I knocked my knee on the rod under the table.
I put a runner in my tights.
I licked my finger to wash the wound clean.
It stung for only a second.
Then it was as if it never happened.
The ditsy waitress with the blonde bun and bubblegum
was annoying me with the way she wouldn't pick up her feet.
She had a stupid Chinese tattoo on her wrist,
and like most of the world
she thought she could use a band aid as a cover up,
but nothing that obvious stays hidden that long
without being noticed.
And to top it all off, they burnt my tuna melt.

I got weird looks from people who passed,
catching the 50 Shades of Grey title on my book,
disgusted and pondering why
I would ever hold it up in a family restaurant.
The black man was eyeing me up in the corner.
The lady with the pink lipstick in her teeth thought I was erratic and disturbed.
The businessman thought it was merely for attention,
Well
jokes on them,
I did it just to **** them off.

That's when I looked over at you,
You were eating breakfast and a ****** cup of coffee.
It was 4 in the afternoon.
I could see your Captain America underpants
creeping out of your jeans without a belt.
I could see your eyes judging the newspaper headlines.
You seemed almost as unhappy as me.

So I went over and asked if you dropped the pen
I found in my pocket,
and when you didn't even look up at me to respond
I told you it was just a poor excuse to talk to you.
"I respect that,"
you said between bites of your omelet.
You glanced up at me for only a moment,
blue eyes, **** chin
probably expecting me to leave after the prolonged silence,
but I sat there unchanged,
I don't really pick up on social cues.

"You're pretty hot."
I guess neither do you.
I smiled something creepy, because I don't do it that often,
You didn't seem to mind.
Within two minutes you had me laughing,
saying stuff too loud,
and it was the first time
that I think I actually saw myself,
and I don't really even know you
but somehow, insanely
it feels like I already do.

The sleepless nights welcome me in with open arms.

Hypnotized...
Going through the motions, but not feeling.
Half asleep, somewhere inbetween consciousness.

I want to let it go.

But he made me feel like...
Like someone.

He gave me someone to impress,
Someone to talk to,
And a goal.

I felt alive...
Physically, I'm fine. Could use a trip to the gym, but I'm fine.
Emotionally, I feel dead. At the saddest time throughout this whole mess, I didn't cry.
There weren't any tears left.

No anger, no tears, no words.

Drowning everything and everyone out with music with lyrics that don't even make sense.
Nothing does anymore.

Faded floral wallpaper,
Carpet in blood red.
And though I've got a heavy heart,
My hands support my head.
Your eyes, just like diamonds.
And your gaze, it stops me dead.
The words just fall right out my mouth,
I don't know what I said.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Scuffed black plastic furniture,
Walls painted fresh white.
I know I shouldn't kiss you,
But I think that I might try.
Thoughts flutter around my head,
A kind of constant fright.
I hope that you won't find this out,
You won't turn on the light.

I think I'm going crazy,
For you,
For you.

Before I will shut my eyes,
There's one thing that comes first.
I pray that I can just go back,
To put it in reverse.
You know, she seems alright,
And I guess I shouldn't hate her,
But she's the freshly painted wall,
And I'm the faded paper.

He has a girlfriend.
I don't know if I should laugh or cry...

Another explanation that doesn't quite make sense.
Another accusation, to consume my confidence.
Another way for you to tell me to just go away.
Another sigh,
Another cry,
Another normal day.

They tell her she's an old soul.
Understanding beyond her years.
Her smile is tainted with sadness,
Pillow is stained with tears.

Yes, she's an old soul.
Knows things she was never taught.
She's got this streak of kindness,
The kind that can't be bought.

And my heart stopped when I saw him.
I wanted to run,
Into his arms,
Or away forever?

And something deep in the back of her mind aches.
Yes,
That one part from so long ago.
She almost had forgotten about its existence.

Almost.

Every time she tries to forget,
It gets hungry,
And he craves the attention he thinks he deserves.

You almost kissed me,
and you shouldn't have.
On the gingham tablecloth in the yellow light,
you lifted me from the counter top onto my feet
putting your hat on my head and tickling my ribs.
You know it's my sweet spot,
leads straight to my heart if you're gentle enough.
I told you to stop and you walked away,
eyes lingering on my bare skin between where my top ended on my waist
and where my dark denim jeans began to hug my hips.
I flipped my hair back around, joining in some conversation too late
between a girl drunk on grape juice and a wedding crasher straggler
in a forest green flannel with camel cigarettes in the pocket.
That's when you came back over and started yelling
some story that happened to you the night before.
You told it well,
the circle captivated, me mesmerized
by how blue your eyes stayed all this time without me noticing.
You  had the whole room laughing with your wit and stupid vernacular,
but I was smiling because you looked so beautiful in those drunken
honest moments
where I recognized the person beneath the banter
where I saw you.
I was saying my goodbyes to the carhartt boys and their one night girls
when you grabbed me by the hand and spun me around
like we were dancing,
pulled me in by your hand pressed on my shoulder blades
the other around my waist
I gasped as your lips almost touched mine,
but then you looked down at me
with those same blue eyes
and took a deep breath,
slowly letting your hands glide down my back then to your sides.
I just stared back at you,
wishing you'd forget the logic and put your hands back where they were,
tracing your lips with that almost kiss,
and I could feel how much you wanted to be in this moment
desperately searching for a way to my lips
but something stopped us.
And I think it was because we knew it would only lead to something messier
than where we were at
it would be a backwards romance, reversing our ***** footsteps
in something we've tried and tried to understand
that it never works out the way either of us plans.
We were both doing so well, moving on
but in that moment we almost gave all that strength up
gave into something too tempting and too wrong.
Because we can't really stay away from each other all that long.
I mean,
you almost kissed me
and you shouldn't have,
but I swear
I wish you would have.