You can find me hiding in plain sight.

A master of disguise shifting shapes at the blink of an eye.

Speaking nothing but beautiful lies.

Designed to fill your mind with ease.

Taking all that you know and breaking it down to microscopic shards too small to piece into anything that holds the slightest bit of significance.

It's not easy living life through the eyes of a sad, confused, lonely, angry, self distorting guy.

But still I try.

Try to fit into a place where I don't want to be.

I stare at my reflection and I know that it's not me that I see.

Just a character designed to people please.

Leaving me unhappy.

LET GO



I’ve learnt about Love by letting go
To accept the justice of fate
Know loss without hate
For the Love that I searched for
is the Love that I know
Now ‘I’ can grow
beyond limitations previously set
‘I’ knows I'm not there yet -
but I'm going
Growing
Not slowing
The rate is increasing
relative to my releasing
this fear projected fleecing

I've learnt about Fear by letting go
To look at things that scared me
Made me slave instead of free
Locked me in my carbon steel cage
till I willed to turn the page
to see what's on the other side
Why we've lived
Why we've died
What they said
How they lied
and kept a candle burning
to keep us from turning
to see the real
Light of Love
from Within
as Above.

As she lay in my bed
words floated and thoughts drifted
I knew what I had, or
was supposed to do.

I tried and I tried, but
I just couldn’t make it
I cried, then I died
in the darkness.

She was there - was she mine?
I just didn’t know,
So I sat silently smoking and
let it all go.

Will you conquer my heart with your beauty; my sould going out from afar?
Shall I fall to your hand as a victim of crafty and cautions shikar?

Have I met you and passed you already, unknowing, unthinking and blind?
Shall I meet you next session at Simla, O sweetest and best of your kind?

Does the P. and O. bear you to meward, or, clad in short frocks in the West,
Are you growing the charms that shall capture and torture the heart in my breast?

Will you stay in the Plains till September—my passion as warm as the day?
Will you bring me to book on the Mountains, or where the thermantidotes play?

When the light of your eyes shall make pallid the mean lesser lights I pursue,
And the charm of your presence shall lure me from love of the gay “thirteen-two”;

When the peg and the pig-skin shall please not; when I buy me Calcutta-build clothes;
When I quit the Delight of Wild *****; foreswearing the swearing of oaths ;

As a deer to the hand of the hunter when I turn ’mid the gibes of my friends;
When the days of my freedom are numbered, and the life of the bachelor ends.

Ah, Goddess! child, spinster, or widow—as of old on Mars Hill whey they raised
To the God that they knew not an altar—so I, a young Pagan, have praised

The Goddess I know not nor worship; yet, if half that men tell me be true,
You will come in the future, and therefore these verses are written to you.

When the darkness comes, I am the light,
As uncertainty enters, I fill you with fright,
I am all you fear, as it boils inside, I am the painful trip you long to ride,
The pain and pleasure you only felt in c=dreams,
I am everything, or so it would seem,
Whenever you cry out in your sleep,
I ****** up your soul, for me to keep,
And just when you feel you cannot go n,
I will laugh, because you will know I have won,
When you are with me, time stands still,
I **** your blood, your life, your will,
I will anoint my body with your coppery heat,
I am one mistake you’ll not soon repeat,
Drawing out every precious drop in a ravenous frenzy,
Knowing your last ounce will bring me pure ecstasy,
Watching as all signs of life leave your eyes,
At this moment, you encompass ALL that I despise,
I laugh to myself as I savor your tangy salt,
As you wither and wilt, you know it is only your fault,
To watch your blood slowly drain and spill,
Each drop tantalizes my every thrill,
One last little drop and you will obey me,
You, no longer, are your own entity,
I will take everything you have to give,
If you are lucky, I may let you live,
Now you can finally begin to conceive,
My hunger only live to deceive,
You are a mere pawn in my ruthless game,
I alone hold the power to make you insane,
I am the one and only true master,
My name spells imminent disaster.

Water so shallow
I can see straight to the bottom.
Conversation
clearly
not enough to irrigate
the open wounds.

Leave me to drown.
Saturate your lies
into some other body.
Use your tears
to water other flowers.

I'll lay out and enjoy
while the sun still sunshines.
Time for you to move, out of sight.
You're blocking my light.
Before you make lines.
Permanent lines.

I belive it was in a rest stop outside of Nashville when I first discovred just what lost truely

was.

The people moved ants to a hive.

Ghost's to the shell so to speak.



Looking up routes streching worn stiff leg's and existing in personal bubbles.

Affraid a seconds conversation would burst a moments ******* cast

existance.



But I only sat watching happy to be a viewer to many seperate acts in a bound for nowhere

play.



Hey you have the time?

I dont even have a watch.

I replyed to some lost south bound kid more ******* up looking

than myself.

He said nothing more as he simply  faded into the herd.



They were all bound for somewhere  and me I was just killing time.

My home was wherever I could catch a few hours sleep.

And hopefully I'd be outta this state befor long.



I was a nomad most called me a ***.

A traveler of fate and a lazy ******* to caught up in my own personal gains to settle down.



The voices of reason would seem to echo through strangers.

Whenever I'd take time to speak like some twisted record player

they'd always repeat.



So where you heading?

Nowhere and hopefully it has  a bar.



Why you on the road?

Well really I just decided to take a walk one day.



Where from?

North Carolina.

Wow why you in Texas.

It's a long walk.



Man your weird!.

Arent we all in some way?



And with that the conversation would fade into my beloved silence.

And I would view the highway and it's ever changing landscape.



The mountian  sunset's ,the desert  in the moolight ,

A city slum to a rest stop outside of Nashville where you find me now.



I'd seen Americas watercolors and her sharp edges and still charming sleeze.

And from a shared ride to a cold park bench.

I was embracing the forbidden fruit spoken of by

far better  fools and writers than me.



For true freedom was seldom safe.

But I viewed this world a travller a stranger to all including myself.



And from strange looks to even more bizzar remarks from  thoose who couldnt fathom

someone existing with no true purpose.



The question always was asked

from so many forgetable faces.



So where are you going?

Im just taking a long walk home.

Maybe im alone in my views maybe just bitter from age.
The road a fond memory like a old man who sits dead in legs yet giving thought to only wind
of times blonde hairs and scent did linger jasmine of his thoughts is sweetest when reflected by window so far from that time.

Now im like that man unable to run so here i sit lost to life a stranger to all even myself.
A cold drink on a honey suckle laced backpoarch.
If only my turns were diffreent maybe id know happiness i never been able to grasp unto myself.

But poets thirst for pain and self destruction is a well unfilled no lifetime could quench.

Alone I understand reason a monster ive grown to call myself.
In ways ive grown only to speak in pages none choose to read yet many can grasp.
Ive seen wars fought internal to cast shadows over the most clear sky.

Is it not time for a seaside eternal rest?

In pain I find logic sadness my eternal home nothing can mend broken roads but only help to build
more isolated paths.
Please i beg never to choose my road for it was never my to choose.

Tommorow will find tears in what never was todays reality.

It never was ment but it sure felt right.
All my hopes have finally found rest.
With motions a roar shall you recall my liftime based
apon one single night.

View me a pawn so mention the fool.
Judge only your actions and always remeber the voice silent in rage washed clean of tommorows misery for which iv'e had my final share.

Two strangers grasp togather all of nothing why must we question all that never can be?

                    The sunset holds promise red in color painted in thoughts
                    may one at least be held in happiness of farewell to me.

My road was always headed in a direction we all understood it was bound to happen sooner than later.
Why follow when I had no other choice.

Underneath nights stage in a gentle breeze soliace is such a peacefull fade.
What is taken shall never be replaced.

Back roads like my image seem destined for only past reflection for ive burnt the image within the depths
of a dirrty song and a broken soul.
Track marks warm feeling can you embrace my day eternal and gather my sense for just one more write.
Can i hold it togather just for one more night?
Im sorry i cant speak within these confines lets give madness a manic spin in a shallow crowd.

As a dim lit room the wine will flow sangria's fire can you replace that which I no longer control?
It used to be freedom now it only is a action like some trained monkey or circus animal i know the routine but never do i thrive as once i did befor.

As for passion it's as dead as my voice that echos within this tomb.
Do you know what it is to die twice.?
I never did thirst for the norm and now im overwhelmed by rejection it's so very hard to run on junkies leg's.
Page I can only spoil your plessure for the well has went dry leaving only a fool with a tin cup to die of thirst beside you.

Another summers play ive passed more thoughts unwritten to a audience of stars .
When words dont connect there simply empty call's apon the wind.
But a fools  yerning is but a role and this play has been cast for another.

I hope you understand that which makes me only question in a paranoid late night haze.
The nightwatch no longer my own time has come for me to step aside.