Dear boy with the STL tattoo,

I still see your face in the people I meet.
I hear your voice in comedians on tv.
My heart breaks at Eminem.
And let me say, you're much much better than him.


Dear boy with the broken heart,

I never meant to make you cry.
I never saw this coming.
It was just a meeting of chance and time.
I still love you with my whole heart,
I wish you'd understand. Just because
we're not in love, doesn't mean you're
not my best friend.


Dear boy who is my best friend,

Even though we may not be near,
or talking, or laughing, or sharing our tears.
Even though you scratch at me,
I'll always be here for your tired eyes.
Even though I make mistakes,
I beg that you will do the same.


Dear boy with the world in his hands,

Don't you see what you can be?
There is so much locked inside of you
that I don't even see how you can
manage to breathe.


Dear boy who I know I'm losing,

Please remember to be safe.
Remember when the world gets dark,
that a match can like your way.
Please try to quit smoking, and be careful
with the drugs. I only worry because
I care. I'm sorry that's not enough.

Life is funny.
There is such
a thin line,
between good
and bad. Right
and wrong. Pain
and healing.

Today I hurt myself.
I watch my blood run
and I smiled. I smoked
a black and mild nice
and slow, thinking
about the benefits of
cancer. Dying.

Today I could have
stopped myself.  A few
breathes, a hot shower.
I could have left
my sharp edged friend
untouched. I could have
called someone to
enjoy feeling loved.

But I didn't.

Today I almost died.
Yesterday I did.
I wonder what tomorrow
Will bring me.

I find my mind drifting back to you
Wondering what you're doing right now
Wondering if you're thinking of me
It happens from time to time
Especially when something happens
Good, bad, mediocre--I find myself wanting to tell you about it
What's happening to me?
Am I turning into this lovesick fool?
When did this minor crush turn into something this strong?
I'm not sure if I like it--
The vulnerability like a shy kid on his first day of high school
You literally have a part of me that no one else can take
I don’t know when it happened, when you claimed that part of me
But you did
And now here I am
Thinking about you
*And wanting to tell you everything about me

You hear the words, I love you.
But you're questioning rather they means it.
To you they are spoken, but seems like love's so empty.
That they don't mean a thing.
Just words going the emotion of speaking.
But missing the true meaning.

We know when they are real.
You feel it.
You enjoy it.
But love so empty is exactly that.
So fiction.
Many many facts.

Anything fake can't be accepted.
It's just an imitation of truth trying to fool you.