I don’t know what to say anymore
Perhaps I’m doomed to solitude
Perhaps there is a lesson I must learn
Alone
Before I’m allowed to be in love
I am like the paper
Thrown to burn in the big fire
While most embers catch flame and fly away
Together
I singe on the bottom
Until I burn into
Nothing.

Here I am again
Sitting at work on the bathroom floor
Wiping black tears from my face
This has happened before
All because of a story about
Someone else’s good day

I don’t want to get into details
Because when I think about it
I can’t stop
Let’s just say the movies
Don’t prepare you to be
Constantly pushed around
Until you confuse love for
Sleepless nights and grayness

I’m my own worst enemy
I can talk myself out of almost anything
Who would love a girl who’s afraid to feel?
It just seems like I get punished
Every time I give up
Anything beneath the surface
I don’t want to give anyone a chance
To be unimpressed

I dream of my pain being
Endearing
And for someone to sweep me off my feet
Like in a movie
I didn’t think that it could ever happen
And then despite my wrongs
You knew just what to say
For me to want to open the door to my cave

Because I don't want to be my own enemy
I want to take chances without even thinking
I want to love and to feel everything
To share what's beneath the surface and
To have it be worth it
I won't be scared of someone being unimpressed
Because you are impressed
I'll do my best
To keep my head
Out of the way of
What's coming next

I run to be
only with myself
to help me
I run and wash away my surroundings
with music, and thought
I run and imagine
myself
with two inches between my thighs,
with ribs on my chest,
and hip bones showing
perfectly symmetrical
I keep running
I imagine running
far enough
that the undesirable pieces of me fall to the ground
I run and hope
it will be an instant change
I keep running
and running
I run and wonder
if he will drive by
I run and wonder
if he'll wave
I run and wonder
if I will wave
I keep running
and running
and running
I run and hope
no one is home when I get there
I keep running
and running
faster
I run and want
to be irresistible
unstoppable
I run and try to focus
I keep running
and running
and running
faster
and faster
and faster
until I think, "is this actually helping me?"
I don't care
I keep running
alone with my dangerous thoughts
I keep running

We are about to leave together
Just to run a quick errand
Don't you remember what we did the last time we were here?
It feels so weird not to talk about it as I relive those times in my head...
You're telling a story...
Do you not remember what we did the last time we were here?
We come back, giggly
People wonder where we went
"To get food," you say
I know they remember
Do you remember what we had done the last time we were here?
My phone goes off, a text from you
It's different than before, you ask me how I feel...
All I want to ask is
Do you remember what we did the last time we were here?
If so, you're better at hiding it than I am
Which is totally fine
But then you go in for a hug
and it completely blows my mind
Why are you doing this?
Before one touch was never just one touch!
Don't you remember?!
We couldn't keep our hands to ourselves,
You must remember!
Woah,
Do not look
into

my


eyes

I melt, because you do remember.
I saw just there, in your face
You remember what we did the last time we were here

I was early for work again, and it happened out of no where
They handed me that CD
So confident, without a care

Next thing I knew we were chatting online
We sat and talked in the Wendy's parking lot
For an extremely long time

When you talked about the music
You got this amazing, glowing smile
I couldn't help but kiss it, this time nothing too explicit

Now on to the next chapter
And thought the first was peculiar
Nothing would prepare me for what was coming after

We had an undeniable, powerful chemistry
I felt so comfortable and safe
Enough to bring me to my knees

We continued with nothing more than fireworks
Until love found you and
I could see you were so truly happy with her

Our adventures are continuing on
But with a sudden change in themes
I just wonder what my life would be like
If Chris and Johnny never handed me that CD

I used to be so ready
To go anywhere in this stupid town
And maybe
See you
I was prepared to pretend I didn’t
See you
I was prepared to look away
I was prepared and unafraid
But today I stood outside the entrance to the grocery store
My hands were shaking
My heart was racing
I was anything but prepared to
See you
My biggest fear was that I would
See you
And you would know you were in my dream last night

I wanna hit traffic
But I don't wanna be patient
I want it all
But then I want just a little bit
Just keep me guessing
Even though I'm complaining
I still  kind of wanna jump your bones