for a time
and for a night
i felt these moving senses
everywhere, all over
thunders, roars of storms
anger, craving and sadness
its not a shared happiness
but a hideous bottle of despairs
insecurities, and human madness.
for a long time
bitterness stayed in
just around the corner
and at the edge of world
Like at tip of these fingertips
i sensed this quiet substance
as i began to fathom
the limitless of a human mind
consciousness of a lifeless vision
i starved within this body
to capture the sounds of knowledge
That comes with an instinctive awareness
as we become aware of this void
there is no end
as i see
there was nothing to say
only the haunting images
and words that destroy the perfect picture
beyond the spaces of our time
there exists the infinity of our existence
but to all this
i did not say much
but felt the human-shaped emptiness
that had been carved in me

my heart, you'll always long for
despite, I'm love bound
for you
regardless of where you are
I've been holding you for too long
tears never dry--my sweet love
everything is bright and lovely
and goodbye, my love
oh my darling
I chose to let you go off my mind
yet, my heart
you will always long for
because I am love-bound
these good-bye angles
kissing you gently
reminding you of our love and our undying spirit
it feels so unreal
but i know, i must move on
and this love bound heart
oh my darling, you will always long for
despite, its just I won't be there
to console you
anymore and any further

strange it is
to know
how strange people are
perhaps
I am one of them
as the music plays
my mind refuse to work
i miss our dance together
and that grin
on your face
that lit in your eyes, when you saw me
have i mentioned, my own strangeness
as the time pass by
i wait patiently, of my guilty pleasures
an empty bed, staring the screen
the sun sets, quickly
with all its good and gone
tomorrow will be another day
winter is chillier and cold
from distant, it looks like a romantic union
but to who, one might say
this setting has made me look more hollow
and like a thunder, i feel lightning in my soul
piercing in me like a needle
neither do i know what to do
nor do i care much
as it had to be like this
like a careless motion
a demon, that i so lovingly possess

I don't care much
would you mind
giving me your number
You look fab, tonight.
of which, I go
as I dance
in a midnight shadow
and this lurking image on me
the curse begin
of the pain, i felt
and the bitterness

i don't care much
disowning everything you ever knew
is of mighty courage
as i remove myself from all the subjects i ever read
subtracting to all the inheritances
of shallow practices and gaining attentions
with bleak sincerity

would you spend time with me
you are beautiful, lovely lady
these words, it doesn't reach to my ear
nor to my heart
I don't know why people fall in love
with a hollow shadow
or maybe they find solace
in not being noticed
in these naked nights
i sleep all my time
keeping myself too busy
to think much
as i don't care much

I have no ******* idea
why was i doing
of what i did
you can call it
whatever
in my heart
i know
this is darkness crawling into me
I hurt my morals
my values
and I freed myself
from pain,
bitterness
to an untying knot i had
I let it go
selfish friends
meaningless acquaintances
from the past, from gone memory
i erased them
they met only in their need
used, only while they wanted
to them
i look like a shining star
with intellect
i took them
as my heart, my attention
with all sincerity
it doesn't matter
because i can't begin to notice anything

it is not enough
its never enough
it will never be enough

to this moment
now and afterward
it matters nothing
as with a heavy heart
i moved on

we all have our dark sides
sometimes, it turns us
black, cold
complete shallow
and hollow
sometimes, it drown us
and i wonder about my values,
my morals, my beliefs
where did they all go?
Is it a curse
or might it just be my own escape?
this darkness, that i feel
it made me loose myself
and i let it go
of my past, of my bitter realities
as i give myself
to people,
and to all people, of all kind, and race
its not even me
i do realize
yet i can't think more
as i dont know who am i
my heart sinks
and sometimes a lot
just in this moment
when i feel at loss
not feel like moving anymore
and i wonder
why i had to let go?
is it better than before?
this loneliness
that i wont tell
is something more of a soul
and heart
I guess, i just don't enjoy much
this world
or people
and maybe
o my darling, this just my too many thoughts
this darkness, that i feel
and it has no restrictions
as it drown me
completely.

Last night
I saw a boy
Standing, leaning back, gloomy and lost
As if he lost something precious
Something that was closest to his heart
Drunk and sunken eyes
With no identity
And I wondered, what's in his mind?
What's that keeps him distant
Distracted and aloof
To the world
Where everyone strives to be
He didn't look at me, nor did he speak to me
As I walked away
I felt his pale face, his sunken eyes and lost soul
I wondered of his belongings
Is he like me too?
A drifter, a nomad
As wherever I go, I carry this restlessness
And wherever I am, I no longer feel home
That boy, he reminded me of my own escape
My running away
From everyone,
to comfort people by being distant
He was lonely, despite being surrounded by people
And shy, trying to be present
When his soul was drifting elsewhere
As I walked away from him,
I still wondered what he did with his life?
As I write this, in a coach station
My mind ask a million questions
Am I doing worthwhile doing?
Last night, I felt my reality facing me
An escape, feeling many goodbyes
Numbing the pain,
Hoping not to feel it.
I wonder, does anyone feel same as I felt for that boy?
Despite that, like that of boy
I'm unable to see, or hear
But I still wonder
Am I doing anything worthwhile doing?
I hear nothing back in response.