I can't exist in your presence anymore

I don't belong anywhere

I feel like a curse

bad luck follows me everywhere I go

I ruin everyone I touch

I used to be a good person

ever since I lost my soul

I eat everyone else's

Your love was like a light switch in my head,
You know the one where it’s taped up to stay on?
The bulb blew sometimes
But you always ******* another one back in.
Your love made my world so bright,
Gave me clarity and warmth.

But eventually the tape fell weak,
Peeled off and curled up without me realising,
And a chilling storm ripped through my mind.
Flipped the switch, shattered the bulb.
And I grew cold with the rain.
Shivered so much I fell asleep,
But when I woke
I couldn’t flip the switch again.
The light was gone and
You didn’t love me anymore.

I mean...
You could’ve left me at the altar.
It could be worse than this.

Despite my heart dripping through
My broken rib cage...
It could be worse than this.

One day of feeling like I’m being
Crushed and flattened into mud.
But it’s okay,
Because I refuse to be worse than this.

I feel so small and unimportant.
Maybe I was never meant to be more than a fleeting thought.
A disappearing memory; a false attempt at love,
A stepping stone in the direction of anyone else.
There are so many ‘maybes’ filling my tear ducts to the brim.
Like maybe you didn’t love me,
And
Maybe this is how I’ll finally drown.
Suffocated by my own tears,
And ripped apart by your emptiness.

Maybe .n.o.t.h.i.n.g. is all we were ever meant to be.

I used to be comfortable with the idea of loneliness,
And for the most part welcome it as normal.
Solitude was my high ground
And I didn’t need anyone.
Self sufficient, functioning.
I was strong.

But then you showed me it didn’t have to be that way.
I didn’t have to ‘survive’ alone.
I wasn’t an outcast.
I wasn’t alienated.
I was loved.
And could love.
You showed me that I could be accepted.  


And then you left.

And loneliness is so terrifying.

And I am so scared.