it's not that
i still love you,
it's just that
i don't yet know
how to be
around you without
reaching out
for your
hand

a year ago
you told me
that i am
filled with
lightning

(i
finally
believe
you)

Sistah soul
Foundation like my soles
Warmth like the sol
Strings attached like you sew
Invest your feelings so you stow

My sol shines from you
My soul is proud of you
The arch of my feet rely on you

You keep me from shivering
You keep my feelings rendering
And my feet from blistering

My soul
Sol
And soles

Solely my soul sistah, lover, friend, and homie

Just you and I knitted together
Hope you and I stay crocheted forever
Tethered tightly
And sewed by our souls staggeringly

You are my Soul Sistah
Dearest
Cheerful
Merest
Miracle
Spiritual

I love my soul
I love you so

Dear April

I have no Sunflower 
And no seeds 

I have acres of space 
And one stem 
...me

I have a few women skipping through 
With Sun hats on without a brim 
So their eyes are squint 
They can't really focus in on their desires 
So they end up on the other side of the field where the lushness has expired 
In no man's land, but in everyone hands

I only want to be sprung by one woman's spring showers
April, may you rain down on me? 
March right onto my grassland and uproot a beautiful flora 
I wouldn't mind if you carved a river right in my bed 
A deep river 
With a steep Fall
That keeps us streaming through Halloween and Thanksgiving 

April my lady, currently how warm you make me feel I don't think there's no degrees below that can put our flow on hold 
So we'll never have to intervene throughout the blizzard or thaw out after winter

April can you be my sunflower 
And one day allow me to pollinate 
So we can have some seeds? 

I'm no longer interested in summer, although she is hot; however, summer has always been a drought for me 
Not anymore 
In June was the last time I allowed Julie to Lie to me (july)

April I've done all my spring cleaning 
Now can you comfort me with your yellow petals, and promise me a bunch of Florets closely packed in a spiral?

The constant mental banter
    Back and forth yes or no
        Do I disappoint my love
            For a moment of instant gratification?

            Do I throw away recovery
        Three solid months
    Itchy skin and hateful thoughts
For a moment of instant gratification?

                                                               ­                                                         And I'm so full of regret
                                                                ­                                                     Because it wasn't worth it
                                                              ­                                                       And I hurt my best friend
                                                          ­                                         For a moment of instant gratification

          A moment of instant gratification
          That wasn't even gratifying
          Wasn't in the slightest, satisfying
          Harboring a moment of regret
          For something he won't forget
          But I tried in vain to justify
          The actions I couldn't dignify
          Words that trickled like thorns
          Oh how I wish I waited a minute more
          And not let their whispers win
          Screams rather, as they crawl in
          They soothed their shrieks
          And gently brushed my cheeks
          And convinced me it didn't count
          If it didn't bleed on my account  
          But he held my close and said it did
          I can't swallow it, but it's true, I backslid
          "But it didn't leave any marks to show"
          My mind screams and my heart does echo
          "I didn't bleed in the slightest my dear"
          Disappointing him is a biggest fear
          As immaturity grasps at my soul
          I have to accept my repercussions in whole
          Three months down the drain
          And causing my best friend pain
          Not a scar to show for what I've done
          But away from me, he'll never run..