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marina Jul 2013
i don't need you anymore
   --but some days i need someone who will
   listen, somebody who will hold my hand and
   promise me that it's okay, that someday
   all my scars will go away, and that even if they don't
   i can still be beautiful; i don't need you anymore,
   but some days i need somebody who could make me feel
   something only you could, and some days all i need
   somebody who will keep me safe--

(and some days i wish it was okay for me to
still want you here)
but i pushed you away a long time ago, and it wouldn't be fair to pull you back.
sorry, this isn't really poetry, it's just me angsting and being regretful.
marina Apr 2013
your loss for words
is the most beautiful poetry
i have ever known;
i want nothing more than
to hold that secrecy
behind my lips
and keep it there
forever.
i wrote this months ago,
but it still rings true
marina Jul 2013
i'm sorry i hid,
but seeing you would have meant saying
goodbye all over again,
and i wanted to keep your last words to me
'i love you too'
i saw a boy i thought i would never see again, and every bit of me wanted to say hello and to tell him imissyou and yet, every bit of me was scared.
marina Sep 2013
.
i am so tired of my bones being
romanticized; being made of
stardust does not make me infinite or
beautiful.
idon'tevenknow
marina Apr 2013
you still sweep me off
my feet, but it's time
to shake away the
dust you left on me.
it's spring and it's lovely out and the sun reminds me of summer and oh my gosh, time cannot go fast enough.  40 more days left.  only 26 of those are school days.  3 of those days are exam days.  
somebody teach me how to make time fly.
marina Jul 2013
i've been told time and time again that
we are made of stardust, to the point where it's
not even poetic anymore, it's just
science. and while they're something beautiful in
chemical reactions and the attraction between
us and the earth's core, there is nothing beautiful
about the way biology was ruined for me
in seventh grade when we dissected frogs and i realized
that's actually what we look like inside-
we don't house constellations or milky ways or anything
worth staring at
                            (but even still, i couldn't look away).

i wonder if there's any chance of us being rescued from our flesh,
i wonder if maybe one day after we're turned to dust
again, our remnants will break free of earth's gravity
and we'll get the chance to be stars once more.

(i wonder if the reason we reach towards the sky at night
is because we can feel our brothers calling us back home)
this is bad and i'm sorry
marina Oct 2013
i forgot to tell you earlier that
i've dreamt about you every night
this week, and this morning when i
woke up i thought it was winter,
but i was warm anyway.
does this even make sense?
idk, but i think i'm in love with this dude.
marina Sep 2014
(i am tired of being
the part of your song that
cannot be finished)

      -- my hands get cold
      quickly, so take them please,
      tell me you'll love me
      for one more night and
      i'll ******* like i
      believe it,
      i'll do you a favor and
      pretend it never happened
      come morning if you
      pretend that you need me
      for now--

will you not write me
down because you're scared,
or because you don't
know how?
found in my drafts
marina Jun 2013
he said i look more like an
iris than anything else
(and i couldn't help but think
how right he was, and how ironic
that he doesn't even have any idea
who i am)
"and i don't want the world to see me / cause i don't think that they'd understand / when everything's made to be broken / i just want you to know who i am"  
because my ex.  and i've changed so much since we broke up.  and i'm not sure if he meant the name in correlation to the song, but it was all i could think about.  
wow.  so many emotions happened when i was gone.
marina Sep 2016
he likes to call me dollface

and i let him unravel my threads,
because i'm not quite porcelain like he seems
to think - more so a rag doll, yarn for
hair, buttons for eyes, soft and
easy.

we started as a series of stolen things:
glances, secrets, moments in a walk-in freezer,
and i keep wondering how that all led us
here, stealing time as
he lights a bowl and i
dance circles in his living room

all the while he is watching
like he is in a museum, and i am
art behind a glass to
stare at, never
touch

he reaches out and falls short,
calls me over but never follows through,
pulls my threads and
sews me up again
each time
he calls me
dollface
same boy from snapshots
in case that wasn't obvious
i'll probably delete this later
marina Dec 2013
i  don't want  to live in  the
                            s p a c e s
between   your   words,   i
want to be  found in every
syl-
                    la-
                                     ble
marina May 2014
i am growing
older
still

(for i have
carried
on)
it's my birthday whaaa
marina Mar 2013
if only we could choose which scars
fade and which remain;
i'd rid myself of every that bore
semblance to your name.
marina Feb 2014
you're sister said i seemed
different* and he sighs when
i tell him *not different,
just sad


there is a small silence as he
loads up his truck, and when he is
not looking, i say

*but i guess, for you, that means
different
idk, when he's sad i'm sad
marina Mar 2013
it'll be easy to forget you
                                   (he said)
i would have preferred a simple
                  
********
            instead.
marina Mar 2014
you said-
thinking about the stars
makes me feel so small


but we sat there 'til we
were shaking in the cold,
and i had never felt
bigger.
marina Aug 2014
sometimes if
you linger long
enough, i can
still feel you
even after you've
gone, i can still
feel you,
i can still
marina May 2013
i'm lost,
(no) i'm found--
s l o w l y
but
surely
becoming
u n b o u n d
and i'm a mess right now but that's okay because not knowing what the hell to do is teaching me a lot about myself, and for that, i'm thankful.
marina Oct 2013
today i woke up to the radio,
and when every song sounded
like it should be ours, i couldn't tell
if i was dreaming or not

(and i am so gone
on you)
the perishers is stuck in my head.
also, i fall to hard to fast
marina Jun 2013
i'm sorry,
some things just don't
change-

(you could tell me
you still love me
one thousand times
and it wouldn't
make a difference;
i started tracing
his name into
the margins of my
school papers long
before you were
gone)

maybe it's time we just
forget
your ex-lover is dead by stars.  great song, eh?  it's on repeat.
marina May 2013
i haven't believed
in anything
like i believe
in you
i have spent all day avoiding studying for my algebra and re-falling in love with arthur darvill.
marina Sep 2013
(i picked up
all your old habits,
and i'm not
letting them
go)
(you were always stubborn too)
marina Mar 2013
i stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve,
when you peeled it off and made it your home;
now i keep it hidden away
somewhere within the depths of your own.
i should stop being so cheesy
marina Mar 2013
then you were gone)

                                        and all of a sudden
i felt my bones turn to dust
&i; became nothing more than the
distance between two dirt roads
that led to a dream i could never quite reach.

i became nothing, which scared the me that
used to be something, until something was nothing
but a memory.  but

nothing could see all of the universe
at the height of the swing set and
one single-cell world underneath something's
fignernail.

i am still nothing,
and nothing is okay with that.

but even though i can hold all of space
within the palm of my nothing hand
i still can't learn how to breathe at night
when all my lungs can find is an undisturbed silence
and my last remaining memories of you.
the anniversary of my dad's death.  it's been three years now?  maybe four.  i don't know.  i'm numb.
marina Oct 2013
i used to hate sundays,
but sometimes you hold
my hands in the pews
at church and i think that
i've been saved in more
ways than one
marina Apr 2013
darling, do you
     even know
how                          
      *******
                ­ cute
   you are?
hello, old friend.   i love 10wtuesdays too much.
so today was pretty awful.  but jesse has a way of turning things around without even trying.
marina Oct 2013
i woke up to find your name
tattooed on my bones, and darling,
i don't mind at all
whenever i don't know what to title my poems, they end up as 'this is not a love story' or 'this is a love story' because honestly that's pretty much how i can describe every other part of my life
marina Apr 2014
i am scared to find the
person i'll have to become
when you're not around
any
more

(so
much
of
me
is
you)
this is a story about not being able to let go
marina Jul 2013
i just want to sit and be
still with you, but
my heart never slows
when you're around and
i always end up searching
dead ends for what words
to use next

(my fingers still shake at the
mention of your name)
i'msorryi'mbeingcliche
marina Apr 2014
we have listened to the
same three albums over
fifty times, and i am
running out of way to
avoid telling you the truth
[i love you, i love you, i love you]
every kingdom, the lumineers, siberia acoustic
marina Jan 2014
i heard that women tend to
tell lies more often than men,
but when they to, it's to build
other people up, while men usually
lie to make themselves look better

so at midnight, when you said
that you loved me, and i told you
that i loved you too, which one
of us was really in the wrong?
idk if this even makes sense like i want it to
marina Mar 2014
i don't know if i am proud that he
loved me first or jealous because he
liked you last.  some selfish part of
me still hopes that when i see him next
he will tell me that it's always been
me, even though i know i'd be too
scared to say it to him, and he deserves
better than that. i thought maybe
you could be that for him, but you
left too, and honestly, i'm furious
that you're not coming back
i don't even know what she looked like
but she's dead and i am scared
marina Feb 2014
i.
no matter what your teachers
may tell you, your grades are not a
measure of how smart you are, that
has more to do with how you handle your
heart, and i have never seen anyone love
more fiercely or smart than you.  

ii.
i have let boys touch me just because
i was scared to lose them; don't let them
lay a hand on you without you asking
them to, you are worth more than that.

iii.
people will walk away, but you've known
that already.  keep your chin up so that when
they turn back one last time, they know that
you don't need them.
you don't need them.

iv.
i hope you find somebody that holds your
hands, even when you're nervous and
they start to sweat.  if they pull away,
you come find me and i swear,
i won't let go.
i just love her more than words
marina Apr 2013
(could you feel it too?
each last part of me,
poured into the smile
i handed over to you.
because i don't know how
to speak around you,
so i figured everything else
would just have to do.)

to tell you the honest truth,
i'd give anything to sit
and be quiet with you.
oh dear lord, i'm in deep.  i think about him way too often.  he's so lovely and adfljk;
sometimes we get along so well and laugh and talk and then other times i forget that words exist.  boys make things complicated.
marina Apr 2013
yesterday a bird sat down on the power line
just outside my house-
he clamped his beak on the
wire and twisted and pulled until it
snapped in half.
he touched the broken line to
the one underneath it
until sparks flew and he
smoked,
               fell
                     to
                         the
                               ground
                                             .

his body was too mangled
to identify what kind of
bird he was
but experts say he was most likely
one of the two
endangered monsters that
swam in the pond behind the oaks.

i wonder if the remaining will
**** himself next.
that bird makes me want to cry.  birds don't just chew through power lines like that.  
i bet he was sad.  lonely.  i don't know
marina May 2014
i've been thinking about
how your favourite word
is ephemeral because
everything in your life
is so ******* fleeting

and i don't want to be
that way too
he says he still loves me and he has spent too much time not letting me know
marina Nov 2013
maybe my hands shake because
i've been told settling is wrong,
and my fingers have been kept
in their skin for too long

(if i shed, i'm sure i'll grow wings)
idek
marina Feb 2014
the thing about addiction
is that a person
can be rid of it for
years, then relapse at any
moment of exposure
to their poison

(and this is what loving
you feels like)
marina Aug 2013
the most honest i've ever been was with the boy
who lied to everybody else but me; i told him that
i didn't know why i trusted him but i didn't mind if he
never wanted to let go of my hand, that as long as he held on
i'd keep on talking, that all i wanted to be was an
astronaut so i could write first hand-accounts
of the stars, that i imagined creating a new name for myself
every time i woke up so that i wouldn't have to live with my
past, that i didn't know the difference between love and
fear or if there was even a difference at all

in return, he told me a truth that only he believed in
(you're perfect, i swear it)

from then on, i choked on every truth i tried to say, so i ran away
and that night i whispered to the dark over and over again
to convince myself i'd be ready the next time somebody dared me to say it
(i'mscared, i'mscared, i'mscared, i'msorry, iloveyou, i'mscared)
ehh.  i don't know how to make this sound right.
marina May 2014
it is summer again, and
we are getting high underneath
the tanglewood bridge

our shoulders stick together
with sweat, one of us coughing,
inexperienced, the other
laughing

it is summer again, and
i don't remember a day when i
didn't want to spend
all my time with
you
idk this is just a thought more than a poem
marina Mar 2013
i'm unraveling just as quickly
as your words,
and here we are
falling
again,
but this time,
not in the
right
way.
oh good lord, i'm having panic attacks.  my heart hurts.  please tell me how to fix this.
marina May 2014
you took every
fear i had about
inadequacy
and turned them
from mountains to
speed bumps,
reminding me
to slow down,
but never stop
i either get ahead of myself or nowhere at all
but he makes sure that i where i need to be and i love him for that
marina Sep 2015
i used to have all the words
in the world
at the tips of my fingers,
waiting to be written
down or maybe even
touched to my lips
to be sung

have i said all there
is to be said?
marina Jun 2014
i am scared
you will tire
of hearing
me say
'i love
you'
marina Aug 2014
she says
you have become
so good at
rationalizing your
fears
that you've come
to a place where
you're not even
realizing when
you have a chance
if you would just
try


and i started to
think
what if i never
become
more than
seventy-five percent
of what i could
be
marina May 2013
i wonder when ghosts from
our pasts die,
do we feel them go
like we do the
living?
my best friend is adopted.  his blood-related mother just died, he seemed so lost.  he hasn't seen her in years, and she was awful to him, but i can't even imagine
marina Jun 2013
i.
there are some mornings that i
can't get out of bed.  it's much safer
underneath the covers, and even if my sheets aren't
white like they are supposed to be
they are the only things that still feel clean
because every other inch of my room
still tastes and smells and feels like you.

ii.
it was 12:07 when i saw you again
for the first time in months; you didn't know what to
say, so i said it all for you by saying
nothing; it was just enough for both of us.

iii.
later i told you that we should talk, but
when the time came, i couldn't find my words,
so instead, i just decided to cling to you.  
you thought it was maybe because i was trying to
tell you i missed you, or maybe  i was leading you
on- you were wrong on both accounts.
i was just scared of letting you go because you
make bad decisions when you're alone and i didn't want you
to leave the room feeling cold.

iv.
there are some nights that i
can't get into bed.  when i'm awake at least i can
control the number of times you get into my head;
but sleep scares me now because every time i
close my eyes it's like you're still here and
no matter how hard i pretend that your company is easy
it's always unsettling- the honest truth is that
ever since i let you go, i've watched you become a ghost.
hello, i don't know where this came and i'm scared to read this over because i feel like even though every bit of it is the honest truth these words seem like a stranger's.
marina Sep 2013
i still
feel you
in my
ribs

where they bend
and (some
times)
break
((you never
ceased
to pull
like
gravity))
marina Apr 2013
i wish i could hold all your freckles
in the palm of my hand,
(sprinkle them across my body
and drown in them slowly,)

so i could carry a piece of you
with me, always.
&i; don't think the title will make any sense in relation to the poem
unless you are me.  so disregard it.  c:
marina Jun 2013
honesty is just a desperate attempt
for closure used when
there's no more time to fake our way
around the truth
i wish i could write something that took longer than fifteen seconds to read.
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