I tried so hard for so long to be perfect
But it finally hit me,
I'm not
And I never will be
So I guess I'll stop trying now
And just be me

the first cut is always the deepest*
So I've heard them say
I would have never thought that one day I'd end up here
I would have never thought of my self like this
Struggling not to take a razor to my skin
And tear it apart
Sitting there watching the pretty skin
Disappear into scars and a deathly red fluid
I know one day I will go too far
But I'm so far gone I won't care
The multiple laserations on my writs are painful
But not as painful as what you did to me
But with those few words to tore me down
And took me back to this place
This place I refere to as home
Because I was only gone for a short while
This thing they call addiction is powerful
So powerful I can't stop anymore
I'm sorry
But I'm gone now

These words will be the death of me
The words you speak
You said you'd see me soon
But that was so long ago
Why do you do this to me
It's so loud inside my head with all the things you screamed at me
I can't get them out
You never really cared did you
Ask myself so many questions I know you can't hear me though
Not anymore
There's so much to tell you but I never got the chance
I can't be mad at myself for not saying that words I always wanted to

How can I sit here and feel bad for myself
The sadness in the air feels like its pouring on me
And I'm just stuck in the storm
This never ending storm will be the end of me
I can't cry because I've cried all my tears
I can't cut because there's no where left to cut
I try to stay clean for you
But you're the one making the storm
The storm that just rains on me
The storm that you just beg will go away
But it never does
There's a feeling in my lungs and it won't go away
A feeling like I can't breathe
Like the storm is drowning me
And you're holding my mouth open so it goes straight down
I can't breathe anymore
An I even still here
Or am I just gone
I can't tell anymore

I dream about those kind of nights
Those nights where we just sit and talk for hours
When I can hear the happiness in your voice
When my mind just trails off
Because talking to you is magical
I can talk to you about anything
Anything at all
Because talking to you never gets old

I think about it everyday
The day you left
But I won't let that get me down
Because I'm stronger than that
I'm stronger now
I don't do those things anymore
I'm clean almost 6 weeks
No thanks to you though
But I thank you
you helped me realize how harsh I can be
Im not that way anymore
I'm stronger now

I sit here with a smile on my face
But no one knows that smiles fake
I try so hard to keep that smile on your face
I can't breathe where I'm at
I feel like I'm drowning
But I guess it's true what try say
You don't have to be in water
To feel like you're drowning