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mads Jan 2020
I don’t know.
It feels like I’m floating in limbo
Wrapped in barbed wire
Watching you tug the end
As you walk away.

I am waiting. I am aching.
I need to know if you’re working on this too.
Because yesterday was my last day and I’ll be better from now on.
I hope you’ll love me, from now on.
mads Jan 2020
i.
Whoever thought butterflies had such
strong, strangling h.a.n.d.s.

ii.
I watched the darkness leak
Into your eyes
As your skin found mine...

iii.
I am tortured by the silent way
You crawled into my head
And decided to stay.

iv.
Tell me what you see?

v.
The sound of bones cracking;
The screaming sensation of skin tearing
Is too much of a comfort.

vi.
Are we alone now?
Are we in love now?
Newly found lost poems
mads Jan 2020
I’m going to watch you walk away from me one day
And the world will flatten, finally.
And I think I’ll let the ocean
Take me that day...
And I think I’ll let you be the end of me.
I’ve been thinking about drowning again.
But I’ve found home in the nape of your neck.
I’m still scared.
mads Jul 2019
I wonder what it’s like to dream...
What is it like...?
To dream anything but static.
mads Jun 2019
It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.
But then again you took everything all at once the moment you looked in my eyes, covered my mouth and forced me down.

I don’t know why your smell still lingers in my every thought.

I’m not scared anymore.
mads May 2019
I said I’d do things...
Be productive...
Complete tasks essential to us moving forward.


I lied.


This is how my depression sings.


And it dances as a 3 tonne black ball cowering in the middle of my bed.

I am crushed

And I am so sorry that I haven’t done as promised.
I will get better.
mads Apr 2019
I am swallowed whole...
And immediately squashed
By the unrelenting truth
That I am

A f a i l u r e.

I twist and scream but
Cannot move.


I am in pain.
Start again.
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