I have much to say,
and you know that I do
Because two nights ago you said,
and I quote
"I know you want to say something"
But I wish I could tell you how I feel
the feelings that you know exist
We're two halves to a whole, **** the cliche,
we are great
We have been described as "perfect" to the nearby observer
and hell, all I want is you
I want all of you
Not the bits and pieces because if I can love one part of you, I can love it all
This hurts because you know that it should be you and me
It should be the two of us
I won't forget you
You've molded me, and I molded you and there's no denying it
There are days when I think of the end of "us",
and it results in ***** and tears and lack of motivation
I want to crash into your emotions…
the way you tried to crash into mine…a year and a half ago
You'll be in my heart until someone else takes over
but I hope that no one else takes over
Despite your many imperfections,
I would do anything for you
because that's how it should be
Why won't you speak to me?
Why won't you admit that you love me back?
Why won't you make it official?
I know why…
it's because you want power
you want the image of a player who ***** hot *****
…the problem is…
you are transparent
I know you love me
as does the rest of the world
and I hope that one day this is resolved
because I don't want "what if?"s
Show me the solidarity that I know you can exhibit
and convey the emotion that you refuse to acknowledge
and when you do,
you'll be free from the *******,
and even better, you'll be free
free with me

As tears fall down my swollen eyes
My instinct is to call you
To ask you to save me,
because you're the only one who can
You can mend my brokenness
Your kiss, your smell, your embrace
All of you, reminds me
That there is something worth living for
And you remind me that life is ****** up and the only thing we can do is exercise our free will
You know how ****** up the world is
Hell, life has been crueler to you than it has to me
For me, it's just more evident
But that doesn't mean that I can't see your pain
Because I see the main and I want to heal you
I want to make you mine and share the thoughts I've written
I want you more than anything
Because you are the cure
The cure to this misery

There are untouched moments
Of porcelain faces and priceless youth
Moments that reflect our faces as children--

Faces that sing nothing but clarity
Clarity that is unimaginable,

Because our minds have been tarnished by the generation that we've become
The sadness of that perfect moment

The moment that cannot be replicated until we watch our own children

Shuffling through these boxes of memories
Makes me wonder who I've become
Because I was happy and happy was all there was

Yet today, happiness does not seem possible
Not the happiness that our infant faces reflected

There are moments
Moments that have been captured
Moments that make me remember that one day, I will smile again
And when I smile, I will be genuinely happy
Because I want to be

In the past year,
I've taken an unquantifiable amount of photographs
Yet none of them capture the moment that I speak of

This unexplainable moment
The pain and joy that fills my chest when I look at myself as a child and wonder,

What happened to me?
When did this happen to me?
And then I ask myself--
Why can't I remember the long days of fairy tales and lemonade stands?

For a year I thought that you were the perfect person for me, but then I fell in love, and you became a memory.

You will never need me for the reasons that I need you, and that's why we'll always be broken.

It's not sadness anymore
It's shame
I thought that I could change things
That I could change things about myself
But people never change and I know that
I know that because at the tick of midnight he was nowhere to be found
And when I found him, his lips were pressed against someone else's lips
I'm the idiot
I was with him the night before
I know who he is and how he acts and I am at fault because people are incapable of change
This isn't sadness, it's shame
Shame in the failure that no one knows about
Shame in the fact that after 15 months, he still doesn't love me back
Shameful that although I believe I have become a better person, no one else has
I need to save me from myself before I **** up again
Things are ****** right now, despite the fact that 48 hours ago
I was happy and content and at peace for the first time in a long time
I wish that the first day of the new year hadn't ended the way it did
Because last year was treacherous and if tonight has set a precedent for the new year, I'm done
I will be done trying and fighting for the things and people I want

My heart is cold. It had been previously overheated, by emotions that my mind took in like sweet ecstasy only to spit these emotions out like sour milk. My body learned to stare at the milk carton, and no longer have the urge to drink the liquid that is perfectly fine. Expiration date: five weeks from now. But no, ever since I drank that sour glass, I can’t be emotional anymore. I want to sympathize and empathize, but only with you. Because here, empathy could be easy and sympathy would be natural. But, all I want to feel is you. I want to feel the shape of your thoughts. I want to be constricted to you and only you. You’re the only milk I’ll ever drink. You’re today, tomorrow, and yesterday. You’ve told me that your father is an alcoholic. He would get drunk off wine, and you called him a “*****”. You always stare into my eyes before we conform to each other’s bodies and say “Why are you always so sad”. My response is never fulfilling, and I’m sure you want to know about me, but I’m not ready to tell me story, so tell me yours. Your father is an addict. He had a difficult childhood and grew up to be a man, both hated and praised. Your mother had breast cancer and back surgery, but why? Maybe I don’t even need to know about your parents, what about you? You stare into my pupils and question my ever-present sorrow, so, may I question yours? Why do you shut off your emotions, the same way I do. Why do you remain unaffected by the pain of others? I have tasted the sour milk on my tongue, and I vow to never taste it again. But, when our lips touch, I taste honey and I smell lilac, and I feel home. So tell me, what your story is, please… We feed off each other’s agony and cry in our beds at night, we meet up at midnight so that we don’t feel alone, we rest in the pain that makes us bitter and unkind. I need to know your story, because although I have seen bits and pieces of an overcomplicated puzzle, I need to see the whole picture, and you need to see mine. Please, you’re all I have. Let me taste honey and smell lilac and feel at home, because with you, my heart is warm,