I would soon give my very soul to an animal, before I ever once considered handing it over to a human. Wild beasts are more loving than humans. They have a compassion and strength more thunderous then a human heart could with stand. They trust us and protect us, when they have every right to tear us limb from limb. So I sit, and I watch. And I pray, to learn from them.

I thought of you, when you thought of me.
I deleted all our memories off my phone.
The ones where we're smiling,
As if in a few short months,
We didn't know we'd be nothing to each other,
You gave me a quiet hey,
I gave you a simple nod,
We asked about each other's lifes,
I found that quite odd,
Because it feels like just yesterday,
You knew me better than myself,
But you told me about your new job,
1500 a night,
Taking your clothes off for girls,
As if that was right,
I asked jokingly if you charged extra for the guys,
You nodded without missing a beat,
I felt chocked up inside,
I just grinned and said I remember when I got all of that for free.

Glad I was there for you, when no one else was!
I screamed into the vast abyss of your heart,
Poets use the word, tired and exhausted,
So often,
But never using it in the context of the actuality of it,
BECAUSE WERE YOUNG AND STUPID AND BEING MAD IS A TREND,
I fell in love with your sadness,
Before I fell in love with you,
And if that's not right,
Then I'm not sorry,
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,
I want to STOP being me,
I can't stand the way people treat me,
No words could contain enough emotion,
That I contain inside my brain,
And it's screaming to get out,
Screaming,
Maybe it's just me,
Or maybe it's you,
The way I'll never be enough for you,
i don't even care about poetry,
I don't care about anything,
I just want to sleep

I can hear you sun star, Avalanche. Madison get your *** up stairs. I ground my palms into the pavement more assure less allure. Sick inside from all the catastrophic disgusting beads of demons in my throat. Id put my foot down but it'll bleed threw this side walk. Two horns & a pitch fork, you gruesome step dad. I know that when I get home, I'll be dead as dead could be. So I'll drive to the nearest cliff. I hope your proud of me. I understand why it was important to write with number two pencils all my life. And when you go to meet God it should be when you're looking. Nice. God I look like a ****.  Xanax DIDNT shut me down like it shouldve. I can hear your screaming now, out down that wip I'll wipe away my own tears. I'll cover up the marks on my back and neck. And tell you I'm sick. Sick & dying. This tile gravity formality is freaking beautiful. If not just Angels, lord take me home. This musics so loud, I took apart my neighbor with a ***** driver. I lost the nuts & bolts. I wipe eyelids on the steering wheel. So sick to my stomsch

Date a girl who doesn't need you,
           Let her take you higher,
Fall into her depths,
                                  Or the emptiness,
        You'll know if it's real or not,
            She smells of daisys,
  

She'll drive you crazy,
Her words F
                       L                   T
                                O   A             I    N
                                                                    G

Through your brain,
Like drift wood in the ocean,
You'll love her,
Like Aphrodite,
Diamonds in her eyes,
Silk for skin,
An angel in disguise.

1933 Alice in Wonderland, Paramount Pictures.
Grasps my attention, even when my attention isn't grasping the fact that you're all I'll ever want...

When I reach out, you’re not there. A figment of my imagination. A feeling beyond compare. But I will, I’ll compare you to everyone and anything that makes me feel something, but not enough.

I wore the words A M E N on my wrist,
Like a bracelet tattooed, permanent.

Life is unexpectedly wild, or maybe it’s wild expectedly.

Diluted to 5% acidity,





:







I absolutely hate, my thighs.

Tone deaf balloons, perfect.

Locked doors and soft snores are the only thing that’s kept me safe

Damp mulch,
**** mulch,
Always getting inside your tennis shoe,

You said that you were leaving,
I didn't bother to cry,
Just slung my back pack over my shoulder,
You said you were surprised I didn't look back,
With my soft blue eyes, staring
Holding onto what was never there.

You said that you were leaving
I didn't bother to cry,
Just stuck my hand in my back pocket,
You said you were surprised I didn't look back,
With my stormy gray eyes, tornado
Backing away from your grasp

I don't do goodbyes, I don't do goodbye hugs, or farewells or see you laters. I just ******* walk away.

You'd be stunning if you lost some weight

I feel as if, I'll never have a wide enough desk. To lay out all the things, I need to go overbefore I die.

Follow the cracks in the clouds,
Right to my breaking heart,
Wake up,
Fall asleep,
One day I'll wake up & all I'll hear is singing.

And as you watch, the chest rise & fall. You feel nothing but gentle breathing. Cold stares, remind you. Of the tacticless way you eat & puke. Not changing a thing, not determined enough to work out or keep the eating clean. I know why no one loves me, i must be hard to love. One giant big ball of flub. Tell one more big girl joke, just cause.

I have nothing to wear that covers up how much I hate myself.

My servitude to calorie counting. Small bites and bitter ends. Weighed and tried and found guilty of a chocolate demise?

My soul is quiet today, winds above the sea.
Calm, no will to fight back. Knees to my chest, I wonder what you're doing without me, I wish I could reach inside the photograph, take me to another time when you were sprawled across my lap. Today was a day you'd like, I still have your blue ribbon tied against my lamp. I miss you, I miss you.

Can we explore this optical illusion of our love? Realism of fine arts, two poetic hearts. Beat as one, sometimes...a little off. And I skip a little behind. But our souls collide, and in my eyes you're the one. Can we share the same breath, the same bed? A table at breakfast? Take pictures, save memories we won't have to miss, because I'll always be by your side. Woah, wax on surf boards make sense.

I wonder if you cut me open,
Will you see the rings inside,
Spiraling into age,

She sings softly,
As she walks,
Broadly into the distance,

Today is the greatest day,
I've ever known,

Bold clasped hands greet cold bodies.

You grow up

I welcome the numbing salve, with open arms. Harps play in the distance, but I hear my tears hitting cymbols like tin roofs. I'll roast my heart, In a pit of stone. I knew you'd be back, coming back for more. Would you like the marrow, or my back bone. String out my veins, or make necklaces out of my brains. Radiohead, won't get out of my head. Beds & beds, unkept unconditional. What the hell. NyQuil solitude, two or three or four or five teaspoons. Later maybe I'll swim until I drown. Mid Atlantic breeze.

***** hairs under your nails, what have you been doing.

And besides im about to ask you a horrible question. To that I say, keep your lips sealed shut. The aftermath will be horrendous...

And when I get to heaven, my granny will mourn for me. That I followed so closely behind her footsteps.

A stranger asked me, how do you survive little one, being so gentle with such a wolf spirit residing in you. So much fire turned down to embers, you're beautiful. I watch you sun bathe, and you think you're okay, you're more than whats at face. For fifty dollars I'll take everything off your hands, I put them out; empty. You're burnt. Ra laughs at you. In sweet serenity. I don't believe in Ra. Yet he beats down on your back. You contemplate when he comes up & when he goes down. Even in the after life he is more productive than you. I smirked & said im nurturnal.

I felt the child grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess. Womb full of life when only death was promised to me. I watched winter come and go, and with it you went. I felt the hunger grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess.

I've never been fond of the idea, of walls between lovers. Because usually, one of them ends up dead...

Get out there, get out somewhere, get out from beneath your lair. Hometown homicide. Moms house hand me downs. Where everyone knows your name...or how you got it.

W
  H
    O
       R
          E

Speechless like an undertow,
Barreling towards the sandy coffin you always expected but never wanted to admit.

Breathless like tongue tied gills,
The light ebbing from your eyes, the water is cooler inside.

Lifeless like when he tells you he doesn’t have the capacity to love you but he has fallen for another.

We’re all speechless in this undertow, barreling unexpectedly expecting to be hurt but not quite ready for that sting. I am breathless from tying my tongue with yours every night for months and never being kissed back. I am calm, I am collected, I am collecting myself from you. My life is less without you but I am more.

Sometimes it's the economy, or your relationships. You don't have time. But sometimes you told me it was all you had. It would be five years till I would hear from you again. Seasons come and go, but you never change. Your absence is a wind, always at my back. I always wondered what that void was, it was what you lacked, not me. Sometimes I cry over the fact, but usually I just feel nothing, sometimes an abundance of over flowing somethings, somethings no, sometimes people happen for a reason. And all I can hear is,"the lack there of, the lack there of" but all I want to do is scream, you said you'd be there for me. Man dude, I've got so many things to say to you. Your voice will never reach my ears, just your genes. Call me dramatic, but just like Josh said, Were only addicts with a pen. Sometimes i tell myself if I know myself more, than I'll know you. But that doesn't feel true, I don't know what to believe. Because the simplest foundational things in people's lives...they seem impossible.

Trace the outline of her rising *******, with your breathing łïpš. Understand the horoscope of freckles on her chest.

Your negative thoughts cannot touch me,
His love obliterates the hatred,
The numbness is gone,
What was once raging seas,
Is now calm oceans,
I think of Him and there is no depth of pain,
I am free,
I am wanted,
He pulled me into his arms,
Whispering, I love you kid,
The tears didn't fall,
But they sprinted,
I no longer look in the mirror,
And see you shining back,
Just me,
My blue eyes,
My pale face,
Freckles dotting a bridge across my nose,
Maybe constellations,
For a second a see a flicker of beauty,
My own doing,
Because if you can't be responsible for something you created,
Then you cannot take credit for its beauty,
The only father I need is in heaven,
Because he wants me dad, Matt, whoever you are,
I laughed on new years knowing you'd be drunk,
Still single,
Always mingling with the wrong crowd pops,
Like my mum,
You're just a crack in the side walk,
And when I say I don't care about you,
I'm not lying,
Anymore.

I'm Wendy Darling,
Where's all my lost boys?
They took Cap'n Hooks ship back to England.
Now I'll be forever a little girl,
In such a big big big world.
Where only men are in control.
They always say don't grow up!
Read us bedtime stories,
Even if it's stories you never wanted to read,
They don't even pay,
After you've stayed,
Tick tock tick tock,
Time my old friend,
Where have you been.

Holy Monistary, three stringed guitar. I'll sing you to sleep, my little sun star. Wooden rocking horse, tall grass heart throb. I'll keep you at arms length, till im dying for a hug. This chair goes back & forth. Tell me when this distance is enough.

Did you see the church? Hanging in your tree.

Be honest, is this what you wanted, your skin is still under my finger-tipped reach, my lips find your neck, like an over ripened peach, you taste so sweet. The canyons between each muscled tendon across your abdomen, know my tongue, every part of your body, wander lust.

I watched her,
Wandering what was going through her head,
Could she only see her reflection,
Or the outside world,
And then, I asked myself the same.

What is this three versed ****, we call a love letter. Father, son, Holy Spirit. I can't not write about the stuff that saved my life. Catholics give me headaches. Religious people, taste worse than prethrown up caugh drops. Stand, kneel, stand, kneel. Your rosery beads didn't save you, and that crucifix around your neck...you don't even know what He did. You snorted & said it looked good with my fly new outfit. You only talk to me at night, when the world & the girls have subsided.

I see you,
Wrestling with a pack of wild wolves,
Trying to get leashes on them,
I'll let you in on a secret,
You'll never tame them

I opened the curtains wide open today. The sun beat through on one side making it warm, while the cold breeze tumbled by anyway. You're still not here.

Shaking back into your skin

I don’t feel beautiful. But when he holds me I do.

I hope you're writing something useful.
Wherever you ended up.

To be a horse is to have all four feet on the ground and still be told to be steady

My little sister said funerals are grey, marked with decay. She's only five, she said she hears me when I'm sleeping. About the type of shaving cream I use, an overdosed amount. To impress myself, im going on a double date. Id rather not show up..