Me and me cat
Have just had a spat
She wanted to watch
Love island
I said don’t be a ****.
She said meow
Well that caused a row
I said it’s all a farce
So she rolled to one side
And started licking
Her ****.

On the cusp
of greatness
Then a twist
Of fate,
I really can’t
Recall the
Time or the date.
I should have
Turned left
But I turned right
Thats when I was
Hit buy a shining
Bright light.
When I woke up
Laying on the
Hospital bed
I had nobody
Just a ****** head
What sort of life
Will I have?
the doctor
Said it’s your call
Look on the bright side
You’ll make a good
Football.

I can’t get you
Out of my mind
When I needed,
You were so kind.
Act of kindness
Done with style
In my mind this
Will stay awhile
Beautiful thoughts
You are so kind
I just can’t get
You out of my mind.

I brought  a car
Without
Any wheels
I got it cheap
A ******
Good deal.
I got inside
To drive it away
Why do they
Let me out
On Saturdays .
I brought a hippo
And named it Fred
It went to sleep
And broke the bed
My mate Doc,
Thinks I am sick
In the head
I just thought
I was easily led.

Into the valley
We ran with speed
Round the lake
Where the fishes feed
Down the footpath
Across the field
All this excitement
Didn’t get the appeal.
In my haste I had
Joined a race
Why was everybody
Running at a different pace.
At the end at the
finishing line,
Came in last now
That was fine.
I might have done better
If I had read the signs
Wasn’t my fault Im
Totally blind.

Me and me lover
We had a spat
I wanted a giraffe
She wanted a cat.
Not being reasonable
All said and done
So then I shot her
with my gun.
Life is understanding
What’s done is done
Now in a human zoo
It’s not much fun.
Life in a second
can change in an act
Give me hindsight
Me having a laugh
Still stupid old me
Would have got a Giraffe.

Send in the clowns
They have big red shoes
Highly paid people
It’s a laugh what they do.
Changing the theatre of dreams
To the big top
Send in the clowns
And sack the lot.
If Fergie was dead
He would turn in his grave
His beloved United
Can it be saved.
If these clowns don’t know
What to do
Bring back the class of
Ninety two.