Sometimes I wonder
Why?
Why am I so worried people will leave me?
It's because of
Chris
And Tanner
And Hayden

I let them get to me
Under my skin
I trusted them
So I opened up
And it felt good
And right and freeing

But look around me now.
They're not here
They learned all my quirks
And insecurities
What made me happy and sad
Smile and cry
And then they left
With barely a backwards glance

That's why I don't want you to go
Because South Carolina
Will bring you new people
People who are worth leaving me for.

You know when I said I didn't think you would be able to function
Without me?
I was wrong.
So wrong.
It's me who couldn't do without you.

I love you so much.
And that's why I string you along.
That's why I have to keep you in love with me.
Because if you're not
You'll leave.

It won't be your fault either.
It will be mine.
For opening up and being stupid.
For doing so and knowing full well what will happen.
Eventually you'll have to stop caring about me
And my problems
And my happiness
And my rants.
You just will.

And then you won't be in love with me anymore
And then our relationship will change

It will gradually turn from the
Constant, steady rock it is to me now
Into crumbles
And then
To dust and
It will blow away in the wind
Before I even know
It broke.

And once again
I'll have opened up for nothing.
But it won't be your fault
I won't be mad
And eternity wouldn't be long enough
For you to wait
When I'll say,
*I don't love you.

Most people hold on
to something burning them for
that last bit of warmth.
I learned all too well how
to let go, and if you
scorch me, I will drop you.

Most people spend time daydreaming, I
have never dared idle away time like
that, because thinking
of what will make me
happier than
anything hurts so badly
I have forgotten how to truly
want anything-
I dare not remember.

Most people are not me, and
most people will probably not trick
you into caring for them, until
when you inevitably
hurt me, or I
do it for you, it will pain you, electricity
crackling down whatever
it is ties us together, burning
as I will not let anyone
do to me.

Don't you understand?

Before you can make a change
you must first feel you are worthy,
feel you deserve that change.

Don't you understand?

I am a river-stone, swept smooth
by the currents of life around
and the hundreds of feet above.

How can a stone practice
anything but acceptance?