Eyes staring longingly,
Lips biting in anticipation.
Fingers caressing lovingly,
Soft music playing in retention.

Hushed whispers and smirks,
Hands raking through hair.
Tension so high, could be sliced with dirks.
Strips off everything, souls are bare.

Heads twisting on pillows,
Like melting opals, staining sheets.
Gasps, tremors, coos and moans.
Raining sweet kisses on petal-soft skin pleats.

-m.b

I preach about being independent and although it is a desirable trait, deep down I am still a hopeless romantic. I long to have a significant other who I can talk to, explore them like a curious scientist, study the cracks in between them, someone who would listen to how my day went and actually cares about me, who looks at me adoringly like I was their favorite constellation, knows my quirks and adores them and holds me when I'm tired. I do get tired easily. Must be nice to snuggle up to someone who makes you feel all tingly everywhere and the two of you get shy about it.

But I've been fishing for years and I still couldn't find the right catch. Talking to the moon who would tell me that it takes time and when I do, it'll be worth it. I believe it, I do. But I just wish this dull ache inside would disappear. Let it calm down and dissolve but it's like a restless wave, constantly washing over me. When will this storm end?

I wish I wouldn't feel so lonely at night, staring at the ceiling in the dark, listening to sad songs and feel the tears slipping down my cheeks in cohesion. It ***** even more in broad daylight where I see other couples holding on to each other, smiling and wearing dumb matching sweaters. As cliché as it is, I want that. I'm happy for them, truly. But I couldn't stop the twinge of envy I get when I hear their lovesick giggles. What did they do; sell their soul, throw a coin in a well, or make a wish upon a shooting star? How did they get so lucky? What are the chances of liking someone who likes you back? Is it a breakthrough in science they discovered? A eureka moment? Am I the only lost particle? If not, where are the other lost ones? Are they colliding aimlessly, alone and lonely as I am?

you need not shed any tear
for you are wonderful
stop procrastinating
you are not a failure
never ask another what if
'cause you hold a lot of possibilities
your scars prove
that you survived
and was here with us
for a purpose

c.a

How many masks do I have in my collection
until someone realises something is off?

How long does the party go on until
everyone goes home, strips off
and sees that not everything is
as lovely, as majestic as how
the lights, decorations and music
made it out to be?

How many more superhero costumes
are made until they save me, from me?

-m.b

Better to deserve and not have
Than to have and not deserve...
Better to do and not to be recognised
Than to be recognised and not have done...

One day
A friend in need
I did everything I could
I did not give up
He pushed away
He was sick
He was my brother
I was his little sister
Not of blood
But of heart
He was giving up
I wasn't
Even if he pushed away
I would always stay
He wouldn't answer
I thought all I did was in vain
But I kept on doing it

Now I know
Nothing was in vain
It's not the same though
But he is thankful for being my main
My main thought throughout those dark days
He is thankful for all I did
And he says without me he'd be lost

Now I know
Better to deserve and not have
Than to have and not deserve...
Better to do and not to be recognised
Than to be recognised and not have done...

Usually it feels like being under murky water. Very dark, a complete blur, unable to talk or you'll consume the ***** liquid. The inability to reach out because they can't see your form beneath the waves. You can't hear past the waters. no matter how hard you strain. Getting your legs tangled in the weeds below, pulling you in, pulling you in, pulling you in. With not much hope to let you breathe fresher air again.

But I hung on to that tiny thread of hope and I got better.

However, here I am. In a different environment yet I'm still struggling. This time it's like being in a cool, sandy desert. No sunshine, just stormy grey clouds. People would pop in now and then, asking me how I am. I would smile and tell them I'm fine through a grimace because I'm clutching my chest, it's like I'm breathing through corrupted lungs. Why is it so hard to breathe? Why is it so dark and gloomy? Why do I feel so terrible on the inside? Is this getting better??

-m.b