Freedom is
like earth to the shore
eats away, becomes part of
mosaic tiles of all
everything
pieces in every flavor
no not humans
not there
but anywhere
I can see
the perfect one it is for me
cut me loose
and like a bird
released
a messenger to the wild
listen to the fragments,
light and air and cold and trees
what are they all?
They are free:
free from the burden of choices, which
slowly erode
never showed
the passion in a moment's pass
barely contain my enthusiasm

I would never
or would I
hard to tell
when it's you
easy to analyze someone on the outside
doesn't need all the facts
a proper conclusion
but from the inside
can't really say
how you feel about the day
or if it even matters
or if it should to you
difficult to know for sure
if the bugs bite for your blood
or because you're already decomposing
so what is it, exactly
which is more accurate
are you alive and thriving
or slowly rotting inside
each step closer
to a less than legendary hault

Confounded by the notion-
tough calls made by high hitters
holy rollers
pushing perps towards methods
needles and thread
heart of lead
logs split the stems of the reasons,
sob stories, trust issues
daddy problems
it's all the same
to some
the proletariat
guilty and prestigious
what a winning combo
lacked freeness, full of this knowledge
can't write worth a ****
**** poor,
not anymore
since passion was absorbed
a dried up, muddy ******
spring is coming! spring is coming!
One if by land
you if by me.

On nights like these
when I feel the absolute singularity of my soul
I sit
and I think
of anything I possibly can
but you-
can't say why exactly,
I don't think of you often,
not explicitly,
but I know that you are always in the deep recesses of my thoughts
lurking
you are no longer who I knew,
you are a concept
not alive but merely subsisting on my former affections-
I don't know who you are today
or why I feel
that even though we belong not at all to each other
I feel responsible
left out
and yet I know
if I were to know
just what you do between the hours of awake and asleep
if I knew what you were seeing in your dreams
I would fall apart
millions of shattered shards of pain
I would rather never see or speak to you again
than to know the truth of your existence without me.

I want to move on
false
I want you back
I desire for time to be rewound to the time last year
we were laying on my bed
the sun was going down
and we were just talking
listening to music
being in love
but I think you've forgotten
trying
you want me gone
and I don't understand-
it's so easy to me,
if you love someone, love them.
End of story.
If they're worth it
you will fight.
But it seems to me
that you forgot how worthy I am
orphaned heart left to learn how to breathe again,
to go about each day
beating weakly,
trying
to grow stronger
trying
to forget that it was forgotten
trying
to just get by
and hoping
you'll remember
just what it is
that makes being apart so painful

Where are the men?
Not the boys
the guys
the dudes
I'm talking "men";
I don't want a cowboy,
no guns or big cars,
though a gym membership would be nice,
a respectful m-a-n
quiet
passionate
willing to fight for love
to look a woman (me) in the eye
and say "I'm scared"
to cook dinner every once in a while
to write a heartfelt poem
and remember that you like wine and not beer,
to plan special dates for your anniversary
to treat you like the intelligent woman you are

I know they exist
maybe met a few before
I just wish
they could teach my heart
to stop pining
for a little boy
whose heart moved on before I grew up.

you say you love me
then you say I hold you back
you say I'm amazing
then you laugh about how I thought "this" would last
you ignore me until I break
then you hold my hand and say you missed me.
you are more messed up than I ever imagined
and I feel embarrassed for continuously fighting a battle
that you left months ago.
I wish I could be as heartless as you-
just shut my eyes and hold my breath,
try to forget until it all just disappeared-
but I know you.
I remember when you were by my side while I cried
I remember when you told me I could never do anything to make you stop loving me
I remember
when we were just a boy and a girl, so innocent
first meeting
first kiss
first admission of love
I remember
but you want to forget
want to run away from difficult feelings and responsibility
you don't care about how I feel
and I feel an awful lot of awful
as you leave and erase me
I ache and break.
I. Hate. You.

but why can't you just love me like you used to?

it's hard to say exactly
what it is to get your heart broken-
three times, to be exact
by the same person-
difficult to discern why it is
you keep going back
but maybe it's simple:
you love them
you miss the way your life was with them,
so why was it so easy for them to cut and run?
they say "I still love you"
"I wish we could be together"
so why can't we?
long distance *****
but do you know what ***** more?
living without your other half.

I think I think of things
in a way that alters not their reality
but my own true ways of being happy around them.
I think that I think
so much
that the world around me warps into a nightmare
filled with people
the dreaded people
making me interact
talk
have feelings
my thoughts make them monsters
who want either to hurt me
or wish that I would disappear altogether
but mostly
I think my thoughts can be tamed
with a little courage from my cowardly lion soul
I can be
dare I say it
content

so I'm back on it
probably for the best-
hard to know how soon is too soon
not soon enough
the brain is a delicate creature
never was one for chemistry,
but I digress
it's worth a million nights of restlessness
loss of libido
a whole new mind
for the moments of not feeling quite so afraid

I would be woven into your sheets
a necessary fixture in the framework of your box spring
tangled in a mess of us
we would pass our moments sharing a breath
a shudder
the most aggressive acts of tenderness
we use words and lips and hands and ourselves
to perform otherworldly kinds of magic
the kinds that make you laugh and cry and scream with joy
we'll kiss till our mouths become blurred,
impossible to tell whose belong to which half of us
all the same
loving until
the barrier between individuals has been demolished for certain
and certainly, we won't mind
be a relief
caved in, paved in
until one last moment of clarity
and the city of which we had worked so hard to build
has come crashing down in one last passionate upheaval

cool to think
that tomorrow is another day
(if you're lucky)
and then another may follow, God willing,
(or whoever)
and that tomorrow may be wonderful
can be
will be, even if terrible
it's funny
all of it
the awful and the awesome
and tomorrow can be anything;
could be the beginning of a new everything,
the end of it all
always an adventure-
can see each person as the most unique creature on earth,
each leaf as the most beautiful,
trip to the grocery becomes a story worth remembering-
can make life worth it, if you want
and to want such a thing, well
even all would say that can't be but so selfish

life right
it's pretty crazy,
the kind of thing you can't make up even in your deepest of strangest of secret imaginations
it's like you want it to just stop, all slow down
and yet you can't help but feel curious,
wonder what's around the next turn of events,
oops you're unemployed
well guess what your car just broke down,
convenient, in a way
in others just perfect
karma has a funny way of playing little pranks on the innocent,
it's the unsuspecting who need to watch their backs
all the crooks have it figured out
***** the system hard enough in all the right places
never have to spend an unwanted dime a day in your alivlihood
life is like an absurd dark comedy
where just when you think the depressed young old soul has found their way
they are struck with a bus
on their birthday
while getting a phone call from a lost love
life is just beautiful
because in all that it seems to find our flaws and shove them in our faces
it has a way of teaching us
how to become better

so him right?
too perfect for anyone's good
even in his "flaws"
I see more glory than the most tearful of gorgeous moments
could bring the most dreadful of ******* to their knees
including myself-
a heartless *****
I suppose
but not so much with him,
no
with him
I am the most feeble of all human-like things,
honored to be vulnerable before him
and it's a shame
but it isn't
it's a blessing to be even considered a maybe something in his mind
let alone a one and only
and every day since the second that we met
I wake up a little bit better
more of what one should be
because I know that he Is
and knowing that he approves of me
is more important
than any pointless thought, any reluctance
a former me may have ever been silly enough to believe.

Sometimes, all the times
I pretend you are here
to wake up and smile the sun to life-
I imagine you beside me
close enough that I needn't move to kiss your hair
you're already there
eager to just be
with me
and the day
and though nothing else matters
not the space nor the place
but just your face
your hands and lips of course
it's nice to know
that you can take part
in experiencing everything with me
such as the ways
that air molecules fill our room
bursting with energy
and the pieces of furniture
are gathered round to see such a sight
two silly humans
becoming crazier and crazier
about each other
one another
and on those days we can't be together
I just remember
you are in this world existing so beautifully
and my mind may rest a bit more easily

I see you on beautiful days
the kind that make your heart stop and your mind take mental pictures,
when the sun is setting just rightly enough
that shadows are long but the day isn't sad because it's ending,
merely continuing its natural cause-
you are in those shadows,
your figure mirrored in their calm, lenghty presence
and in the words of the birds
speaking joyfully-
it's you they gossip and sing for.
The little fragments of light on the water
when the wind hits it like a painting
those are your eyes
your smile
the gentle paper noise of the leaves on their branches
that is your voice
speaking to me in a way nobody else has ever tried
a different language
all our own.
You're in the air itself
so clear and cool and mind numbingly brilliant
it's all you
even miles and hours apart
even while you're doing your actions and I'm completing my routine
and even when I feel lonely without you to enjoy such a wonderful sight
you are already here,
to selflessly make the sensations of existence just that much better.

How soon is too soon
to dance under the moon
stars for angels
your eyes the reason to smile
or are they the reason for all the positives ever?
Quitely so
I like you a lot
more than you realize,
and not so much you-
your role in this physical 3D world
or even your actions, words
but mostly just the sum total
of all you have been, are becoming
the energy you unknowingly give me
an essence I suppose
of someone greater than man
aand yes you are one
a **** fine specimen to be exact
but it's as if I am subliminally attracted
to your very existence
on a level that makes me believe in a God
in beautiful souls,
yours being the most divine
and I can feel it
the moment it enters a room
near or far
anywhere in the world
I know that you Are,
your physical self holding all that is You
and every second is made more perfect, serene
because you are gracing this world
with your being that is so right
I am willing, no grateful for the chance
to be vulnerable to such a person,
bow in your presence,
feel all you are
and to offer up all I have
to make you happy, prove my worth
and in the moments we are together
I can assure you
all the atoms in my body freeze,
my heart becomes still
for you have such a calming affect
that all I can do is smile
and hope to all that is in the universe
that I may somehow give you
as much happiness
as you selflessly give me.

May I just say
That you are more lovely
More imaginative
Than any I have ever experienced;
You put the D in my Day
The smile on my laugh
Make me feel all kinds of silly
As if falling
Down a wonderful hole
And I keep falling and falling
And just when I think I’ve reached some sort of destination
You appear
And the journey continues
And we fall together
Because nobody else is around,
It’s just me and you
And our tumbles of ridiculous words
Not knowing which way is up
But it’s ok
Because as long as you’re by my side
Touching my fingers
Breathing the same existence
I know it’s ok to be me and to be us
And to be
And it’s beautiful,
Knowing you’re in this world
Walking its planes, seeing its glory
And it makes my ribs feel like they’re expanding with all of the sun’s light,
Stars in your mouth
And it’s alright
To lose time and money and energy
Because with you
All is found.

it's been done
sharing the fate
times and goes
like a campfire
smoky and wonderful
but it has to be washed out of hair
smell far too intrusive
exclusive sighs and thighs
couldn't stop you if I wanted to
but who would?
not even the saddest or the maddest,
the crazies or the foolish
it would be simply unethical
downright wrong
to deny such attempts
such thoughts
because in the beauty of beauty
it's the **** best

And it's pretty cool
when you're you and I'm me
though I don't know what to say
what could I?
I want to,
say anything at all
if it'll make me feel better about wasting your time,
making you dislike me more
each second that passes
I can only assume
that you are merely humoring my childish attempts and desires
though I'm not entirely sure what they even are,
what I want from you
what you mean
but it's still nice
very enjoyable
so it can be allowed to survive
at least for a while
until it dies
decomposes and I'm forced to face truths
the kinds I hate
though I also want them
because you are just far too intimidating
for me to be around for too long.

So what will I do
with a stupid little boy
who won't just think I'm great
when all I want
is to hold his hand?
He should know better,
that I don't just fall for just any old male,
may be attracted,
may even think they're cool,
want to do naughty things,
but to actually feel
that's a new one-
maybe he knows
that my heart feels like a pathetic mess
and gets embarrassingly excited when we speak,
maybe he is fully aware
of the effect he has on me,
how I want him to be happy,
want him to be near
want to sleep beside him
maybe I'm just getting a little ahead of myself,
maybe I only like his kind words and attention
and really
we would not work together at all-
but I don't care,
it feels too good to not want to pursue,
just wish I knew
and that it didn't matter
because there's millions of boys
some probably even better
but for right now
I'm trapped on this one
picking myself apart
hoping for some miracle moment
where he shows up with flowers
and some deep poetry ****
and I can be
like a little girl from the tv
beautiful and perfect
and the sun will set more beautifully than ever before.

Ooh you make me
So frustrated
With myself
But it should be you
That I want to punch
Because
It’s hard to read
You,
I want to,
Just know what you’re thinking
About my existence
And speaking with you,
If you get the silly feelings
Smile randomly throughout the day
Because you know the other is doing something somewhere,
But I can’t know such things
You won’t tell
Perhaps you have nothing to say,
And it’s all in my head
This thing I want to call a maybe us
And really
We’re just two people
In the world-
But really
I can’t accept that
Because really
You’ve made me happier
Than any other ******* I’ve met
In a long, long
Ever.

Come on over and see for yourself
What 30 years of long nights
Faster than the speed of speed
Crack can break your mother’s pride
Lungs like bubbles
Used to be lovely
Now nothing but a sorry sight
For any eyes
Especially mine
Wouldn’t like to look upon
Empty skull of a used to be person
And see only
A lifetime of poor decisions
And a desire for peace of mind
Never satisfied.

Oh,
If love were an option
A yes or a no
If it were perhaps a choice that a person may allow
Once they reached the legal age to love and be loved
I would run away
From such a decision
Because it is too much of a life sentence
Too much to feel,
To be so dependent on another
To need and to be so admiring
That I believe I would become violently ill
Every moment that I awoke from my loveless slumber
And become a robot
Capable of only positivity
And I know
That I can belong only to myself.

Dear you
Why are you so sad?
You must know
How absolutely magnificent you are,
How when you look at me
I believe
Space shatters
Because the molecules in the air between us get tighter,
They can sense your immense
Whatever the hell you are,
How ******* amazingly you exist
There
Everywhere you go,
You’re you
And it makes me proud
To say I know
The most interesting
Perfect man
Who breathed the same air as the unworthies.

Little lively lovelies
Sitting in a tree
What do you see?
Does the planet look so different
Ten feet higher?
I can get up there,
Conspire, desire
Want to be
In the trees
Where the beautiful things
Open their beautiful wings
And don’t even fall
When they jump for joy
But live in the sky
Like wonderful moving paintings
Of color and form
Just a swarm
Of frenzy in a new degree.

Could I be
Your little lady?
Don’t have to tell
Anyone at all
Just want to be
Yours and yours
And nobody else’s
I can keep secrets
Would like to be one of yours
Although I’d want to shout it
To random people in streets,
From the furthest star from this point of the universe
That I belong
Wholly and 100%
To you.

What would you think
if today
the sky began to shrink
becoming nothing
until we were no longer protected by a blue blanket
but could only see everything
the universe
no atmosphere
no clouds
just all that truly is
lightyears away
stars and galaxies would cheer
for our courage,
our unprecedented step into the fearful truth
and we'd laugh
because it's not so scary
when all is revealed
to be nothing more
than better than you could have ever imagined.

Let's say
for instance
that you make me feel
like a wild animal who wants to make you all mine
in many ways
some that you would probably find enjoyable
and let's just suggest
that I want to be
yours in just about every way you can think of
mental, theoretical and physical
of course
more than anything
I'd rather like
to be playing in your sheets
with you,
of course,
such things aren't quite as fun when alone
we can just be a couple of silly people
becoming gods
together
we can make the world beautiful
from within the privacy and secrecy
of walls
thin enough to disturb neighbors
we'll make it a little game
see who can
drive the other crazy enough
to be locked up
forever-
and ever and ever more
I will spend my hours
learning every nerve ending
every temptation
of yours
I'm a good little learner
and you're a wonderful teacher
let's just be terribly perfect
and do nothing
except each other
until the universe decides
it's time for existence to nullify
and then
we can just say
we knew happiness more than
any *******
could ever hope to lie.

He says he wants to travel the world
with me, of course
and I say
I think that's one hell of an idea
you got there
in your head
which I think is pretty **** great
acceptable in my eyes
I think about you
more than you'd like to think about
and I just want you to know
although I'm not good enough
(trust me)
I want to be,
want to be yours
in the sort of way
that allows for sweet walks
romancing talks
want to hold your hand
and just do ****
like read books
and nap
and go groccery shopping;
I want to do anything with you
because with you
it all becomes
infinitely more worth doing.

Sincerely yours,
The word of the day
Some could say,
If they had the right mind to speak such
And even if
Then and because
If there ever was
A fated line of will be’s
Would it include
Anything like this?
Like all of us, causing a fuss
In the muck of cerebral sludge
Just some lazy ole son-of-a-someone
We all are
I think
Don’t I?
Course not
If I did
Would I be
Here at all?
I would be
Out in the there
You know where,
The places I can’t see, don’t know
Because, ****.

I’m feeling awfully selfish
So listen-
One time I thought it’d be cool to be a person,
One with feelings and thoughts and one hell of a body
But it was work, let me tell you
To be so mortal
It was uncomfortable, caring and loving and dealing with necessities
So I left it
Left my skin and drifted away
Like the breeze
I was gone
And I do not intend
To be quite so human
Ever again.

He used to say
The kind of **** to make you smile
You know,
The words that mean a certain something to you and only you
Because the rest of the world is too stupid to realize
Beauty in the simplest degree
A nothing in the sense of the word
And those words
Make your bones feel like art
And not the ****** kind
But the type that makes you cry
Because you don’t know why,
But you know it means a hell of a lot
Because it was from a living soul
Not a dead one,
Not a corrupt one,
But one so pure and appealing
Capable of suffering though never had a bad day
Ever
And those words were the things worth singing for
Worth breaths in the night sky
As clichéd as lovers in lust and kids in confusion
It was all and all and all
One could ever.

How were you supposed to know,
Can’t really blame you
Or me
Or any thing
But for real though,
What were you thinking?
Not about me
Not at all
Nor should you have,
But in all selfishness
You mother ******* should have.

Legggoo
and you know
you know
I got that good good
and you want it
see
and you need it
and it's wonderful
not going to lie
just going to be honest
and I don't know why you're being so coy
I mean ****
just tell me what you want
and I'll tell you if it's accceptable
just don't go and be dumb
with other girls
if you think
you think I'm worth something
because you aren't even that hot
for real
I know you are ****
but I need answers
and I need boys
so don't be oblivious
and don't waste my time
let's just be honest
so we can move on
cuz all I want
is to feel good

oh
my
starry *** surprise
wanna know something good?
smoke wood
and then we can
dance all night
dance all night
to this
whatever
and then when it's over
we can just
collapse
and say
**** the world
because
for real doe
it's ******* crazy
but with the right attitude
almost worth experiencing

So what is it
that it is
that it does
and where is he
that beautiful boy
when I need him the most
he is off
doing who knows who knows what
and he should be here,
should be
should think of me
because he doesn't
and it doesn't make me mad
it just
makes me pathetic

If you want to hear a secret
life isn't quite identical
anymore
the past is very long gone
today is an adventure
it's bizarre
waking up with rug burns
not certain what went where
and it's ok
if one person is a disappointment
leaves you hanging
and you feel unwanted
because many others can't even fathom this mentality
wouldn't comprehend
and yet
the ones you trust
want to believe in
can be irresponsible
and thus
life is strange
and it has no pattern quite yet
that isn't one hundred percent perfect

Greens and blues and chills
what do you call
a person who is more than a person
less than a God
though relatively almost congruent
and just think
one day
it'll melt
a sweet, syruppy mess of delicate deliciousness
I can be
and he thinks it's lovely
not yet
but he will
I can teach him
it's worth it
I am
to be waited for
on
not hand and foot
maybe foot- in - mouth
if you think I'm so flexible
(he'll find out soon enough, that yes)
but it's all good
in the hood
work like a mother
paid like a cartel
laid like a brick
too sick
for emotional comfort
of sanity

Not sure anymore
how to feel
though it doesn't matter
the hows
but why
and why do I care
if I feel like they're all enemies
deep down
they'd all skin me alive
eat it
rip it off my bones
and laugh
and it's just the way
everyone is
and yet
I could never bring myself
to be so cannibalistic
call it stupid
or naive
but I can't bear the thought
of such delicate flesh
torn apart
because of my own doing;
I want to be safe
and yet
such an unrealistc wish
because as animals
we all wish to destroy
but how come I'm so domesticated?

*******
think yer mighty fine
with your big ole bugged out eyes
you all scruffly and *****
like a home doesnt have you
nobody does
youre all you
all yours
no chores
youre probably high
drinking the day away
eating tabs like they have substantial nutritional value
and its kinda ****
the way you look like a mangy dog
could bite and bark
but youd rather snuggle
be sweet
could snap
any moment
couldnt support the weight of the world
with your little arms
but youre you
so you
and its me
you should become accustomed to

Marching band
of spiraling springs
shifting eloquently
getting a little loopy
off of fumes
cars will make you loony
if they're around too much
on top too much
screeching to a fault
we love it when that happens
that tragedy of fact
where all is exactly as it appears to be
but you sure wish it weren't,
wish it were all a lie
all pretty
all movement and shadow
no fallacies or pharmacies
just us
you know
it could be nice
for a bit
to be a brain in a jar
in a basement
in a house in a town in a world in a galaxy in a universe
that actually exists
to **** it
to there and back
it's more satisfying
than a crying *******'s last song

just wait here
buddy
mr officer is speaking now
and do you wonder
with all this first person second hand third generational
talk do you think
i am who i say i am?
i could be
a dog in a suit
barking but no one cares
a man in uniform
beats rock paper and scissors
to a point
where you think there'd be a problem
with society
and it's reasons for religion
like it's just a myth
this true reality
when it's obscured by the light of the supposed enlighted
and yeah
the rules will break
like a fracture in a cast
and they'll laugh
because it's embarrassing
to be human and all
when all else
appears giftly
magic
grab a mic this show's on the road

even when done
can still hold it together
we are one
you and us
me and them and you
the same form in the sky
sherry clouds and blue winds
it's a pretty little town
picket fences and jungle gyms
and you think to yourself:
just what in the blazes
is going on here?

at the time
were you aware
of what was to come?
did you suspect
predict
what one first encounter
would do to your brain?
had you known
way back when
when life was still worth living
what would happen
in the more present past?
did you know
back when sanity was sane
that you would become
the epiphany of the anti-you,
christ,
did you know
you'd become
too terrible for words
for wine
to be blessed with the wash of the poor
and if you knew
who I'd be
would you
should you
had you
did you
change your mind
change your heart
it's hedonistic ******* ways
or is the pain
too electrically wired
to make you otherwise?

Who are you
to keep being dumb
in a way that hinders your happiness?
It sure disrupts mine
to know
that your joy
cannot corelate
with mine
which is to be
not yours
but you won't have it
you won't have any
you sure won't have me
if I have any say
but I want you
to be happy
so that my selfish self
can sleep a bit more peacefully

Like this
like that
we go into the night
cold
it's like an invigoration
invitation
to be naughty
get drunk
and laugh
until the cops come
and then some more
at the misfortunes of us
and ours
take it like it's light
and easy
because at the end
it's the end
and tonight
is pretty ******* awesome

I can make you talk
walk on coals
I like to think
I'm a tiger
elegant and powerful
but I'm not a liar,
won't fool myself
into believing
I'm a whole lot more
than a kitten with a crown
snoozing
while the big cats demolish buildings with their roars.

As if the world were round
he drifts
floats around
no ties
not attatched
even to his body
he's too high
up
above it all
in others' eyes
he seems
unaware that he's all alone
that he isn't cared for,
that the day he dies
will be a day
and nothing more
but he does know
is all too aware
that he isn't loved,
that he is a living ghost
of sorts
kind of an alien, really
it's shocking
to look into his eyes
and see
the tragedy
of one pretending
that they don't care.

All men:
can't be generalized,
like to think they're all basically good,
maybe even human
yes, all men
lovely in their ways
can make a girl feel
like the most desired
car
touch down
fishing rod
cd
and anything else
that that man may desire,
they can make a girl feel
like she has the right to say no,
to have self respect
though she may want to act as if otherwise
can make a girl feel
valuable
to all
that she is making the boy's life better
by being in his presence
that he truly wants her there
with him
and it's great
in that moment
to be desired
and perfect
for the right boy's brain
and then it's gone
because
no girl is perfect
and many are pretty
and in fact
many have decent qualities
and then
you just sigh
because you saw it coming
and as it's going
all you can do
is wave and pretend not to care.