Brian the snail
Turbo fast
Entered races
In Every race
He came last.
Raced the tortoise
Raced the sloth
Kept on racing
But still he lost.
Brian would race
With a sluggish
Smile
Lost to the hare
By a country mile.
Brian the snail
Raced
Ellie the elephant
You guessed it
He lost
but at a price
Brian was duly
squashed.
They retired his number,
Number seven
So Brian the snail
could race
Again in heaven.

I wish I was
A penguin
So I could
Endure
This
cold.
My pet
Penguin
Loves it
But me
Im
To old.
Im in front of
Of the fire
Room still
Like deep freeze
Me pet polar bear
Curled up
Looking well
At ease.
I have a white rabbit
But he’s not
Really real
He don’t careless,
The cold he
cannot feel.

Many soldiers
Died in the,
Battle  of
Somme
Why did they
Do it
When you
know war
Is wrong.
Four years
Of carnage
Four years
Of death
Four years
Of battlefields
Turning ****** red
Military madness
the *******
war machine
Millions of deaths
Imagine it
to ******
Obscene.

Im not Spartacus
Im a cowardly  fellow
Not fighting
The ****** romans
They must
think I’m
Yellow.
I use my wits
To stay alive
I Use my brain
So I survive.
Im not being
Punctured by
A Roman spear
******* lot
Im out of here.
Im not Spartacus
Pinned to a cross
Go on fight those
Romans
It’s your
bloodied
loss.
Not for me to
Die on pastures
Red
I want to get old
Before Im dead.
Spartacus Spartacus
On a cross, so deflated
All your followers
Have been liquidated .
Im still
alive a
Roman slave,
Better alive
Than be
in a grave.

Got to go
To A and E
An aeroplane
Fell on me head
Can’t quite work
It out
Why i am not
****** dead.

Got to go
To A and E
Got run over
By a train
Should be all
Chuffed up but
Still alive and sane.

Got to go to
A and E
I just went
And caught
Fire
All The nurses
All The doctors
called me
A ****** liar.

Going home on
The bus last night
Got hit by
A  50 ton meteorite .
Again I went to
A and E
This time
You got it
They did not
believe me.

I got to go to
A and E
I’ve stubbed my
Big Toe
Down I went and
Hit my head
What away to go

Moon landings
Conspiracy.
Simulation,
Manipulation
Do’s anyone agree.

12 humans
Supposedly have
Walked on the moon
Just a little tease,
Why aren’t
these humans
Massive celebrities .

Radiation on the
Moon running
Rife  to cancer only
One lost their life.

Why was it a race
To land on the moon
Ask Elvis
he lives there
With a hairy baboon.

I got my false teeth
From a charity shop
Top and bottom
Did fit the slot.
For three weeks the
Cat chewed me food
Now with teeth
I am in a better mood.
Got me toothbrush
From a charity shop
We’re selling them cheap
Didn’t cost a lot.
Couldn’t find a dentist
On the NHS
So me north and south
Became a bit of a mess.

Brought a used toilet roll
From a charity shop
I got to stop writing this
****.