I crave
Open spaces
Endless skies
The freedom of
Emptiness

I want to climb
To the tops of mountains
Lose my breath
To the clouds
And the morning sky

I could float in the sea
On a single boat
And lose my mind
To the coldness
Of the stars

Let me explore the spaces
Of the Earth
And fill the emptiness
With my energy
I want to spread my soul
To the corners
Of the world
I want to
Escape

I could get drunk
Off the smell of your skin
And the taste of your tongue
But now you taste like ***
And the breath of
Someone else

Break me in two
Breathe your cursed name
Into my lungs
Pump my heart
Full of your toxic
Presence
Twist my arm
Behind my back
And pour your
Manipulation
Down my spine

Leave me on the floor
This is just another
Love poem

I told you I wouldn't write this poem but bad love poems are my calling so here I am
I asked too many questions tonight that you answered too honestly but isn't that what I wanted?
I showed you too much of me tonight that you didn't need to see but you did exactly what I needed you to do
I let my emotions get the best of me and here I am on the floor begging for it to stop
Tonight you didn't read my mind
You didn't cheer me up instantly
Every word only reminded me exactly
Of the world I gave up
I'm torn between my own greed
And the need to give you everything that I never could
I told you I wouldn't write this poem
I hope you know I didn't lie as much as I was trying to convince myself that I could handle losing the best thing that ever happened to me

I am alone
But I have never felt
So alive

I am no longer bound
By guilt and insecurity
These voices in my head
Are on my side again
The people surrounding me
Support me
And see the light within
My darkness

I never have to be anything
More or less
Than everything I want to be
I owe it to myself
To open the doors
And let my potential go

the moon rests her heavy head
on the horizon's weary shoulders
and skips stones of hydrogen and helium
across a jet black pond of her doubt
scattering schools of gravity
and kicking up clouds of gas and dust
leaving them to settle in a
carefully disarray of beginnings

I don't know
How to tell
If I love you again

I don't know if I ever
Stopped

they've said to do what scares you
because that is what helps you
grow
if something is exciting
and terrifying at the
same time
it is probably the
right thing

you terrify me
every time you score your
fingernails across the
small of my back
catch your teeth on the
curve of my neck
press your lips to the
soft spot above my
belly button
you send tremors through my
glass spine
i could so easily shatter
but you mold to me
blurring my edges and lines
into yours

you terrify me
and excite me
so i think that means
we're doing something
right

if you're the ocean
mesmerizing and strong
i'll be the night sky
stricken with stars
blending endlessly into the other
seamless

I wish I was a tattoo
Permanent and unforgettable
But all I am is pencil
Already half-erased
Wishing I hadn't been
Such a mistake

I would be a fool
To ignore the past
But I have been a fool
For letting it
Control me

Change is inevitable
For the future
And impossible
For the past
All we can do
Is look forward
In belief that we can
Make it better
Than before

You and I
Have changed
As individuals
And as a pair
The mistakes we have made
Have changed us
And molded us
Into who we are

Maybe the future us
Could be better
Than the past us
Take a leap of faith
With me

hey there eugene
it's me
rapunzel

i've been wanting to talk
but i know you're hurting
it's my fault
so you don't have to
keep reading
but i'd like it if you did

i messed things up tonight
i tried to step out of
my tower
into the big kid world
but i tripped
and fell on my face
like always

i told you i wouldn't do it
i promised i'd stay safe
i tried to keep
my promise
but see, someone stole from me
he pulled on my hair
and called my name
i didn't want to leave
my tower
but i let him
pull me down

eugene im scared
i hate this tower
i wish i knew
all of it's secrets
but i'm still learning
now, that fall taught me a lesson
i know i needed
but how many falls
will it take
before i learn?

you trusted me tonight
and i know i
let you down
so if you're still reading
im still lying here
with a bump on my
head
to match the splinters in my
heart
i can't get back
to my tower
without my
eugene

i don't deserve your help
i don't deserve
you at all
i'm greedy for
wanting you to
stick around
and help me up
when i fall
but i've always promised
to brush you off too
please do not forget
how i healed the **** on
your hand
im trying to heal the ****
i left on your
heart

i need you eugene
i hope you
don't hate me too much
after all
you helped me
see the light

I don't want to go home
Where your presence lingers
In my sheets
I can't keep pretending you are there
I can't keep pretending you want to be
Sleep is the only escape
But you stole that from me too

My head kept spinning
Long after you kissed me
And I don't think it had anything to do
With the poison in my
Blood

I wonder if it makes you stronger
To make me weak
Do you get those muscles
From my lack of
Dignity?
You pull your power
From my weary heart
Because I am
An inexhaustible source
Drain my soul
And I'll still be here
Begging for you to
Come back

I have enough
Of my own conflict
And frustrating feelings
Flooding my brain
And seeping into my
Thoughts

I cannot please everyone
I won't even bother trying
I will not waste my time
Groveling at your feet
Begging for forgiveness
When I have done
No harm

I make mistakes
Because I'm human
But I will not apologize
For who I am

I used to be the girl
Who swore she would never
Drink
I promised I would never
Smoke
I never imagined
Having ***

Now I'm the girl
Who drinks occasionally
Because sometimes
It's easier to forget
Than to face reality

Maybe I'll become
The girl who smokes
To prove everyone wrong
Or the girl who *****
To hide her insecurity

Maybe I'll become
Everything I swore
I could never be

The board meeting
Isn't going well
No one can seem
To agree on anything
The politicians are fierce
And convincing
And I've never been good
At making decisions
My head is spinning
With their arguments
Scrolling through lists
Of pros and cons

There's no way out of this
Someone has to get hurt
For me to be happy
But will I be happy
Knowing that it came
At someone else's expense?

Meeting ajourned
For now

i have crevices
and cracks
in my weary skin
you widened them
and slipped
beneath
molding to the gaps
in my bleeding heart
like duct tape
that you ripped off
when you tore me
to shreds

i gave you the power
to heal
and to hurt
i gave you an option
you healed me
first
but you mapped my wounds
the places i hurt
most

i am not selfish
i do not live
with the intention
to hurt
so it ruins me
when i do
but you had no guilt
when you targeted
the very wounds
you helped
heal

you spoke with daggers
and bullets
with the intention to
disrepair
you tattooed your hatred
across the back of my
eyelids
embedded your pain in
every *******
nerve

forgetting you is impossible
while my once healed wounds
still throb
but your disgust and
your last words
ring in my ears
and i wish you
wanted to take them
back

You are the kind of person
Who craves
Adrenaline
The rush of finding
Something new
The hunger in chasing
What you want

I am not new
I am a comfort
A familiarity
A constant
Nothing new
No adrenaline
Like an old book
Or an old shoe
That always seems to fit

I do not want to be an old shoe
I bore you
And I'm no rush
You don't have to chase
What has always been
So easy

I don't have anything
To excite you with
You don't have fun
Flirting with me
I can't help but wonder
If it's me you want to love again
Or the idea of me

I never knew what the word dysfunctional meant
Until I met you
Because our relationship
Is completely
Hopeless
Expendable
Malfunctional
Complicated
You don't feel anything anymore
Because of me
I took everything you had
And hung you out to dry
Left you broken and empty
And then took some more
I feel too much
Because of you
You stormed into my life
And took my breath away
Gave me every emotion I've ever felt
And some I never knew existed
We hate each other
For everything we've done to another
But we love each other
For everything we've been through
I want to scream at you until my throat bleeds
Then collapse into your arms and cry
Because even though you're the one
Who breaks me
You're the only one
Who can fix me

Big city life calls
To me
The anonymity of
Fast-paced
Anxiety
Forms an intricate
Anthole world
Tiny creatures constantly
Moving
Scurrying
Hurrying
Each tangled in their own
Complicated web
Connected in some
Way to everyone
Else

The lights call my name
Wait for me

I want to stargaze
With someone
Who wants to have a conversation
About the universe
And their life

I want to explore
With someone
Who will climb over
Roots and rivers
And uncover secrets

I want to drive
With someone
Who will just talk to me
Over winding roads
And long lost paths

I am not looking for a lover
I do not want to be replaceable
I'm not concerned with getting
Swept off my feet
I can stand on my own

I am looking for a friend
Someone who will call me at 3 AM
Drunk and crying and seeking advice
That only I can give
I want a best friend
Not a lover

when you're sad
i'll rub your back
and play with your hair
along the back of your neck
and hold your arm
or your hand
and let you
cling to me

when you're sad
i'll recite poetry
about toothbrushes
and bicycle tires
and long lost
love stories

when you're sad
i'll sing to you
or hum because we both know
i can't sing
i'll be rapunzel
you'll be eugene
and at last
we'll see the
light

when you're sad
i'll bring you to a river
so the water
can drown out
the sound of
your sadness

when you're sad
i'll be there
your crying shoulder
your pillow
the one you can
trust

because that's what best friends are for

You make me think in poetry
The world becomes a rhythm
A cadence
Ticking along to the beat of our
Synchronized hearts
My name is a song
When it comes from your
Tremoring lips
Every silence is full
Of comfortable emptiness
Nothing is ever void
When I'm tangled in you
I'm drunk off your
Presence
My head spins when you
Trace constellations
Across my collarbones
You play me like a piano
Touch my body like keys
And control every
Shaking breath
The world is a wonderful place
But it is poetry when I'm
With you

I miss the feeling
Of being tangled up with you
The touch of your lips
Brushing my forehead

It scares me
When you come too close
All these feelings
Hit me at once
Leaving my heart shuddering
And my head spinning

I've never been a fan of vertigo

I will not
Kneel at your door
And beg for you
Back

I will apologize
In some hope
That you will
Forgive me

But I will not
Grovel at your feet
As if
I cannot live
Without you

I gave you
My apology
I will not beg
I will wait
Don't expect me
To come running
After you
If all you do
Is walk
Away

The harshness of this winter
Has taken a hold on me
The cold has seeped it's way
Into my blood
And wrapped it's
Delicate fingers around
My bleeding heart
The frost traces
Intricate patterns
Across my worn skin
And freezes in tiny crystals
In my hair and eyelashes
My eyes know no warmth
They pierce with the chill
Of arctic winds
Ensnaring unsuspecting passerby
In a caressing grip
The flame has gone out of me
Replaced by sheer ice
My frostbitten heart
Pumps only icicles
Slicing through my body
Building up walls
Made of crystal

We used to be in love
Not even once upon a time

We used to go for drives
And spend hours
Just talking

We sang to each other
Badly
But we smiled through
The words

We held hands
Kissed each other
Goodbye

Fell asleep together
Made memories together

We had the kind of love
That some people spend
An entire lifetime
Trying to find

We were best friends
And lovers
In the most innocent
Sense of the word

I wonder if you remember
Loving me

Their eyes follow me
Their whispers hit my back
Like the dagger you
Split me with
Everyone knows
That I am not fine
And I am lying
When I act like it
Their looks of pity
Burn in my stomach
And behind my eyes

I do not need pity
I am not weak
I will do whatever it takes
To become myself again
To stand up for myself
I will not bow

After midnight my mind
Becomes a graveyard
Haunted by
What-if ghosts and
Could-have-been ghouls

Their whispers might make me insane

The metallic tang
Of disinfectant still
Haunts me
I remember the papery rustle
Of thin sheets
Against your cotton gown
And the constant mask
Of pain
That painted your
Innocent face

You've never looked so young
And I've never felt so old
I can't forget
How you grabbed my hand
And asked me to stay
With pleading eyes
And my heavy heart
Chained me to that bed
I would have stayed there forever

It seems
I have been misplaced
Again

I no longer belong
In the niches
I used to fit perfectly into

I don't seem
To occupy
The same spaces
That seemed like they were
Meant for me

Someone changed the puzzle
And I am still a piece
Of a different jigsaw
My corners do not match
My shape does not mold
To the same places
I once belonged

I am out of place
And I fear
There will never be
A space
For me

I can't bear the thought
Of seeing your face
In my rear view mirror

They say if you love something
To let it go
But they didn't know you

I can't put to words
The magnitude of what
I'm about to lose

I'm writing snippets of bad poetry
And missing you already
You've fried my mind and
You don't even know it

I am a writer and a romantic
Late at night my thoughts
Start to sound poetic

The curve of your spine
Molds to mine
And becomes my cocoon

The sound of your voice
Gritty and **** in the dark
Becomes my melody
Calming my eager heart

The ridges in your fingerprints
Become tattooed on my bones
And my muscles respond
At their recognition

Your breath warm on my neck
Sending little icicles
Through my nervous system
That warm my fingers and toes

Lay with me in the dark
Speak to me in words
And I will read you
In poetry

I sit alone at the bar
Lazily swirling the last bits of
***** and ice
Around my glass
The sweet stench of smoke
Clings to my clothes
And seems to settle in my crevices
Over the muddled din
Of pool tables and conversation
A voice at my ear
A hand at my waist
A pair of convincing eyes
Against my better judgement
I leave my drink at the bar
Along with my
Dignity

I was never a jealous person
Until I met you
I envy your sheets
That comfort you
In your restless sleep
I envy the sun
That kisses your face awake
In the tired morning
I envy the cold
That settles into your bones
And stirs your blood
I am a jealous person
Because I want to be
Something you need
But I am not

I've lost my appetite recently
Nothing seems to
Quite satisfy me
Anymore
I mistake hunger pains
For crippling stabs
Of devastation
This emptiness
Swallows me whole
My hollowed body
Rejects any attempt
At nourishment
So I suppose ill simply
Waste away

The problem with creativity
Is the fantasies my mind
Entice me with
To disguise the reality
That I'm trying to
Ignore

I'll be the Rapunzel to your Eugene
Because you climbed my walls
And showed me the light
I'll be the Rachel to your Ross
Because you're my best friend
But part of me will always
Wish I was more
I'll be the Allie to your Noah
Because every fight ends
With more love than before
I'll be the carbon to your organic compounds
Because even though there may be
Some negative reactions and unstable bonds
In the end we can't be successful
Without each other
I'll be your crying shoulder
And relieve the weight of the world
From your own
I'm not perfect
I cannot always be what you want
Or what you need
But I will always be here
Trying my best
Hold my hand
And I promise
I won't let go

im searching
for what we had
in careless lovers
uninterested
in stargazing

they're searching
for what we had
in careless not-so-innocents
craving
affection

i play this lie
speaking my lines
perfectly
all too aware
that i am just a
number

i cannot be careless
with love
i don't want to
waste myself
i'd rather be alone
than play this
game

I don't know how to love you
I can't love
The man who fixed me
The same way I loved
The man who broke me
But you fill the spaces I have
You mold to me
And you've molded
Parts of me
You left your fingerprints
On my heart
And your scent leaves my brain
In a haze
You and I
Are not perfect people
But we complement each other
And your hold on me
Is stronger than I ever
Anticipated
I love my ******* best friend
Because you're mine
I don't know how to love you
The way you
Deserve

I have always thought
That you were the
Only person
Who could make me smile
When it seemed impossible

But you are not here
I am alone
With my tea
And my overwhelming
Thoughts

I am the only one
Who can cheer myself up
Because I am the only one
Who can truly
Bring myself down
And I deserve better
Than to wallow
In my misery

I am a horrible liar
I am not good at
Pretending
So I don't know how long
I can keep up this
Act

when i had a voice
i could scream the emotions
out from my tattered lungs
beat my vocal chords to death
with apologies and pleading
stain my broken lips
with vengeance and promises
i knew i couldn't keep

but my voice only brought
destruction
and chaos
shattering the world around me
leaving stains in souls
and holes in innocence

it is easier to be silent
to hold my monstrous tongue
behind solemn lips
while the truth rages on inside
behind my cold eyes
my lips are sealed
and so is my word

They say distance
Makes the heart grow fonder
It seems you have grown
In my heart
From 850 miles away

You lit a flame
That not even
Michigan winters
Could touch

I want to curl up
Beside you
And fall asleep
In the crook of your neck
Like you curled up
Inside my bones
To keep me warm
From within

Do you want to know why
I write so much poetry about you?
Yeah
Sometimes I wonder too

Maybe it's because I never wanted
To be over you
You neglected me for months
So I forced myself
Out of love
But never really fell
Out of love

Maybe it's because you're my best friend
Or you used to be
Things will never be the same again
As much as I wish
They could be

Maybe it's because you're the first
Love of my life
And you're still so present
It's hard to be around you
And not be in love with you

Maybe it's because I cant move on
The way you are
I don't want to fall in love again
Because I don't want to forget you
But you're trying to
Forget me

So ill keep filling this space
With empty promises
And for-the-nights
I'm not ready for a new lover
Maybe you are
I have no right to care anymore
But I still do

Sometimes I wonder why

Love is not an
Obligation
Love does not come from
Pity
So don't tell me
What you think
I want to hear
The truth is better than
Any lie