I like to be sad, I admit.
Late at night
When I think the only person
Alive is only me.
I like how it stabs my heart
Mercilessly
Excruciatingly
At the same time,
It makes me so ******* alive.
I can feel my whole body thrum &
I can feel how tight it is to breathe
And I still feel safe
Because I hold the key.

I don't like this kind of sadness
The kind that is out of your control --
Beyond what you can control
Hurting unpredictable parts
And burning spots I don't want to be burned.
It makes me helpless.
Just lying until the fire of anguish
Swallows me whole.
Until I am empty.
Until I am numb.

When the cold wind strikes my skin
And the hairs stand up in attention
My soul sinks deeper into darkness
And the screams begin to unfurl

Closing my eyes does not help
From keeping the treacherous images away
In as much as that your absence
Cannot keep this raging love at bay.