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Mary Coleen Aug 2016
I keep on playing with
The idea of leaving
When everything that I believe in
Crumbles to nothing.
Mary Coleen Aug 2016
I like to be sad, I admit.
Late at night
When I think the only person
Alive is only me.
I like how it stabs my heart
Mercilessly
Excruciatingly
At the same time,
It makes me so ******* alive.
I can feel my whole body thrum &
I can feel how tight it is to breathe
And I still feel safe
Because I hold the key.

I don't like this kind of sadness
The kind that is out of your control --
Beyond what you can control
Hurting unpredictable parts
And burning spots I don't want to be burned.
It makes me helpless.
Just lying until the fire of anguish
Swallows me whole.
Until I am empty.
Until I am numb.
Mary Coleen Dec 2017
Kaniadtong mga bulan nga migo ra tika,
Kalipay na nako ang maka istorya ta.
Sa mga adlaw nga imo ra ko awayon,
Akong kalag nag agik-ik sa ilalom.

Sa mga oras nga ikaw galisod,
Kahinumdom ba ka nga naa ra ko?
Nitulo akong luha para nimo,
Ug misakit akong dughan alang kanimo.

Basin sakto gyud nga sa sinugdanan,
Diha ra maayo ang mga katawhan.
Sa mga tawag nato nga nagpainit sa dughan,
Ni abot ta ani karon nga murag gi kuriskurisan.

Oo, gihigugma nato ang usa'g usa,
Gugma nga lisod na pangitaon aning panahona.
Pero kining gugma nato akong gi pas-an,
Sama kang Atlas nga gi pas-an ang kalibutan.

Dili ko gusto mupalayo kanimo, langga,
Apan ang kasakit di na nako kaya --
Higugmaon nalang tika sa layo,
Ikaw akong pangandoy, ug ikaw ako i-ampo.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
As the blade pierced my skin,
I wondered if it reached your heart --
As all our sadness, fears, guilt and sins
Chased us away, taking us farther apart.

As my soul screamed for you,
On this battle we persisted to fight
I saw your ****** carcass
And the blade sinks deeper at the sight.

I cried out in despair over your flesh
Screaming, cursing, refusing to part.
I grew bitter and darkness fell over us
And the blade sank into my own heart.
Mary Coleen May 2016
When the cold wind strikes my skin
And the hairs stand up in attention
My soul sinks deeper into darkness
And the screams begin to unfurl

Closing my eyes does not help
From keeping the treacherous images away
In as much as that your absence
Cannot keep this raging love at bay.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
As I sit by the shore and smell the sea
For a moment I am at peace and I breathe.
As the air exits my lungs silently,
My chest caves in and panic settles in.

As I grasp for sanity, I take a step back
For the waves are monstrous and out to ****.
But the land where I am turns to quicksand
And I watch in horror as darkness attacked.

The waves came that day in disguise
I should've known for I met him many times -
And as I drown in its deepest depths,
I whisper, "Hello, sadness, my old friend".
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
At night, when all is silent and beautiful,
The chains snakes around me to my bed
Cold and unforgiving, but tight and so sure
My body surrenders and my sanity has fled.

I remember the spots on the petals
Of the flowers you took but never sent
I remember the veins running down
When you made a fist, begging to be kissed.

You must smell like the sunsets that you showed
And your scent was all I craved to know.
Faces pressed, lips quivering over our screens
My heart raced as you crawled under my skin.

Blankets did nothing to fight away the cold
When dawn came, racking up my frame.
I sobbed, and sobbed, as quiet as I could
Hoping your warmth breaks me from this stronghold.

My eyes flutter open when the sun came
And I whisper your name softly in prayer
For although the chains may have vanished,
Each morning, my heart loses its flames.
Mary Coleen Jun 2018
Gusto kong manahimik,
Sa salita o sa kaluluwa.
Gusto kong ibaon,
Katawang di uma ahon.
Gusto kong tumigil,
Pahilumin ang sugat.
Gusto kong manahimik,
Huling hinga't pipikit.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
When the cold dawn air nips,
I yearn for your loving warmth,
The kind of heat that spreads through
From my chest to the tips of my toes.

At the times when we say nothing,
Just gaze at each other through our screens
And tears roll as our hearts begin to sing
I am alive, more so than I've ever been.

My fingers start to scratch my chest
And I am robbed off of my breath.
Darling, after all this time, I am.
I am yours even past the setting West.
Your love stings and you will always be the itch on my chest.
Mary Coleen May 2016
I have this ache
in my chest
Not in pain but
In anticipation
To fall again
For someone
As many times as
I fall for the stars
And sunsets, again
And again, and
Again.
Mary Coleen May 2018
As the temple throbs
For each wham of a thought
A push back is made
Leaving you distraught.

As each stitch is cut
And the wound gapes wide
The light in your eyes dims
Your gaze cast aside.

You question yourself:
"How can a heart, once young and ready,
Turn its petals to shades of ash,
And cower when it wants to be happy?"
Mary Coleen Feb 2018
As the ground trembles,
And the tide madly dances
I search for my home.
Mary Coleen Nov 2017
Naga pangita ko kanimo sa kalasangan,
Kay nag-tuo ko nga imo kong gibyaan.
Sa pipila ka oras nga wa ka makit-an,
Nasinati ko ang kalayo sa kamatuoran.

Oo, nawala ko sa dalan, pangga.
Hain ka na, anhi-a ko sa akong lungga.
Ang imong pahiyom gusto nako makita,
Uban lang ta sa kalisod ug pagmaya.
First attempt.
Mary Coleen Jun 2018
Quivering, parched lips
As the dark cloaks my body
Another cold night.
Mary Coleen Jan 2018
So much anger, burning hot sin
Scalding flow of venous liquid
Throbbing my heated skin

To appease the beast it seems,
The cool, smooth silverware
Sinks deeper, demanding release.
Its there but something's missing
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
I can feel the anger
Swimming beneath my skin.
Were I to slice it open,
Will it makes things better?

A skin neither pale nor dark
With marks that look fascinating.
As every emotion builds up,
The hands that control aren't wavering.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
Faltering heart beats
As my chest is cut open
And the words don't come.
Mary Coleen Dec 2017
Gikan sa mga adlaw nga anaa ka,
Ani-a ko karon nag inusa ra.
Mao ba ning gitawag nga kamatayon?
Ang kahilom nga dili ma kumkom.

Lantawa akong kasingkasing, pangga,
Ilisi ang kaguol niya sa pag maya.
Estorya nimo nga maka mingaw,
Lisod mahigugma, apan, mas lisod
nga mawala.
Pero wa na tay mabuhat.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
Hurt and lost and tired
Slowly I would let the dark
Take over my soul
Mary Coleen Feb 2018
Vacant stares and burnt chests,
Empty vessels beneath pale skin.
Darkness we've come to detest,
Slices of pain to stay at the place
where you've been.

Screaming shadows in black light,
Nails biting over heated flesh.
Pursed lips even when in fright,
Frozen anger and helpless in strife.
Mary Coleen Apr 2018
Sa mga bagay na akalang
May halaga,
Mahahanap ang mga tinik
At pangungutya.

Sa mga damdaming
Di mapigilan,
Nagtatagong demonyo
Ang masisilayan.

Sa mga luhang iba iba
Ang panimpla,
Pait ng poot at alat ng lungkot,
Sila'y ibubulsa.

Sa mga gabing napapaisip
Ng sariling dulo,
Huling isip at ngiti ko'y,
Iaalay sayo.
A tired soul is a burden to everyone.
Mary Coleen Sep 2017
My heart used to swell with joy
When heavy drops pitter patters the roof.
But now it sinks to its deepest depths,
For the cold and struggles it may bring you.
Mary Coleen Oct 2017
On days when you feel jumbled,
And your thoughts begin to scramble
I heave out a sigh and close my eyes
As I waited for the particles to settle.

As my body slowly retires down,
My heart whimpers as it struggles to fight.
Ah, but every thing is tied to sadness,
Its toxicity dims out the light.

Months and months of battles I fought,
They made me feel frail and weak.
And as my veins begin to succumb,
I am too lost, too wounded to speak.

A faint smile on my lips that seek yours,
A tear from my eyes that sees all of you,
Your name I'd whisper for all time,
My love, I try to live - but death keeps me resigned.
Mary Coleen Dec 2017
Just as the rain dripped on our home,
Encased in our troubled sweaters,
Nodded off in the dark and cold,
Gone was the fire, our souls bleaker.

Perhaps on a summer's day,
Our lives would diverge again
Thoughts to cling as we make way
To the day we can begin again.

— The End —