I brought  a car
Without
Any wheels
I got it cheap
A ******
Good deal.
I got inside
To drive it away
Why do they
Let me out
On Saturdays .
I brought a hippo
And named it Fred
It went to sleep
And broke the bed
My mate Doc,
Thinks I am sick
In the head
I just thought
I was easily led.

Solved a problem
It wasn’t wise
I brought a gun
Someone was going
To die
Nobody was listening
I was going insane
So I put a bullet in my brain.
Solved a problem It wasn’t
Wise if you got a gun
Well something dies..

Molly the sleeping cat
Eighteen hours
Laying out flat
Feeding time she asks
For haaaaaaam
Hold on a minute
Going fast as I can.
Molly Molly seventeen
Always grooming
Keeping clean
She dos not wander
Very far
She parks her backside
Under  the wheel arch
Of my neighbours car.
Molly Molly
A big ball of fur
Lots of sleeping
Do you concur

Old mother Hubbard
Was high on crack
She earns her money
Lying on her back.

Little bo peep
A shepherd of note
Liked to make
Love with her goat.

Humpty Dumpty
Was an evil dude
Jack and Jill
We’re just to crude.

Bill and Ben
Liked to smoke ****
Three little piggies
It was all about greed

Three blind mice
Liked smoking dope
High on the happy side
Given up hope

Go on all night
Writing this crap
I’m a bit drunk
A cheerful chap

Bonsai Japanese
Tiny small wood shrubbery
Seventeen potted.

Happy mountain high
Thermals eagles flying sky
Glistening blue tarn.

Meadow pipet wing
Rhythm bluebells joyous sing
Deers aloof feasting.

Women care
About their  hair
It makes them feel good
To the male of the species
They just wish they could

Cat hairs in me fridge
Cat hairs in me tea
Cat hairs in me coffee
Cat hairs on me
Everyday I hoover
Molly likes  it to
Im fed up of hoovering
But what can I do.
She is an adoring cat
Never misbehaves
She’s  still
A hairy cat
Can’t get myself to shave.
Molly the fur ball
Hair everywhere
Really my lovely
I just don’t care.
Hair on my bed
Covered by her fleece
Me and Molly
All curled up
Seemingly at peace.

I was Albert Pierrepoint
Apprentice so called
hangman’s mate.
We hanged them
in Pentonville
And buried them
In high gate.
A sad job
we had to do
Was hang a lovely
Lass called Ruth Ellis
Just before the hanging
She asked us if she
Could be hanged
in the ****
So I said yes.
Seems not right
To be so ****** rude.
She had her last meal
Chicken soup
Then she walked out
To face the noose.
She dropped
Her gown
Albert was all at sea,
Ruth said why are
You staring at me.
I’d like to say missus
Ellis you have
an attractive cut
She replied Im all
Yours if you keep
Your trap shut.

I am at my happiest
When I do not exist
I can wander
The underworld
Unruly and
******* ******.
Up on the walls
Are All the signs
Me I do not exist
Im still drinking wine.
Don’t do this
Don’t do that
At every corner
A witch with a cat.
Wandering the underworld
Not reading the signs
All my demons
Are being revived
By the wine
Walking the nightmares
I do not exist
Opened up another bottle
I am at my happiest.

Six numbers
Lottery
Won lots
Of money
Not happy
Depressed.

Free drinks
For life
Adoring wife
Not happy
Depressed

Won a Ferrari
Christmas draw
Money rolling in
More more more
Not happy
Depressed.

Everything I  
Ever wanted
Anything I
Can digest
So why is it
Im always
Unhappy
So ****** depressed.

First of January
New year is born,
First of February
A frosty morn.
First of March
New life begins
First of April
The birdies sing.
First of may
Sun warms the day
First of June
The children play.
First of July
Roses bloom
First of August
Newlyweds
get a room.
First of September
Nearer winter
First of October
Nature splinters.
First of November
Winter begins
First of December
Month of Christmas
Begins.

Everyone in
poetry land
That have
Read my
Doggerel
Rhymes
Wish you all
A happy new year
Enjoy this winter time.

You sweet woman
With a heart of steel
If I crack the safe
Do we have a deal.
If I fall
no need to react,
Im quite tenacious
I will bounce back.
The code to your heart
Will be difficult to break
It’s like swimming
Inside a frozen lake.
I know your worth it
Your pure gold inside
So Im prepared
To take this task and
Crack it with pride.
I think I’ve found
a weak point I needed
A break
In going to entice
with
Some
chocolate cake.

Naked humans cannot hate
It's symbols and clothes
Determine our fate
They say it's good to belong
This is why humans
Have got it all wrong.
The whole wide world should
Be one big nudist camp,
Everybody the same
Blood is blood
Is hatred natural or just
Mis-understood.

I am this
You are that
You wear a beret
I wear a hat
I am what I am
You is what you is
I hit the target
Sometimes you miss.
Life isn’t flat
We deal with that.
I touch that
You touch this
You hit the target
Sometimes I miss
Standing in front
Of  each other
wearing just a hat
I think we can
Both deal with that.

Me and me cat
At a loose end
Her persistent
Meowing
Sending me
Round the bend.
I’ve got me
Hat
I’ve got me coat
Moving to a farm
To live with a goat.
Settled down
On the farm
Then one day
Heard my cats meow
Aghast it was coming
From all the cows
This is true
A matter of fact
I am being haunted
By my lonely cat.
Meow meow  
All the cows said
So with
the farmers
Gun I shot
them dead.
Farmhouse was beckoning
The end of this story wrote
Sat down with a cup of tea
Meow meow went the
****** goat.

Why do humans
Want to destroy their land
This world owes you nothing
Don't you understand
Billions on billions
educating our brain
Greed for money
it's all ****** insane
catch a bus shaped like a *****
Fill it up take a drive to Venus
Look what we our doing
To this fertile land
We must all be aliens
And we don't understand.
Aliens infecting,the sky is blue
grass is still growing
We haven't a clue.

In a cue thee other day
To buy some basic needs
Three people smoking tobacco
Wearing Protective masks indeed
This virus is a respiratory disease
It attacks the way we breathe
Us dumb humans succumb
And ******* bleed

Health and safety
World War One
Trying to keep
To the rules
Now that’s
Called fun.
Don’t do that
You might die
Wear a yellow hat
Safety laws do apply.
When protecting
Your ungrateful
Nation
Don’t get
injured because
Employers
are
saying
No to
compensation.
Bullet in the head
Mud in your eye
Health and safety
It’s better to die.

Hearts sometimes
Become dying suns
Life draining
No warming fun.

Hearts sometimes
Become black holes
Life draining
Yes freezing cold.

Hearts sometimes
Are hit with poison dart
Life draining ripped
Torn apart.

Hearts sometimes
Collect all your fears
So you can live life
For many years.

Heart broken
Fiery tears
Drowned my
Sorrows
Twenty beers.
Sitting on my
Toilet seat
Staring blankly
At my feet.
Won’t be moving
Anywhere soon
Life is flat
Like a lead balloon.
Mixed up sick
With a number two
Thats my night out,
Straight down the loo.
We’ve all been there
Without a doubt
Breaking up Thats
What its about.

Sweet little buttercup
Nature will bite
A thought might abuse you
just not tonight.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When nature bites
Who will care about you

Bluebells and cyanide
Razor blade wine
Horror of the thought
Your sun will not shine

Tulips and daffodils
Bloom in acid rain
Who will call
When your heart is in pain

Heaven is a wonderful
Place
A sanctuary for the
Human race.
Heaven is our
Mother Earth
Where female
Animals all give
Birth.
Hell is not a jolly
Place
A haven of death
For the human race.
Hell is on our mother
Earth
Where our children
Live and die of
Hurt…..
Heaven and hell
Is a place on earth
Where death exists
And mothers give
Birth

Slowly I walk
Heavy of foot
Mind befuddled
Black as soot.
Thoughts so dark
Nodding the head
So so tired
I need my bed.
Mile upon mile
On cobbled stone
Cold and wet
All alone.
In bed sit land
No welcome mat
I go to sleep
And that’s just that.
I pray not to see
Another day
Stuck inside a
Stephen king play.
Is anyone out there
Got a nice place
To stay
these boots
Won’t last me
another day.

Driving with my brakes on
Lions have knocked my pride
I haven't got a button
So I can override.
Led boots holding,dragging me back
Guilt covers all my lonesome cracks
My sea hasn't  got a brightly tide
Cannot find the button so I can
Override
Crying crying,crying without tears
Static emotions dammed by all my fears
Can you be my open gateway
To whom  which I can confide
Will you be my faithful button
So l can override

Good god
Devil evil
Interpretation is the word
I think it's all in the prose
Or am I just absurd
Strike me down as a non believer
An atheist or just absurd
But I can't help thinking
Or am I just good with words
I am of both factions
I'm evil and I'm good
It's only down to interpretation
Is it why I'm mis-understood
I believe
I decieve
It's apart of good and bad but
I  think I've have worked it out

Sitting on my suicide ledge
A tear runs from my eye
I see a dark horizon
From this an angel.
I do spy
there was no happy ending
Hey ** dip pid Dee doo dah

I’ve been unfaithful
It was a matter of course
Now the relationship
Has failed he’s
Now filing for divorce.
What step next
I can’t foresee
What shall become of our
Children and me,
I got a sinking feeling
In side my gut
Maybe in hindsight
Should have
kept my legs shut.

Of on holiday
Going to the sun
In a paper rocket
To have some fun,
Of on holiday
Going to Venus
In a yellow camper van
Shaped like a *****.
Of on holiday
To surf the stars
In a jelly trifle
Shaped like a motor car
If I get out of this asylum
Anywhere will do
If I ask you nicely
Will you come to

Vincent was a painter of note
White van man,white suited overcoat
William a writer of fantastic plays
Lived in a hamlet where he spent his days
Starry nights,clouds and that perspective chair
Vincent my friend he lived in despair.
Romeo and Juliet were a fine pair of lovers
Did he write these plays or were they just covers
The bard of the boards with his life he could cope
Day to day this writer ,lived with so much hope
Painter ,a genius such a life with much fear
What ever happened to his infamous ear
Paintings and writings,from Vincent and Bill
One with a brush the other with quill
With lots of hope and litte despair
They left such treasures for us,so we can share.

Twelve o’clock
It’s no lie
Im going
to commit
Suicide
Shall I jump
From a ridge
Or
Jump in front
Of a train
From a
Very high
bridge.
Shall I take
sleeping pills
Swallow a bottle of
Of bleach
Or hang myself
From the ceiling
Where my feet
Cannot reach.
Can’t make my mind up
I truly haven’t lied
So I’ve left
It to the
Readers
It’s up
To  you
To decide.

Haunted house situated on Apple hill
Evil lived there as time stood still
Spirits would play ghouls would ****
In that haunted house on Apple hill
Was I brave or foolish,I had to go
So I went to visit this horror show
I rang the doorbell of this haunted house
It screamed like a lion roared on by a mouse
Hinges creaked the door opened wide
Taking a deep breathe I strode inside
Ghostly appirations flew all over the room
Showing no fear.knowing my appending doom
Noise was deafening,the screams did thrill
In that haunted house on Apple hill.
Sitting down in an old dusty chair
Near a fire of bones,I just didn't care
A demon appeared and sat down beside
Said he was the spirit of Doctor jeckyll and Hyde
Please I said you will not frighten me
Be a good fellow a make me some tea
The demon roared with laughter and howled if in pain
Then asked me if I was brave or ****** insane
I replied I need some thrills I need some fun
Then he blew my brains out with his gun
I liked this house on Apple hill
Where time stood stood still now my turn to ****
Could you be the next visitor to visit this place
So I can be chilling so thrilling by eating your face.

Icicles forming in a burning flame
Up the track on a speeding train
Numbers dancing on a roulette wheel
It really doesn’t matter how I feel

You walked away its the game you play
You burn my heart every single day
Your a paper plane heading for the sun
You are in my heart you are my fun

Life not worth living without
my cotton wool bomb
So sweet and corrosive handling everything
with such aplomb
Numbers dancing on a roulette wheel
Still not thinking how I feel

Icicles still freezing inside my fire
Your Still riding over all my desires
Numbers still dancing on the roulette wheel
Never understanding how I feel

You walk away it’s the game you play
Red and black I just can't  turn back.

Muslims,Christians
Arabs and Jews
Earth the ***
Humanity the stew.

Hindu's Catholics
Sky still blue
Here's a few more
For thee earthly stew.

Buddhists,Protestants
Hearts are true
Earth the ingredience
Humanity the stew.

humanity the stew,
Mothernature the ***
billions of people
Only getting one shot.

Crow and the snake
Made a great mistake
Having a child called me.

They broke my heart
But not my soul
Crow and the snake
So brutally cold.

I think they wanted
A little boy
Me to them I was
A throw away toy.

Crow and the snake
Gave me no name
I was a pawn
In an awkward game.

Abuse can come in
Many a disguise
All wrapped up
In manipulative lies.

I wish the snake
And the rotten crow
Would fade away
As the fresh wind blow.

Gone and brought
A Tardis
Inside larger
Than you think
Mines not a police box
It’s shaped like a sphinx
Not sure where this
Rhyme wants to go
Back or forward
I’ll let the stylus flow
I don’t want to run or fight
Not put any injustices right
Im of to the future to put
Certain objects in place
Maybe one day they will
Save the human race.
Me and the sphinx decided
We will go back in time
Just to sing with Elvis
When he was in his prime.
There still selling Tardises
Any shape and wide
Smaller on the outside
And bigger inside.

Ducking for apples
In a bowl of hot fat
Bet you a fiver
You can’t do that.

Drinking cyanide
From a coffee cup
Bet you a fiver
You can’t stand up.

Licking electricity
Cable
in the bath
Bet you a fiver
You won’t
do this
for
A laugh.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t
Jump out of a plane
Without a parachute
While
Drinking Guinness
From a champagne flute.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t do that
Stick your head
In a big cow pat.

I’ll do anything for love
I bet you a fiver you
will do that.

Innocent people
Why must they die
Establishment must
win
that’s
The reason
why.
Lions will **** the week
Claws  they will surely
Bare
Innocent people will die
Starving Every ****** where.
When the wells run totally dry
We will have no more tears to cry
Establishment will
Turn there backs
And blatantly openly
Lie.
I will try not to believe
Our corrupt government
Who will deceive
When the well is full
And plenty
Our governors
Will be sure to empty.

Another lonely night
Without a partner
I cry
Im troubled with love
Not understanding
Why.
Another lonely night
Without warmth
I shall lie
Im troubled with love
That’s why
I still cry.
Lonely so lonely
Every night and
Everyday
Im still crying
it seems
To be the way.

My mate bill
Invented the wheel
Had an idea from my
Mate Mike
Add another wheel
Then we’ve got a bike
On this bike we will not
Get far
Two more wheels
Will
Have a car.
My mate harry
They said was a liar
Not known to them
He was a superb flier
They  labeled him
*****  
cruelly
insane
This man  my
Friends made the aeroplane.
My friend sue was at loose end
She didn’t know what to do.
People assumed what a loon
From one socket
She made a rocket
And flew it to the moon.
My mate Mandy
she came in handy
We needed lots of parts
Getting all those ideas
In your head
Then one can make a start.

Im going to wear
yellow shoes
to heaven ,
Put all my thoughts
On lucky number seven,
Weather sunshine
Or wether rain
My cat Molly is driving
Me insane.
I once kissed the queen
Upon her ****
Won mastermind
Did not use a pass
I write this ****
Because I’m not
Mentally well
My grammar is ****
And i cannot smell.
I just wish we can all
Live in peace and
My humble abode
As a twenty year lease.
Sometimes I want to
Write good poetry
But that talent
Is not in me.

Cricket match
Between the
Giraffes and the tigers
Supporters turned up
None the ****** wiser
They mowed the grass
The distance a chain
Guess what
Being
Cricket down
came the rain,
Out came the sun
The fun began,
Top of their
Voices the
Supporters sang.
Umpire called play
It was doomed to fail
The giraffes went ate
The wickets and the bails
Tigers were angry they
Did not laugh
They went and ate those
Naughty Giraffes
The umpire drew aside
Went home and committed
Suicide
In the sun
I Didn’t know cricket
Was so much fun

Loneliness is
Happiness
In a
Peculiar
Way.
There is no
Right there is
No wrong,
Everyday
A different
Song.
Boring sometimes
I do agree,
I’ve always
Been lonely
That’s just for me.
Hey ** I got
A cat
That’s right
A matter of
Fact I’ve got
A cat.hey **.

1+2=4
This is why I
Showed maths
The door
Algebra and binary
Are they confusing
Or is it just me.
Angles and
Denominators
Maths teachers all
Base dictators.
Obtuse and
Isosceles
All they gave me
Was
Brain freeze.
Times, dividing adding up
Its not my cup of tea
Numbers **** there
Not  my thing
I ask you this can Einstein sing
Most probably.

Lovelly ladies
Walking by
Aroma of
Scented skin
Images of beauty
Warms me within
Children playing
Having fun
***** been
Kicked around
It's Lovelly
In the morning sun
as the birds
Make musical sound
Bikes go by
Shoes are worn
Wild life in
Tranquil splendour
People picnic on the grass
Such diversity and gender
Weather changes
Time to time
Silence befalls
The park
After every beautiful day
This bench will
Endure the dark

Imagination is
Running rife,
In and out
Dark then light
Runaway train
Beaten track
Imagination rife
No turning back.
All the stations
Have gone amiss
Pond is flooding
But got no fish.
Imagination is
Running rife
Along came a spider
With a pint of cider
Still on the beaten track
Im of to the asylum
Im not coming back.
Imagination has been sedated
By these nurses whom I hated
Imagination not running rife
Three red pills have dulled my life.
Imagination lost the quay
Boat has sunk,
I am not free.

Books are written by story tellers
Fact is not always true
Interpretation manipulation
It's all left down to you
Books are written by evil
Books are written by good
why after reading
The reader is not understood.
Propaganda messages
Mixing half truths with lies
Problem with humans
We need some where to hide

Mine eyes are blind
Within fire burns
Imaginative thoughts
In twist and turns.
Mouse trap me up
With collar and tie
Mine eyes are blind
Creative tears I cry.
Dance with me
Till the cream leaves the cone
Happy birthday mamma
I'm all alone.

Sitting on a wall
Outside hotel ****** sh-t
A squirrel sat next to I
So I fu--ing killed it.
What else was I to do
Sit there and converse see
That to me is how i behave
To you it might be perverse.
Sitting on a wall
Taking in the dark side of the moon
Sitting outside hotel ****** sh-t
With pink floyd my mate the loon.
I don't get many visitors and
Nobody will sit next to me.