The heart where once
love resided fell too cold.

Now the flesh turns
an uneasy grey beneath
a thin layer of dusty frost.

When touched,
the fingertips stick and the cold bites.
Few dared to warm
the space with their hands
and now neglect has my heart forgot.

There's an uncared for path.
An overrun piece of forest
nearly hidden in the brush
that leads to a cave.

There's a cool breeze
that staves away my curiosity.

i looked at you
and i saw the world falling apart in your eyes
i just hope you didnt cry
know that losing me is not as traumatic
as when the boy across the street made you do things when you were nine
or when your grandpa died
because i know you've only cried twice
please know
i'm not important enough to cry over
for you are far better than this

and i hope your palms don't sweat when you think of me
and your breath didn't catch when you saw my bracelet on your kitchen counter
i'll forever remember how you always touched your fingers when you were talking
and the way you you rubbed your face when you were tired
and don't think i'll forget the little scar on your right wrist
or your crooked dimples whenever you finally smiled

know that we were not meant to be
in this place, and in this time
and know that
i hope you didn't cry

One year, seventy six poems
and twenty five thousand glances
later.

You are gone.
I am alive.
Still.

He is here.
I want him to be.
And only for myself.

The wants have disappeared,
the time has finally come.

Give of yourself for yourself.

So I shall
this time
take a step forward
no more two behind.

Feel whatever comes,
take whatever gives.

*Almost dying with a smile on my face.

I saw you today.

As you sat with half
of your face facing
away from me,
I prayed you would look at me.

You didn't then,
but you met me at the staircase,
laughed,
and disappeared from the landing.

I saw you today.

And I don't remember
much of anything else.

Fine, I will confess.
You have me.

You have me smiling at
the perfect shape of your perfect words.
Though half the world
create the distances between us
you map them with
the mere presence of you.
And I feel lonely no more.

You have me awake at night,
combing the depths of my half-awake mind,
searching for pieces of you
to go to dreamland with.

I sometimes blink twice
on a perfect moment,
as if to take a mental picture for you.
I sometimes rub my hands together
to feel how warm your face might feel like.

You have me.

You just do.

Trust is like
handing someone
a candle
in a storm
and expect them to
keep it burning.