I’m trying to strip everything away
Everything that has happened
Everything that has been said and done
Just to remember the day I stared at love
In the eyes of a stranger
Just to remember how it was that I wanted you
Naked
Piercing my back with your nails
As you have done so many times
And yet I allow the curse of my judgment
Stand in the way
Of your giant heart
And I am so wrong
Because I know why you have become my judgment
You never had a chance
Because I am all about one thing
Myself

I dared to be happy for so long
Now I'm almost afraid to smile
I wonder if it's time for me to pay
For when I laughed all the while
Nobody told me how to get old
It seems my body knows what to do
My Daddy has the same problems
He's been through all of this too

     now it's my turn
     you never think this day will come
     then it's here
     your entire life in an instant

I know hard times are waiting for us
It's something money can't solve
I guess the glory days are in the past
Now it's time to face deaths resolve
I think I'm gonna have to move him in
Soon he won't know who I am
He say's it's my responsibility
Taking care of a parent is part of being a man

Sometimes you think one thing
But it's really another
All your dreams come true
It seems ambition is consequences' mother
They changed my life
But actually they didn’t
Now I know what money is for
And for what it isn’t
There are things
That money cannot buy
It’s not just love
It’s also how to answer the question why
Now the blame is mine
Even for silent things in the night
Everything I had hoped for
Have now vanished along with the light
Ambition once served me well
As I became more powerful than my dreams
Now I feel so very small
As its rewards shrink in the face of extremes
With the seriousness of life upon me
Staring down what once made me smile
It is the reality of what is expected
Which can no longer be hidden in a denial
A life changing moment
Does not recognize time or titles
Now is the moment when I have to answer my own question
And pray that God will believe me in his witness of my recitals

The last time I actually forgave someone
I felt like Jesus or something
Until that precise moment
I realized I was good for nothing
Why was it so important to me?
I knew what the book said
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
But I acted like the words had never been read
Trust becomes bigger than all of us
It's a hard thing when you learn about a lie
What's worse is how they don't like who you are
It was no longer about another guy
I don't get all this stuff about change
I was who I was the first night we spoke
Then the moment we shared wasn't good enough
I became a fish flopping in a boat
Why couldn't I stay in the river?
That's where she found me
It's not like I asked to be different
But it became her life to always disagree
I think I should treat a girl like everyone else
That way she knows what's real
Then she can decide if I'm the one for her
Maybe she'll understand how I really feel
I saw a picture the other day
Of an earthy girl and her man
They seemed happy with each other
Just like the first day their love began
She knows how I felt back then
She knows how I feel now
It took an awful long time
To get over a broken vow
It's not that I even loved her that much
I just thought I'd never understand women
I can't say that I do now
But I've learned they need to be forgiven

Every color is black
     When they can only paint in the dark
Every river runs dry
     When love no longer flows
Every feeling turns blue
     When sadness is as deep as the ocean
Every question starts with why
     When your heart no longer knows

Every eye is shut
     When the happiness of others is all you see
Every heart stops beating
     When there is no answer for your call
Every mind is closed
     When you cannot understand your loss
Every love is dead
     When their soul offers nothing at all

It's just down there
Underneath it all
Not getting much notice
Feeling pretty small

It wears itself well
Holding under the strain
Looking for a bit of polish
Trying to avoid the rain

Living in a closet
Crowded, lonely and dark
Hoping to be picked today
Maybe for a walk in the park

It doesn't know its worth
It thinks it's just a shoe
But it protects every little step
On my journey to you

We awaken with our heart in the hands of another
Our love is what everyone dreams about
It's how a true love affair should be
Now is the time to leave behind all doubt

But where is the mystery that so many cultivate?
We never hold back the true love we feel
Some may say we are revealing too much
But how can we share the joy that is so real?

Why must I wonder about these things?
Must we be afraid to open ourselves so?
It seems the secret to a true love affair
Is to always let our love flow

I'm not looking to live a life of clues
Wondering about who you are and what you do
I want a life of harmony and absolute belief
In the love of another and knowing it is true

Our insecurities will provide enough mystery
Even in the face of words of assurance
We will always harbor the fear of loss and pain
There is no need to cultivate games of adolescence

There will be mystery enough as we age
The years will add depth to us along the way
We will look forward to the growth in one another
As long as we allow each other to bloom each day

An ambience exists of free flowing love
Our doubts and fears are washed away
To be mollified, tempered and subdued
So that our true feelings never run astray

I will risk everything to remain open to you
Even though we live with little hint of wonder
I don't want to guess who you are or what you want
Only the assurance that no man will tear us asunder

Alright, alright, alright... so yesterday my boss says, "Your hair's getting kinda long." Now, he's a very cool dude and it don't confront him at all but he said, "People are talking." Of course I go, "What are they saying?" He said oh you know, "Is Mark having a mid-life crisis? Stuff like that..." So I got ticked and said, "They WISH they were me...." Ha... cocky Mark. By the way I've posted a follow-up to this entitled "Don't Put That Sign On Me." Anyway here's the inevitable poem that always happens:

They say
There's a crisis
Really? Whose?
Mine?
Or yours?
Yeah my hair is longer
Yeah the girls seem younger
Yeah the words are stronger
Yeah the struts in my wander
Yeah... yeah
That's what they say
But... I hadn't noticed
Maybe... just maybe
That's because
It's not my crisis
Maybe
It's yours
But
Like I said
I hadn't noticed
But
You sure did
Why is that?

I'll tell you what
Yeah
I'll tell you
I'll tell you what I've noticed
I've noticed my honesty grow
To match your bank account
With every deposit
Your true self dies
They bought you
Your brain
Your personality
Your heart
Your soul
But I guess
You hadn't noticed
That's because
You are in a crisis
But it's normal for you
You see life from inside
The flames
It's as if everything
And everyone
Is on fire
But one who steps out
From the flames
Is not
In crisis

You locked yourself in
I freed myself
And in freedom
I live
In *******
You die
But you don't want to die
Alone
So you bring me down
Don't bring me down
Just because you locked the door
On your own
Don't bring me into it
That was your choice
Leave my choice to me
When did my choices become painful
To you?
You don't notice me
I won't notice you
Unless you need help
With your crisis
Then I'm here
Otherwise
Don't invent one
For me

The mountain is so high
I've chosen the hardest path
But to see what God has made
Means I won't turn back

From the sweetest water I drank
Quenching a thirst I never knew
I always thought I was satisfied
Until the day I met you

My mind had been sheltered
With life's beauty only a hint
When you came into my life
I finally knew what love meant

I can never tell you enough
The feelings that blossom each day
Bursting forth from a swollen dam
I will never let you get away

You are my soul mate
We know each others walk
Unspoken words move between us
There is no need to talk

Our love is always there
We are comforted by knowing
It always will be with us
On our faces always showing

The glow of our life together
Beckons us both in the distance
When we gaze upon one another
We know to end the resistance

I love you as no other
With my heart, mind and soul
Come with me baby
Let's make each other whole

Being lonely is a place I go
Quiet solitude to cleanse my soul
Needing an empty mind free of worry
The canvas for another story
Beginning my life anew
Shackled by my chosen hue
Images float through the air
Dancing together as I stare
Something unknown to me
Arrives as I struggle to see
Is it my life, a friend who tires?
Or my true self, an enemy that conspires?
My existence longing for inner peace
How long before it will cease?
Living on an island the calling siren
Dreaming about the human condition
Nothing gained for commerce
Everything lost to traverse
The valley of my own mind
Asking God that I find
The scent of life's secrets
Flowering in layered bouquets
Blossoming as I walk alone
Covering me, the stubborn stone

I'm nothing
If only a faint sound
An echo
Of past glory
Vanishing
As time races by
It is no longer
My time
Or my place
Only a song
Exists
One of complete
Loss
Playing over and over
Until
You smiled
A stranger
With a gift
Of life
Thank you
You made me live
Again

I have a question for you
Which mind would you care to view?
One that is cautious and considered
Or one unafraid of how things are delivered?
I can tell you of loves obsessions
I can tell you of pains debilitations
But do you not wish to be disturbed?
May I gain audience however undeserved?
You may judge me to be unstable
But I bring an imagination that is able
To explore the depths of human emotion
While maintaining a focus that is unbroken
By life or even the thought of pain
Though I scour the abyss time and time again
Fear not for what I say
Even though with words I do not play
It is for each of us to decide
If we can enter the tunnel and ride
With one another in the chamber of our fears
And wipe away each other's tears
Revealing to one another our true selves
Listening intently as another soul tells
The tale of their woe and condition
Not as a sign of mental destruction
But as a hand reaching for you
Giving you the courage to start anew
Because we do not fear the dark possibilities
They will not destroy our tranquilities
Even though we acknowledge the obvious
That we tire of the normalcy latching onto us
And wish to explore the outer reaches of existence
And then come home wearing the cloak of deliverance
So I revisit my question to you
Can you take it or shall I shrink from view?
For we are poets and our task is obvious
Tell the tale and let others wonder about us
I can do it and remain a sane person uncolored by blue
I can do it... I wonder if you can do it too

I was made to love
Who do you think you are worthy of?
On this Earth I will roam
You should stay home
I have set myself free
You are lost at sea
I want to rush in
You only wish to sin
I don't want to hold back
It is discretion that you lack
I am a lover
You will never recover
I want to be completely open
Your misery will only deepen
I want to take a chance
Upon prudence you dance
I want a new romance
You don't live in France
I want to sing
Your delusion has taken wing
I want to paint
Why can't you show restraint?
I want nothing but passion
It's not the latest fashion
I am the key to life
You merely invite strife
I will soften the blows
You are weak as everyone knows
I will make words come alive
These things you merely contrive
I know what it is that I am
In the game of life you are a sacrificial lamb
Why do you stand in the way of joy?
You act as if love is a toy
Why do you remove my wings?
I am your mind and I tire of these things
But it is I who bears the pain
And I save you again and again
If I cannot love I will die
Why do you believe every lie?
Because that is why they call it chance
You and your childish notion of romance
You will have to trust me this time
It will only be another mountain to climb
But the journey will invigorate us both
It seems it only feeds cynicism's growth
Because you are afraid to give
All we ever do is try to forgive
Maybe you have discovered the secret
I don't have the heart to stand it
That is why I am here
I need you to draw me near
From our own cup we will drink
What will other people think?
We control our own mind
But it seems sadness is all we find
If I can live in sorrow why can't you?
Because I don't know what to do
Then trust that I am stronger than you know
I will then let your love show
Only then can we be whole
I am sorry for the passion I stole
Tonight we will begin our life again
Yes... tonight we will let love in


Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

Our voices
Are they an echo
Of a desolate love in the air?
Our longing
Are they the reflection
Of an unrequited love affair?
As we sleep
It watches
Knowing all our secrets
All our pain
All our loves
A reluctant confidant
Suffering
For all eternity
Witness
To all who love
And to all whose dreams are crushed
As we raise our eyes
And bare ourselves
The mirror of our sadness
Understands
In the shadow of it's light

The soft rain of flattery
Washes away prudence
While the fire of criticism
Welds your mind to sense

Where leaves may gather
The wind will soon rise
For the weight of conformity
Brings haste to freedom's demise

She never waits for a green light
She likes to run the reds
She doesn’t wait in line
She likes to cut instead

She’ll spend her last dime
On a convertible Z
She owns all the bars
‘Cause she always drinks for free

She’s too hot
You're playin' with fire
She’ll take all your money
There's no change for desire

She likes taking shots
Always from the top shelf
She’s staring at her phone
Talking to someone else

You can’t beat her
She’s too cold for love
But one day she’ll find out
What life’s made of

She’s too hot
You're playin' with fire
She’ll take your money
There's no change for desire

Yeah she’s too hot for you
And too cold for love
Too hot for you
Too cold for love
Too hot for you
Too cold for love

Old school is old school

He still knows who he is and who he was
At least until that too is taken away

He explained that there are things between men and women

     That will always be so

But she cannot accept this in todays world
The one he cannot remember
Except for a woman's place and how he honors her

He once told me that to turn a woman down

     Is considered to be an insult

I mocked him for his ways
"How convenient for a man" I exclaimed
But he gave me a knowing look

     "You don't know how it is son"

He cannot remember what he had for breakfast
But he remembers how life should be
A man is a man
Even when his mind betrays him

He is not impressed with my progressive ways

     "You cannot change nature son"

Everything that was disproven and discarded
Has come alive again
The old world is the world
For those who cannot remember today

How can I teach him that what he believes will end his life?
How can I reach him when his identity is more important that freedom?

     How can I?

Pick a card.... any card
     But why just one?
Because that is the game
     But I don't like the rules
Do you want to play or not?
     I am playing
You can't pick more than one card
     I already have a deck of my own
But you have to play with this deck
     Your deck is like mine... lots of variety
Yes but it's not a game of variety
     But I like all the cards... some more than others
That is not allowed
     I can't play with them?
No... you must pick one and then play with that one
     What is the point?
There is no point... that's just the game
     How long can it last with just one card?
The rest of your life.......
     ****

All that can be touched
And seen
Renders the verdict
All that cannot be seen
Or touched
Sows mankind's conflict
Stranger upon stranger
Bound by pride
And certainty's cause
In mortal combat
To demonize each other
Reaping evil's laws
No delusion
Or assurance
Can be true
When we hate
And ****
For what either will do
There is no master
Of a man's heart
Other than his own
And in preservation
Of one another
We may atone
For yesterdays end
And tomorrows death
In the face of our present reality
It is all we have
Unless we believe
That the true myth is our humanity

The Intellectual
The Emotional
The Spiritual
The braided mind
This is how we live
Upon a three-legged table
So seemingly fragile
Is it any wonder we are so unstable?
Cold hard logic
Stripped of all feeling
Always the scientific
Is it the only thing worth believing?
A pure heart
Always crying
Life is too much
Why is everyone dying?
Inside the spirit moves
A mysterious craving
What is the truth?
Are we worth saving?
Each needs the other
Emotional control
Intellectual feeling
A spiritual whole
A blend of humanity
Eternal bleakness
Seeing but not knowing
Suffering in darkness
The shadow upon us feels no pain
Eclipsing what once was light
A random image that devours
Removing colors from our sight
A purely selfish being
Uncaring in its oblivion
Empathy does not exist
Only self-preservation
How can we live as mortals?
Enslaved by our limitations
We turn from the answer
And indulge our passions
Stripped apart the braid will die
Together they come alive
The community feels the pulse
The individual will not survive
The braid
The island
Mankind
Have we been pardoned?
We cannot live alone
God, Me, You
The braid
Open your heart
Do not be afraid...

You are so beautiful
And you know it
You feel their eyes
But try not to show it
An untouchable bird
Never lighting for long
Do you want love?
Can you hear it in my song?
You have the power
That no man can understand
You can have whom you want
But that's not how you play your hand
I'm not the one
Your mother wants
I'm the one
Your body wants
I'm kissing you now
And feel you press against me
I wonder about men and women
And why we think so differently
I don't know
What it is that you want
You kept flying away
Taking the gifts you loved to flaunt
Suddenly you landed on my life
And let me pick fruit all day
But you remained distant
The same as when you looked away
You made me love you
Like a man who stares
Then you left for another
The one who bought all your cares
The bird needs her nest
Letting passion fall
She made a man cry
And became the girl who resisted my call
She pretended not to remember
How I made her scream
Because it was never about emotion
But what a man's seed can bring

On the one hand
     I am complete
But on the other
     I know I'm not

A forest is unaware of its beauty
Yet it never stops growing

On the one hand
     I am a mentor
But on the other  
     I'm never really sure

A teacher may never see the fruit
Yet he continues to plant

On the one hand
     I want love
But on the other
     I don't

The right one is almost not even there
But you are never alone

On the one hand
     I am a good father
But on the other
     I am not

They know that I love them
But I have my own life

I always liked to touch the bottom
And just lay there
Silent
Calm
Detached
Here I could be me

The prism blurred the air above
And the silhouettes of life
Distant
Strange
Confusing
I was unable to clearly see

But soon it was time to leave
My solitary but temporal bliss
Resigned
Hurried
Bursting
A moment as only a moment can be

I don't want to pick you up
I'm not gonna give you a line
You wouldn't believe it anyway
I'm not gonna waste my time

You want to meet me?
Then why don't you walk on by?
You won't be the first girl
To look me in the eye

I'm not your usual
I'm not here to pick you up
I don't play games
And I don't collect names

You think I can impress you
In the first five minutes?
Why don't you impress me?
Why don't we test your limits?

You keep looking and playing with your hair
You have a smirk; you're giving me a dare
Maybe I don't feel like making the first move
I'd rather have my dignity than try to be smooth

I'm not your usual
I'm not here to pick you up
I don't play games
And I don't collect names

I know what you want
You need my approval
Your ego is on fire
But like I said
I'm not your usual

You're gonna have to meet me halfway
Or else I'll be on my way
You can find another man to worship you
But if you want love, you know what to do

I'm not your usual
I'm not here to pick you up
I don't play games
And I don't collect names

I'm not your usual
You know?
Or would you?

My helplessness
Is not in my mortality
But from my beating heart
Which tells me of the reality
That I walk at someone’s behest
I cannot make it stop or start
I hope it remembers what to do
For I am unable to impart
Any sense of who I am
Or what I feel
Onto its rhythmic
Turn of the wheel
And when I look closely
And see the fiery sun
I feel the same fear
Just like the one
Over my hearts life
And I wonder how
I can live
As I do now
And did long ago
With joy
And heartbreak
And now a man from a boy
I wait for the final beat
And the final ray
Of my life
Will it be today?
How will I ever know
On that day
When what I cannot control
Chooses what to do or say
And in the moment after
These questions
Will no longer matter
Nor will the suggestions
Of how I should live my life
In preparation for the sun
And my heart
To decide their work is done

Your calling
Is not mine
What unseen force
Controls your mind?
Is it you
Or something else?
You live in certainty
But what if it’s false?
Whose will
Shall be done?
Yours?
Or the one?
From what revelation?
From what language?
From what prophet?
Can truth assuage
A free man?
Even if you are right
I cannot walk as you do
I am bathed in my own light
There are many paths to God
To each his own way
The glory is grace
And not how we obey
You cannot know
What I receive
You cannot know
What I believe
For in a quiet moment
Where my heart beats alone
The message is heard
And to it I will atone
My conscience speaks to me
There is no confusion
The insistence of a charlatan
Is an unwelcome intrusion
You have spoken
And I have heard
Depart from me now
You may leave the word
It will become part of me
To what end I do not know
I thank you for your concern
But now you must go

Be a big boy
Because I don’t want to pretend
It’s not love
It’s just sin
I made you feel
Too good
Yeah like a man
But you never understood
It was about me
Not you
Yeah
But now you are making me
Hurt you
Yeah
Because you never understood
That what it was
Was a means to our end
But now it's over
Because
You couldn't tell the difference
Between love and lust
Yeah it made me feel good
But don't cry about it being just
About ***
Because it was
Don’t make it so complex
Even though it does
Make me sorry
That it escaped you
Yeah I made you feel too good
And let you go where few men could
But now it's over
Our wild time has to end
So be a big boy
Because I don’t want to pretend
It’s not love
It’s just sin
Are you surprised?
That a woman holds the cards
Are you surprised?
That I didn’t see stars
Are you surprised?
That a woman can play
The same way
As a man
By walking away
And get away with it
With no remorse
And just light a cigarette
And end all discourse
Yeah be a big boy
Because I'm a big girl
Who won't pretend
It’s not love
It’s just sin

On the wings of a dream
You floated
In the search for meaning
You remained devoted
While fulfilling your aim
You thought of me
I possessed the cross of faith
And now have a star and a rosary
A presence sight unseen
You are my friend’s mother
But you reached out to me
And touched me as no other
From Ishmael and Isaac
And a belief in Allah
You brought me to Abraham
And braided God’s Aria
The message to each of us
Of which we alone shall hear
Where once was confusion
I sense clarity is near
I pray for you now
As I did in the past
Your gifts I will always cherish
And will keep until the last

My old friends
Fear, dread and worry
Have regained prominence
In my life’s story
The hard shell
Has begun to crack
From the exertion
Of my phony act
The monster
Under the bed
Of my youth
Is still not dead
My old enemies
Selfishness, avarice and hubris
Continue to guide me
Into the abyss
Of failure
Of neglect
Of uncaring
Of lack of respect
Towards others
As I swim further
Into the delusion
That I am superior
But to what?
Or to whom?
Those who starve
While I consume?
Do I smile
While the unemployed
Cry the tears
That I avoid?
As I step over the puddle
I chant in the mirror
"How great thou art"
While the truth draws nearer
I am not the answer
To love
How could I be
When I place myself above?
What I want
Becomes mine
No matter the ethos
I recognize no line
But I beg of you
Tell me now
Tell me the truth
I want to know how
To live humbly
To give generously
To sacrifice willingly
To serve gratefully
Stripped of pride
I ask to be forgiven
Tell me what I need to hear
I promise
I will listen

The genius heart
Restless in repose
Sighing as it waits
The thorn ****** the rose
As the world intrudes
It drowns in its own blood
Logic the lifeline it rejects
Preferring the rising flood
Of pain and sorrow
Never counting a blessing
Unable to satiate itself
In constant need of caressing
Will the mind rule
As it refuses to relent
Will the heart play the fool
And always give its consent?
The genius heart
In glorious suffering
Perfect form
Dignified cantering
Tomorrow’s promise
Today’s hope
The genius heart
Will forever cope
And always walk
Towards its oasis
Even in delusion
With no basis
For expectation
Yet in the waiting
Its sad life
Impatiently creating
Teary eyed
Seeing life as art
And art as life
The genius heart
Lives as it dies
In love alone
A solitary romance
Uncaring what was sown
Unwilling to listen
Ready to conceive
Living even for a moment
Will it always believe?

Horror
It is the moment
When one culture
Decides
It is superior
To another
It is the moment
When life
Is devalued
To the point
That extermination
Can be done
Without feeling
But instead
With moral certainty
The certainty
That the God
Of the dominant culture
Approves
And
When the screams
Cannot be heard
Because
They are not real
To you
And even if they were
It wouldn’t matter
Because
Insanity
Does not recognize
Itself
And because
Fear
Justifies anything
And because
The reality that has been constructed
In your mind
Is that you are normal
And they are not
So they must die
And you must live
No matter
The symptom
Of the disease
You have been taught
To love

Our voices
Are they an echo
Of a desolate love in the air?
Our longing
Are they the reflection
Of an unrequited love affair?
As we sleep
It watches
Knowing all our secrets
All our pain
All our loves
A reluctant confidant
Suffering
For all eternity
Witness
To all who love
And to all whose dreams are crushed
As we raise our eyes
And bare ourselves
The mirror of our sadness
Understands
In the shadow of its light

I could ask you to spend your life with me
But why does that seem so shocking?
People do it right after they say hello

     They see hope in a person they don’t really know

And what about your love for me?
Will you give me everything I want?
Or will you make me wait for you?

     Like a man who truly loves you would do

You wonder if you really know me
And if I’ll stay after we make love
But just watch how I treat my family and friends

     That’s how I’ll treat you no matter how it ends

You wonder if you will get a call from me
Even though last night I screamed my promise
Would a man be so shallow as to take a flower

     And not return to the garden where he felt love's power?

You looked into my eyes to see what you could see
And my soul reflected your hopes back to you
You wondered if I could tell you anything more

     Maybe I'm the man you are looking for

If you look at me again
I’m gonna’ have to ask you why
There’s a distance in your gaze
Like the fading mist of the morning sky

If you stay quiet like you do
I’m gonna’ have to ask you why
There’s a silence in your life
Like the end of a sad goodbye

“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the answer to my questions
“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the hint behind the rejections

It’s not true baby
It’s not true
You know I love you
I swear I do
But I can’t love someone like you do

If you believe what you just said
I’m gonna’ have to ask you why
There’s a fear in your voice
Like someone confronting a lie

If you leave me without a reason
I’m gonna’ have to ask you why
There’s a feeling in your words
Like the weariness of an unhappy sigh

“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the answer to my questions
“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the hint behind the rejections

It’s not true baby
It’s not true
You know I love you
I swear I do
But I can’t love someone like you do

If I give you more
Then I won’t be the man you love
If I give you more
Then I will lose what I’m made of
You don’t love me more than I love you
It’s just that I can’t love the way you do

“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the answer to my questions
“I love you more than you love me”
Yeah, there’s the hint behind the rejections

It’s not true baby
It’s not true
You know I love you
I swear I do
But I can’t love someone like you do

I gave you my love
But you wanted a promise
I know how it makes you feel
I'm just trying to be honest

I gave you today
But you wanted tomorrow
You had my feelings
All you felt was sorrow

Love without the promise
Love without the promise
I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry...

We had our moments
But you wanted forever
You said it's not enough
Now it sounds like never

Love without the promise
Love without the promise
I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry...

I can give you my love
And in my heart you will stay
I guess that won't do
The promise is in the way

The promise
The promise
It's the one thing I can't give
The promise
The promise
Without it our love won't live

Love without the promise
Love without the promise
I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry...


© Copyright Mark Lecuona April 2010. All Rights Reserved

Without fanfare
It has come to this
I am alone
Even in the light of day
My own shadow has run
Away
From me
Its mate
Its source
Of life
What depth
Can be plumbed
Where despair
Can thrive
Where answers
Go to die
Where doom
Is afraid
To speak
Where gloom
Is cut
On its own blade
Where the only true companion
Nature's signature
Refuses to lay
Even when I beg
The sun to burn through me
And deliver the light
That will color my back
The only shade worthy
Of my plight
It will not be delivered
By day
Or night
What irony of pain
Exerts itself
Where darkness
Is denied
Refusing to join
Refusing to listen
Only willing to abandon
Completely
Because
It knows
I must go alone
Because
It was my mistake
Because
I was wrong
So wrong
I can do nothing right
Not even make a shadow
In the light

Stochastic perfection
Staccato smoothness
Screaming comfort
Mental duress
Gutter rat beauty
Sensory control
Primal sophistication
Mutating soul
Indecipherable pitch
Blinding vision
Deafening clarity
Reckless precision
Simplistic genius
Street-wise intellect
Monosyllabic truth
Politically incorrect
Emotional apocalypse
Raging articulation
Distorted calm
Dominating freedom
Numbingly sensitive
Inappropriate dignity
Contemplative explosion
Tempestuous tranquility

I think I love them all
Each and every one
I can’t remember who was mad
I just remember the fun

They all touched my life
But now they’re gone
They passed through my hands
Like dew that dries after dawn

How can I hold a grudge
Against a girl I touched
A girl I held
A girl I missed
How can I hold a grudge
When I’d take you back
Just because we kissed

You never forget a girl
Once you’ve closed your eyes
You always remember
The way she sighs

They don’t give themselves away
But you love it when they do
You will always think of her
Even if she was untrue

How can I hold a grudge
Against a girl I touched
A girl I held
A girl I missed
How can I hold a grudge
When I’d take you back
Just because we kissed

How can I not want
The moments that we shared
When you were all I wanted
When I knew you still cared

It has been written,
That the Tao that is spoken
Is not the eternal Tao

And yet,
Their tongues dig deep
Into the field of my soul they plow

And so,

How can I find you God?
Your people block my way
The path to salvation
Seems so far away

Help them my God
They know not what they do
Your words they wield
But are they God or are you?

How can I know you God?
When they are so sure
Spoiling your simple message
It no longer seems pure

Help me my God
I cannot see you
Only their dilated eyes
Blocking my view

I am confused my God
You send them to me
Irrational and weak
Destroying all you can be

Where are you my God?
Tell them they are wrong
Only reading the notes
And not hearing the song

Am I lost oh God?
Because they say it so?
Wandering the wilderness
Which way should I go?

Believe in me God
My instincts so clear
Walking through the fire
I sense you are near

Send the message my God
Show them the way
Leave me alone
There command I cannot obey

You are my God
In you I trust
Take me as I am
Only you are just

Teach me God
To see your word
Give me your grace
However undeserved

I feel your image my God
In my emotional depth
Open my eyes to heaven
And show me it's breadth

Is it possible my God
To speak your word
Distorted by man's own image
Can it truly be heard?

When we meet, my God
I will bow in sorrow
For the failures of my mind
With hope for tomorrow

I made a mistake and read the news today
Another pale man with a soul-less tie got away
With hurting people and polluting his way
To a golden parachute while he tries to cut our pay

Am I supposed to be happy about this turn of events?
A man sits in a tower and manipulates dollars and cents
People really aren’t anything to him but malcontents
I just shook my head and added to my list of discontents

So what’s the story?
Why does wrong get the glory?
Why is salvation illusory?
Why do good men live in poverty?
Why do the rich write our history?
Why do the meek remain thirsty?
Why do the quenched **** our country?
Why is God's love such a mystery?
What’s the story?
What’s the story?

They say I’m just jealous
Always sitting around and drinking with the fellas
Not knowing what to do, expecting someone to tell us
Believing the rich steal our life from us

But that ain’t it my good friend
You see life ain’t all about accumulatin’
And to choose to live humbly is worth glorifin’
So try to understand because I ain’t apologizin'

So what’s the story?
Why does wrong get the glory?
Why is salvation illusory?
Why do good men live in poverty?
Why do the rich write our history?
Why do the meek remain thirsty?
Why do the quenched **** our country?
Why is God such a phony?
What’s the story?
What’s the story?

When is the human race ever going to learn
You can’t keep taking and never waiting your turn
There’s no virtue in selfishness and what you earn
You know who said it but it’s her books time to burn

I’m going to say these things and put myself out there
I don’t care if you think I’m a loser whose going nowhere
‘Cause if I don’t say something then whose gonna care?
You can laugh but it's time for some class warfare

So what’s the story?
Why does wrong get the glory?
Why is salvation illusory?
Why do good men live in poverty?
Why do the rich write our history?
Why do the meek remain thirsty?
Why do the quenched **** our country?
Why is God for some men only?
What’s the story?
What’s the story?

I know their type ‘cause I’m not so young anymore
They smile at you but their sincerity is something to ignore
It’s not real because they’re really looking at the floor
Just hoping you go away so they can keep mining the ore

It’s a loser’s lament and I know that’s where it’s at
I may cry but I tell you I’m not impressed with all that
You take your millions and be a fat cat
But I'm not afraid of you because I ain’t no rat


Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

Let’s forget about forever
And this talk about tomorrow
That’s what brings on the hurt
That's what brings on the sorrow

You and me live all alone
We both just need a friend
I’m not taking your hand
I just don’t want the night to end

I know how you feel
You wonder if you should let it show
Can a woman be so bold
To love a man and see him go?

As the shadows fall around you
Like all your mother's fears
I just want you to know
It’s not wrong to ignore her tears

It’s just another night
Will it be alone or will it be right?
Let’s not sit here and worry
That’s all for the morning light

I know how you feel
You wonder if you should let it show
Can a woman be so bold
To love a man and see him go?

It’s hard enough to walk away
So why make a promise?
After being so close
How could I be so heartless?

The time had come to settle down
I turned thirty and didn’t like the feeling
I met a young girl who took a liking to me
It was my heart she would soon be stealing
She asked me if I had a girl
I was surprised but I said no
She said, “I’ll be your girl”
I couldn’t believe how quickly she let it show
I’ll never forget you

We got married in five short months
Even though everyone said slow down
But the train left the station
And my worries never made a sound
It was a mistake from the day we met
But we didn’t know until it was too late
She always wanted to talk about God
Even though I never could relate
I’ll never forget you

It didn’t take long for her to become sad
She had left her parents for me
But she really wanted freedom
And didn’t realize it doesn’t come for free
Soon she found someone new
And told me she wished we never met
I said that goes for me too
And slammed the door so I could forget
I’ll never forget you

I was finally getting over her leavin’
I was ready to get on with my life
One night I looked across an upscale bar
And saw another man with my wife
I told my friends what was going on
As she gave me a look that I knew well
They all turned around to stare
One of them said, “What the hell?”
I’ll never forget you

I saw her one day on a downtown street
We were still drawn to one another
She had given me her soul and couldn’t take it back
But she mumbled something about my character
She couldn’t believe I would talk to her
But that I proved her mother right
She said I was a good man
I said a good man can also cause a fight
I’ll never forget you

I didn’t hate her but was glad to move on
I felt bad that our families were hurt
We brought them together and ripped them apart
The wedding was a banquet but divorce was the dessert
I can’t say she was the love of my life
But she planted something inside
I wondered if anyone would have me
I wondered if anyone would be my bride
I’ll never forget you

It happened again and now I’m alone
I think back on what I’ve done
I can’t seem to figure it out
I don’t know if I will ever find the one
The older I get the less I care
About love and having a lady
I wonder if it is too late for me
Sometime I think the answer is maybe
I’ll never forget you

She called me out of the blue
And wanted to talk about our marriage
She asked why I married her
I wondered if she was sending a message
But she only wanted to talk
She was making the same mistakes with her husband
I told her she was a moral woman
And that’s what was needed by all her men
I’ll never forget you

She wanted to know if it was her or an idea
I said I can’t speak for them
But for me I wanted a dream instead of a girl
That was the mistake that I learned from
She seemed puzzled but it was all I could offer
I said go home and ask him how he feels
I told her to love what was true
And not chase a something that wasn’t real
I’ll never forget you

In your drifting heart
Loneliness and sadness paddle together
You no longer hear
What you were once told
Can you accept a goodbye before a hello?

And yet
You were lonely
With a companion
But hope was for him only
Can you accept an ending before a beginning?

You were trapped
Within the limits
Of his love
And his habits
Can you accept fate before living?

But now you are free
And yet
There is something
You will not forget
Can you accept pain before you are healed?

Instead
Like a shadow
That lives at night
You allow it to follow
Can you accept heartache before love?

Blocking the light
That flickers in the distance
The light of your true self
Free of all resistance
Can you accept rejection before acceptance?

If you are alone
You are in my thoughts
If you are sad
You are in my heart
If you are hurt
You have my tears
And if you are blessed
Then say a prayer for me
For I too have suffered these things
And if you do pray for me
Then I would have you in my life
And because of that
I will not be alone
I will not be sad
I will not be hurt
I will be blessed
As will you

How can she be real?
Beauty drawn by God's hand
A painting behind a glass
A Monet or Rembrandt

How can I make her feel
The things that I see?
How can I be a part of the picture
And make her part of me?

Standing in the crowd
A flower in a vase
Bathing in beauty's glory
Wearing fantasy's face

Is she lonely?
Is she sad?
Will she ever know
About the love we never had?

Hey Christian state why do we perpetuate the hate?
We use tools of death to blow out the light of another man's breath
What about what we heard about people being murdered
From the one you represent with a celebration of Advent?
How can we follow him yet **** on the whim
Of powerful men who tell us what to do
It is clear that your peacemaker came to world to be a changer
Of the hearts of evil men to warn them of their sin
Yet we **** and **** never thinking of his will
That you pray be done in the name of the one
That you claim to worship while refusing the courtship
Of those who want peace bringing to earth a new lease
On life by allowing love to flourish instead we are seen to brandish
Other wordly weapons of destruction contributing to man's dysfunction
In his relationship with a higher power that has so clearly tried to shower
A message of love and peace yet our militaristic actions never cease
We want to go to heaven but our actions serve to unleaven
Our rise to a higher level of being blinded by lies the truth we are not seeing
I don't blame your patriotic thought you don't know what corruption has wrought
Over the years in a quest for power we want our enemies to cower
In the face of our national interest which conflicts with reality's firmest
Wish for mankind to come together and shed our fears of one another
Do you think God is only on our side someone is taking us for a ride
This supposed God is there for all even the man you desire to fall
I know it is confusing but there is no excusing
That the horror of it all is suppressed as we believe our cause is blessed
But the word was for all men, re-read the book you defend
It is clear what was meant don't try to circumvent
The Sermon on the Mount, Jesus brings the world to account
For actions that harms others so don't **** them, they are your brothers
You don't even have to believe in him or any other legend
To know the message is true yet so many speak but cannot do
It's time for a new day where our needs are not in the way
Of others who also want love from your supposed Lord above
If you believe he knows everything we do then it is not too late to start anew
Regardless of belief we must work with each other and not force them to run for cover
From bombs raining down from a nation wearing a crown
Of belief in the almighty causing Christianity to be unsightly
To others who wonder about us and how we can ignore Jesus
And his message of love and peace it is time for hostilities to cease

I always thought I loved you
I had to leave to know for sure
I saw a picture of your love for him
It was too much for me to endure

Making love to his memory
Is destroying my mind

A man needs to believe she's an angel
He wants her to be fresh and pure
A love saved for him only
And not something she's done before

Looking deep into your eyes
Whose love I will find?

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
My heart won't tell me what to do
I'm sorry baby, I know I'm hurting you

I know how hard it can be
Living your life as someone's fantasy
Pretending love has no past
And always hoping that he won’t ask

I'm leaving even though I love you
Because love needs to be blind

Instead of running to you
I'm walking away
I know I still love you
But the past won't let me stay

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
I don't know what to do
Will it last or are we through?

I don't want to live with his memories
But they're burned into my heart
I want to believe I'm the one and only
But love for you is nothing but art
How can I live without you
When your picture is everywhere?
How can I erase the pain?
Al I do is just sit and stare

I can't live with your past
I can't live without your future
I've been thinking all night about you
Were you dreaming of him or of me too?

Baby was it wild with him?
Is it real with me?
He painted your sweet canvas
And his dream became a reality

Am I the one who said
You were made of white lace
And how you could never be bold?
Did I bring your mother into it?
To keep you down and under
Minding what you are told
Did I tell you who you are?
Yes my little dove I did
While bringing all the virgins to you
Holding hands and crying
Because they know your pain
I made them feel that way too

I know I'm wrong
But my heart doesn't care
I know I'm wrong
But my bird flew before I was there
I know I'm wrong
But I need your blue sky
I know I'm wrong
It's how I feel but I can't tell you why

Side mirror lament
Blinking back the past again
Red bandana tears

I watched her image
I wondered as she talked on the phone
How old must a woman be
To want to live alone?

Forgotten wander
Thoughts that became some other
Another blank page

There are no buttons to push
I am not someone to read
My emotions are not random
But you will never know my need

Rush inspiration
Ego-infested display
Compromised poem

In the yearning for respect
Creation becomes a means to an end
The irony emerges
In thoughts I cannot defend

Watching my children
Oblivious to discord
Reaching for Daddy

In spite of all the hate
I have become nostalgic
They are happy
Leaving worked its magic

Hard work is a gift
For yourself every day
Slumber not want not*

It’s what I do
It’s not greed
It’s all for them
That is why I bleed

Well? Am I?
I'm asking you
I don't think I am
But I wonder if it's true
Is it?
Me?
I don't know why
But I may be
I don't hate
But do I judge?
Am I tired
Because "they" hold a grudge?
When I read about a crime
My minds fears loom
I see a color
Why do I assume?
How can I make it stop?
How can I be fair?
Teach me to see nothing
But hearts everywhere
When I wake
I see my color
I know I'm white
The same as my mother
I don't defend
My Father's culture
It makes me happy
But it's not my signature
Yet I see others
Defined by their race
I know why
They were put in their place
I want love
Not race
They want love
Not the color on my face
I do not want fear
It makes me weak
It makes me suspicious
When color walks the street
I know this
I'm telling you
Maybe you can see it in me
Maybe you know this too
I hate myself
When it rules my mind
I pray for relief
I want to be blind
Touch my eyes
With your heart
Give me color
Show me your art
I want to live
With open eyes
To love you
To hear your cries
Well?
Am I a racist?
I'm asking you
I insist
Tell me now
So I can grow
Tell me now
I need to know

Once again
History is buried
As fragile scraps record
How we varied
From truth
To lies
Guiding us all
To our demise
The enemy
Is sent to the grave
Yet honesty
Can only wave
Sneering
At what I believe
Asking how can it be
That I am so naïve?
Why do you accept
Everything you read?
The world is dying
Over mankind’s greed
Do you have the mind for this?
Then let me begin
Hear what I say
The enemy is within
Know their intentions
Discover their mind
Study their words
In them you will find
The root of your fears
The chamber for the bullet
The conspiracy to steal
Money from your wallet
If you will only see
The daily symptoms
Explode all around
With self-righteous rhythms
As your great country
Has begun to rot
Along with the ideals
That someone forgot
They know you
And how you live
How you wish to please your God
They count on you to forgive
They use fear of retribution
From your creator
On rapturous wave
They make you a hater
Do you worship
God, man or the flag?
Do you even know
Which end will wag?
The living
Give the account
Exalting their quest
From atop the mount
The dead
Unable to testify
Gasping from below
Unable to tell you why
You are deceived
From birth to dust
Your destiny given away
As in evil we trust
How can mankind be free
When a nation cannot turn the other cheek?
Killing is so easy
Is revenge all that we seek?
Yet you pray
And demand moral leadership
The good book your master
Brandished like a whip
And who do we forgive?
Our enemy?
Our leader?
The questions are many
Shall we drown everyone
With a boil from the melting ***?
Demanding obedience
We say follow us or be shot!
Yes honesty waves
A cynical hand
As we continue
To plunder some other land
Say what you will
I don’t care anymore
Greed's insatiable dance
Is not my war
Dig up the graves
Ask the hard questions
Why are you here?
What are the lessons?
The dead speak no more
The cheers grow louder
Many more will die
Who will light the powder?
Will it be you?
Will you give vicarious approval?
You will feel the fire
Of your soul's removal
Yes history has been buried
And so too my peace of mind
Can all those who love
Live in a world so unkind?




COPYRIGHT 2011. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. MARK LECUONA