i'm sorry i hid,
but seeing you would have meant saying
goodbye all over again,
and i wanted to keep your last words to me
'i love you too'

i don't need you anymore
   --but some days i need someone who will
   listen, somebody who will hold my hand and
   promise me that it's okay, that someday
   all my scars will go away, and that even if they don't
   i can still be beautiful; i don't need you anymore,
   but some days i need somebody who could make me feel
   something only you could, and some days all i need
   somebody who will keep me safe--

(and some days i wish it was okay for me to
still want you here)

i want my name to become
synonymous with
your definition of hope
        (i don't know how to save you
        but i know how to try,
        and if you let me, i'll be your saving grace)

last night i went through old polaroids
of when you were still around-
the edges had faded and i couldn't
remember if they had once been coloured
or if the pictures had always been
black and white.  i tried to think back
to the exact moments they were taken, but
i couldn't get dates to stick in my head,
just the sound of your laugh right after
the camera had clicked- (it changed almost monthly,
and it was the only way i judged the
passing of time back then)

when i put them away to get some sleep,
i dreamt of your new laugh, and when i woke up
i realized i wasn't able to hear it.

i didn't mind when you
walked away, and i didn't pretend
to ignore it when you looked back
twice, but (in all honesty),
a goodbye would have been nice

&on; the count of three, we laid out our flaws and
they mirrored each other perfectly-
when i tried to take mine back
i gathered some of yours (and it was
an accident, i swear, but i don't mind
carrying them for you)

i know how heavy you must feel

instead of picking flowers for you
i'll take you where they grow,
together we can watch them die
when heat gives way to snow

(i just want to be with you
as seasons come and go)