As

the strings
of a viola,
I am

like an
oscillator,
resonant

with
nervous
energy:

do...

te-- le--

so fa me re do--;

As

a marble
dropped
onto

a piano's
keys, my
pulse, with

anxious
accelerando
strikes:

pitch...

pitch, pitch

now, now

now now now

Stop.

my cold blood hits my own skin
while my own patience is
so delicately,
waring fragilely thin

How does it feel.

How does it feel? Drowning?

A shocking force drives you deep deep under the change of matter and all around you the weight of the world is pushing you challenging you harnessing its unknowable might to break you until you don’t know which way is down

A numb and detached piece of you realizes it does not matter

And as the pressure drives through you your lungs begin to ache and your frantic heart is madly pounding airless blood through your swollen veins and you realize that you need air

But you know there is no air to be had

Desperation screams and the invisible noise hammers on the eardrums that were already broken and unconsciously seeing the inevitable end to this horror your body painfully forces you to pull in the toxic killer that surrounds you knowing the result and your decaying lungs are filled with ice

And then it changes

The hurt is still there and distantly you know you feel it you know you are still dying and if you are brave you know one small fiber of you is screaming and fighting because it is not ready to give up

But you are ready to give up

You are heavy and tired and the refreshing freeze of the water erases the burn of the memory of pain

Your brain is dead your heart is stone

preserved in its bleeding state

A heavy white sheet falls upon you and you are numb

You know you are dying

it is slower than you expected and

even on the reapers door you appreciate the irony

seconds are passing

and you know your very last

is approaching soon

and just before the

water turns black

you see

his face

his smile

his heart

and gladly you welcome the release.



How does it feel? Drowning?


I’ve never drowned. But I think it feels like this.