The snow has melted.

Why do I feel so cold?

Your standards don't define me
Every cloud has a lining
Just sometimes that lining's obscure

I'm not defined
As that blurry grey line
And I will not be ignored.

The inner storm,
The calamity within...
The rumble,
The bang,
The drop of a pin.
The ringing in my ears,
That never would stop.
The boiling,
The melting,
The breakdown,
The pop.

A break in the clouds,
Let in rays of sunlight.
A new sense of normal,
Where all wrongs seem so right.

And oh,
What a mess we have made,
My dear.

It's okay to stop missing people
It's okay to fall in love with the wrong person
It's okay to trust too easily
It's okay to have your heart broken
It's okay to fall apart
It's okay to love someone more than they love you
It's okay to put up barriers
Because sometimes that's the only way we can truly be protected.
It's okay to choose anger over sadness because sometimes anger is easier to feel
But sadness will always return.
It's okay to pick up the pieces of yourself because only you can actually do that
It's okay to laugh as hard as you'd like to cry,
One thing at a time.
It's okay to recognize the damage you've done to your own life
It's okay to feel bad about it
It's also okay to take responsibility for it
It's okay to say sorry to the friends you've pushed away
It's okay to thank them for still being there after you've acted
Like a total self-absorbed disconnected disillusioned *****
It's okay to look in the mirror and hate what you see
But still say out loud: "I am beautiful and I need to be loved."
It's okay to cut the sick people out of your life, the people that **** you dry with their toxicity and false love and promises, the people whom you can do nothing for, and who can do nothing for you.
It's okay to wish you had a better mother or father or childhood
It's okay to leave and never come back
It's okay to give into the healing process
Because our bodies were programmed to heal.

It's okay

Maybe one day you will cry as hard and as long as you've been avoiding life itself
Maybe one day you will no longer be afraid of feeling the pain
Maybe one day you will see that this too, shall pass
Maybe one day you will see why I cannot have you in my life
Maybe one day I will see why you cannot have me in your life
Maybe we can all ease into forgiving ourselves and
Love a little harder,
Laugh a little louder,
Feel a little deeper.

It's okay if this happens,
And it's okay if it doesn't.

It's okay if I do these things and it's okay if you don't.
It's okay if you do and it's okay if I don't.
It's okay.

Oh, the things I didn't see
Blinded by the mystery
Searching for your hidden past
That you keep behind that stupid mask
Do you have a problem with trust?
Did you say love when you meant lust?
What have you got to hide?
Behind your icy eyes.

Hold me like a father holds his daughter
Make me feel welcome and secure
But kiss me like the sand kisses the water
As the waves gently wash onto the shore
Whisper like the wind beneath my wings
Whisper in my ear I won't be harmed
Hold me with your heart, your soul, your feelings.
Hold me, keep me safe inside your arms.

For the first time in my life, it's like I can't put my feelings into words
I'm out of time and out of breath, it's not my turn
If I knew anything, it was how to talk
I could rhyme before I could walk
I could yell, I could whine, I could rant, I could sing
But now it's as if I can't do anything.
My goo-goos and ga-gas were melodic and sweet
But I'm all out of words. I've been beat.

Walking away
A victor? A coward?
Strutting quickly
No longer empowered
Falling from a skyscraper, tower
Because you gave me a shove

I only went up there because you made me
I thought that you would come to save me
But I just sat there, longing, waiting
Waiting for your love.

The day is coming.
It will be here before I know it.
It will be a Sunday morning.
I will curl my hair pretty and gloss my lips an innocent shade of pink.
I will put on a nice dress, nice shoes, and a nice necklace.
I will look so nice.
Much nicer than I usually look Sunday mornings.
I will disguise my hangover with the sent of lavender oil,
and the blackest coffee known to man.
I will take a look at myself in my bathroom mirror, I mean really
Take a look at myself,
At what the past four years have meant to me, and to my family.
Then I will put on the cap, and frown because no one ever looks pretty in those **** things.
Then I will put on the gown, and feel nervous, excited, ready.
My mom, my dad, my brother,
They will all be there, also looking nice.
And I will go to the stadium, sit in my seat between two strangers who's names also begin with "Kh."
And my heart will pound,
and my palms will sweat,
and my mouth will dry,
and then they will call my name,
and I will stand up and smile, proudly.
And I will be a college graduate,
One of the first in my family.