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marina Nov 2013
do not worry - you
will not be the
first to die; when
you lie down
you will not be
alone.
            
             instead you
will watch the stars
with cleopatra
or quite possibly a
king.
marina Nov 2014
i am not my
mother's daughter or
my sister's shadow
or my family
name,
none of that is
enough to
contain me or
portray me any
more
my mom is disappointed and i will not regret my choices because of that. i am the only one that will dictate what i do with my body
marina Apr 2013
i would chase away
all your demons, if that would
help to change your mind.
tuesdays are hellish.
marina Mar 2013
i don't have the capacity
to love as you do.
and i am so sorry for that
marina Apr 2013
do ghosts get
white-knuckled
when they
cling to
life?
ten word tuesday, woohoo (:
marina May 2013
i have run
out of words
to give to
you
.
marina Jul 2013
(when i was little i used to
stare at the sun)

(i would outstretch my arms
until i swore i could touch it)

(the one time i got burned,
no one was there to catch me)

(and now)
i refuse to be
icarus.
i don't know if this makes any sense. butyeah- i'm really scared of becoming icarus.
kara made me realize i should probably explain icarus (thank you).  so in short, it's a myth- daedalus and icarus were father and son.  daedalus built his son a pair of wings so that he could escape the labyrinth he had built.  the wings were held together with glue; icarus was told that if he flew too close the sea the feathers would become wet and the wax would harden and he wouldn't be able to move the wings, and if he flew too close to the sun, the wax would melt and the wings would fall apart.  when icarus started to fly away, he became overwhelmed with excitement and in his joy continued to fly higher and higher in an attempt to conquer the skies.
but in the end, his father's warning rang true- the wax melted, the wings fell apart, and because of his inability to keep himself grounded, icarus fell.
marina May 2013
i keep my hands held close to my sides
for fear that if i dare stretch them too far
i may burn my fingers upon the edge of the stars--
       (i suppose the fear i know is just a side effect of
       having lost things i've loved far too long
       and loving things too lost to play along)
found this in my drafts.  i really like the first three lines, not sure about the last, though.
marina Oct 2013
i just want to
know what it's like
to not feel alone
when i go to
sleep.
marina Apr 2013
because it's like every time we're
in the same room, i can't
pull my eyes away from the curve
of your ears or the lines of your
knees or the way your veins are
permanently risen off the
back of your hands, like you're
always gripping something,
       you     just     don't    know    what

(it's overwhelming, knowing how
conveniently my hands would
fit into yours, so that you'd finally have
something to hold on to)
true story, yo. because every time i looked at him tonight it was like i couldn't breathe.  the way he knits his eyebrows together when he concentrates and his mouth would move with words you could tell he was itching to say.  and his hands.  i swear, it's like they're dying to be held.  wow, i forgot how creepy infatuation can make a person.
marina Oct 2013
some days i think
you're a saint, and it's
stupid, because all
you have to do is
smile or refill my coffee
before i can even ask,

but it's more than
anyone else has done,
and if i let it slip
that i'm a little bit
in love,
i wouldn't even be
sorry.
because it is so synonymous with every word i am scared to use, but you make them seem like poetry again)
marina Jul 2013
i didn't mind when you
walked away, and i didn't pretend
to ignore it when you looked back
twice, but (in all honesty),
a goodbye would have been nice
hello, i'm sorry for all the crap poetry lately, i just feel a lot of things and nothing at all at the same time and it's confusing me.
marina Apr 2013
today i woke up not knowing where i
was or how to get back home,
(or if i would ever feel at home again)
because although i awake in the same
bed every day, this room is unceasingly cold
and i find myself more and more lost in these
sheets that i don't know as my own  anymore.

i had lain there for forever trying to remember
the last time i had felt comforted by sleep-
when the only thing i could find under my pillows
were nightmares about empty skies and
words that got lost in translation, i had to stop
in my tracks and reteach my self how to breathe.

i'm starting to get this awful feeling
that i'm not always going to fall asleep alone
but i'll still wake up terribly lonely.
um...yeah.  lately i've been feeling unsettled.  restless.  
now, now is making things better though.  "i am what you need when you can't find it somewhere else / i am what you want when you don't want anything else"
fjafdkljaf they are so good
marina Jul 2013
i'll shut my ears and eyes,
but i can't shut you out
any more

(i don't know why you keep
returning when i have nothing
left to give)
marina Jun 2014
and it goes like this:
one day you will look at me
and tell me i'm beautiful like
you always do and i will
not be able to take it anymore

i've been trying hard not to
be in love with you like i know i always
have been, because since day one
i never wanted to just ******* or lie to you
or push you away

i just
wanted
you

beautiful you, with
your quirked eyebrow and your
mother's nose and your love of
stormy afternoons and most recently
me

(i think about you all the time)
you tell me, like i don't understand
but one day you will learn that
i have written hundreds of lines of
poetry about you and i hope that they
will make you
smile
marina Aug 2013
i'd sketch you in charcoal,
then paint your eyes in with
watercolours

(i'm no van gogh, but it
would be hard to make you look
anything less that
gorgeous)
idon'tevenknow
marina Apr 2013
.
i want to carve
the ugly
out of my
bones
.
i feel like i had more to say with this, but i couldn't find the words
marina Dec 2013
my street has been
dark for a while, but
now that there are
lights on every porch,
this neighborhood feels
a lot less empty
and i've been thinking that
maybe it'd be okay now
for you to come
home
[ ]
marina Mar 2013
sometimes i like to pretend
that if you had bound books
in some life before this,
i was the story
you (again and again)
continued to stitch.

and when i was finished,
you would brush my spine softly
then unravel me,
just to piece me
back together again.
i'm not good at emotions
marina Jul 2013
i can't break fear
when it's being
built into
me
i'm really just trying to distract myself because i'm getting too many blows at once and i'm so tired of talking and i don't want to talk anymore but i'm so scared of relapsing right now and i don't know if i can stay clean this time.
marina May 2014
every wall of this house reminds me
of you-

reminds me that you are 591 miles
away, and i haven't heard from you
for seventeen days, and i am beginning
to worry

before you left we sat on the
couch and i asked you to promise
me you would stay alive.
when i held out my pinkie you couldn't
take it, and i always tried to make sure
you'd never see me cry, but i couldn't
stand the thought of living
around your ghost and i guess i just
                                                   lost it

there is a cold spot on the sofa and
i wonder if it is you
i wish i were brave enough to ask
marina Apr 2014
i worry about him all
the time*
i told you and
you shook your head like
you knew all too well

eleven nights later,
you tell me to get some
sleep, you say i worry about
you all the time


and i'm starting to think
it's code for people who
are trying to say 'i love you'
to someone who doesn't
love them back
[ ]
do i even make sense?  when the **** did my life become a ******* love triangle?  this is ridiculous
marina Oct 2013
i want saturday mornings to always smell like
black coffee and your cologne

i want to wake up before the sun rises
and walk around in wool socks, sing elvis presley
under my breath because i'll never admit it
but when i fell for you it was relentlessly and without
inhibition and
                          i just
                                     could not
                                                   help myself

i want to carry two mugs back to bed instead of just
one and i want to be there when you wake up
slowly
i've got it so bad but he's really precious when he sleeps and it's all his fault
marina Feb 2014
i don't need photos to
remember you;
you are burned
onto my
heart
[ ]
marina Oct 2013
how do i fill this
hole?  i wish
i had never
found it in the
first place
i feel like something horribly wrong is going to happen soon
marina Mar 2014
and i wish i knew
how to love you
back
marina Jun 2013
my heart is heavy*
and i am so
weak
what the hell is going on.  my best friend and my ex are going to run away tonight together.  they're discussing this in my living room.  and they're both desperate right now and i'm pretty sure they're going to hook up in the woods or whatever and the whole time i'm thinking how could they do this to me.
marina Apr 2013
they told me happiness would
come, if only i'd look

                                     (but i am tired of searching
                                      only to find nothing)
diddleedee
today is my birthday.  i feel old and at the same time no different at all- strange how that is, isn't it?
marina Mar 2013
i am beginning to wonder when i started finding
imperfections so beautiful

maybe it was when i decided
i would never be perfect,
and that the only way i could look at myself in the mirror
was if i started with the ugly scars on my ankle
and made my way up slowly
past my knobby knees,
prominent hip bones,
too-small chest,
pointy nose,
until i looked myself in the
eyes,
taking in every abnormality or distinct deficiency
until i could convince myself they were unique enough
to be considered in someone else's eyes
"pretty"

i began doing the same thing with everyone else,
turning their flaws into something charming
so much
so that when i came across you,
i didn't have to think about it-
i knew from the start that you would be
perfect.
thank you so much to John Edward Smallshaw for the title C:
marina Apr 2013
kacey tried to ****
herself at thirteen; she cried
when it didn't work.

she didn't try once
more; she was tired of feeling
insignificant
in everything she did.
haiku x 2 + a little more
i'm so sorry your life is so sad, kacey.  really.  you don't deserve what you've been given.
marina Mar 2013
i would give anything
to have to show up at my door,
take my hand
without delay
whisper in my ear
*let's run away
******* doctor who premiere in twenty minutes flipping a **** dfjaskldfasdjfld
:D
marina Sep 2014
i wish you didn't
treat me right,
because i'm so
******* tired
of loving you
more than you
love me
i thought it ****** the other way around, but i was wrong
marina May 2015
it feels like we have been
moving away from each other,
there is more space
between the pillows and sheets,
i am forgetting what the tips
of your fingers feel like
(even when they are on me)

slow down with me, grant
i want to breathe with you,
i want to be with you

untuck your shirt,
lay your head down,
stop running to
whatever is next,
the future is not now,
be here again, be
now again, be mine
again
so i guess i've been gone for a while
marina Jul 2013
i don't know the difference between
the words you spill when your drunk
and the words you whisper when sober
anymore, even when you're intoxicated
you're a liar.
you used to tell me the truth all the time, and then only when you were drunk or high, and now...
marina Apr 2013
thank you for
turning me
into something
beautiful from
dust.
that title is a lie.  but whatevs.  
so there's this song.  and it's called 'beautiful things'; it's by this band called gungor.
and if you're a christian (or not, whatever), it is absolutely imperative that you hear this song.  it's lovely.
http://youtu.be/1spkhp41ig4
marina Feb 2014
i wish my hands didn't shake
every time you say my name,
but i am only
human
****
marina Feb 2014
you said that i
can do better, and i
hope that by better,
you meant
you
'so you're not into him?'
'nah, we're just friends'
and then he smirked because he's dumb and infuriating and said 'good' and i lost my **** a little
marina Jul 2013
i know we've lost time
but we haven't lost each other,
no matter how long we're apart
i could never love another
(not the way that i loved you)
sorry it's so cheesy but i'm really happy because eeee (:
i got to see one of the counselors from my camp today and he was just the best so it was really nice and i can't.  it was just nice.  and next friday is warped tour and i'll get to see my brother and drew&jake; and it's really easy to be positive when seeing them is happening so soon.  also warped tour is my favourite day of the year and i've been waiting too long for this.
marina Oct 2013
you swear that you know that he
was wrong, but his hands were the
closest thing that ever felt like love,
and if he tried again, you wouldn't
tell him to stop
(i blame him for that)
marina Mar 2013
it's spring again(,) and again
i'm the only thing that's
                                     dying
(this       how    
         is              i
                                 feel-

like
           f
             a  p a r t)
                l                  
                  l
     ­               i
                      n
                        ­g
sorry for the angst.  &what; a coincidence- it's the first day of spring.  i didn't even know until after i posted.
marina Nov 2013
i wish i wasn't
so ****
human
marina Nov 2013
he said
sorry, i
totally just
spilled my
heart out
to you


don't worry
i told him
**i know the
feeling
sorrythismakesnosense
marina Jul 2014
i         had         a
dream last night
that     you     fell
in      love     with
someone        else
and     i    realized
that  i  don't want
to      spend     the
rest        of       my
life    scared   that
i  might  lose  you

i         want        to
spend    that  time
waking             up
next      to       you,
seeing               the
world    with   you,
learning    how   to
grow   old  bravely
with                 you

and       i      guess  
what    i'm  trying
to         say         is

marry              me
marina Jul 2014
i feel like the
world is both
too big and
too small

i am being
swallowed whole,
but i have no
place to run,
nowhere to go
i want to be able to say it out loud
marina Nov 2013
i was not meant to run
through fire or hold
stars in my hands, but
my fingers are calloused
from trying.
marina Sep 2013
i wish you would try just one last
time to reach out, so that i could be
the one to walk away

(i'm so ******* proud of myself
for not loving you anymore)
and i don't even feel bad
marina Oct 2014
grant,
i was not tired of
running until
the first time
you held my
hand and said
its okay,
be still,
be quiet,
be brave


with you,
time moves
slowly

and i
let
it
marina Apr 2013
i've been
longing to ask
if you'd
colour
me
in
(i wouldn't even mind
if you didn't take the time
to stay inside the lines)
marina Mar 2013
with every step, i felt myself break
just a little
                  bit
                       more.

i'm sorry i couldn't look back,
i was too afraid of finding you
collecting my pieces
to return them to me;
this time, i want you to keep them.
my heart hurts. i hate breaking up. nine months, then nothing.  it doesn't make sense.  it was my decision, and i'm still confused.
marina Jan 2014
my biggest fear is that i will
stop wanting to become more
than the person i already am

(i will not settle for just getting by
any longer; i want to be
magnificent)
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