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martin Jul 2014
Said Father Ted we have no wine
Nor have we any bread
Let us have a show of hands
For sure the lord will understand
If we go down to Malley's bar
And use some stout instead

The verger said it slipped my mind
I left the prayer books all behind
Said Father Ted well never mind
We all know Auld Lang Syne

Father didn't carry cash
Nor did the verger by his side
But still they sank a pint or three
The lord he did provide

They staggered home through the snow
Not caring if they'd sinned
The verger fell into a drift
And carved some angel wings

Father Ted went home to rest
He dreamed of water turned to wine
For sure he thought, we do our best
To muddle through our earthly time
martin Jun 2014
There was a vicar from Fife
Who never took a wife
Instead he toyed
With a choir boy
And buggered him up for life
martin Jun 2014
An Eskimo in an igloo
Wrote a poem or two
But he couldn't get
The internet
So nobody ever knew
martin Jun 2014
Hole in the roof
Bit of a panic
Wouldn't be good
Snow in the attic
So I fixed it right away
Sent a bill
He didn't pay

Ok I got it in the end
Some time later hello friend
Need some work done
Will you quote

That I won't I fairly bristled
This time 'friend'
You can whistle
martin Jun 2014
If you were here beside me still
With weather fine and time to ****
We could go strolling on the shore
Believing in eternity once more
And, perhaps, one day we will

So stubborn is this mournful chill
And hard to climb this unforgiving hill
My soul would be at peace, not war
If you were here...

We cannot chose to live or die at will
Or all our hopes and dreams fulfill
We let imagined gods keep score
And cannot change what went before
But what a tonic, what a thrill
If you were here...
martin Jun 2014
In the cold grey light of the sixth of June, in the year of forty-four,
The Empire Larch sailed out from Poole to join with thousands more.
The largest fleet the world had seen, we sailed in close array,
And we set our course for Normandy at the dawning of the day.

There was not one man in all our crew but knew what lay in store,
For we had waited for that day through five long years of war.
We knew that many would not return, yet all our hearts were true,
For we were bound for Normandy, where we had a job to do.

Now the Empire Larch was a deep-sea tug with a crew of thirty-three,
And I was just the galley-boy on my first trip to sea.
I little thought when I left home of the dreadful sights I'd see,
But I came to manhood on the day that I first saw Normandy.

At the Beach of Gold off Arromanches, 'neath the rockets' deadly glare,
We towed our blockships into place and we built a harbour there.
'Mid shot and shell we built it well, as history does agree,
While brave men died in the swirling tide on the shores of Normandy.

Like the Rodney and the Nelson, there were ships of great renown,
But rescue tugs all did their share as many a ship went down.
We ran our pontoons to the shore within the Mulberry's lee,
And we made safe berth for the tanks and guns that would set all Europe free.

For every hero's name that's known, a thousand died as well.
On stakes and wire their bodies hung, rocked in the ocean swell;
And many a mother wept that day for the sons they loved so well,
Men who cracked a joke and cadged a smoke as they stormed the gates of hell.

As the years pass by, I can still recall the men I saw that day
Who died upon that blood-soaked sand where now sweet children play;
And those of you who were unborn, who've lived in liberty,
Remember those who made it so on the shores of Normandy.
____________
Jim is a D-day veteran and folk singer who wrote this song. I just watched him perform it on tv at a banquet to commemorate the 70th anniversary.
Read and don't be ashamed to shed a tear for the thousands of young lives lost on that day.
martin May 2014
There was a magician from Bath
I couldn't help but laugh-
While performing his magic
His act turned quite tragic-
He sawed his assistant in half
He wondered what to do
So he called a wizard he knew
Who cast a spell
And truth to tell
Joined her back good as new
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