when the stars shine people don't look for the dull ones in the distance,
you never search for the smallest apple on the tree,
nobody is interested in the runt of the litter,
but somehow you found me.

people don't want that broken vase sitting at the back of the antique shop,
no one likes a faulty record or a cd that gets stuck on repeat,
who would want a bike with no wheels or a car with no engine?
but somehow you found me.

what person wants the horse that can't run?
or the dog that isn't interested in fetching the ball?
nobody wants a goldfish who can't swim,
but somehow you wanted me.

you picked me up and brushed me down and told me it would be ok,
i told you i wasn't what you needed, i was faulty and broken and imperfect,
but you told me that sometimes the best things are those that aren't whole and with a smile you took my hand and made me yours.

but now i think you realised what i meant originally.
there's a reason nobody wants a broken vase,
or a dog that won't play fetch.
there's logic behind not buying the car with no engine,
or picking the smallest apple on the tree.

they'll let you down when you need them most,
their faults are what will break you.
and that's what i told you from the beginning,
but somehow you still wanted me.

I feel us slipping
and I can't seem to keep a grip
It's like you're sliding
right through my fingertips
I can still touch you
and feel your warm flesh
But something about us just doesn't mesh
Our connection is becoming a little hazy
I think you're getting a little lazy
We are losing touch
and I miss you so much
I can feel myself falling through the cracks
of my own broken heart
Inch by inch we are losing each other to the dark
I think the bad is starting to out weigh the good
and I'm starting to see nothing where we once stood
Shadows are filling up inside my lonely heart
and I'm trying to find a little spark
A spark of hope, of light, or a fire
to reignite my once strong desire
I can see the sun breaking in your eyes
It's a new day I see it on the rise
and I'm trying to see the good in life
but good things in life are hard to find
This love is killing me
and all I want to know is if I can survive
I should just let you go
But I don't really want too
at least not right now
I know I'm just dragging this out
Because it's inevitable
so why all the doubt?
I just want to know what giving you up
is going to take
Maybe I shouldn't it's easier to just act fake
I've let myself get too far in
How did I let myself get here again?
It's cool, I am strong
But what about my pitiful heart?
You have dreams to chase
and I have a son to raise
you're just a boy and I'm just a girl
we just need to let things unfurl
I've taken all I can take and I can't let this break me down
But it still feels like a part of me is dead and in the ground
I wish our fairytale ending would of came true
but it's time to face the facts...I think it's over.....
and we are through...

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden

As I sit here hopelessly
I hope
You will find me
Past the river
By the sea
Come meet me here
We'll sit and dream

We used to look up at the sky
And watch the clouds
Drift on by
The sun would set and we'd see the moon
I knew you'd leave me soon

I see the mountain shout for your love
You're the one I'm thinking of

The moment went by so fast
I wish we had made them last
I just feel so far away
I only wanted you to stay

We sat around counting the stars
Just like them
We flew so far
As I sit here hopelessly
I hope you will find me

*I see the mountain shout for your love
You're the one I'm thinking of

Sometimes I find it difficult
to remember what life is worth
when I am wading this deep in blue.
If I am trying hard not to drown,
how can I focus on the clouds?
In the back of my mind, I will always
know that there is good in the world.
However the mind gets distracted when
balancing on a tight rope. For if you fall
there is no going back, only
falling through the sky, watching
people laugh together
as you plummet to your doom.
It just isn't easy to make it across the tight rope.
What if it wasn't tied right?
What if you fall off?
What if a demon flies on by
and carries you straight to Hell?
I know that it could happen; the demon
has already visited. The claw marks,
the scratches, the nightmares will
always be etched into my heart, soul and skin.
They are scarred, as I will be forever.

He always asks me why.
"Why are you so sorry?"
Well, let me count the reasons on my fingers
even though I'd need more hands than just my own.
- I'm sorry that I care too much and not enough at the same time
- I'm sorry I say the wrong thing at the wrong time
- I'm sorry the moon hides when the sun comes, and the sun for the moon
- I'm sorry I keep talking about him, he's all I can think about
- I'm sorry I keep losing atoms
- I'm sorry I have worry thoughts that cloud my brain like smoke
- I'm sorry I like the smallest stars better than the bigger ones
- I'm sorry I can't write poetry
- I'm sorry I like stupid boy bands
- I'm sorry California is so far away
- and that I can't drive
- I'm sorry I like 90s TV shows and movies more than the ones they play now
- I'm sorry I don't have more hands (then maybe I could keep my head held high)
- I'm sorry I bolted at the mall when I saw them
- I'm sorry I never said goodbye to Popou, even though Jimmy kept telling me to, even though they said he wasn't going to die that night
- I'm sorry the chemicals in my brain don't work right (but I'm trying really hard to fix it)
- I'm sorry my anxiety rules my life, because that is not who I am
- and I'm sorry for saying sorry so much
- for being a hypocrite
- and spending too much of my time on Netflix
- I'm sorry chameleons never get a chance to be themselves
- I'm sorry it took me so long to get over him
- I'm sorry that I don't believe you
- I'm sorry that they don't have Wawa's on the west coast
- and I'm sorry Dobby died
  I'm sorry to you, too, for all of these reasons.