and when we broke up because I had no eggs in my basket, and the cheating truth came out, and war was on the inside of your mind, they taught you how to use the gun on yourself but most importantly on me.

The middle plants are my insides.
She said she likes my writings even when she’s not high.

I want what the Universe wants;

And when I tell you I cheated on you,
I’ll say, it feels better than feeling nothing.

The eggs have quite literally, never been in my basket.

I wish I could **** my sadness in through my eyelids.

Sinking into oblivion, where my nightmares don’t have deep voices and violent hands.

They call it phantom pain when they sever your limb, but how come I still feel your touch, I can’t get a grip. Your ghost makes me shiver. Cut off

You grow up

When did **** become irrelevant?

he said, “why you always playing”
as he slid his pawn down my chest piece
as he played shoots and ladders up my thigh
as every loaded die came to rest at my lower back
Snake eyes
as he royally flushed my self worth
as he cross the finished line with, “why don’t you ever let me score?”

you make me want to write, you make me want to fight, to wake up in the morning with clean wrists.

The match that lit the spark that burned between us, blew out. Extinguished agony, and bittersweet goodbyes. I choke on the smoke that was your essence every night.

And when I think about ***, my eyes roll and not in the good way.

I’ve tripped over every accessible hallway, trying to stop myself from falling in love with you.

Shade and shifts and gears and grinding
Outer space, rocket ships,
Blasting off
O-zone

You rub salt on my mosquito bites
Pepper in my paper cuts
Thank you for the love.

I keep my money pursed, and my lips locked.

But that’s the beauty in loving someone, all those limbs to jump from.

Heart throb garbage disposal
Eat your heart out proposal
Moon shifting
Atoms


Period ***



Regret is my demons greatest weapon

The word **** tumbles tightly from your lips,
Stuck in the back of your throat like ill chewed food. You look at me in disbelief as I hand out the details, like bullet points on a brochure. I’ve never seen so much pity pooling and overflowing into and ebbing nightmare of truth. But here I am, asking you to still see me as I am, not as I have been treated.

Struggling to stay

Battling depression is;
Clean fingernails
Under fresh pillow-cased beds
When you forget to eat
But in the good way
Paying bills
On time
For everything
Being able to be late just once
Showering always
Scrubbing
Not crying.

Letting go of him was like shooting my dog between the eyes.

and I changed the locks this past May,
always new beginnings,
but I grieve spring,
so much,
to sweep,
Out,
My,
Lungs.

Gasp; Repeat

I could write a book and fill it with all the suicide notes I’ve wrote.

He erased his love for me,
Swept it up so,
I wouldn’t linger,
Long,
Longing for his embrace,
Only lies left,
Heart unbalanced,
Heart beating,
Barely,
Breathing,
Stop.

I miss your collar bones, and the kisses I gave them as promises.

He loves me not

I focused on the sound of exhaust as he pushed it down my throat, clenched my fist as my eyes watered to the feeling of gravel on my knees. He said he had a goodnight.

What is normal for the Mother,
Is complete chaos for the child.

I watch my insecurities stack up,
Like the clothes on my chair,
They overflow,
Wrinkle.


And I continue to do nothing about it

What is a bird cage without a bird?
                    Decoration.

I have nothing to wear that covers up how much I hate myself.

How many times do you apply makeup,
Till the salty tears wash it away,
To cover it back up,
And as the tide comes in,
A new grief begins,
Today.

Grief doesn’t give us a break,
It slams doors closed on fingers,
Turns lights off on steep staircases,
Leaves us alone with our thoughts,
Brain dead.

he’ll hold my hand like the half dollar in his back pocket, worth something.
he’ll look at me like waking up on the wrong side of the bed isn’t an option, hazel eyes.
he’ll kiss these lips like an executive decision, passionately.
he’ll make love to this body like *** is the only thing between the lines, read them.
he’ll marry this life like I’m the only one in it, I do.

She packed the grief neatly, stowed away in a suitcase. Every now and then she’d pick it up with just one hand. Look how strong she is.

Pores radiate grief
Trembling in loss
I’ll stay here till I die till I’m dead

Sun rooms & empty tombs
Word puzzles well used
Anxiety keeps us crinkled
Green paper back days

The key to good writing is knowing the very last word to the story before you even know the first. That’s when you play god, that’s when you rule the world.

Your death was like a blemish to the doctors, nothing an expensive cream and five business days couldn’t fix. But to me, your death was a wart that I’ve had since senior year, from the worry and the stress. I rub my thumb over it, to remember, to soothe, to hurt, to heal, to do it all over again. And again and again. You are my cycle, my scheduled grief. I rub my thumb over you and today I don’t feel a thing.

He swept her life up, and turned off the lights

Taking dead peoples things use to freak me out, until I wanted to be surrounded by everything that you were.

He whispered, “ those are your organs”
I’m transparent  
    


As the tree

Frog


     We


Cut open


In   Bio

All those years back

D&K
Would be my writer’s name
Published on the top shelf
Unreachable
Unreadable

Sarcophogus filled to the brim
Rearranged alphabet
I let you in

I picture you as Mars, habitable, alive and thousands of miles away. I'd float around your atmosphere without a mask, sharing air once more. No tubes or crators trapped in your skin. No land rovers or machines for your body to be plugged in. You ethereal being, my heaven, world, and planet. Mother Earth number two, unreachable but seeable. One small step for mankind, one giant leap into the after life. I miss you.

Grief is fear and fear is love tapped out the excess and call it absence. My throat closes up, I like to be choked but I have no daddy.