Our beloved youngest daughter Shana Aubrey
(endearingly called “Shayne Punim”)
still feels under the weather,
with symptoms centered around gastrointestinal tract,
though she lives in Bend, Oregon
(experienced her pseudo autonomy
before she completed eighteen Earth orbitz
approximately three and a half years ago).

Said healthy apple of mine (myopic) eye
begat between me and thine married mate
conceived approximately late April/early May
nineteen ninety eight
lived with my youngest sister,
whose husband George Andrew Dunning

both willingly, readily and eagerly
accepted role as proxy parents
while the child we bore
matriculated (methinks -
but don't quote me) – as sophomore
at Redmond Efficiency Academy
whereat high school diploma she acquired.

Near impossible mission to track her down
plus this papa desists unnecessarily intruding
aware how he never healthily underwent
loosed apron strings, but overstayed his welcome
never choosing apropos time
regarding painfully breaking home ties.

Sadness manifested nsync with empty nest syndrome
I rarely succumb, whereby sentimental bouts
finds yours truly reminiscing father daughter bonding
less infrequent episodes getting teary eyed
versus managing to converse with progeny
on adult level, nevertheless vicariously

feeling despair when thee aforementioned offspring
when she describes being physically unwell
with abdominal cramps, bloating, nausea...
ultrasound hinted her malady
inherited courtesy the missus
namely Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD).

Her psychological and social progress phenomenal
since being biologically gifted to us
February 4th, 1999
diagnosed with developmental delay
(more specifically high functioning asperger syndrome
closest affliction to garner medical coverage)
nothing short of an amazingly graceful
metamorphosis from irascible toddler

to mild mannered young lass
hmm... okay a few bumps along figurative road
when above named girl afforded us challenges
preceding maturation and eventual bonhomie
especially when late blooming darling
manifested cognitive faculties
(albeit acquired abilities fraught with challenge).

Appreciation abounds for extensive intervention
Montgomery County (Pennsylvania) Intermediate Unit
marks commencement where flesh and blood
(concerning mine and the missus begat)
bundle of pride and joy
despite tasked with being legal guardians.

(alternately titled:
why yours truly crafted six electronic aliases).

No rhyme nor reason beatle browed
beastie boy long ago
created INXS of half dozen
email addresses gallivanting
feigning himself a most sought after

singular modest beau
courtesy crass brazen duplicity
eventually forced to eat crow
campy bonehead devoured carrion
(blech) property extinct dodo.

Egregious discreet escapades
sneeze silly explains at chew
(albeit lamely) philandering,
foolish extramarital dalliances,
I now regret and genuinely eschew

interesting complete one hundred eighty
sobering perspective regarding grandview
emotional shell shocked fallout experienced
courtesy this wanderlust myopic
quite reformed practicing Jew
whose doubting thomas belief, credo, dogma...

closely aligned with Unitarianism milieu
***** deeds done dirt cheap willingly crafted
previous poems offering adulterated preview
years after, the missus
got told deux gals I did hammer, nail and *****

at present juncture within space time continuum,
yours truly maintains critical view
bespeaking polygamous antics,
now reviled when garden variety
generic primate initially acted cagey
while going bananas within human zoo.

I sought amorous affections
(think verboten fruit) cuz marriage went askew
(daily altercations transpired
between me and the missus),

thus as iterated above
unhappy husband stealthily finagled bravado
(dreamt up one after another digital pseudonyms
blithely cavorting debauchery *******

unsuspecting self incrimination) cyber *** debut
successfully launched prurient hitherto
novel short lived role as Casanova
starring me... Matthew

Scott Harris whose hubris
coursed thru mine every sinew
until... worst fate than being caught
by cannibalistic Zulu.

A History of Western Philosophy
copyright date 1945

Trenchant treatise purchased
August 25th, 2020
at Limerick Chapel Book Sale
(in Church gym)
offered old library books
cost 25 cents apiece.

Musty tome
seventy five years out of print
found welcome home
nevertheless mine brown
myopic eyes eagerly roam
affixing knowledge
within fifty plus shades
double ****** size
gray matter with cerebral dome.

Aging long haired pencil necked geek
said storied author I effusively bespeak,
his whose pedantic trademark style
revered analogous to beholding
resplendent riches property
of selfless sheikh.

Impossible mission to describe
intoxicating sensation when
yours truly doth imbibe
superfluous words cannot oversubscribe
most august emotional vibe.

Though agog where euphoria doth alight
each word, sentence, paragraph...
metaphorical tasty bite
read outloud with deliberate delight
(tis akin to kid in candy store)

senses luxuriate across
elapsed millenniums excite
genuine fanciful flight
comfortably numbskull buzzfeeding
until time for goodnight

becoming learned about height
civilizations flourished
food for thought insight
bedazzling mental receptors
as if fingers ****** jadeite

perhaps carved as
chess piece (think) knight
phosphorescence generating light
emanating courtesy enthusiasm
powered thru awesome might

thru simple pleasure reading
me oblivious to approach of night
ever since boyhood reveled within world
printed pages poured splendor
(worth more than fine spun gold) outright
dependable catharsis to ameliorate
most any psychological plight
strong medicine agreeable with

garden variety generic bookworm quite
now if ye will please pardon me
aye venture to experience
remote contra dancing right
fully ceased going since coronavirus (COVID-19),
if curious just access
https://www.thursdaycontra.com/
virtualDance.html website.

(alternately titled: tick tock runneth amuck)

Ever since the advent of civilization
contrivances crafted to measure
days, weeks, months...
analytical “gifted” anonymous minds
wrought ever more sophisticated inventions
to divide existence into manageable units.

Now twenty first century **** sapiens
technological atomic clock work mechanisms
markedly catapulted by quantum leaps
immense degrees of precision  
extremely accurate types of devices
linkedin with state of the art electronics.

At this fleeting instant
(approximately 9:30 PM
August 23rd, 2020
ever so briefly wedged between
what elapsed and future events to arise)
impossible mission to isolate
that illusory present

not only cuz the herein now
flits away at light speed
(or greater - you're right quite dubious),
but also everywhere within
cosmic space/time continuum
infinite microscopic and
macroscopic events occur.

As an amateur thinker
I feel baffled when pondering
that crude convenient schema
whereby greater minds than mine
devised devices to measure passage of time.

Yours truly can barely articulate
his farfetched dumbfoundedness,
me merely a simple brute
(shortish but not so nasty),
whose permanently creased
furrowed brow courtesy
his scrutinizing noggin
encasing fifty plus shades of gray matter,

whereby one percent bonafide Neanderthal
deoxyribonucleic acid explains
atavistic predilection issuing primal grunting,
when foraging for small (lame) game,
cuz feeble minded twenty first century
run of the mill garden variety **** sapiens
amuses himself (mentally)
toying with Einsteinian paradigm.

Though barely able to fathom
mind bending and boggling concepts
theoretically linkedin if an object
subjected to travel speed of light
(particularly an objet d'art - ha

think The Persistence of Memory
series of clock paintings by Salvador Dali)
mass becomes infinite
as does energy required to move entity.

Obviously the ability to wrap one's head
(or hands for that matter) around,
humongous (super sized) material essence
filling subsequent seconds, minutes, hours...
defies feasibility to grasp,

neither could ways nor means
allow, enable and provide
any semblance to hold (tangibly) as solid
something so abstract
as a singular moment, yes?

The above (ambiguously stated) thought exercise
equally as challenging to locate
beginning and/or ending point
upon Möbius strip.

The following reasonable obsolete rhyme
verst heard in my faux class (sic) lilting brogue
courtesy coronavirus (COVID-19) rogue
wrought approximate sixth month academic hiatus
nevertheless September 1st, 2020
signals resumption of school year back in vogue.

Challenges abound as millions of students re:zoom
trudging off to..., yet another bus comes by... vroom,
whereby administrators establish
virtual and/or actual room
adapt to delegate assignments as reported by newsroom
facilitated by yours truly,
a bonafide married, yet unbridled groom.

Though mind boggling, death defying,
and harrowing scenario daring to crisscross
(dangerous information highway road)
will confront those most qualified to teach
impressionable minds to overload
nevertheless I envy those learning
courtesy high tech mode.

Golden (gated) opportunity
spectacularly presented to bridge,
kickstart, and buttress  young minds
immodestly excited and
amenable to learn online

one old googly eyed
aging pencil necked geek
makes his poetically cameo appearance
crafting awareness about severe complication
hash-tagging those best equipped to teach,

which alternatives pinterest me
linkedin, trumpeted nsync with
tried and true methodology
(think white/blackboard
with markers and/or chalk respectively),

who by the way never got chosen to
clap erasers outside,
fold flag ditto after said
emblematic sanctified cloth unfurled,
nor serve as safety patrol.

Though born within baby boom generation,
I horrendously (nobly) struggled
to acquire cognitive consonance
floundered like a fish out of water
forever barely achieving passable grade

He readily attests de facto failure
if hypothetically enrolled in kindergarten today,
I would get demoted to preschool
(a slight bit of hyperbole),
thus both laments abysmal track record,
whereby attending conventional

schools of hard knocks
(situated within Lower Providence district)
emotionally fracturing psyche
until this very waking moment,
and moost likely mine
remaining tenure on Earth.

Concomitant to foster
misgivings of wretchedness,
I harbor jealousy at young whip smart kids,
who already possess laudatory command

concerning salient technological knowhow,
far beyond paternal parental stage
yet speculate how child raising
could allow, enable and provide
insight into latest cutting edge binary wizardry.

Less impactful upon precocious
boys and girls hungry for knowledge
includes protracted time
fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters
experienced opportunities to
relish countless hours

tutoring son(s) and/or daughter(s)
patiently mentoring progeny
about rudimentary concepts
(plus edifying offspring
about all encompassing netiquette)

aided in turn with
sophisticated computer programs
(possibly created by little Einstein)
invariably lovingly bonding (yeah right).

eligibility predicated upon mandatory fingerprinting

Courtesy anticipatory anxiety
breeds palmar hyperhidrosis
(i.e. hands adrip
with profuse perspiration)
honest to dog truthfully
most inconvenient malady

holds Earthling (yours truly)
in precarious emotional balance
me silently screaming
against ill fated physiological disorder
also upending prospective
employment ambitions (parttime).

Qualification to acquire said voucher
(essentially to help pay rent)
slips thru slippery fingers (mine),
thus wet out further ado, the extent
I broadcast sweaty plight
less for empathy than to air lament
anyway syndrome already expounded
by garden variety generic gent.

Accursed genetic unpleasant quirk
(vis a vis polyhidrosis)
thwarts virtual, social, and political
(yes folks I sought storied government perch)
ambitions toward gaining traction,

to experience cosmic consciousness,
hence moost every digital,
interpersonal, practical (joking) aspiration
figuratively dashed into
bajillion pieces to no avail.

Even as a wee lad
scores of decades yesteryear
I distinctly remember
abysmal introvertedness where
psychological torture
wracked psyche there
boot for the grace of dog,

this muttering kid felt queer
son of a gun ousted joining foo fighters
as a third musketeer
despite qualifying as rightful heir
thus in the least sought trappings
indicative of very important person
while entombed within recycled bier.

Subsequently, mine lifeless being cremated
ashes scattered to four winds
inert matter repurposed courtesy Gaia
physical earthly dwelling irrelevant

speculation abounds since time immemorial,
what constitutes purpose of existence
a chicken and egg thing
where copulation (pertaining to humans)
triggers hormonal secretion

poised to unsuspecting strike haploid
female reproductive cell, or gamete
if bonafide ***** deed done dirt cheap
attains crowning glory
fertilized **** results

reputedly engendering conception
though uncertainty when nascent embryo
considered greater than inchoate
amalgamation of cells.

Ideally biological processes
merrily humming along
once gestation period complete
viable organism (**** sapien) born
oblivious to nothing else except
except basic needs and wants

until adequate mental,
physical, spiritual development
necessitates progeny to fend for her/himself
wherein adult autonomous species
enroute to secure a place to call their home,
which onerous cost
eased courtesy housing choice voucher.

Aforementioned county program
synonymous with section 8,
though methinks the latter term
evoked non-positive connotation
within mind of prospective landlord.

Regarding yours truly
he experienced setback
amplified by Luddite propensity
nostalgic longing for simpler age
bring back horse and buggy
better yet find me a mancave
and/or apprise me
ideally via email
Flintstone web page modality

allowing, enabling, and providing
excellent linkedin access
whereby augmented
and/or augmented reality
telecommunication simulation
delivers, exports, and ferries lame poetaster
to small town America
a place that time forgot and

the decades cannot improve
within which dwell
strong women, good-looking men
and above average children
Wobegon place name
preserving lifestyle
exhibiting voluntary simplicity
though aforementioned fictitious locale
fires up imagination as does

a place called Willoughby
flourishing along outer limits
of twilight zone
buzzfeeding outlier zee
crème de la crème confabulist
this side of Schwenksville
hankering towards... nebulous
body, mind and spirit synchronicity

courtesy sweat of mine brow equity
acquiring alliance, cognizance, existence,
guidance, intelligence...
think **** Proenneke
alone in the wilderness survivalist
jack of all trades
I would live free,
yet nevertheless die

ill equipped to captcha victuals
and/or drink
to stave off hunger
and/or thirst respectively
one twenty first century beastie boy
heavily dependent upon
urbanization, mechanization,
industrialization, civilization
to savor creature comforts

climate controlled environment(s)
courtesy finite fossil fuel extraction
**** sapiens scourge upon planet Earth
me metaphorically on par
one more human parasite
zapping nonrenewable resources
thus desirous (yet helpless)
to forsake consumerist lifestyle

yet lack ways and means
to toil physically
to wrest good n plenti
juicy fruits of labor,
which initial premise
as iterated with poem title
dramatically off tangent, yes?