pain
my focuss

happiness
drained

in my thoughts
what is real

with the devil
was there a deal

pain

happiness

i drank
to **** them away

everyday

i walked across hot coals
to see if i could feel

i did not burn

in the turn

what have i become
my only friend

happiness ends
it became a fast trend

i tried to disappear
i am still here

at my age
accepting things

is everything

in my end
will the pain bend
will happiness begin

if only i could start
again

sweet love

sweet love

i can no longer trust

so long now

i have been alone

stayed hiding inside my home

after it failed

the first time

the second

and the third

i am burned

knowing

that i would never let it return

buried my heart deep in dust

for me

there would never be an us

bound by chains of fear

it's crystal clear

love

i would never trust




again

to let it go

what a mess

could not learn from my

mistakes

i was going to do what it takes

true love

so hard to face

how would will you know

if you do not try

i could never let it go

from thirty years ago

i tried my best

i could never sleep

in my mind to deep

i weep

i lost something

that i could not replace

never left my place

if i missed a call

it could not be traced

that time could not be a waste

i had to stop the chase

but

in my head

i could not get it to erace

another love could not replace

look at my face

no one could fill my need

how do you stop

a heart bleed

that is thirty years old

you say

by letting it go

i tried

Authority missed used
All the time on the news
All of a sudden a side we think we need to choose
There was no need to
Finally a video tap
That shows what they do

Gun shots fired
A black woman dead (Breonna Taylor)
My God she was getting ready for bed
Now dead

A knee to the back of the neck
He could not breath (George Floyd )
A black man dead
Not before asking for his mother
A son, a big brother
Now another

CHANGE will be their legacy

After years of suppression, racism
We stand together
Blacks and whites at their best
And protest
Demanding
Enough, Enough
It's time to end how rough
STANDING TOUGH
Together handcuffed
(CHANGE)

By color we are a race ??
There is only one race
The human race

As I write this
I shed a tear
In sadness
And
For hope
That there will No longer be a hidden
"ROPE"

driving down a road
flying
black crows
alone
all i see
grave stones
i cannot scream
a
****** stream
horrible scene
heavy smog
fog
downed  logs
falling frogs
hairless dogs
attacking
a dream
a dead deer
blood smears
devil appears
his fires
landscape
seared
a dream
it's dark
black
light
lacked
a snack
fighting back
the pack
stepping on the cracks
they keep coming back
flashbacks
a dream
was
not wanted
constantly
it haunted
it taunted
in a place
life
not a trace
null space
no flowers
In
a vase

a dream
maybe

if i
could to do it all over again
where would I begin

if i
had to run another race
could i make to the end

if i
changed my pace
could my path be traced

if i
left this place
so much i would not care to replace

if i
should die
i hope everything i was told
was not a lie

if i
am a alone
i will find my comfort at home

if i
cry
real tears will come from my eyes

if i
say goodbye
so much that could imply

if i
fall
i would stand up tall

if i
am headstrong
i would admit i was wrong

if i
know you
know me too

if i
or when i
sin
i would have to look deep within

if i
could change this world
so much would be unfurled

if i
had to hide
would that not be lie

if i
am me
there would be
no need
than to be any other
than
me

if i

You
Are who you are
Because of you
Not
Because of someone wanting
you to be

You
and
only you control your
fate
Be who and what you
are
meant to be

You
!!

a tear
from fear
will not disappear

through the pain
a constant
year

to the cheek
adhering
wiping
it smears

another tear
this fear
sincere
wiping, it too
smears

another
another
and
another

fear
those things
i do not want to hear
may i wake in a year
to the tears disappeared

a cry
of defiance
in silence
the fear

a tear

in the constant voices
i hear
brings
the fear
a tear

labouring for life
my conscious spirit
fears
shown in

a tear

That make us cry

Why do they try
What do they imply
How do we reply
After we realize
Justify
Hide
Or
Lie

What's the gain
Pain
Pretty **** lame
What's the game
Where is the shame
Go ahead and blame
In their name
It's all the same

The lies
It's in the eyes
That cries
Why
Why
We die
Will not rectify

Cover blown
Known
Their *** is grown
He that throws the first stone
Do not throw a bone
Rather be alone

The lies
That makes us cry

Look them dead in the eyes

Goodbye

!!

(she pulls the curtains back)

the rain
hitting the window pane
the widow
her head slopes
clearing her throat
seeing the tree
recalls her screams
remembering him hanging from the rope
how he had lost all hope
still no blame
in speaking his name
all the anger is hers to bare
as she silently recites
the lords prayer

the rain stops hitting the window pane
she whispers his name

(she pulls the curtains close)

#suicideisnottheanswer
#withitsomuchpain

Should we slow the pace
Stop the race
Accept the changes in the face
Fill space
with grace
Take time to enjoy the place

Look at someone face to face
Take to the embrace  
No need to be alone
Be comfortable, home
Love, grown

Forgive the sins
What has been
Stop the spin

No more lies
Cries

What have we lived for
Where has the time gone
Gone
A con
A picture drawn
A pawn
Something to dwell on
But
We go on
Keep on

Do we do it right
Keep up the fight
For what might
Despite

The answers
Being the dancer

Who is the killer
Who will pull the trigger
Is there something bigger

Is there something against us

When you looked at me
When I looked at you
for the first time
Pause
Lost for words
We knew the cause
The unspoken laws
It was

So many times when I ran into you
I would look for a clue
Silently
If you wanted to
If you knew
How bad you
I wanted to pursue

There is not a day
That does not go by
That you do not cross my mind
That I wonder
if you think of me
Out of a possiable need
that you could believe

To be torn
The loss I mourn

I cannot lie
I have fantasized
Then realized
It cannot be
You are not free

Just know
I think of you
On the same traveled road


#itseverlastin'waitin'onaeverlastin'road

IF

I LIKE MY WOMAN
WITH CURVES
WITH NERVE

IF

I LIKE MY MEN
WITH 8 OR MORE
NOT A BORE

IF

I SMOKE MY DOPE
NEVER SAY NOPE

IF

I AM BI
NOT MUCH I WILL NOT TRY

IF

I LIKE A THREE WAY
DRIVE FAST ON THE FREEWAY

IF

I TOP
I LIKE MY PANTS TO DROP

IF

I LIKE MY FRIENDS
BAD
NOT SAD

IF

I DONT THINK
THAT I AM NOT
TO GOOD FOR THAT

IF

I LIKE THE DANCE CLUBS
NOT PUBS

IF

I LIKE THE HOOD
THE BIGGEST WOOD

IF

I NEED
WHAT I NEED


IF

I DONT GIVE A ****
#mindyourbusiness

shattered glass
shattered dreams
broken heart

nothing more to be found
chains bound
the endless sounds
of thoughts
that compound
in this
over you
the battleground
around, around
i drown
pushed down
never will i rebound
memories
will continue to hound
the burial mound
six feet underground
haunting my mind
please
make me blind
this is not kind
life no longer defined
leaving me behind
is it true
i grab my head
scream
is this dream through
out of view
out of true
everyday losing myself more
down to my core
the closed door
time
i needed more
now your soul
forever
i will adore

my life cannot be read
another day of dread
the sun setting
the room turns a muted red
the cigarette smoke disappears that it as shed
i wrap myself with the bedspread
silence
as though everything is dead
there is nothing looking ahead
i am laying in bed
on one side
the other side
empty
where i have cried
from the pain inside
i am laying in bed
at the head
an empty space
with no face
no embrace
something out of place
never to be replaced
by God's grace
i am laying in bed
with the memories
of the love of my life
who now is dead
i am laying in bed
i try
i try
i cry
i look up toward the sky
i cannot
i will not
say
goodbye

This world only filled with love
All the Ravens turning into white doves

Could you imagine

Giving up your possessions
If everyone lived on God's lessons

Could you imagine

That there was no reason to **** for


Could you imagine

If there was acceptance
Of all races
Of all the different faces

Could you imagine

If there was no war
If there was no rich nor poor

Could you imagine

If we lived for the moment
And
Hearts were never broken

Could you imagine

If we never had to hear screams
If you could never dream

Could you imagine

If there was no lies
And
If you could trust the look in people's eyes

Could you imagine


Could you imagine


The blanks are for you

hope
so hard
knowing it

i lost
my smile
it has been a long while
so hard
knowing it

i lost
love
it cost
so hard
knowing it

i lost
memories
(traces)
so hard
knowing it

i lost
time
i cannot  hear the clock chime
so hard
knowing it

i lost
my many faces
seeing the changes in places
so hard
knowing it

i lost
my blood
tears flood
so hard
knowing it

i lost
my thoughts
always untying the knots
so hard
knowing it

i lost
being aware
how could have i been prepared
so hard
knowing it

i lost
feeling your embraces
sharing spaces
so hard
knowing it

i lost
you
so hard
knowing it

yes
i
lost

at the start
childhood sweethearts
never were we apart
saving ourselves
playing it smart

now all grown up
saying our vows

it was great
at the start
now nothing but fights
cannot stand the other in our sight
doing things out of spite
sleeping apart at night
in public acting like everything was alright
while thinking of our legal rights

it was great
at the start
we both said
i was yours
you were mine
it was not just a line
now so many signs
we are not fine
through all this time
how could have we been so blind

it was great
at the start
now alone
how could have we known

it was great
at the start

Letting go of all my things

Living
In the moment
Seeing what life brings
Living
Where you can actually hear
the birds sing
Walking in my bare feet
Not on concrete
Living
Where there is dirt streets
Where you can see the sky and earth meet
Feeling the suns heat
Living
In my one room suite
Where the animals are the elite
Raising what I eat
Using a log as my seat
Living
Where I do not have to impress
Where everyday is not a repeat
Where I do not have to compete
Evereyday feeling content and complete
Living
Where very few as walked through
Where there is trust in you
Living
Where not many have stood
Miles and miles of woods
Where living is pure and good
Living
Making things from my  hands
Knowing it will stand
Where everyday is not planned
Living
Where you can take a clean breath
Where
You can take a rest

waking
thinking of how
i breathe in
i sigh

how will it end
how does sunlight bend
how does the heart break
then mend

i suppose
i cannot dose
how do doors open
then close
how do we love
then feel pain to our bones
how do we only hear certain tones

waking
thinking why
i breathe in
i sigh

why the lies
why blue eyes
why do we die
to make us feel alive

waking
i take a breath in
i sigh

i have aged
a new age
a new page

i am breathing in
i sigh

another july
am i the same guy
i cannot identify
can i rectify
did i satisfy
can i justify

i am sleeping now
how
.........................

Waiting to go
6ft under the ground
Waiting to
Lay its burdens down
Been way to long
To be around
Time to leave this TOWN
Then maybe a smile
Instead of a frawn
This soul
Had no control
Fell into a deep dark hole
Once it goes
It will finally feel whole
Everything it chose
This soul
While walking the streets
So many
Troubled souls it meets
Wanted to ask
But did not impose
Just handed them a black rose
Carry on
Them as well
Will soon be gone
The result
Of
Letting the Black Swan spawn
These troubled souls
Listening to the songs of the black crow
As the wind blows
A troubled soul
Knows
When
It's time to go

Are you done
Wth the fun
Run
Run
Run
Do you have a clue
What is the matter with you
Where to?
What are you running from
What will be the outcome
Run
Run
Run
Just because you can
Your a scared man
Where to?
Where are you running to
Run
Run
Run
To someone
To anyone
Where to?
Where are you running to
Run
Run
Run
You have begun
Toward the sun
Where to ?
Where are you running to
Away
Run
Run
Run
Stay
What do you say
Where to ?
Where will you run to
This love grew
I thought you knew
Now what will you do

Take off my running shoes

years
of shedding tears

remembering

you walking out the door

many nights of walking the floor
with the memories of how we were before

it's been twenty years
of being on my own
so many
since
i have known
none
making it to my home

it's been twenty years
of alone
of waiting by the phone
of disappointing moans
of the possabilites thrown

it's been twenty years
of wondering
if I cross their mind
like they do mine
of waiting for the smallest sign

it's been twenty years
of my deepest fear
year after year
that the end is near
my hopes will disappear
i again will never hear

it's been twenty years
of pain
of taking all the blame

the weapon lay at my side
the hand written guide
i do not think
to decide
no divide
not mortified
or
horrified
thoughts, justified
the black crow
flies
slowly shutting the eyes
the light subsides
i
die
do not ask why

I do not need my heart anymore
I am standing in front of two doors
I will not be living anymore

Walking through
Into the darkness
To the afterlife

Which door will I reach for

One will lead to the light
One will lead to the night

It is so quite here
I am on my own
Alone

Heaven there are no lies
Hell nothing but cries

Which one
The gun
It has begun
I cannot run

The sun

At the door

That we never loose sight

That we always believe
We remember it is not about me
I pray
We never forget what will be, will be
That love is the key
He or she
It's free
I pray
That we do not forget when we were alone
And
We do not forget
the people that have no home
or the people we have known
I pray
We remember we all have the need
And
We do not forget that all
HEARTS BLEED
And it is so easy to mislead
I pray
That we see the face
not the race
And
We never forget all is deserving of a place
in this space
I pray
It is not to late to save this world
from these trying times
And
We stop crossing the line
We open our eyes and stop
being so blind
I pray
We start
with
being kind
!!

when there is no light
and
it is quite
i will be able to dream
silencing my screams
stopping my cries
for you

at night
when there is no light
and
it is quite
in my dreams
i will not be lonely
there you are again
my only

at night
when there is no light
and
it is quite
i will dream
it is so real
your love
again i can feel

at night
when there is no light
and
it is quite
in my dream
you appear
you are so clear

at night
when there is no light
and
it is quite
a breath i will not take
from my dream
i will not
wake

what we had
intense
keeping each other in suspense
our love immence
perfect
we clicked
an easy connect
even in our conflicts
so direct
but
with much respect

i am still perplexed
why God decided
it was time
he knew you were mine
why would he cut short our time
we deserved a warning sign
that with us, there would be a deadline
he crossed the ******* line
anger
does nothing but fill my mind
****** you were mine
why did he not
take mine
then he should make me blind
so i cannot see what reminds
then he should take my mind
so i cannot be reminded
take my feelings so i cannot feel
from this i will never heal
could he not hear
forever
that was our deal

how much did i loose
i cannot think of an excuse
for times abuse
i could tie my own noose

all chances are gone
where do i belong
i thought i could be strong

no more
is there
someone to care for

death came this way  
all i see is the color gray
i stopped being brave

the demons have raised
my mind is nothing but a maze
days and days

no one has the words
to stop the hurt
i stand at a grave of dirt

ashes to ashes
dust to dust
a must
?

the day

of death
i do have regrets
(lighting  a cigarette)
now i get

1. not playing in the rain

2. not learning a name

3. causing tears from pain

4. time drained

5. a love not sustained

6. having some substance in my veins

7. not learning there was so much to be gained

8. always starting again

9. thinking all was my domain

10. staying wrapped in chains

etc.

But
I would not have anyone else
I'd  rather be by myself

Again I am headed toward the door
Thinking I cannot take it anymore
But right before
I turn around
She is setting on the floor
Crying
Telling me
There will never be anyone else
I had rather be by myself
It's not easy
We are going to hate each other at times
Baby your mine
Love is hard to define
Don't give up
Don't stop trying
Our love is not dying
Come back now
We will figure out how
Stay
Don't leave
It's not easy
But
In us, I believe
I shut the door
Baby
We have to change what was before
It's not easy
But
I would not have anyone else
I'd rather be by myself

(pulling back the curtains)

looking outside
looking for hope
looking for the way to cope
looking at a tree
thoughts of hanging a rope

the window
reflection of a widow
her head slopes

the window
lays
an envelope
the note
she clears her throat
it begins to rain
she whispers my name
with no blame
with no shame
i love you
the
same

the window
(the curtains close)

(answer)

hey it's me
after all this time
can u believe
i had the nerve
too
i heard about everything you
have gone through
thought i would call and check on you
did not know if you had someone
to turn to
someone new
thought you still might be feeling blue
(thank you)
(how are you)
me
i am fine
still, have no one to call mine
its been a long time
since you
(i am sorry for you)
don't be
i was lucky
that i had the love
that i had
with you
(that is true)
(me too)
(silence)

Act now
Or
Eventually
It could be too late
Time
A difference it could make
We both ache
What the hell
Tell
Tell
Well?
How long can we both secretly
dwell
Our thoughts are parallel
Ignore the warning bells
What the hell
Why wait
To
Tell
To
Tell
That you are under the spell
Me as well
Break the shell
I promise you we will not fail
What the hell
Why wait
Tell
Tell
Before the farewell

Where time went by slow
Where we used a scarecrow
To make sure the corn
would grow

Where the grandkids
jumped in the back of grandpa's
beat up truck
Making it to the house with lots of  luck
Where grandma had a scratch white cake
that she had just baked

Where we fished using a cane pole
Down at Charlie's hole

Where we rode the horse with a string bridle
Never used saddle

Where our summer was spent breaking beans
Wearing holes in our jeans
At night driving around town in our four-wheeler machines
Being a little clean

Where after Sunday church
We had a family dinner
Moms *** roast was a winner

Where computers did not keep us from getting bored
We had country chores

Where on Saturday you took a trip to town
to the tractor supply store
Dad gave us a dollar to spend
Fun running  into your friends

Where the roads were not filled by cars
Where at night you could actually see the stars
Where the land as far as you could see
was ours

Living in the Country

Hello Darlin

It's been a long time
I hope you are fine

I thought a letter
Would be better than the phone
By the way how is home

I heard through the grapevine
You had a new love
I hope he is kind
And
He is not like me
Stupid and blind

I guess your thinking
Why
The letter

I would like to say that I am fine
But that would be a lie
I am about
to die
That is why
The letter is better
I do not want you to hear me cry

While I am trying to say
I am sorry
Because I did not try
And
For being such a bad guy
And
Causing you to worry
Night after night
Finding me  passed out in alleys
Coming home with black eyes
And
For telling so many lies

I never learned my lesson
I have been alone
Since you
I thought about coming home
But
I still would die alone

Forgive me
Please
!!

it is where
we will be there-there is no time to spare
to find this place
then
in its space
we will stand face to face
we will finally embrace
then all time will erase
not leaving a trace

somewhere
it is where
we dare
to start to care
where we become very aware
that we will become a pair

somewhere
it is where
there is no past
at last

somewhere
it is where
anywhere
there
where love last

What it would be like
If you were not standing by me
What it would be like
If you, I could not see
Sunday to Sunday
What it would be like
Not loving  you at the greatest degree
Or
Relaxing under our favorite tree
What it would be like
If we could not celebrate thirty
Or
Start our family tree
What it would be like
If I was not surrounded by your presence
Or
Living without the memories of our
adolescence
What it would be like
If my heart could not feel
A life we were not able to build
What it would be like
If  this was not  forever
If there was no love whatsoever
What it would be like
If we did not have our first dance
If we had not taken a chance
What it would be like
If we could not take long walks in the sun
Tease each other just for fun
What it would be like
Not to hear those three words
That I often heard
What it would be like
If I could not imagine
You

Not whole
Asphalt streets full of darkened holes
Darkened light poles  
No shadows
No patrols
Losing control
Covered in dark clothes
Taking life's blows
As it goes
It is closed
Time slows
Only the darkened knows
Smelling the dark rose
Living by the dark scrolls
The dark future exposed
Shows
When the dark side arose
There is nothing to suppose
The dark will not propose
To
The
Souls

Only you can deny
WHY

Being different
Why would you disguise
Hide it behind the eyes
Drown it in cries
Suppress it
And let it die
Despise it
Why agonize over it

Living a lie
Being different
Only you can deny
WHY

Rise
Rise
Rise
Being different
What a
Prize

To be
!!