Everybody says me weeper, gloomy
gentle in pain
everybody thinks me pain, weeping
delightful weeper
I am a delight force, my weeper
bitter delight
my words are the companion
tasteful but alone

O the weeper, the gloomy heart
take me to the river
and tell me; why do I love?
Cover my heart and my soul
from thickness of your sheet
Or else, I will die
by the coldness of hearts

Because I love ardently
and I am alone; You listen
for your needs, for your needs
I give every drop of my blood
and You take delight, calling me weeper
gloomy but beautiful

Who are everybody; but you
alone do I cry; my weeping heart
take us to the mountains
in heights where we sing together; loud
intense but gentle
What do you want more
and you call me gloomy

I am like a beautiful smile, my gloomy
sweet but short
I am like a taste of intense, weeper
bitter but powerful!

Do you want more, the weeper
my words are the only one left out here
Along with my heart
the departing heart!

- June 2011

my heart
comes in a shape of a box
as if
it's ready to encompass
all the
emotions in the world
besides for
my own

and for a moment
my heart seeks
all the unlived moments
of joys & love

love-- is this a word
or a feeling
this strange box
never kept it
for her own wrap ..

I see the sadness of
a moon
shining tall
amidst the darkness of night
distributing
secretly
her sorrows
wrapped in a gold-paper proudly
to her favorite boxes

oh, this strange feeling box..
such strange mystery

a flawless performance
of this timeless soundtrack
where my strange box
outshines
her own beauty

spent in solitude
with endless smoke & intoxication
to deny these sorrows

& almost
to defy all the moments
where love could be collected
for dark, cold moments

strange box --- encompasses all love
but not for herself ..

is it a dream
or just a reflection of a moon
in a river

for others to say 'how beautiful '
only to know
it's a gift wrapped
in a gold paper

proudly stating
'Timeless sorrows'

oh, this moon is incredibly proud
so are these boxes
keeping all the strangeness of this world ..
almost unspeakable to most!

I want to write
what i feel
but i have no words ..

i want to cry
when i think
but i have no tears ..

i want to go home
to separate myself from endless trauma
but i have no home ..

My spirit is low
my heart is filled with trauma
my mind continues to put up with me
my body continues to put up with me

And I am still low
Is this betrayal?

paint it blue
or paint me, black
have i lost my mind.

this circus,
family, friends ..
have they ****** it, entirely.

is it a waking dream
or am i, just another passing time

home, solitary
constant phone ringing
children screaming---a long list of things
to get..

an exile,
that never seem to end ..

countless drama's
i couldn't escape
my mind--being the best of me
& worst, left me
most of miserable..

no boundary, no limits
shamelessness; on top of all agenda's
an infected virus-- a shame
on humanity!

people i lost
relations i don't have
not a single tear

my mind is dense with thousand
of thoughts
my mouth; however
mute, as sunshine ..

is it just the lock-down
or the life, i have ..
the hypocrisy-- a venom
that
people seem to own it ..

a journey i am on
been a long
slow and solitary.

they say
'love heals all wounds'
let not bitterness
sit in your heart

i done all
people see
me
burning
bit by bit

love burns me
bitterness come inside
sitting in me
my heart

i try to raise my level
yet
it comes to me

i thought i am done
with bitterness

my heart says a different story
i can't breath
i am suffocated
in this skin
with all my 'love'


drunk in this bitterness
sitting by myself
gathering all my thoughts
trying
so hard
not to let it win
over me

my troubled heart
tells me
to speak up
guess
i am too shy of a person
to speak with my vocal words

am i running back?
I thought i came
forward with my life
but here we go
again

sitting in bitterness
with agony
in my heart
i can't fight
anymore

even for the sake
of love
guess i don't know my strengths


i am, yet
just so done
with hatred
bitterness
all over my face

love inside me
future seems bright
yet so lonely
and without love

love is all over me
past is full of evilness
pain, hurt
and burning
love never came to me

lies, betrayal
failure
loneliness
have,
shielded me
in its wrath

words have always been my companion
my saviour
my lifeline
it seem to have gone away

whilst i write this
in middle of night
alone
i write with fury of my heart
no knowing
what words come of me

memories haunt my peace
life betrays me
in a nutshell

i cry with all my love
dying inside me
yet so alive