Touch of velvet
Orchid blue
Heart of innocence
Scented true

Teddy bear
Sitting there
Teddy bear
Unaware.
Looks at me
Never smiles
Been sitting
There for a while.
Daughter won it
At a fair
This wonderful
Never smiling
Teddy bear
.Her colour of rust
Is Collecting dust
One day
I will move
her
Give her
a cuddle
And a ******
good hoover,
My never smiling
teddy bear.
She has a T shirt
That says number one
Dad
Pity teddies can’t talk
I find that rather sad.

To all the poets
That read my
Rhymes
Im in a cell
For committing
A crime
I cannot respond
To your lovely
Replies
Cause everything
I write
Is just ******* lie.
I was set up
By my evil quill
Writing slander
Was top of the bill,
I have to write
Lies from my
prison cell
Twenty years
Or life oh *******.

Rhubarb steak
Kingfisher stew,
Any food you like
This chef
will
Cook
for you.
Bees on toast
Hedgehog in honey
Put your order in
Pay your money.
Skewered rat
Roasted cat
Soup of the day
Escargot and bat.
Warthog eyes
Testicles of horse
Nice and tasty
Your main course.
Goldfish roulade
Salt and vinegar cream
Washed down with
***** of goat or a
Bottle of Jim Beam
A little appetiser
To finish the meal
Two nice crackers
With pate of seal.
Michelin stars
Five at most
Special of the day
Are
Spleens
on toast.

The poem killer
On the prowl
Doing ***** deeds
****** most fowl,
Grammar wrong
Will erase mistakes
Post on line
As works of fake.
Smelling mistakes
Words not smelt right
Poems will  die
without
A fight.
The poem killer
Poets dread
That their works
Will never be red.
These doggerel rhymes
Not fit to reed
As a righter
Shall I **** seed.

Heart broken
Fiery tears
Drowned my
Sorrows
Twenty beers.
Sitting on my
Toilet seat
Staring blankly
At my feet.
Won’t be moving
Anywhere soon
Life is flat
Like a lead balloon.
Mixed up sick
With a number two
Thats my night out,
Straight down the loo.
We’ve all been there
Without a doubt
Breaking up Thats
What its about.

First of January
New year is born,
First of February
A frosty morn.
First of March
New life begins
First of April
The birdies sing.
First of may
Sun warms the day
First of June
The children play.
First of July
Roses bloom
First of August
Newlyweds
get a room.
First of September
Nearer winter
First of October
Nature splinters.
First of November
Winter begins
First of December
Month of Christmas
Begins.