Courtesy climate change
(think global warming),
I would never wish to exchange
unseasonable temperature
way out of range
far to balmy, undoubtedly
ole man winter
weather did shortchange.

Once thermometer readings rise
even smidgen one moost not minimize
Earth way out of balance,
I haint gonna catastrophize
as bajillion acres plus

one after another ocean dries
even the skeptic cannot turn
blind eye and believe contrary lies
when every species practically extinct
and self proclaimed éminence grise

doth trumpet and stubbornly tries
to claim plethora unearthed resources
as sudden goldmine
against wages of sin
former traitor joe redeemers actualize

to catalyze nth industrial revolution
teaching as heresy
ecocentric, which material basket
of deplorables power mongers bowdlerize

Concurrence toward meteorological
trend most all people agree
toward adapting, experiencing,
and witnessing increase -

fair in height degree
bestowed upon Thomas Newcomen,
Richard Arkwright, Samuel Crompton,
Edmund Cartwright
and James Watt first Industrial

Revolution conferred as honoree
appellation not necessarily
in retrospect donned as noble pedigree,
now hundred of years

later downside we see
of belching, coughing,
disorging... yes siree
foul, (née deadly)
cancerous, gaseous, noxious... pollutants.

Decreased dissension
grudgingly did abate
unclouded protests trumpet
Trump to abdicate
irrefutable proof generates
activist voices to accumulate
linkedin over Green Party
blessedly to administrate

hoop fully figurative tide
will turn and aerate
political atmosphere whereby
progressive minds will affiliate
otherwise business as usual,
cuz spewing deadly particulate
will only aggravate
dire straits, where series

of unfortunate events will airdate
prophetic apocalyptic fate
especially if nonprogressive
stodgy commander in chief re-elected
flush with bigotry and hate
increased chance (chants) ripe state
for revolution avast swath
of population to amalgamate,

and overthrow anachronistic government
absolute zero survival unless dramatic
nondestructive strategy eschewed
to supplant exploitation and mandate
radical transformation, which dramatic
shift off grid if lucky requisite
Earth friendly manufacturing
can possibly ameliorate.

If royalty moost likely
spotlight ye would dodge
nonetheless anointed, deemed, granted...
within humble abode
of your lodge
most righteous, magnanimous, gracious...
among confrère noblesse oblige.

Methinks twas foolhardy of me
when joost a mere young man
(more'n half agoo me lifespan)
ye always acknowledging me birthdate,
(although tomorrow a day early,
and dollar long)
regarding thirteenth of Jan.

Your sisterly affection doth buoy
inside mine heart and soul
first born of three offspring
begat courtesy Boyce

and Harriet Harris handed lead role
par exemplar to officiate (figuratively)
filial obeisance, particularly
when older analogous to foal
abiding maternal horse sense, thus I extol.

As your brother, rhetorical question I ask
how often did thee deserve to bask
within metaphorical sunshine to exceed
regarding care and concern emotional task

tenderly "mothering" kith and kin,
ye divinely didst shew,
especially yours truly
now he dost rue
he rarely did communicate -
hermetically within his

hermetically sealed queue
detached, isolated, outsourced,
I may as well lived in Peru
(think Machu Picchu)
courtesy schizoid personality disorder
leavened, prepared, and sprinkled with

obsessive compulsiveness
for good measure ooh
and aah barely registered
consciousness, and knew
not what blessedness constituted hew
as tremendous precious jewel few

chore birthdays promise with clear clue
how ye go above and beyond
call of sisterly duty aware remaining life
(mine) would be far inadequate to accrue
equitable devotional, emotional,
and financial recompense.

Hence feeble attempt
to distill some essence
with words that appear
incomprehensible and dense,
cuz writing more comfortable

verses talking, which
often jabbering (more like a wookie)
(think fictional hirsute humanoids
in Star Wars universe)
often makes no cents.

Tempus fugit fleets at light speed
quasi immortality conferred as generations rebreed
all the while unwittingly transmitting indeed
idiosyncrasies, mutations, quarks... such as greed
myopia, selfishness... at death sorrow doth bleed.

courtesy sucker punched by vehicular travails

Truckload of banshees muffled
as more'n yours truly wails
he feels wheely tired
as one after another
significant snafu devilish

troublesome impish of the
poe pervert car -
tell driver unveils
scarier than Stephen
King's macabre tales
one illusory monster with

(by Scott) matted pointy scales,
who infuriatingly rants and rails
against dependence on
unstable, unpredictable, and
unmentionable car rear,
where his ruffled quilted wings,

stand on edge quiver and quails
analogous to how Jack
and Jill arduously lugged pails
splashing water to and fro
hither and yon some

drips drops long as nine inch nails,
actually pleasant sensation
though futile schlepping,
sloshing, and spilling bucketful
after bucketful eternal

rhyming task without reason
synonymous with Sisyphus,
but lo and behold
agony no longer assails
only fleeting ecstasy, think
Bos taurus came back

to animal farm -
carting... yup countless hay bales
(sh....) stolen goods,
under the whinny some nose
of neighboring Equus
at Clyde on dales,

one Mister Ed, a horse -
laugh he exhales,
said bovine won't be cowed,
cuz fodder knows beast,
that charity never fails.

Small fortune already spent
to maintain 2009 Hyundai Sonata
(pray cuz I love genii, or even mirthful
teletubby heaven sent)
compromising financial means to pay rent,

telecommunications service provider (Verizon),
electric company (PECO), sparking pent
up rage against the machine money meant
to buffer panic attacks
springing up like Jack in the box

yet, yours truly feels his soul got lent
to the devil, impossible mission
peace of mind out of reach for this gent
and the misses forced in poor house
alms reached out
imploring cosmic consciousness

me equal decent
fellow asking please
dole out at least one red cent
with quite a few right sided zeros
before decimal point
to relieve soul searing ailment.

Nor can yours truly afford
a new preowned vehicle
perhaps dismal circumstances
will witness me pedaling
preschool sized tricycle
generating stares aplenty quizzical
bystanders, especially kids

pointing out overgrown practical
joker, many grownups
look twice dismissing optical
illusion concluding meshugganah
mister man maniacal,
nonetheless entire crowd
**** sitters me hysterical.

Thus hoop fully explains zit
all regarding why I writ
silly poem about me,
a pedal pushing panhandler twit
(jab only fore sake of poem),
who wheely did quit
the madcap rat race
cold turkey working for nonprofit

named Matthew Scott Harris,
he sports fifty shades of gray matter
boasting memory equalling one kilobit
more than adequate as Herman's hermit
petsmart exuding blissful esprit
de corp sometimes volunteering
with Smokey as his fiery bandit.

If ja happen to espy
older pencil necked geek
most popular within
of enclave Battle Creek,
cuz, constitutes major producer

comprising breakfast cereal of champions
just toss legal tender into sleek,
the only *** I got to ****'n
actually a family heirloom antique
sold to me on grandfather's deathbed.

Hypnagogic spell immediately cast
overpowering drug induced state fast
overcome even those who just woke
prolonged narcotic effect could last
bajillion years (hyperbole to wake
any lil lulled reader) superfast.

Before he/she succumbs without blame
impossible mission monseigneur or dame
to break loose against buttressed bed frame
magnetic pull overpowers
superman/woman and/or lame
nope, I can't rattle off any specific name
only no man, woman, nor child can tame
overpowering urge greater than whatshername?

Ja Sleeping Beauty, or similar
facsimile thereof within eye blink
shutters lids with soundless clink
quite elementary ma rinky ****
poem, but would ya expect me,

an arrogant, defiant, haughty,
career punster who doth hoodwink
matt er of fact Scott
**** trumpeting ratfink,
meanwhile, I will not let thee think,
lest ye become mettle some as hot zinc.

And what thwart my feeble
attempt to bewitch and beguile
quite aware ye probably ready
to spew glippy glop gloopy bile
spurring lifesaving recourse
insane asylum, cuz bedlam

forces thee to dial,
and splutter exhibiting harried style
swiftly tailored demeanor
hooping I get just desserts,
and be condemned at trial
within interim and meanwhile...

Yours truly will exalt inside
unit b44 downing
one after another
B52 eventually died
(jettisoning these lovely bones)
at least say to himself,

while gratefully dead, he tried
to curry lunacy, (albeit harmless)
across the the web, world wide
reading experience this
letterman being your lucky charm guide
into outer limits of twilight zone
ha... ha... ha... no place for ye

to run and hide,
which bolsters me prejudice and pride
without sense and/or sensibility
(think Jane Austen),
whose ghost would chide,
one twenty first century wordsmith,
who seeks a bartered bride

hmm, maybe someone allied
i.e. linkedin with AllPoetry,Cosmofunnel
FaceBook, MyPoeticSide,
PoetrySoup, Prose, All Poetry,
Hello Poetry, Tumblr...
I even roll out welcome Matt
for thyself tug get shanghaied.

(alternatively titled: putting
iambic pentameter feet put in mouth)

(Spanning across internet)
analogous to accept marital vow
(after blind date contestants
meet courtesy bachelor/bachelorette),
though each of us never met
mutual (of Omaha) accord

consonant with me... you bet
your sweet bippy - Laugh-In debt
ode to comedians Dan Rowan
and **** Martin, no secret
at feeling flattered, though please
dismiss ambition to covet

(at least just yet),
yours truly adopted as house pet
argh... that beastly consummation beset
with challenge unsure weaken duet,
not absolutely necessary to whet
our respective appetites and asset

with words, quite obvious
twas love at first twenty six let
hors d'oeuvres suffice
me not here to exploit nor profit
concerning joint capitalistic venture,
whereby each of us signatory

contributing authors to beget
consensual reasonable rhyme or not,
yours truly doth deduce tenet
heavily to embark impossible mission
analogous good luck bouquet
to whomever doth cachet

more to the point, a whim woke
to assuage concupiscence,
cuz I gotta get get
preposterous simply to craft kismet
likened to kid in candy store lit
with excitement at sweet nuggets

mouth watering treats to offset
eating healthy vegetarian omelet
bloated overstuffed oaf think piglet
blessedly to young for slaughterhouse
five according to Kurt Vonnegut,
a fate far worse than death and taxes

now living in lap of luxury...
ah..., that's the ticket,
or perchance donning crown as kinglet
within safe porcine haven hamlet
whereat smart creatures use Telnet and toilet,
rather than pollute fields and/or streams.

never wishes to awaken from pleasant snooze

Appellation (with trailing switchback
and/or additional colorful turns
of phrases) emphasizing assigned
nom de plume "princess goldilocks"
hardly flattering compliment

gently aforementioned sobriquet mocks,
jabs, and stings painful as botox
analogous when the Daily's
(mean neighbors on Lantern Lane
out in vinyl city Audubon Boondocks)
hurled sizable rocks

at our then spry hybrid shorthaired
Boxer/Dalmatian, long since
pushing up bonafied daisies, when
I too sported crew cut,
versus choicest hardiest, meatiest... most
grooviest personal unorthodox hirsute

with unmatched socks,
yet parents, who (along with
paternal grandpa Aaron)
scorned long hair donning
pencil neck geeks as laughingstocks
among cruel classmates,

add diminutive physique
topping off effeminate traits
oft times purposely mistaken
for a girl - courtesy beefy "jocks,"
which mine trademark lean
nonestablishmentarian
non mean mien
gave bullies free license

to rain taunts,
they feigned threatening moves
to clean out clocks
belonging to self
and other wimpy kids
even tormenting old folks
suffering dementia praecox,
our ladies of perpetual responsibility

this haint nun cents
(think Garrison Keillor
Prairie Home Companion)
took me under their wing
metaphorically inoculating yours truly
as against some deadly pox
at providential spiritual crossing
divine intercession really rocks!