It’s night here…
Not actually night
I can’t see
But i’m not blind
I just can’t see the world
World full of drama, lies, tears, and sadness
I don’t know you feel the same or not
But my world is just like that
All i want is to disappear
I don’t care about my family or friends
They’re fake

It’s black
Only black that i can see
Nothing’s colorful
So i took cigarette
I smoke
But it’s not enough…
I eat
Not food
Drugs
I drink
Not water
Alcohol
I go to school
Just pretend
Who cares?
Teachers? Friends? Who? Nobody

I locked myself in my room
It’s 3 AM here
Everyone’s asleep
So no one would notice
Well, if they’re awake they wouldn’t notice anyway
So i took cutter
Not for paper
To cut
Cut myself
Until i bleed

I woke up…
Whole friends, family, teachers are there
I thought i was die
No
I wish i was die
They asked what happened last night?
I said i accidentally cut myself
I know they don’t care
And never will

oh please hear me dear Eros
oh why are you so far away
my soul is getting hot and hotter
fire inside me is controlling
oh i need love, Eros
i need to be loved
anger is all over my heart
destroying every pieces of me
i don't want to turn into an unloved dust

I was in the dark room when they said i had to leave
I was curious what they really want from me
They took my cigarette and slammed me
They asked me few questions
Pushing me to answer it
I was afraid
I had no courage to answer it
What did you do
They asked
Nothing
I said
What did you do to her
They asked again
Nothing much
I said
They looked mad
I'm in love with her, is that even a sin?
I asked
Have you ever been in love? It's the most beautiful and worst thing in this world. You couldn't choose the person, your fate did. You won't know whether she's pretty or not, smart or dumb, almost perfect or not perfect at all. Your eyes will be blind. It's time for your heart to see the world while your eyes take a rest.
I explained
////silent////
They left me alone
And came back with a gun

(a.l)

i'd be glad to leave this earth
and touch Saturn
i'd be glad to say goodbye to every human's emotions
and just go with the wave
if i was autumn i'd go on the first day of September

(a.l)

come on little moon
come down
don't let me sleep alone
rest your soul beside me
please be my one-night-remedy
fix my pain and sorrow
then just leave me tomorrow

pieces of pain
fly into the crescent moon
we walk through the falling snow
storm and broken road
are we alive or just pretending?
wisdom of the nirvana
tell the mysterious diety
yellow grass and smoked old man
strong promises people made
promise it won't be breaking
seeking the shadow of your savior
survive the long cold night
with an eclipse
torn fall between us
pale lips with a cigarette
living our future in a ***** promise
lead me, surviver
to the end of this tunnel
standing in the rain to see the lights of the buildings
galaxy and hidden planet
walk to the flower shop
rose or jasmine
red with madness
or white with sadness
painting your soul with blood

(a.l)

there's a difference between fire and water
that makes you think again about this circle of life
there's always be the cold situation
then hot
and there's up then down
sunset melted into sunrise
and it's always rolling like that
you found a lover and a liar
which you couldn't see the difference
sometimes your lover turned into your liar
and your liar became an angel of nirvana
you couldn't deny nirvana's angel
one day when the night is falling down
darkness is your only friend
you'll see your lover blooms
petal by petal
if you see the one who's falling
that's your liar
because liar couldn't stay with you
when you're in your dark

(a.l)

jangan amuk datang di sela hening, hujan
resah masih melaut di tengah jalan
jangan angin bisikkan hina, hujan
pijak hawa kenyang makan terpaan
burung tak bisa terbang jadi makanan hewan
atap masjid berhamburan masih kumandang azan
jangan rintik sendiri di atas pasang
cari sampai gersang tak dapat sayang
deras tepi jalan teduh sendiri
linang sampai malam ditinggal mati

kau masih melukiskan jingga di kepala

bertanya pada sudut jalan yang tak pernah sepi

           “seperti apa senja di kota?”

ya seperti ini

tak dingin oleh kabut

tak terasa oleh waktu

kau akan sibuk menyeberang jalan

sebelahmu akan mati kejang – kejang

dan mereka masih akan meliput gedung

metromini memainkan dendang dengan kencang

selagi pengamen berteriak minta makan

           “dan kamu?”

mataku ini akan merah berair

           “kenapa?”

apa beda aku dengan senja di kota?

debu di kaca berbingkai kayu

           rapuh

buat rayap tak berselera makan

buatnya tak berselera mengintai wanita

           sunyi di pekarangan berpagar besi

                       mendung

           buat ia tak berselera bermain

           buat ia terdiam di rumah seharian

di tingkap pandangnya wanita kecil bermain tawa

di tingkap rancangnya pikiran abu akan wanita usia fajar

di tingkap ia pandang luapan dahaga pada satu raga

           sepi di pekarangan berhias rumput

                       pulang

           ayah datang bawa bidan