i guess you only like girls who are broken
and want to be hurt, like your hands
around her neck, want
bruises and cuts
in the shape of a heart,
inhaling and choking on your affection
like she needs it to breathe

translucent skin stretched across
veins that pump nicotine and you
you, you, you, you, you

judgement clouded by hyper-dependent
infatuation and the need to heal her
hollowness, although you’ll only ever be
another teardrop on her pillowcase
while she hums herself to sleep
with midnight lies

“the loss of you would be the loss of my life”

and the saddest part
is that i almost let myself fall
back into becoming that
lifeless, empty girl
once more because i thought it might
make you love me again.

my past is vanishing
any remainder that is left is only a blur
i am forgetting you
and what it's like to love you
i've finally let go
but I believe that is beneficial for me
i am moving on
to a better life
to better habits
and a better you
but I have you thank
for just one thing
i've learned I need to run my own life
to make decisions on my own
to believe in myself
and it turns out
{ at times }
i'm not so bad after all

-m.a.

"i sometimes wish i stayed inside
my mother
never to come out." -daughter

i do feel like this a whole lot. but a thought like this is drastically selfish. and the thought of my selfishness often leads to thoughts of never leaving my mothers womb. either way, the thoughts never do disperse from my mind. and i feel as if at any moment i could break. my pain is inevitable, as is my self abuse.

-m.a.

i think i'll miss you forever. like the stars miss the sun in the midst of the night. i don't expect you to return anytime soon. but that doesn't mean I don't still miss you. that doesn't mean i don't still love you. i'll always love you. the way the waves continue to kiss the shore, even though it is constantly being sent away. but i love you even more than that, like how the sun loves the moon so much that he dies every night just so she can breathe.

-m.a.

I think we all have certain people who just stick with you. From your happiest to your darkest days, in your toughest times those are the people you are reminded of. The ones you desire to stay strong for; the ones that keep you on your feet. Although they may not be in your life as they used to, they will always be in your heart. And one day, 20 years from now I hope to meet you again, so that I am able to let you know that I'm okay, and that I've been thinking about you. That I've missed you, and that you've been the one keeping me from falling all these years. And by then my wish for you is that you're happy, even if it is without me.

-m.a.

You see, darling, I don't think you realize what a lovely person you are. I've come to know almost every detail of you, without realization. You may not see it in yourself, but you truly are a beautiful creation. From your black, curly hair, to your broad shoulders, and all the way down to the tips of your toes. I want so dearly to wake up one day to those puppy dog eyes of yours, and to kiss you on your lips. To wander through streets as the autumn weather drifts through the air. As I reach over to grab hold of your hand interlocking perfectly with mine. To sit in at a small table for two in a little café downtown, drinking hot coffee, and engaging in conversation for hours on end. To know what it feels like to wrap myself in your arms on a cold, rainy day. And feel the warmth of your body travel throughout mine. Lastly, to feel a love so strongly regarding you, that I can even feel it on my weakest days. And my love for you will last until the sun shall burn out, and lose every trace of strength, light, and heat. Until the end of eternity.

-m.a.

I fell in love with the way you write. How you write in so much detail and how you choose your words so precisely.
I fell in love with the way you talk. How your voice serenades me with every word you speak.
I fell in love with the way I fell in love with you. How abruptly I realized that all this time it had been you all along.
I fell in love with the feeling of being in love with you. How it makes me feel like there's nothing else in the world I'd rather feel, like everything makes sense.
But, most importantly, I fell in love with you, only you. And no matter how much I try not to love you, I can't. At this point, it has become completely impossible and extrememly difficult for me to even go a single day without thinking of you, writing about you, or looking into the sparkle in your eyes. And I don't know why I love you so much, because you really don't return any attention to me. I will often times just gaze at you, and a million butterflies will quiver in my stomach simply from your very presence. It's crazy how love makes you feel sometimes.

-m.a.