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Maahv Z Aug 2017
romance with me while you smile at me
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I was a soul
i will stay a soul
in your love
i remain a crazy existence
hearts do not know what to do with their core
they are dissolved
day by day
not knowing of their lost self
i am determined
my mind did not took me along
when all the love was being disbursed
i was left alone
to feel alone the lonesome
in a world
which i know is not mine

-2014
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I am happy to have you
let me inform- i don't feel love
i don't care love - i don't think love
it has no meaning for me
I can solve puzzles, and jigsaw's, equations
this- i cannot solve- despite my all mind
and heart; no capable
I will meet- once i am done
till, i wonder from here and there- with your sound and face
Maahv Z Aug 2017
I left home when i was still young, and free
it didn't feel anything ever since
i hear stories of my homeland--of her occupants
the journey hasn't been easy
'home'--i felt, is void
it's at a different level; under new lights and dimensions
everything else migrate too, whales, fishes and all these beautiful creatures
but 'always together'
unlike them--i migrated alone,
mankind can't be together, too much divisions
too many things to separate from each of us; boundaries
communities, religion, region
language and culture
each thinking 'better than others'
'us vs them' thoughts that killed million
but i migrated..alone
thinking it's safe place--'earth'.
it is, in my mind..
yet i keep thinking
what am i supposed to do?
Where am I?
This old stubborn anxiety, of self-doubts paves a way in me
i see all passions, and dreams branching out of me
like a leaf from trees,
constantly tested by its fear..
my heart, but, resembles like a weak, trembling thing
that knows no way, to give up
which will define a new route for my life.
Maahv Z Jul 2017
It always has me hooked; writing. The sentences, or concatenation of words. This sentence, writing about home; in a black canvas; but i don't feel anything. A doubt sets in. The terrible silence of blank paper, judging the every line i write here; makes me intimidated of its existence. I can see in my mind, i want justification of everything. A perpetual quest, i felt; since i discovered in me. From childhood. It's like there, existing within my existence. I was more used to writing, words; before--now, it's like changing phases; staying with nature--wish i had more time. Or I had more of life, in me---or wish i had the meaning of home;  a search for meaning. Those meanings that i lost, in my own meaningless. Every word betrays my existence.
Home is the silence; like a graveyard of memories--that never existed. Or a perfect illusion. In my mind, i created the delusion of perfect harmony; of home--a dear home. It never existed, or maybe it will exist in these white, horrifying silence of blank paper. In a dismal of time and space. This blank paper, or jumbled up words; is a testimony of home. All the fleeting answers, or the questions i had; are lost. In empty, broken mirror of home. Piercing thunder of these words, dark words--in a hope to feel meaning of home.
Maahv Z Jul 2017
To a man, who suffered endless trauma to feed his sons needs
And exhausted his youth, to make his child --a better person
He spent most of his life alone
living in a shell of those box rooms--the smell of it dwells in his flesh; he goes there only to rest
often he wonder alone, he has forgotten those old lanes of love
it smells like a bygone dream
he only love in his imagination now, but bitter
reality keeps him in check
and his escape is only in his mind
he has seen all, felt all; and perhaps too much
even when he wants; he continues to be
letting the deep wave of life drown his presence
to swallow his mind, and brutality of life overcome him

And to that woman, who bears this separation and the dream of harmony
in her wild, warm breath
she quietly gives in her dream, to her social and emotional desires
compromising on her own happiness---to have her daughters happiness
her world revolves her little one, telling her stories of joys and the wonders of world out there
to protect her, from all the agony of life..

while i write this in my journal
i feel this strange ache in me, running like a cold yet shivering wave gushing
suffocating within its four chamber, time again and again
had made me realize, that just sometimes
'nothing is enough'
it crackles within, to embrace all this within, and this little heart
has gave up on me
in this journey of dreaming, capturing the wonders of the world
made my heart a little more weak..

and just now, when i write all this
i think of everyone, who once i had and lost
and to everyone, who i shared countless memories with
but what all those memories are for
even all this--i know, made and reshape me into a better person
within this better person, beats a little heart
that has gone weak.
Maahv Z Apr 2017
there is nothing more hollow
then looking back to your own life
with a pinch in heart
moving on is a freedom that you've to make
as for nothing is real
nobody is there
i see my heart with an aching sight
with each of beating
it drowns more
in an aisle of despair
like slipping moments
moving one place to another
without any hesitation
i intend to leave this life
just so ******* scattered
i crave for peace
it feels too much to be in ones own body
it ******* hurts
like a needle in body

i am not gone
but i feel myself gone
truth is harder to tell but lying is cruel
being cruel is considered good
so is the lying ..

we crave for own space
this space in my heart that is shattered says
'write poems'
but my life tells me to go on
it's too painful to write your own story
and to rewrite the narrations of what you felt
it just feels too much
sometimes more than these words can describe
and i feel helpless
this heart...this my very heart
it feels so heavy
insisting of loading all the grief of this world
convicted of grief, pressure
all the mammoth madness
of this life
this hype that everyone talks about life
i just don't agree
as sometimes
i even lose the motivation to breath
this pain which is never just mine
but of living too much
for others!
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