The stars shone bright
This was to be the night
Trees we’re whistling
It Seemed so right
Making love I got
All in a dither
She gave a cough
And her leg dropped of
And floated down the river
Didn’t  know wether to
Carry on or stop
So I took her home
Hopperty hop.

A nuclear clown
Is coming to town
To blow you all away
Big red nose
Painted face
Making a dent in
The human race

A nuclear clown
Is coming to town
To blow you all away
Baggy trousers
Big red shoes
The human race
Now has the blues

When children pass
There shadows
Have fun
In
The playground
Under the sun

Santa the thief
Nice red suit
Robbed a bank
Nicked the loot

Santa the thief
Whitish beard
On the 25th
Banks did fear

Santa the thief
Bells and sleigh
Took the money
Christmas Day

Santa the thief
Spending spree
No presents
For you and me

Santa got caught
Put in chains
Nobody found
His ill gotten
Gains

The Reindeers who
We’re his getaway
Robbed him blind
And played away

Santa says
He will repent
But most of the
Money the
Reindeers spent

Santa the thief
25 years to boot
Never did get out
Of that big red suit.

Old mother Hubbard
Was high on crack
She earns her money
Lying on her back.

Little bo peep
A shepherd of note
Liked to make
Love with her goat.

Humpty Dumpty
Was an evil dude
Jack and Jill
We’re just to crude.

Bill and Ben
Liked to smoke ****
Three little piggies
It was all about greed

Three blind mice
Liked smoking dope
High on the happy side
Given up hope

Go on all night
Writing this crap
I’m a bit drunk
A cheerful chap

Got a cat
That wears
A hat
Got a spider
Who sat
Down beside her
Got a horse
That went of course
Got a pet tuna
Who lived
In a can
Had a budgie
Who flew into
A fan
I’ve got a zoo
Don’t no what to do
Help me out with
This stupid rhyme
All the giraffes
Are stuck in time.

Attractive and evil
My black witch
Beautiful and ugly
A heartless *****
A minefield
Held together
In tattooed skin
Sweet and toxic
Resides within