We end up leaving
What seemed the most comfortable

There are places
That make you feel alive
There’s a certain connection to the world that is created
So pure
So authentic
So sacred

What if you just skipped
moments hoping there will be
better ones.

Sometimes
The love we feel inside
doesn't know
how to manifest itself

There is endless opportunities
Yet sometimes I feel stuck

The people who let you down
Are afraid of your potential

They say
that you
will
always find
what you
are
looking for
One day
when
you
have
given up

Dreams
do come true
even if
we don't expect it

When we lose everything
A glimpse of hope still strikes
We cannot do it alone
No matter how much we try
We need guidance
Care
And constant
attention

Sometimes the world will show you
That you only need yourself
To feel confident

We are always surrounded by people who don’t understand us
We always give chances to the people who don’t deserve our attention

But maybe

Someday
We’ll realize
That we should only understand ourselves
And we should give ourselves the chance to start again
after every failure

Let us
Get out
Of this mess
Called our minds

You deserve
the same amount of love
you invest in other people

People will always ask you :
What is your job?
What did you study?
As if you're supposed to figure out your
whole life in your 20's

In 60 days
I tried my best to rediscover
my country Lebanon
It was weird
to experience
the other side
that I didn’t see before
the side
where everything is okay
where youth still governed an
important part of society
But most of all
to see how your school friends
have blossomed into mentally mature human beings
who aren’t afraid to show their fragile souls to the world

This time
I wanted to feel everything
feel the heat
feel the human interaction
feel the pain, the sadness of leaving
but also feel the joy
of recovering from insignificant
and useless scars

How much
was it important
To change your room,
your wall hangings
the ideas in your mind
but to keep your childhood
best friends close
no matter the distance
and no matter the time

Do not become the enemy of yourself
Love yourself
You are capable of doing it

If only
We talk
About
Our failtures
The same way
We talk
About our
Accomplishments

If I keep searching for answers
I’ll lose myself

Believe
In
The opportunity
Given
To you

I want to walk aimlessly
In streets I have never visited
Feel alive when looking at strangers
Embrace uncertainty
And let it have a root in me

You are not supposed to feel happy all the time
Tell yourself this again:
I
am
not
supposed
to
feel
happy
all
the
time

Have faith in better days
In a better future
Look forward for accomplished goals

Hello?
yes
Can you hear me?
yes
Listen to me
I am not here to tell you that we’re going back together
So why are you calling?
I just needed to express myself
Okay go on
You mean something to me
I can’t stop talking to you
You're my friend, my friend from school
I want us to talk
But sometimes I feel like I don’t mean a thing to you
That’s not true and you know that
Let me continue
I don’t know why I keep going back to you
and you’re the one that hurt me
I guess I don’t want to lose you
and I don’t know if that’s a good thing
But listen carefully
I am not your psychiatric not your nurse
I am someone who has difficulties in their life as much as you do
So please understand me
I just want good vibes without feelings
I just want us to talk as friends that never lost their friendship despite the distance
Do you understand? Are you listening?
Yes I am I really like what you said even if there are some things that I don’t agree with
It doesn’t matter at least I am saying what’s on my mind
The conversation ended there
But actually it never happened
I created it to justify myself for talking to him again
That’s all

What if
I wanted to be an adult
But an adult with some human qualities
I don't want to go to work
If I woke up unable to breath, speak or walk
Where's the problem?
If you cried because you can't stand it anymore
Because you've had a tough day
Or because you've suddenly missed all the people that left

If you think you're a strong human being
because you can control your life, your feelings and your problems
Then you're everything but human
Listen to me
I don't want to transform myself into a mechanical process where all the organs of a human being are forgotten

Adulthood is an illusion just like love
Being an adult will not make you braver
You still have all the feelings and the fears of your childhood
But you know how to hide them

Let go
of what keeps
your human roots
stuck to the ground

Let go
and liberate yourself
You deserve better my dear
Second chances are not always
worth the try

Just remember that even a movie
sequel is worse than the original

I always feel the need to go out
To walk aimlessly in streets I never visited
To explore new spaces
To meet the faces of strangers
To stare at artistic buildings
To enter random bookstores
and pick up coffee on the way home

It's how they made you feel
That's the most important thing

Some people leave
because they gave us
everything we need
in order to continue
our path in life

I will not give up on my dream
No matter how many times I doubt yourself

Simply because
we are humans
we like what is
unexpected
what is unheard of
We just want to
feel amazed

I never hated you
And I never will

Just like that
You end up inhaling smoke
They fill your lungs with a
temporary happiness and a brief
moment of satisfaction
Yes, these people were cigarettes

I packed my life in a suitcase
And I traveled the world
Not caring how much clothes I have

Connections
are beautiful
rare
and full
of sacred moments

like cigarettes
***** drinks
mixed with long unnecessary conversations

like the sound of the rain
the smell of coffee
mixed with poems and books
written by
unknown authors

like your skin
you perfume
mixed with the sound of your voice

like sunsets
loud music
mixed with long walks

like snow
pure desires
mixed with dark thoughts

like first times
new friends
mixed with discoveries of unvisited places

like photographs
vintage clothes
mixed with us holding hands in museums

like big sweaters
messy hair
mixed with feelings of belonging and complete confidence

like summer nights
the moon
mixed with old memories

like children
the simplest pleasures
mixed with church bells

like dreams
Freud
and unknown tomorrows

like broken hearts
sad songs
and depressive moments

like movies
sacred movies
and self-discoveries

like new words
dictionaries
and Albert Camus

like love letters
platonic relationships
and endless scenarios

like rivers
a sense of reborn
and other perspectives

Silence your mind
So you can listen
to others

I left
So you'll grow outside of me
I came back to see what remained of our flame

I'm torn between what I want and what I need to do
I'm torn between allowing myself to feel something for someone or spending a lifetime not admitting it
I'm torn between my distant country and the new city that I live in
And all these things
that I can't control
are making me go mad
This uncertainty is killing me
I'm tired of all this mess
This modern world is nothing but
a series of routines that are repeated
Like a tv show that you're not able
to stop watching
Full of silences in the metro when
you can't stop thinking about every single thing

Do it
whatever causes you
pain
awkwardness
embarrassment
Make it happen
even if you are
unexperienced
beginner
with too many hopes

Those who let us love ourselves
Those who taught us to forgive

There are so many opportunities
Out there
Yet why do I feel stuck?

I like someone
Who will make me forget
The existence of my phone

We don’t need permission
To be ourselves

And they asked:
What word defines
your society?
And I said :
Instant coffee
Why?
Because we desire
energy
and
speed
in everything
we do

I am not a poet
Nor a writer
I only transfer
What I feel
When I doubt myself
When I want to express
Either my sadness
or my anger

There are safe spaces
That we have created in our own heads

To open up to a world full of opportunities
Is the most sacred thing right now

Thank you for that person that told me
that I won't make it
that I will fail
You don't even know how much you helped
me challenge myself and work harder

Some people make us who we are
And we will never get the opportunity
To thank them

I lost myself
Trying to find you