he says
you're worth
everything
and he
kisses me
like he
believes
it

i know we've lost time
but we haven't lost each other,
no matter how long we're apart
i could never love another
(not the way that i loved you)

i wonder when ghosts from
our pasts die,
do we feel them go
like we do the
living?

i can't break fear
when it's being
built into
me

i want to be
allowed to
kiss the
tips of your
fingers and
trace your
collarbones
with my
tongue

i don't need you anymore
   --but some days i need someone who will
   listen, somebody who will hold my hand and
   promise me that it's okay, that someday
   all my scars will go away, and that even if they don't
   i can still be beautiful; i don't need you anymore,
   but some days i need somebody who could make me feel
   something only you could, and some days all i need
   somebody who will keep me safe--

(and some days i wish it was okay for me to
still want you here)

your hands are a double edged
sword, but i am learning
how to lace my skin with steel
and you can not
cut me
any
more

kissing you felt like
swallowing fire, like drowning
in thin air, like causing an earthquake
under just my skin

and it was perfect

when all your scars
fade, will you pretend
you never had them
in the first place?

i would give anything
to have to show up at my door,
take my hand
without delay
whisper in my ear
*let's run away

we go out after the first storm
like explorers in new terrain, and
these steps are gentle and uncertain,
this world is new.
it is still grey but you point to a patch
of sun between the clouds and say,
that's what you look like beside
everyone else and i used to think
i stuck out like a **** in the midst of flowers
but you make me feel like i am a butterfly
amongst unchanging caterpillars.
a gust of wind pushes rain drops off the
tree leaves - they cling to your mouth like
fresh dew or sweat beads, and i
want to kiss them clean

she says
you have become
so good at
rationalizing your
fears
that you've come
to a place where
you're not even
realizing when
you have a chance
if you would just
try

and i started to
think
what if i never
become
more than
seventy-five percent
of what i could
be

if only we could choose which scars
fade and which remain;
i'd rid myself of every that bore
semblance to your name.

i wish i could figure out the
person you've become so i could
stop expecting the old you
to show up at my door.

(by now it would feel
like seeing a
ghost)

your loss for words
is the most beautiful poetry
i have ever known;
i want nothing more than
to hold that secrecy
behind my lips
and keep it there
forever.

i want to glitter
like dust does in
sunlight

instead of picking flowers for you
i'll take you where they grow,
together we can watch them die
when heat gives way to snow

(i just want to be with you
as seasons come and go)

i feel like the
world is both
too big and
too small

i am being
swallowed whole,
but i have no
place to run,
nowhere to go

you said-
thinking about the stars
makes me feel so small

but we sat there 'til we
were shaking in the cold,
and i had never felt
bigger.

all i ever want to do
is stay up all night
and play guitar with you.

i find myself
inching
nearer to
you,

with every
day, hour,
minute
i am almost
there but
never
close
enough

i know that we all break in different
ways (and who am i to talk?) but
i thought you were stronger than that.

i am done with being
strong; i am not an earthquake
or a hurricane, and this is not
natural, just a disaster

i want to collapse,
i want to relax,
i want to relapse

i am growing
older
still

(for i have
carried
on)

how do i fill this
hole?  i wish
i had never
found it in the
first place

i am so shattered--
parts of me are
2159 miles away
and i am scared
they will never
come back

grant,
i was not tired of
running until
the first time
you held my
hand and said
its okay,
be still,
be quiet,
be brave

with you,
time moves
slowly

and i
let
it

some days i forget
how to love everyone
but you.

i'm not sure if we
are victims of
circumstance
or blessed by
coincidence

(when icarus fell
did he have time
to cry out?  or did
he fall without
warning or grace?)

thank you for
turning me
into something
beautiful from
dust.

you've got just enough flaws
to be
         absolutely
                          *******
                                            perfect.

you make me
happy** he
said, and i
fell asleep
smiling

(i am tired of being
the part of your song that
cannot be finished)

      -- my hands get cold
      quickly, so take them please,
      tell me you'll love me
      for one more night and
      i'll ******* like i
      believe it,
      i'll do you a favor and
      pretend it never happened
      come morning if you
      pretend that you need me
      for now--

will you not write me
down because you're scared,
or because you don't
know how?

it's spring again(,) and again
i'm the only thing that's
                                     dying
(this       how    
         is              i
                                 feel-

like
           f
             a  p a r t)
                l                  
                  l
     ­               i
                      n
                        ­g

darling, do you
     even know
how                          
      *******
                ­ cute
   you are?

i don't know if i am proud that he
loved me first or jealous because he
liked you last.  some selfish part of
me still hopes that when i see him next
he will tell me that it's always been
me, even though i know i'd be too
scared to say it to him, and he deserves
better than that. i thought maybe
you could be that for him, but you
left too, and honestly, i'm furious
that you're not coming back

i wish you didn't
treat me right,
because i'm so
******* tired
of loving you
more than you
love me

it feels like we have been
moving away from each other,
there is more space
between the pillows and sheets,
i am forgetting what the tips
of your fingers feel like
(even when they are on me)

slow down with me, grant
i want to breathe with you,
i want to be with you

untuck your shirt,
lay your head down,
stop running to
whatever is next,
the future is not now,
be here again, be
now again, be mine
again

we are to big for this space

there must be some law or
science that says it isn't possible
for us to fill the same air, and yet
here we are again, breathing
into each other's worlds,
inhalations of new life, exhales of
little deaths and

we are defying every rule we were told,
every promise we made to stay away,
every regulation made for our own good

it is dangerous and explosive and beautiful

you said that i
can do better, and i
hope that by better,
you meant
you