Bowls

No goodmornings, goodbyes for yesterday.
Thanks mom & dad, hope you enjoy your day.

I hope we don't end up lustful, & not content...

I saw an angel honking his wings at me

The sound of the filtered water, falling into the tank. Sends my heart into over drive. A unwanted alarm clock, panic attack poised over nothingness. I feel like a fool once I realize, it's not an ocean, lake or stream just a little tank that will never turn green. Algae free, my worse nightmare.

Grace found me in the backyard, in the closet of the upstairs linens, folded neatly. Keeping me hidden, so out there in garden. He sent me away, in the staple box. Back on the path.

Don't be a loser, don't be a loser dad.

I want to know you...

You've got compassion for sick twisted defeated chicks. I like your style.

Moths just want to be warm..

Unless you're diabetic

I do not belong anywhere.**
I realized halfway through, a pint of Ben & Jerrys.

One dollar off my heart, expires never.

Breathing between half naked gasps of torn away clothing. Relief as your lips mend mine. Guitar stringed lullaby, it's not reality. But it's real enough, for my hand to brush. Up against, between your thighs. To kiss all the mysterious places that you hide...it's the way your skin feels against these fresh sheets. That make you stay...

I'm laying in my brothers bed, I just needed a change of scenery. He's been dead since late September. No one even goes in his room. Like his bedroom is the coffin that we layed him to rest in.

No
     No
          No

This is the room we played games in, threw waterballoons & blasted trap music in. Where we climbed out your window into another universe. We dared to be stupid just because. He had thick brown hair, wide intimidating eyes. He would shove me off the bed, telling me to go die. Tell me one more time, I'll listen to your advice..

the inbox is always empty, the outbox never ending. The leafs on your sheets remind me of spring? They don't have to, but why not.
Lately Im less caring, more overbearing.

I can't get your words out of my head.

And oh my god, does the brown bleed into the white. Across the lake, you made your home. Smooth legs, & strong *****. That's how you liked your women. Optimistic, unrealistic I wasn't enough. Rowing back home, on my sinking boat, this useless canoe.

Diluted to 5% acidity,





:







I absolutely hate, my thighs.

My little sister said funerals are grey, marked with decay. She's only five, she said she hears me when I'm sleeping. About the type of shaving cream I use, an overdosed amount. To impress myself, im going on a double date. Id rather not show up..

I'm not one to drink much, but I could hold a beer or two. Three perhaps, possibly four. But I'd much rather, sit under the bar stool, counting all the feet that propel inside the door. Hands stuck in sticky ale, a spilled brew. Wait for my face to grow into my mind. Finally match. It's all about perspective.

I'm not a poet, Im an adapter. Walking in a holy consistence, surviving off the exsistence of soulmates in the streets, strangers basically. I see words, inside pores.

everyones got a year, a day, a second, a blink of an eye moment; that leads back to all their pain & suffering. its one long, never ending street. Mine was the year I turned ten.

I'll keep you illustrated, in the back of my mind.
The revolving doors on your eyes, make me fearful of life. So vast, not understanding how whales are thoughts that swim buy. Eating up all the krill in your coral mind. It makes sense,   to always drive on the left. Your just passing by...

The instrumental to Secrets, done by the Dallas String Quarlet makes me turn off the world

I want to know how to play the piano perfectly...without my clumsy fingers tripping over the keys. Id play you a million songs, just to watch you sleep...

P L O P P E D, PLOPPED YOUR FAT *** ON THE COUCH TO READ A BOOK THERES NO PROOF THAT YOU DIDNT HEAR ME. ITS YOUR FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT YOURE SO STUPID YOU HAVE NO COMMON SENSE YOU FAT LAZY COW!

Water Water Water

I got drunk with a kiosk, we made beautiful music. With styrofoam cups & plastic utensils.
We became one, over salt & sugar packs.

Perpetuate flyers, flowers minding their own business. The armed farmer grows his crops, unnaturally, factory wise. Genetically mutated agriculturally roasted. Mitosis, weeds stem cells. Winding blows back & forth. Back peddle into hardwood flooring. The view is great up here, giant machinery pretending to be trees. Hack the life out of bees, pollinated keepers keep secrets cause they're killers. These two eyes, see through me back to you.

Please shove more violent words down my throat, driving me closer & closer to that black hearse. I never meant to disapoint you...with shakey fingers I etch out my goodbyes across the smooth cold tiles. That empty place in my chest, filled with sorrow. I wipe the makeup off my face, I don't want to meet God that way. I don't want to disapoint anyone else. They say the first 20 years are the hardest. But I know 40 year olds that never got up on their feet. I won't be like that...I won't be like that. And when you scream out, help me it echoes off these dungeon walls. Sobs come & go like the ocean tide, Ocean I'll miss you. And they say to grieve the living not the dead and most of those who never knew love and love I'll grieve you. It's a violent time this life, I can tell You how you'll make it. take a deep breath & fake it. But I cant, because I'm selfish. So don't grieve me when I'm gone, just walk the art galleries back home. You'll find me there...

I'll show you how selfish I can be...

Moving today, packing your things. A couple states away, hometown. You said, when I get my phone back I'll delete your number first, I can't have anyone from my old life in my future. And I know it's going to hurt. Eight years of amazing friendship. We have such an amazing past, I don't understand, why can't we make this last?. Its going to be a fresh start, I hope you know. You know.

I'll always remember that day in the city, when your sleeve slid, up what was under wasn't pretty. A bunch of slashes and scars that screamed out MY PARENTS DONT LOVE ME. But I loved you so much that day, because we matched. I knew something about you, that you didn't know I knew. Something so personal, right down to the core. All of your flaws, I loved you more. I got another instant message, a couple months later. With, a got to tell you something across the screen. You told me all your problems, and where they all layed. In a perfect little latter. Across your pale skin displayed. I told you about how I knew, and how mine were just like yours. A friendship build on battle wounds. Who knew mine were like yours. I sit here & think here. Recovery time, will be eternal eight years of friendship. All gone, in one instant message.

.

One of my biggest dreams, is to jump onto a moving train.

Who closed the door, on the ark.

I'll end up like Noah an old naked drunk

Lick the sap off the nape of her neck...count the rings on her thigh, is she legal?

Trace the outline of her rising *******, with your breathing łïpš. Understand the horoscope of freckles on her chest.

The whole world had a crush on her, so what were you to do?

Stabbing & slicing & killing, they lived happily ever after. Just the right arrow, from just the right Lost Boy. Pierced her heart, straight through.

It's the people with the most past, shared.
Mean so much, but have no future with. Yet we can't let go. Please just loosen your grasp. Save heartache

I can't give you much, but I can give you the notes on the back of my folder. The blood on my newest blade. And all the stories, my grandfather told me. Nazis & Guns & Death. About love and conquest. Sacrifice yourself, for someone elses ornaments. Hang the lights, horizontal.

I welcome the numbing salve, with open arms. Harps play in the distance, but I hear my tears hitting cymbols like tin roofs. I'll roast my heart, In a pit of stone. I knew you'd be back, coming back for more. Would you like the marrow, or my back bone. String out my veins, or make necklaces out of my brains. Radiohead, won't get out of my head. Beds & beds, unkept unconditional. What the hell. NyQuil solitude, two or three or four or five teaspoons. Later maybe I'll swim until I drown. Mid Atlantic breeze.

I wrote my stupid freaking bio, with you sprawled across my lap. I don't have the heart to change it. Because **** it, I don't know who I am without it. I still have your blue ribbon, & I still cry almost every single night. I never meant to not be enough. The scales are so uneven, I'm losing it again...

And God, I'm back to being nothing more than the games kids play on the back of cheap cereal boxes. Incase you were wondering, I gave up.

Damp mulch,
**** mulch,
Always getting inside your tennis shoe,

You said that you were leaving,
I didn't bother to cry,
Just slung my back pack over my shoulder,
You said you were surprised I didn't look back,
With my soft blue eyes, staring
Holding onto what was never there.

You said that you were leaving
I didn't bother to cry,
Just stuck my hand in my back pocket,
You said you were surprised I didn't look back,
With my stormy gray eyes, tornado
Backing away from your grasp

I don't do goodbyes, I don't do goodbye hugs, or farewells or see you laters. I just ******* walk away.

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.   i wish to lay with nothing but the stars
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Dread head, blond crown of hair. Surfer dude. What are you doing so, far away from home.
I watched, as he decapitated a squealing piglet.
Wondering maybe he's too close to home.

Prongs on a fork,

When did you decide to not be okay?

Rapture capture, you don't understand how my body responds to meds. How handfuls have no affect. Please understand I have no regret, for all the empty pill bottles under my bed. Mom