts as a single young woman

her papa doth envy,
no matter dearth of employment prospects,
during COVID-19 pandemic
(she vocationally trends toward engineering)
experiences economic dire straits

educated me and the missus,
this despite our chronological seniority,
how times gone by
hundred of years ago
during supposed Age of Exploration
untrammeled native people's lands

got "discovered" vis a vis exploited
courtesy "discoverers,"
no matter established civilizations
linkedin with Earth Mother
sanctified with lovely bones.

Even today indigenous tribes marginalized
forced off their sacred grounds
and/or blithely killed
unfairly skewered in short as nasty brutes
nevertheless the Leviathan
beast of western civilization
glorified, idolized, lionized, romanticized...
post reprehensible genocide

exterminated original occupants
place names peppering towns across
North and South America
token remembrance
of obliterated magnificence
scattered remnants forced
groveling along the boulevard
of broken treaties.

He/she who wielded the biggest stick
vanquished innocent men, women and children
extinguishing chalice, smiting mighty legions
deliberately transmitting disease
which decimated in one fell swoop
legions of unsophisticated souls

purposely mistreated with vengeance
pillaged, *****, torched
if not outright abducted
happy hunting grounds
near pristine tracts literally stolen
eminent domain disguising
manifest destiny modus operandi.

Yours truly doth not claim
the last wordsworth accuracy
within compact poetic frame
begetting extemporaneous told ill-fame
Maya feeble attempt
to codify ****** atrocity tis rather lame,
and bereft of gory details

causes good grief overcame
yours truly, when might overruled right
barring (lock, stock and barrel)
for rightful inheritors to reclaim
old rotten Gotham
long since sank into behavioral sink,
which fellow coining last sentence
I (pretend) forgetting the author -
what's his name?

Ofttimes yours truly assiduously tries to adlib,
but blubbers like a landlubber
at sea treading water donned with bib
(that doubles as yellow
spongy bobbing life jacket)

furiously doing doggy paddle
riding the next tidal wave
hoop fully washing me ashore to crib
if need be to dig an underwater channel
painstakingly slow drabs and drib.

The English language I simply adore
though offtimes methinks waxing eloquent
affects listeners as yours truly a bore
in record time flapping waxed lips
beholds one gordian
tongue tied knot major chore,
whereby I wanna bolt out figurative door
feeling deplorable and stuck
analogous to Eeyore.

Ache 'n to launch into a monologue
or chime into ongoing dialogue
me noggin off times generates brain fog
mental state mimicking one,
who quaffed an over abundance of grog,
which for this teetotaler would constitute

a mere thimble full of drink,
perhaps *** enhanced eggnog
just one sip and boing I go
topsy turvy as if a felled log
hit me over the head
rendering me unconscious.

Thus wood explain mine altered state
though unsightly **** on pate
battle scar leveled playing field
with the missus, 't other significant primate
supplementing and complementing
one aging long haired

pencil (vane ya) necked geek
being caged, yet free
to roam within human zoo
both, (née all) of us captive
on carousel of time
nsync with every other **** sapien
begot to participate in circle game.

All superfluous joking aside,
I strive to groom conversation,
whereby uninterrupted flow of words
(versus fumfering, hemming, hawing,
stammering, stuttering...), thine

general oral feedback paradigmatic guide
ever diligent to think
before I speak with pride
else I heep discourtesy
upon myself and chide
yours truly with harsh rebukes,

which maybe tantamount
going off the mountainside
plummeting into the abyss
engenders an unpleasant
metaphoric roller coaster ride,

and if crash test dummy doth survive -
upon gibbet he will be tried
punishment broadcast world wide
for flagrant horrendous verbal
egregiousness (waywardness) he belied.

Countdown triggers nails
bitten down to quick
geesh if only Mary Poppins
could pull off cheap trick
or think super tramping Glinda courtesy
film Wizard of Oz
Good Witch of the North
riding at light speed in nick
of time travelling on her

state of the art broomstick
unfortunately they long since retired courtesy
formerly the Banks residence rather slick
at 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London England
ruler of the Quadling Country
South of the Emerald City,
and protector of Princess Ozma
holed up in their respective bailiwick.

Aforementioned and following
(little known) verses (of Matthew)
find me peevish
at our (the missus and mine) digs
2 Highland Manor Drive

between 9:00 A.M. and 12:00 P.M.,
cuz low income housing regulations
require safe and secure place to live,
hence unpleasant inspection
scheduled at least once per year.

A trio of persons
comprising Property Manager
Regional Property Manager
and Maintenance Man
rap on the door (cue suspenseful music)
before their collective gaze turns toward:
the kitchenette, stealing
a peek into refrigerator, stove,

cupboards, testing garbage disposal
assessing utility room
housing hot water heater
testing smoke detector in bedroom
scanning bathroom
all the while reserving right
to take pictures
inside our unit if necessary.

No matter the missus and me
experienced aforementioned inspection
at least three other instances
since we lived here circa July 1st, 2016
(plus or minus a decade - ha)
which state inspection
explains metered emission
synonymous with violation,

whereby absolute zero
personal property we utilize
not considered off limits
to inquisitive troupe constituting
above identified higher ups
(refer to lines 33, 34, and 35
yes - start counting
from tippy top of poem).

Now no more time for inane verse,
cuz tis down to brass tacks
yours truly cannot relax
until he and the wife
align figurative ducks

courtesy ventriloquism acts
issues convincing quacks,
plus suddenly magically enlivened
neatly arrayed knickknacks
threatened with receiving

bonafide paddy whacks
if said tchotchkes misbehave
and exhibit buffoonish antics
subsequently summoned,
instructed, and commanded

to complete x squared jumping jacks
otherwise sent to fabled boot camp
superfluous unwanted playthings
recruited by Salvation Army
filling out ranks of toy story barracks.

Fast forward at least two score
Earth's orbitz round the sun
approximately the year 2040
history already wrote him off
as thee worst president
(based on numerous metrics)
of these United States.

Now toggle back to today
November 17th, 2020
the forty fifth commander in chief
still biden his time
refuses to concede election results
despite irrefutable opponent win,
yet he (who cannot be named)

refuses to budge
holding strongly steadfast to his perch
nursing narcissistic grudge
that eligible voters
rendered him irrelevant
courtesy enfranchisement nudge,
a showdown will lead to ouster
as leader of the Republican party.

He, the tragicomical unpopularly snubbed character
can wreak untold havoc
between aforementioned said date
and Wednesday January 20th, 2021
orders issued promulgating orders such as:

1. decreeing civil service
subject to political oversight
2. allow sale of oil and gas permits
within Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
3. require renewal of regulations

under purview courtesy
Health and Human Services Department
hobbling COVID-19 vaccine
4. impose sanctions on Iran
5. finalize peace deal

signed with Taliban in Afghanistan
6. broker extension regarding
New Start nuclear treaty with Russia
7. deliver spate of pardons to his cronies
8. disclose sensitive national-security information.

That mean *******
would gleefully, maniacally,
and royally ditch
the democratic process plagued
with many a glitch
permanently incapacitating turncoat
henchmen/women who snitch
revealing true guise as wicked witch.

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of man,
especially one groomed to win at all costs
and would sooner ruin the planet
versus admitting himself as sore loser?

(even when iron not hot, but rather cold as ice)

Yours truly a day late dollar short
dollars to donuts bonafide klutz
living ****** mint procreative
seminal squirt biological reproduction,
could never conceive to abort
despite countless occasions,

I blithely admit characteristics
linkedin with being a putz
going off rails as a one man train wreck
mine impossible mission to avoid
NOT running amok imagine
bull in a china shop.

Pigeon toed, I trip over me own little feet
size nine shoe small size for grown man
leaving utter disaster in his wake
synonymous when havoc strikes
chaos theory alive and well
ensues when I walk about
and dare take even one baby step.

Ever since adept with ability to crawl,
I ofttimes tumbled down the stairs,
but never did shed tears nor bawl
e'en when taking nosedive head first did fall
out the hatch of airplane

splattered, plastered, and matted
think suddenly feeling comfortably numb
joist another brick in wall
nevertheless acquiring stunt man role
paid big bucks

as **** sapien disguised as Sasquatch
(cause unkempt harried styled hair)
more times than I can remember
fell to Earth minus parachute,
which hoop fully explains

the incomprehensible drawl
earnestly and frankly harkening language
once extant within Gaul
which reverberated inside hall
of mountain (lionized) king.

Prior to any madcap misadventure
yours truly envisions his clumsiness
plays out within my third eye blind
hilarious scenario unfolds in slow motion
whereby accidental flick of wrist,
barely brushes up against
flimsy clothes rack

(the original motive begetting poem)
knee **** involuntary reaction,
kicking obstacle clear across Compton
generating comical feedback loop
impossible mission to stop
blockchain of fateful bitcoin events.

Living amidst (amongst) disarray
courtesy the missus, whose domestic habits
never merit housekeeping seal of approval
twenty four/seven pose
a hazard to mine existence.

Heartbroken lass bereft of eminent beau
papa doth vicariously experience her
(mine daughter's) grievous woe.

Unfair a budding promising relationship nought
going to incorporate wedded bliss,
when for all the world
the strong humble lad
absconded to Puerto Rican his homeland.

Thus pained University
of Pennsylvania alumna
("star student") since grade one
at Belmont Hills Elementary
whose high school alma mater
i.e. Harriton High School,
now glum Oakland California transplant.

I (biological father),
who helped beget offspring
writhes with agony,
cuz he and the missus
sowed wild oats
during prime time,
when irresistible call of the wild
overtook wisdom to shuck contraceptive
yielding the miracle of life.

Parenthood never ended
just because declaration of independence
and autonomy witnessed natural propensity
for progeny to reliant become on self
forced shoulder living expense
no only for herself,
but deux darling
tortoiseshell dappled

five month old kittens
most certainly a constant reminder,
when she and he "two peas in a pod"
shared so many college campus memories,
whereby appearances hinted
and predicted a shared destiny
between two love birds.

An abrupt cleavage
rent asunder never witnessing
mutual graceful dotage
figuratively saddled once ebullient psyche
unnecessarily bogged our engineering minded lady
with cumbersome equipage
after they spent precious
young adulthood years together

emulating how married couple live, I gauge
such scenario, cuz talk of wedding bells
filled the (telephonic) airwaves,
whereby yours truly feeling blessed
potential prodigal son in law
his earning hand over fist big bucks
employed at Silicon Valley company
geared toward marketing fitness application.

Unsure how said high achiever
bolstered with you go girl refrain,
(who ofttimes communicated with Zayda,
i.e. his demise a crushing sorrow),
which inevitable prolonged decline

sundered special rapport
since more'n threescore
Earth orbits around the sun
papa acquired mechanical engineer degree
working within Aerospace Division
at General Electric.

Impossible mission not to care
despite mein kampf punctuated
with mine wanderlust flair
marital covenant garden variety
wordsmith did greatly impair
triggering hostility within mine humble lair
adulterer letter forcibly donned as outerwear.