Alternately titled inferiority
complex since little boy
oft times ponder what
afterlife like beyond far horizon ahoy...

No matter scarce giddiness wave
did carry and buoy yours truly aloft
analogous to dwell amidst
hermetically sealed croft,
imagining small rented farm,

especially one in Scotland
comprising plot of arable land
attached to house,
where hat o' this gentleman doffed,

Thence beckoning thee
to get comfortably numb
nurse cocktail I doctor, ah yea
with good n plenti of ***
lamenting mein kampf

worth ordinarily absolute zero
on par with being
a harmless no good ***
reflecting scores of lapsed years
since bing hard school of knocks alum

lionizing American south antebellum,
Pace of existence found one
idyllic I exclaim
casually sauntering along,
quite welcoming if one lame
especially inviting nineteenth

century hamlet fictitious place name
crafted within A Stop At Willoughby
(think or Google twilight zone
Season 1 Episode 30), where
main character shed his shame,

I too could easily capitulate
if/when time travel will encapsulate
one to journey where simply
livingsocial appeared exotic and great,
versus twenty first century Schwenksville
specifically Highland Manor

each and every resident doth insulate
her/himself within four walls
affixed with memories,
a long gone mate
similar to mine nonagenarian papa,
whose spouse Harriet,

a prior poem
I did poetically narrate,
which rancor hardened filial me obdurate
considerably decreased, yet revisit loss,
now jars thee noggin o' this primate

smoldering resentment - a human trait
did poison when mother at death's door
objection to accursed
disease did undulate
within her cancerous kindled,
riddled, wasted body joie de vivre

loathsome beast could
never invalid date
grim reaper would not wait,
her passing fourteen
and half orbitz ago

Withheld a hug I never gave
presently wince with sorrow,
yours truly never forgave
himself eternal repentance within mine
soul asylum as unseen knife doth engrave
mine mean deprivation
bajillion miles separated us
unconditional love all she did crave.

No need for yours truly to dig deep,
(albeit bonafide figuratively)
by Dickens thru mine Uriah Heep,
a gnarled mass creep
ping, comprising, encompassing, glomming
abysmal existence strewn with hard times,

such that I wanna leap
out this metaphorical bleak house,
a black hole in the wall swallowing
i.e. disallowing any peep
ordinarily yawping, proliferating, flirting...
now fumfering lamely issued by keep
ping low profile super tramping cheap

trickster, our mutual
friend Matthew Scott Harris,
where lack of functioning heating unit
(think male ***** if ye will)
upended, rendered, discombobulated...
scrappy body electric hominid
to experience quality sleep.

Principal reason I write
to balance and aright
unexpected largesse
(thank you dad), where
eyes suddenly got bright
and bushy tail incessantly

wagged day and night,
a sensible palliative temporarily
eased penury plight,
which cash equivalent,
viz four Benjamins alleviated quite
helpful thwarting necessity to fight

off bill collectors brandishing
armstrong lance's compelling me
to summon black knight
in shining armor lodged within white
castle amidst prickly bishop
obviously one prone easily to excite

amusing little lord Fauntleroy
groomed as heir to throne,
enthusiasm since his birth did ignite
(Aesop pose) storybook life,
where fanciful elation did take flight
buzzfeeding, droning, feasting

on par with Mister
Bumble bee in flight
sweet nectar amidst lilies of the field
analogous to stripling Adam - fine lad
eve vent chilly seeking delight.

Ah to gather rose while ye may
tis futile wishful thinking,
now at mine three
score orbitz round sun,
which libido far out at bay
prurient predilections once

spawn time wracked to lay
waste vestal ****** such as... Little Dorrit,
now... raging hormones stagnant clay
hardened, atrophied, eutrophied,
jackknifed limp bizkit
long bereft testy tickle

yar ****** quizzical,
slack jawed, and sullen at
deserted abandoned cobwebbed quay
ignored do not enter, keep out,
private property signals desiccated,

no place for Peter to take holiday
barring ingress to ply skin flute
amidst hollerin hootenanny,
perhaps convincingly explaining
welcoming Voldemort without delay.

no rhyme nor reason
explains ecstatic feeling woke
bright eyed and bushy tailed psyche
weight of the world
(think Atlas shrugged)
and/or mysterious Sisyphus

regarding former fate did unyoke,
while immense burden freed the latter
either one or 't'other analogy
allowed, enabled, and provided
unexpected reprieve, each reconnoitered

at convenient joint
rolled their own,
and took prolonged smoke
felt themselves as if in dreamland
hooping, pray née wishing

never to provoke...
stealing their lightness
of being with one thunderstroke
of wand, now think Voldemort
(Harry Potter nemesis), i.e.a mean bloke

exempli gratia re: "theft of death"
one whose path,
I would never fain
to cross, wha... iz zat
some kinda lame joke???

Nevertheless the two,
albeit fictitious gents
aforementioned larger
than life characters,
no no no... agents
provocateurs did espouse feeling

unbridled exuberance
communicated nonverbal
crystal clear subtle signals
to each the other regarding
most striking events
exceeding giddiness re:

measured in iambic accents,
than any costly expense
sieve sabbatical writing poetry,
especially Mephistophelean tense
chock full of suspense
romance, drama, comedy...

danse macabre no absence
spanning any genre
plus unfortunately saddled with immense
Earth shaking burdens without sense
and sensibility, hence...
analogous to this poem,
not worth two pence!

(Garden yourself and Emmanuel
against risking life and limb,
especially as dark shadows edge -
of night bring dim
mention onset of when shifting shapes swim
all around reducing slice
of daylight slim).

I write thee today
September 13th, 2019 -
nuttin earth shattering to say
documenting
starttime: 05:51:22 PM
and endtime: 07:06:44 PM
no particular rhyme, nor reason

merely hello, and
whatever words fingers may
strike,née
gently press hoop Philly I do convey
sense and sensibility feel play
full of late, hmm... unsure perhaps, cuz Abby
and me exchange increasing more civil letty.

Oh... no... no... no... no need for concern,
no matter we almost bid thee adieu
when me and "mother"
turned about fifty

plus shades of grayish blue
believe me you
absolute zero heat issued out HVAC
(heating, ventilation, air conditioning) vent

haint "FAKE news" but totally tubular true
honest to dog, no matter yours truly
bundled with bajillion layers Matt chew
unable to shake off cold -

at mercy of the missus whose shrew
whoosh reply 'pon asking her to tidy up
unwittingly found papa
with comfortable numbskull.

Count yourself lucky livingsocial in
(I believe that city ye told
San Francisco, California - yes)
as brutal cold
Tri county area took descent,
and kept in full nelson hold
into low double digit - lock hold

(record, dvd, cd... breaking) temperatures,
of course upon activating central heat
with gnarled fingers that did fold
nothing, but cool air as iterated above,
how convenient, yea dada
felt and appeared frozen
analogous to popsicle mold.

Until couple hours ago
summoned waning strength... whew
flagged Kevin (one man
maintenance crew),
whose adept and adroit cue

wing (whoops repetitive redundant no-no)
his knowledge and drew
comparison with mine papa
quick identification troubleshooting
burnt circuit board instinctively knew,

hence appreciation at skill
(recalling countless years ague
Zayda also gentrified
approximately half dozen
properties in Norristown

aside from role of Aerospace
engineer at General Electric, which
corporate America he loathed
before he opted early retirement,
and bid Jack Welch adieu.

By George, I Shaw hoop
ye considered this buzzfeed
ding gobbledygook to carrion pleasantness,
i.e. poetic letter tolerable
(argh... maybe even enjoyable) reed.

look forward to your birthday viz hit
maybe ye will share -
even a teensy weensy little bit
some details describing
your assignments most likely
a no brainer with your wit.

(untimely death sentence ordained ~ early February 1935)

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing
purchase never made at local drugstore
unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably...
birth control taboo subject, best to ignore
subsequently ******* awkwardly coordinated,
consummated, completed extempore
hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded unicellular spore
while in utero ~ early/mid
February I ain't exactly sure
nineteen hundred thirty five - dirt poor
Harriet Harris, fourth, last born
fetched vicinity Coney Island offshore

by stork, became favorite progeny begat
courtesy Morris, and then swore
celibacy forever more
Rebeckah Kuritsky heretofore
harbored inchoate genetic fore
boded, encoded, inscribed
deadly mutations housed,

fetched, dispatched and bore
flawed BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes sketched
affecting circumscribing her allotted mortality
orbitz equaling about three and a half score
unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unwittingly,
her biologic fatal demise indelibly etched.

Breast cancer first brush
sounded death knell
Harriet approximately clocked fifty plus
underwent grueling radiation
plus chemotherapy
carcinoma eradicated allowed,
enabled, provided breathing spell

reprieve accentuated, galvanized, punctuated...
newfound zealous zest almost
nothing could quell
significance pray tell
new lease on life to sell
lib berate cherish, relish, whish

each precious moment
thwarting pell mell
adversity with bon vivant elan
and gusto to issue rebel yell
kickstarting, making breast
livingsocial aye bell,

especially after despite... er... well
her double mastectomy,
she looked fabulously swell
courtesy silicon implants
slight downside reconstituted
racked ***** *****
susceptible to ooze gel.

Many years post remission telltale
diagnosis, viz ovarian,
despite requisite hysterectomy
emotionally did impale,
she instinctually, intuitively,
invariably, yet quiver and quail

against impending demise 24/7 did assail
guardian angel(s) of no avail,
nor did yours truly proffer nurturance
resentment smoldering within this male
red hot poker anger lambasting me
peppered with ultimatums to vamoose,

never got resolved ensuing estrangement
deterred reaching out to embrace,
hearing raspy fading breaths exhale,
miserably tethered with tubes
when she did severely pine ail

and grievously bewail
corporeal essence ashen pale
awkwardly, helplessly, stupidly... I stood
formidable grim reaper foe whisked mother
to Elysian fielded dale.

Hence donning entire wardrobe,
Saint Nick outfit including,
while trumpeting think spring
argh only about four plus months away
lest some big bird willingly
takes me under their wing
undiscovered since I won't be peaking,
nor quacking duck like

prompts yours truly xing
to tropical rainforest
playing Tarzan and swing
from a vine, while Jane and Cheetah
(sometimes billed as
Cheetah, Cheta, and Chita)
spend hours shopping
upon returning home stock

pantry and house zing
cupboards stacked chock full of
goodies fit for average king doubling
up as Santa Claus gaining
weight courtesy snack foods like
Yodels, Little Debbies, Ring Ding...
thence outsize tummy doth happily sing
Christmas Carols practicing

all year round, especially
*** *** *** wing
nsync with crops germinating
bending, stooping, watering... weeding
abiding techniques organic farming
naturally whenever possible mission avoiding
distributing, generating, impacting
ecological damage, viz carbon footprint

cheerily, humorously proselytizing
landlubbers (land lovers with lisp)
courtesy sweat of one's brow reaping
robust healthy crops - only allowing
enabling, and employing...
eco-friendly deterrents
bajillion green thumbs up
approved by Greta Thunberg

greenlighting her inspiration
to awaken global warming
hence first dibs when harvesting
season this after she subtly,
nonchalantly, enviously... seen eyeing
analogous vis a vis
hungry critters salivating
(think Pavlov's dog)
to savor NON GMO eye watering

delectable, honorable, laudable...
yumzook produce bespeaking
please help yourself
fast forward months later finding
das overly dressed mistir shivering
despite heavily bundled
nature's vegetarian smorgasbord
brutal coldspell faintly recalling
pitch perfect weather eventually returning.

Handy dandy blues clues plain
all purpose favorite refrain
i.e. "impossible mission"
courtesy complimentary doppelganger
G.I. ("Government Issue", "General Issue",

or "Ground Infantry") Jane
in tandem with Alyson Chain
comes to the rescue attempting
to describe entrenched nonproductive
crippling psychological mindset ascertain

most any reader would consider insane
embedded deep within
genetic code possibly
inherited maternal grandfather,
who emigrated nineteenth century Ukraine,

he (purportedly tailor by trade)
only spoke Yiddish,
language used by Jews
in central and eastern Europe
before the Holocaust.

Originally German dialect with
words from Hebrew, and
several modern languages and
today spoken mainly in US, Israel, and Russia.

Mental illness, (or predisposition thereof)
linkedin courtesy heredity,
supposition nuts so crazy nor insane,
yet nothing further about biology
Iberia lee kant hex Spain

emotional status concomitantly
intertwined with possible causes
such as: Autoimmune, Behavioral,
Cognitive, Neurological,
Environmental - inextricably lodged

within cerebral domain
manifesting as countless
fixations, I disdain
(in retrospect) precious time forsaken,
and absolute zero benefits to gain,

and inflicted severe strain
father and mother felt helpless,
especially when anorexia nervosa
nearly imperiled life source villain
rent asunder body electric drivetrain

brought corporeal standstill
loosed maniac running
rampant within brain
emaciation delivered me
at death's door

prescribed medications Mellaril and Elavil
nsync with psychiatric intervention plus
mother as licensed practical nurse wayne
wright me malnourished body
nutrient fortified drinks,

I passively did abstain
eventually grudgingly gained weight
buffering scrawny skeletal
skein knee membrane
definitely stunted growth plus chain

reaction impacted livingsocial
courtesy thank you me private Charlemagne
promoted cultural revival known
as Matthew Scott Harris'
Carolingian Renaissance.