He told me he stopped smoking.
Threw away the packs of Mayfair
into the river next to his house.
The river where we once spent the evening
talking about why stars align the way they do,
As if they know what they are doing.
Neither of us knows what we are doing.

We are tea stained maps,
And fragile lungs,
And he is bruised fingertips from writing ‘I don’t love you. I’m sorry.’
I am shallow breaths in early winter.
Waking up at five to five to wait for the sun to rise.

He is made of sugar cubes
And campfires;
Glowing in the dead of the night
As if they have a right
To be the main attraction.
We are 3am scribbles in notebooks

And origami warriors.
You folded me so easily
With your piano playing fingers.
And when I wasn’t looking,
You made me into a boat and pushed me onto that same river.
Lit matches for a sail and finally, let me burn.

I've a song stuck in my head
No words, but it's still there
Trundling on with out a thought
It's something I should share

De da doodle la la de ding
boo bar fiddle riddle king
si saw be bop shhh shhh bing
do waddle dip don boom

There's no direction to where it goes
It's a melody of sorts
I've words a plenty, they don't fit
I've just this thing and all its warts

De da doodle la la de ding
boo bar fiddle riddle king
si saw be bop shhh shhh bing
do waddle dip don boom

I play nothing, but hear guitar
some drums there in behind
A backup singer singing loud
And a bass to keep in time

De da doodle la la de ding
boo bar fiddle riddle king
si saw be bop shhhh shhhhh bing
do waddle dip don boom

Up at the ceiling, painting with my eyelashes
My blinks gentle strokes
Color on the canvas of my mind

I see galaxies swimming in my pupils
A whole world for no one but me
I want you to know it

What if I could say so? Head spinning.
What if I could articulate the things spinning on the tip of my tongue?
Like a battery


******* up the acid
Letting it swim down my throat
Eating away at the pit of my stomach

I open up, I pour out
Half-digested emotions spilling to the floor
My guts out on the table, it took all the guts I had

Will you wait for me to spill my guts?
Its going to take a while, the truth
And it might not be as pretty as you believe it to be

Will you make me clean it up by myself?
I can, don't worry
I have dealt with more than my share of messes

I don't need you,
It would be nice if you stayed for a while
Maybe a moment while I digest my thoughts

I am both a painting and a mess
Only half done
Want to see?

I lay here feeling warm and a bit sickly
Bringing myself back to where I belong
In front of a piece of digital papyrus and my fingers caressing the keys
And creating life in forms of fiction and nonfictional word play
Writing of things I’ve seen, things I’ve done
People I know people who have touched my life in one way or another
Persons who have decided to leave my life
Ah let them go to live their own
All is well
And I have learned that now
I say good bye to the one who made me experience love for the first time
I say good bye to the one who makes callous remarks to ones he held dear
I say goodbye to the one who acted as superior as they wished they were
I say goodbye to the new born youth and wish them luck and my the spirit of life carry you
I say good bye to the one whose time I wasted and to them I give an apology as deep as my insecurities for I wish I was stronger to confront them when you were around but at least now you know what makes you happy
I say hello to the one who is in the pit of despair as I was but only 2 years ago
I say hello to the one who is in a moral quandary not unlike mine all those summers ago
And I say hello to the one next door whose footsteps remain to be right behind mine, my dear friend I love you and I shall help you, all of you for you would and have done the same for me
And I fall to my knees and bow my head onto the gritty ground in praise of the radiant beauty of the soul that has picked me up and taken me to what seems to be the realm of relief
Words cannot express the thanks and worship I have for you
I say good morning to the one who brings out the human in me
I make lunch for the one who feeds my heart with love so pure and true
I will take you where ever you want; you want to be with me
That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard
No wait that is your voice so sweet and honest it’s like the blast from the shiny brass trumpet in a jazz jam
Oh, my life has been renewed
My life has changed
Yet again but it has never stopped
Nor shall I
I will continue to grow and learn and unavoidably get hurt along the way
I had what I thought was the most important thing in the universe taken away and completely and utterly destroyed
I lost my faith, faith in it, faith in myself, and faith in others
Until I saw that nothing had changed I was just facing the wrong way and not listening to my inner self
I am now back on the right track and I will fight to make sure nothing derails me