Despite brisk temperatures today lo
mein October fifth
two thousand nineteen y'know,
where exhalation generates
puff 'o air to flow
after taking analogous

drag on fiery cigarette slow -
Autumn weather
brought coveted respite
to torpid hazy, hot, humid conditions
just... like... a mere
four days ago,

ye best not be wary nay -
and put figurative guard down no
including y'all fellow Earthlings -
don't get smug
though morning hath bro
kin quite chilly, ah refreshing

moost definitely worth crow
wing about, I supp prose
"FAKE" king poe
wit like... yours
truly haps tubby up pro
believe me you,

suffocating heat did slow
ability to conjure e'en feeble attempt
to craft higglety pigglety
measly, satisfactory flow
'o words - yea right haint
gonna get no dough

tis exhilarating regarding average Joe
cur biden his time at least
till 20/20 election - whoa
thirteen months from now
hoop fully trumpeting bozo
will be defeated, cuz he ain't

dune planet earth any good
actually his dynastic aspirations
undermine biological cargo,
and affect mooch mo'
harm as he blithely axes
environmental protections with his so

so who cares attitude
will inevitably spell grow
task compromising future
courtesy boomerang yoyo
effect told me by dodo
bird chimney sweeper sallow

faced ****** resembling Frodo
overwhelmed with
deplorable wretched status quo
hither and yon to and fro
he doth frantically go
across terrestrial firmament, in toto

sacrilegious, malicious, egregious...
abominable primate shady hue
man oh man now tis time I cue
somber tune from oboe
entirely constructed and linkedin

with a little help courtesy lego
set now at poe wits end
this soon tubby extinct bonobo
doth bid thee adieu.

Wɜrdz spɛld kəˈrɛkt ˈvɜrsəs fəˈnɛtɪkˈspɛlɪŋ

alternately titled fun with phonics
ˈɔltərnətli ˈtaɪtəld fʌn wɪð ˈfɑnɪks
analogous when like first learning how to spell American English words

Əˈnæləgəs wɛn laɪk fɜrst ˈlɜrnɪŋ haʊ tu spɛl əˈmɛrəkən ˈɪŋglɪʃ wɜrdz

I thought to feign not knowing how to spell American English words

Aɪ θɔt tu feɪn nɑt ˈnoʊɪŋ haʊ tu spɛl əˈmɛrəkən ˈɪŋglɪʃ wɜrdz

and quickly realized the daunting task,

Ænd ˈkwɪkli ˈriəˌlaɪzd ðə ˈdɔntɪŋ tæsk,

thus sought magnanimity, gratuity, courtesy...
Google search (phonetic transcription of words) to assist me

Ðʌs sɔt magnanimity, grəˈtuɪti, ˈkɜrtəsi..
ˈgugəl sɜrʧ (fəˈnɛtɪk ˌtrænˈskrɪpʃən ʌv wɜrdz) tu əˈsɪst mi

Words spelled correct versus phonetic spelling
(the latter appended after poem concludes).

Thus now begins feeble attempt
to render rhyme for no reason
appended with phonetic translation
mainly as playful tease zen
synonymous imagining teaching
said exercise to eager children

reminding readers that young
and restless with spotty attention
hear spoken word while in utero,
post natal, subsequently when
he/she parrots parent(s) and/or

guardian, a more deliberate yen
arises to acquire greater cognition,
intuition, question (quest ja hen)
quickly devolving into faux ken
barbed riotous laughter analogous
trying wits of patient comedian/

comedienne resorting quite often
to repetition, remonstration,
reiteration... which frustration
might necessitate taking ten,
or so minutes of intermission
mindful mentor praises pen

ultimate verbal adroit ability
earning healthy treat for recitation,
perhaps recipient exceptionally
eager to advance passing golden
milestone able, ready, and will ***
to tackle writing correct spelling,

whence learning to hold pen(cil)
(without being vain) begin men
till process, which next step den
allows, enables and provides sen
sit heave hands on guidance

helping preschooler - all liven
and well with enthusiasm clutch
writing implement fingers open
before gently grasping above ren
during kudos with an amen.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

wɜrdz spɛld kəˈrɛkt ˈvɜrsəs fəˈnɛtɪk ˈspɛlɪŋ

Ðʌs naʊ bɪˈgɪnz ˈfibəl əˈtɛmpt
tu ˈrɛndər raɪm fɔr noʊ ˈrizən
əˈpɛndɪd wɪð fəˈnɛtɪk trænˈzleɪʃən
ˈmeɪnli æz ˈpleɪfəl tiz zɛn
səˈnɑnəməs ɪˈmæʤənɪŋ ˈtiʧɪŋ
sɛd ˈɛksərˌsaɪz tu ˈigər ˈʧɪldrən

riˈmaɪndɪŋ ˈridərz ðæt jʌŋ
ænd ˈrɛstləs wɪð ˈspɑti əˈtɛnʃən
hir ˈspoʊkən wɜrd waɪl ɪn ˈjutəroʊ,

poʊst ˈneɪtəl, ˈsʌbsəkwəntli wɛn
hi/ʃi ˈpɛrəts ˈpɛrənt(ɛs) ænd/ɔr
ˈgɑrdiən, ə mɔr dɪˈlɪb(ə)rət jɛn
əˈraɪzəz tu əˈkwaɪər ˈgreɪtər kɑgˈnɪʃən,
ˌɪntuˈɪʃən, ˈkwɛsʧən (kwɛst jɑ hɛn)

ˈkwɪkli dɪˈvɑlvɪŋ ˈɪntu fɔks kɛn
bɑrbd ˈraɪətəs ˈlæftər əˈnæləgəs
ˈtraɪɪŋ wɪts ʌv ˈpeɪʃənt kəˈmidiən/
kəˌmidiˈɛn rɪˈzɔrtɪŋ kwaɪt ˈɔfən
tu ˌrɛpəˈtɪʃən, remonstration,
riˌɪtəˈreɪʃən... wɪʧ frəˈstreɪʃən

maɪt nəˈsɛsəˌteɪt ˈteɪkɪŋ tɛn,
ɔr soʊ ˈmɪnəts ʌv ˌɪntərˈmɪʃən
ˈmaɪndfəl ˈmɛnˌtɔr ˈpreɪzəz pɛn
ˈʌltəmət ˈvɜrbəl əˈdrɔɪt əˈbɪləti
ˈɜrnɪŋ ˈhɛlθi trit fɔr ˌrɛsəˈteɪʃən,
pərˈhæps rəˈsɪpiənt ɪkˈsɛpʃənəli

ˈigər tu ədˈvæns ˈpæsɪŋ ˈgoʊldən
ˈmaɪlˌstoʊn ˈeɪbəl, ˈrɛdi, ænd wɪl lɛn
tu ˈtækəl ˈraɪtɪŋ kəˈrɛkt ˈspɛlɪŋ,
wɛns ˈlɜrnɪŋ tu hoʊld pɛn(cil)
(wɪˈθaʊt ˈbiɪŋ veɪn) bɪˈgɪn mɛn
tɪl ˈprɑˌsɛs, wɪʧ nɛkst stɛp dɛn
əˈlaʊz, ɛˈneɪbəlz ænd prəˈvaɪdz sɛn

sɪt *** hændz ɑn ˈgaɪdəns
ˈhɛlpɪŋ ˈpriˌskulər - ɔl ˈlaɪvən
ænd wɛl wɪð ɪnˈθuziˌæzəm klʌʧ
ˈraɪtɪŋ ˈɪmpləmənt ˈfɪŋgərz ˈoʊpən
bɪˈfɔr ˈʤɛntli ˈgræspɪŋ əˈbʌv rɛn
ˈdʊrɪŋ ˈkudoʊs wɪð ən eɪˈmɛn.

This health conscious lx year
roam'n, hoodwinking hoodlum doth wear
two pair bullet proof underwear,
(which confession rarely trumpeted),
plus yours truly admits unclear
why tibia long in the tooth fellow,

prevaricates with tongue in cheek oh contraire
good n plenti humor absent clear
sense and sensibility so beware
me figuratively pulling poetic foot
mainly "white lie" fibula I air
discombobulated gobbledygook,

which corroboration ye might declare
choosing to cease reading
feeling in high dungeon as all hell... where,
twitching (bull leave me you) nostrils flare
analogous to spewing dragon
rare endangered species from Zaire

of corpse stewing in dungeon
hooping on wing and prayer
to attend Renaissance Faire,
thus word wizard conjured
aforementioned as metaphorical veneer
cuz, he really sought to pioneer

his breakout poetaster career,
thus far batch
prefabricated rejection letters
posits alternative to forswear
writing another feeble rhyme
relieving anonymous critics

providence beckons I hear
doom and resignation refrain
repeatedly hammering and echoing
within chambers of each ear
mancave best provenance
divine providence especially if nuclear

war rents tentative moments to spare,
which doomsday looms clear,
perhaps half fortnight away
fatalistic mindset, I despair
money woes exacerbate pesky news
sense under_scoring dallying,

dithering, lollygagging... while linear
rise regarding global temperature
gives cold comfort the buccaneer
occupying oval office laissez faire
attitude, hence pennilessness moot
total mortal kombat global warming

further accentuates real Halloween scare,
no trick only ill treatment
unleashed courtesy mutineer
hand over fist handily did profiteer
minting daily another bajillionaire
government coffers bursting

mother earth biosphere square
within uber targeted crosshair
talking heads poles
apart as global warming
melts Antarctic frigidaire
Santa Claus reindeer and elves

schvitz as north pole melts
in short shrift oblate sphere
formerly teeming with life
field day for hardy
indomitable creatures thriving
within most scary nightmare.

Hyperbole escorted ushered down aisle,
no critic within google x bajillion mile
(give or take a million) approximates
limitless potential regarding self said
epithet vile expletive spewing wicked

vituperation, vilification, vexation,
vandalization, undervaluation, uglification,
transmogrification, terrorization, suffocation,
stultification, strangulation, recrimination...
custom made swiftly tailored harried style

unbounded poetic license curtly vile
distilling, kickstarting, whipping...
hewed, patented, trademarked... versatile
methodologies, modalities to compile
masochistic punishment exhibiting agile

proactive innovations linkedin to avast
amalgamation, where synonyms connote
inflicting physical/ verbal self harm while
alone within emotional wilderness I'll
venture to add non active means to torture

including versus being passively servile,
and case in point with yours truly exile
isolate, entombed, locked, sequestered...
in bedroom of boyhood cherished domicile,
no matter whether violent or tame recourse

good n plenti abominations populate fertile
two clenched fist sized gray matter awash
where rage against our thwarted ambitions
dreams, goals, joys, motives, most pregnant trial
birthing most brutish, horrific, nasty... nemesis.

Please excuse this wurst wordy wayward bard
cuz here cometh the tricked out guard
(oh my...dog he attired just like me)
as everyone else within this isolationist ward.

Ignominy hewed into comeuppance,
where yours truly aggrieved state
far worse fate  
than becoming deceased, though
years gone by since meek kin
grievously afflicted soundly did berate
  
deplorable marital indiscretion
this mister (wordsmith) forced opaque  
double life undetected
confession subsequently told mate,
she (nor eldest daughter)
riled, none to pleased, nonplussed

the latter (now living/working of late
San Francisco, California),
thus distance doth abate
plus elapsed time buffer zone  
lessens lesson learned never to copulate
(best if done early at any rate)

still loathes (at least smolders)
apt appellation liaison found papa
caught with figurative pants down lil mandate
formerly loosed upon Venus to excavate
as no fallacy warm prickly didst deflate
no stranger as expletive ingrate  

attests no more Casanova trait
deservedly called him regarding
extramarital tete a tete
apology made forgiveness accepted,
thou accept culpability I narrate
wife high infidelity transgression,

mine inferiority complex
*** seeded to emasculate
all throughout boyhood,
adolescence, young manhood,  
veritable entire lifetime spate
whereby fourscore and seven years ago

minus seventeen orbitz hied dedicate
mastermind pursuit didst facilitate
matt's scott's getgo automatically
begat self worthlessness
dismal social withdrawal didst accentuate
courtesy threatening taunts,
name calling, bullying as master bait

helped discredit any shred and underrate
me yet, now vestigial self confidence
helps me to reevaluate
within calmer metaphorical seas
how to steer this wallowing,
lumbering, aging... frigate
plus a brief plug for Colgate,

nonetheless choppers rotted
legacy courtesy dental quandary...
subsequently oral crisis did abate
quick lemme abbreviate
courtesy periodontal disease
dentures fitted hence concludes
tracked train of thought I freight.

Rudder than trigger, provoke,
incite..., voodoo curse
necessitating emergency visit
courtesy doctor Demento or his nurse
methought best to craft (airily)
nonsense sickle verse
yikes! maybe iamb
steadily getting worse

as poetaster wannabe,
which prognosis bodes ill
and p'raps best **** sitter
underwater basket weaving
enlist as water boy re: bucket
brigade for Jack and Jill,
hence imagine yours truly
amazingly gracefully dipping quill

within inkwell exerting intense utmost
control to keep right ting hand still
to pen employment
query expressing thrill
and natural born talent
to hand dill
you can easily envision me
balancing bucket fill

water atop noggin donned gone down
appellation trail resembling fountainhead
strengthening neck muscles till
yours truly capable
to shoulder and shrug Atlas
alas especially beneficial
in case arsonist kindles conflagration
preparation guaranteed courtesy fire drill

dashing hither and yon, to and fro
even at expense resembling
beetle browed fool on the hill
nonetheless earning reputation
continually increasing numbers
balancing full buckets with nary a spill
leaping lemur far and wide
globetrotting yawping shrill

excitement acquiring nonpareil skill
experiencing pride without prejudice
(nodding to ghost of Jane Austen),
perhaps launching startup Lil
Buck Kit Waters - drumming up business,
expanding, hiring, kickstarting franchise

oh... wealth estimated at least trill
yon, helping non antagonizing peep hill
drafting, modifying, updating... living will
in case I kick bucket unexpectedly
distributing liquid assets as good will.

Since time immemorial
happenstance bestowed **** sapiens
ability to become self aware
double edged figurative sword
allowing, enabling, providing...
forebears of yesteryear
to marvel at life, and
reckon with death,

which mixed blessing
confronts twenty first century
man/womankind with dilemma,
albeit reconciling mortality
linkedin with consciousness
heightened, tested, under_scored...
particularly at demise dearly departed
inadvertently affect

upon surviving family members
hijacking, offsetting, upending...
fracturing emotional composure
prompting immediate questions
regarding purposefulness living
nee, being born essentially to die
predestined to pass away
identical fate decreed upon

all animals and plants
bolstered by believing deity
foreordained every creature
past, present, and future,
yet most pronounceable afflicting
non denominational, non
religious, non sectarian
case in point Unitarian,

vis a vis visa versa secular humanists,
especially nonsensical poet wannabe
riddled with perplexity
about nature of being alive
wondering what explains
essence constituting individual fluke
finding meaning scuttling
across world wide web

hither and yon, to and fro
dumbfounded at futility
absolute zero adequate answers
(again, unless one subscribes
to codified doctrinal dogma
i.e. religion, faith, creed...)
I attest as garden variety primate
baffled, flummoxed, nonplussed...

why chance genetic dice throw
gifted me finite time
solely to contemplate
(more than just my navel)
meaningfulness analogous
to scrutinizing Möbius strip

unable to identify
inscrutable mystery
defining random existence
specifically essence
happenstance/circumstance begat me
Matthew Scott Harris.